GeologyBird

Especially if you are going for a PhD, in my field, it all comes down to your advisor. Do they respect you and your ideas? Do they communicate and set expectations clearly and effectively? Do they support you both financially (travel to conferences, summer work, etc) and intellectually? You can make experiences in small towns amazing just by taking up new hobbies and surrounding yourself with the right people, but very little can be done to turn a less-than-effective advisor around. Hope that helps!

Just to update- I spoke with a peer mentor who I really respect. They reported the situation to our university's EOO office, and now I have to meet with them. I'm going to make a plan for setting boundaries for what I will and won't tolerate, and draft a document with evidence of what was said and done to me in this program. One day, when I have a secure job, I'll let send this document to someone with the power to affect change. Thanks to everyone here for their advice. It all got me to go confide in someone.

Spamhaus- I appreciate your concern but my advisor hasn't tried anything physical/sexual with me. He has however, asked me or said things to me that are a bit beyond rude.

I'm fairly afraid of retaliation. Like the situation spamhaus described, the comments are directed at me and not at any other members of our lab. I have taken screenshots of some of the meaner, more condescending things he has written to me. I have also tried calling him out on this behavior, and his response has been that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and that he is preparing me for what it will be like outside of the nest of graduate school. Unfortunately, my field is very small and if I tried to publish in the future, he may be a reviewer. I have noticed also that there is a culture of retaliation in our particular field. For example, he has people who don't like him in our field and harshly (and in my opinion) unfairly criticize his work. I like fuzzylogicians idea of going to our counseling center, but some things that I did not share here may border on things they have to report. I think I may see if an additional person can sit in on my defense questions and be bcc'ed on committee emails.

I am a third year PhD candidate in the sciences, funded as a TA. By many measures, I am doing well in graduate school (publishing, 4.0 GPA, receiving grants and awards, and will graduate on time). However, my advisor has been rude to me since I started graduate school (ex. Saying that I have a bitch face, providing feedback for grants like "I wouldn't fund you.", making condescending comments in manuscript drafts that either directly or indirectly say that I am stupid, telling me that American women are stupid and prostitutes, etc.). His words and actions have made me feel nauseated about staying in academia, especially as he is trying to find funding for me to stay on as a postdoc in our lab. At this point, I just want out of this community and would like to leave this experience in the past after graduation. He did not follow university regulations during my comprehensive exams, which resulted in my exams being more extensive than is normally allowed by my department. I passed, but my department head had to get involved to let my advisor know that his actions were not okay. I am now getting nervous that he'll try to pull something similar during my defense and dissertation writing. Is there anyway I can protect myself from (1) his habit of rude behavior and (2) his desire to buck the rules during my defense? My first few years, I thought this was just hazing, but as the meanness continues, I think it may be something more chronic...