MindOverMatter

Everyone, thanks for the kind words and all your thoughtful comments! Wish I could "like" them all - but I guess there is a daily limit. I really appreciate everyone's thoughts and this has been very helpful. @DRMF, You raise some noteworthy points. I appreciate that you prefaced your note with apologies about it being potentially insensitive, and by doing so, already reveal that you are being sensitive. I thought your response was very thoughtful. I do think you are right that there are many people who will comment on quietness without ill intent and with little empathy for how it may be received. For people reading who may comment on someone's quietness, I do want to invite them to maybe exercise a bit more empathy in considering why a well-intentioned comment could also be hurtful. Chances are, the person who is told they are quiet have often been told this throughout life, and truth be told, this can be tiring. Also, goading someone to be more talkative in the moment more often than not just adds pressure by putting a spotlight on the person and might further inhibit them. I cannot speak for everyone who is quiet, but based on my experience and in knowing people with my temperament, most often the most compassionate way to treat people who are quiet is just to let them be and let them speak if they are so moved. Extraverts are not necessarily doing a quiet person a "favor" by putting quiet people on the spot. This assumes they need/want to express themselves in the same way as more vocal people do. That being said, shy people and introverts cannot expect to manage how people will receive them or treat them, and in the end, we do have to manage our own responses to people's comments, ill-intentioned or not. DRMF, I also like that you point out that there is ambiguity in both sides of the exchange, and appreciate your note in your second post which invites everyone to "operate the best we can with imperfect information." This is a very good way to move forward

@feralgrad Thanks for the kind words! 🤗 This helps and I hope once you're in grad school, the journey goes smoothly! Best of luck.

@Adelaide9216 I have nothing insightful to share. Just returning to Grad Cafe after a bit of a hiatus and appreciated this vulnerable share. Sending good vibes and hoping you feel more secure since your last talk. ☺️

Hello everyone! I'm feeling a bit low tonight and thought I would reach out to the kind people of the Grad Cafe :) Today, a fellow lab member mentioned I am "so quiet." She mentioned a few other things related to my quietness, but long story short, I found this really disheartening, as I am overcoming social anxiety, and the past few months (and the past couple of weeks especially) have personally felt really triumphant as I was so much more vocal in lab, class, and in social situations. I honestly thought I got over my social anxiety recently, and someone pointing out my quietness today really gutted me. I'm sure my peeps who are likewise shy, socially anxious, or simply trait introverted, are tired of their quietness being pointed out to them. My questions for the crowd are: (1) How do you respond when someone points out you are quiet? I never understood why people are comfortable pointing this out to someone. Someone's quietness may be characteristic or something they are trying to work on, and I do not know why people think it is helpful or worthwhile to point out someone's quietness to them. (2) For my friends that are shy, how are you coping with this in academia, where there is pressure to present confidently, competently and consistently? I think I have the competence bit down, but its the confidence that I am working on. I'm in research because I love it, but secondary skills, like presenting, do not come naturally to me. I am working on it. I'd love to hear anyone else's thoughts, struggles, etc. While there are a lot of people who are both strong researchers and have the gift of gab, I suspect academia also attracts a lot of us brainy people who haven't quite mastered communication, or are a bit eccentric, or whatever it may be :) I hope I'm not alone! Would love to hear from anyone who shares in the struggle, or kind folk in general with a sympathetic word. Thanks, all!

@rx971 Sorry to hear that! ? I can only speculate but maybe you were an alternate, which is why you might've received a rejection later (after offers were accepted) -- or perhaps your department is slow in communicating their decisions. Either way, hope you still get a chance to prep for grad studies! Will you apply directly now?

I moved abroad three years ago to do my master's. I didn't have any jitters approaching the move since it was something I wanted to do for a long time, but once at the airport, it really hit me. Although expensive, I flied back for winter and spring breaks, which helps a lot. That way, you're only away from family a couple months at a time - which is a helpful mental way to break up the time away. Video chatting certainly helps too! I think you'll find that once you make friends in the program and you're busy with schoolwork, that you'll rarely have time to feel lonely. Your program will go by quickly and you will enjoy it once you adjust. I had so much fun learning and being involved with my department. Focus on making the most of your experience. You'll remember it fondly once it's part of the past.

Not a problem! Still wishing you good luck.

@rx971 The rejection was a form letter from the program director. I'm not sure if acceptances are sent in the same way or if you will hear from the department directly.

Agreed! Maybe it is good news at this rate since you did not receive rejection yet. Good luck!

Thanks for the update. I received notification too and didn't get it either ? I asked for a status update last week. I know there are two rounds - one review by the director, then the department. My app was forwarded to the department (also psych) but ultimately, didn't work out. Sigh. @rx971 - notification was via e-mail. Maybe your department has not finalized decisions yet.

@lemma thank you! i appreciate the solid advice. i'm sure the departmental culture will be a big factor in moving forward through the program. i shouldn't underestimate that. in the end, we have to do what moves us -- just have to take the right precautions. ?

I saw this thread back in the day and regret I didn't post anything. This is such an important conversation to have. For my BA and my MSc, I always started my programs really well and then fell apart towards the end. Although I know I had maladaptive behaviors and thoughts, but it didn't really register that I could be mentally ill. I'm working full-time now and I finally decided to get formal diagnoses. I have generalized anxiety, depression, borderline traits (although not full-blown BPD), and sub-clinical PTSD. I found out last month, and at first, this was completely disorienting to me and made me feel really hopeless about future life adjustment. I have to work with what I have though, so I will just start with where I am and keep moving forward. The diagnoses did provide some clarity though on how I was dealing with things in retrospect. I am scared that if I am fortunate enough to be admitted to a PhD program, that I might unravel again. There are so many pressures -- but I love learning, studying, and talking with other curious people. I can't imagine anything more fulfilling. I know that the pressures of a PhD can trigger the onset of mental illness, but I also wonder if it also attracts a certain kind of breed - us intellectual people who are very cerebral and in our heads, with the ability to think, but perhaps think too much. We think and feel deeply, and this is both an assessment and a detriment. Anyway, thanks to all of you for sharing. I've said before in other threads, but I'm happy to have stumbled upon the community in grad cafe forum. I've had nothing but encouragement and it really helps me to read what other people are dealing with.

Hi all, Did anyone apply to the Hot Metal Bridge Post-Bacc program at the University of Pittsburgh? Since we are in the middle of the decision release period (mid-May to mid-June), I was wondering if anyone heard back yet? If so, how did they contact you and what department did you apply to? Thanks!

Everyone, thanks for more feedback! Really appreciated. ? This really helps a lot! @ZeChocMoose - thank you! It felt like the rugged was pulled from under me. I was really hoping it was my time. With everyone's help, I have more perspective. I think I was aiming somewhat blindly before. Appreciate your sympathy and well wishes!

@FakeImposter - Thanks for getting back to me. Appreciate your insight! This is very helpful and the most directive feedback I've had to date. It seems I've been focusing on areas of only secondary importance (GRE, coursework). Time to make some movement on research activities! Thanks, again.