Dear All political scientists,
I would love to do a PhD and do research. But, I am seriously worried about my ability to do Ph.D with two reasons.
First, my all more than 20 applications have been rejected so far. Most of the applications went to Europe. I did my master in Europe as well. Problem is that my academic transcript of master is around 2.5/4.5 in American way. Of course, I did my best during the master course... Actually, before starting master back then, I did not recognize what research is ever. I had no idea what research question is even. I think that is the reason why my master academic transcript is horrible. And, my un-concrete reasoning of papers might be problematic. This is actually related to second reason..
Second, above all, I am currently working in a research center as visiting researcher. As long as I feel, I am the worst researcher. Sometimes, my supervisor requires me a kind of arrangement of bunch of literature or a review of the literature and then I did it with my best. But, the result of my work was horrible. I did not figure out what main focus is during the work and too much feedback from the supervisor. When the supervisor wants me to tell her what contents a specific journal article has, I do not remember the content although I already read it.
Over time, I have been disappointed myself again and again. So, now I feel that it will be difficult to do a phd and further I am worried to get a job after phd. Although I got several interview opportunities from phd applications, that was it. I guess that professors recognized how I am not good applicants during the interview. I love research in political science. But, overtime, I think that loving something does not cause doing well. So, I have to decide whether changing my career or trying continuously.
To summarize, why are my all applications rejected? Is this because I am a stupid one? I want human moment from political scientists.
Best regards,
Research-lover