LJK

I'm excited to move across country! I would be moving out of my house regardless (one of my roommates is getting married and moving in with her fiance, another is graduating, the last is moving in with her boyfriend closer to his work) so I would have to do the packing/unpacking thing whether I was moving in town or across country. One of my best friends is in need of a major vacation so I'm picking her up on the way and we will embrace some of the ridiculous that is Americana road-trip attractions. It should be a fun adventure! She will just fly back to her city. If you can find ways to make the experience fun rather than just stressful, I think it will be healthier for you all around.

I'm moving from PA to CA. PODs is quoting me a price of over $4000 while to have movers come, pack, load and unload themselves is significantly under $2000 including a spare month or two of storage. I have a nice bedroom set and a big futon so I need to do some sort of moving/storage kind of thing rather than just sending boxes or bringing luggage. I think that 200 cubic square feet is the smallest that most movers will do though, and I'll probably be around there with my furniture so it probably won't make sense for someone who is just moving 'stuff'. If you have a car, what about putting a hitch on it and towing a u-haul trailer?

If you think citing a 'better fit' is vague, you could add a bit of detail - what makes it better? The research, the other grad students, the program structure? When professors ask why, they are looking to find out what they/their program/their school is lacking in comparison to the profs/programs/schools that get their top applicants. If you were swayed by something like a better funded offer, the prof can go back to his/her department and report that their funding offers aren't competitive. If there is something else, maybe it is useful to him/her, maybe not. Don't be afraid of being rude, just give them the truth so they can use the information for their future recruiting efforts.

I don't want to come off as rude - I understand that this is how you feel and feelings don't always line up with reality, but I want to toss in a reality check: This isn't gym class! Not everyone gets picked to play the game! If they didn't think you would be a solid member of the team no one would choose you at all! A better analogy would be being picked for a major league team that hasn't been winning any rings lately - still decent and even good but not as exciting as the top teams. But here's the thing: very few people even make it successfully through the draft. If you want to play the game, take the team that drafts you - one day you will be a free agent and if you are a top performer you will be able to choose where to go from there. Ok, sports analogy over. I can understand where you are coming from to some extent - I only ended up with one offer but I interviewed at Top/High-Ranked School and was runner-up for a particular professor's lab. The thing is, the offer I got and the place I am going is the better overall fit for me. Maybe that part isn't the case for you, but regardless, you have a place that wants you. Disregarding Other Program, can you imagine yourself at Decent School? Will you be able to do the research that is driving you to apply to grad school in the first place? Will you be happier pursuing this dream than staying at your job? The thing is in academia you need to develop a thick skin - starting with grad school admissions, at every level there are more qualified people than there are positions. Unless you become an unmitigated superstar, you are likely to get to the point of having a PhD, being a world expert in your little bit of research, and be jobless and searching for a while. If you are the type of person who is always going to take rejection personally, this may not be the best career path for you - job applications, grant applications, publishing papers - all of these are fraught with rejection. You have to have confidence in who you are, what you can do - only your perseverance will get you through the repeated rejection. In the end, you only need one acceptance to continue on - you need to ask yourself if that is what you want to do? If yes, accept Decent Awesome-Few-Years-From-Being-My-Alma-Mater School and start working to set yourself up for what you want to do next

I agree with the other responders: take the course. It sounds like you are definitely going to continue working with the lab you already have ties to - that is sufficient I think. You don't need to add additional research on top of the stuff you will already be doing. (More research all at once is different from more research over time in my opinion.) By continuing to work in this one lab, you will get a richer, more in-depth letter of recommendation out of the experience, where as if you were splitting your time up more, you might not be able to keep up as high a quality of work and your potential LORs would suffer. Make sure you build a relationship with the person teaching the summer course as well - they have more time during the summer to get to know their students and the class size is likely to be pretty small. If you need another LOR this person could be a possibility if you are proactive about developing a relationship.

I sent an email to my new advisor saying that I was accepting his/their offer. His response in under a minute: "Wow, cool." (and some other business about looking forward to working with me.) Pretty sweet Then I went about clicking online buttons and signing my funding offer.

Reading blogs and such that deal with women in academia/women in science issues, the advice that is often given is have a baby when you personally are ready for one. There are always going to be pressures: finish your dissertation, publish enough work as a post-doc to be competitive on the job market, land the tenure-track job, get tenure, get grants to maintain a healthily funded lab, etc. When it makes sense in your family life, have the baby and make adjustments around that.

Do you need a whole new BA/BS? Why not just take the minimum course work that will give you the expertise/skills you are looking for?

If what you want from the PI in Lab 1 is association and transfered recognition, you could get that by doing a project with him/her, if that is something your department allows - if you publish with him/her, you get exposure due to their fame without needing to be their exclusive student. While you say that choosing Lab 1 might be a better career choice, that may not be true - the best career choice is working with the advisor that will help you to become the best researcher. Not that extra exposure isn't good, but being in an atmosphere that will allow you to develop your skills and knowledge will provide you with substance that should be there to be seen when you get the exposure. Decide which advisor is likely to challenge, support, and otherwise foster your development as an academic, go with that professor/lab. It sounds like lab 1 will be heavy on the challenge/push and lab 2 will be heavy on the support from the descriptions you give (not that they won't both have some of both) - decide what balance you personally need.

The likelihood of getting a deferral depends on a lot of things: the school, the department, the field of study, how much the department/POI want you. Many, many psychology programs make it clear that they do not offer any deferrals on their admissions pages. All you can do is try. I would start with ranking the programs that you have been accepted to in order of which you would go to if you didn't have this personal situation. Start at the top of the list and email or call (a phone call might be better in this situation) the grad director or your POI, frankly explain your situation in as concrete terms as you are comfortable doing. Some people seem to want to defer MA offers as a way of holding onto an option that they don't find too appealing but is better than nothing if they don't get into a PhD program in the next application round - you want to make it clear that that is not you, that this really is where you want to be, you just can't make it happen this year. If that program isn't going to allow you to defer, move down to the second program on your list. If you keep going and get to any schools that you aren't too excited about, I would just decline admission but explain the personal reasons so as to make it less of a rejection of the program - that way if you apply again next year they won't think that you thought you could do better than their program by applying again and are just applying to them as a safety. This is presuming that your personal circumstances will allow you to do applications next round - if that isn't the case, keep going down your list to try to secure a deferred offer until you have no options left. Anyway, that is how I would approach your situation. Hope that helps!

Congrats on having such awesome choices! My thoughts: Rankings only count if there is a huge difference - like you are deciding between the number one ranked department and the 100th - in that case the number one ranked department would offer you extra 'foot in the door' opportunities that the one hundredth ranked department would not. In the case of Stanford vs. Berkeley - both are very well respected in psychology and both would equally get you 'foot in the door' opportunities. I wouldn't take the rankings into account here - the difference is very unlikely to have a significant effect on outcome. Were I you, I would go to Berkeley. You will be able to carve out a space for yourself in between these 3 professors that is unique and perhaps more independent than if you straightforwardly worked in a single lab. I chose something similar where I have at least 3, possibly 4 or 5 faculty that have interests that intersect with mine - if I end up having a personality or work style clash with the one who is my initial primary advisor, I have options. I also don't think that the 'been here 4 years' issue is insignificant. I have been at my current institution for close to 6 years now - I want out. I had a complete change over socially and switched departments when I became an MS student, so my life hasn't been the same old, same old for 6 years, but I want a change of location too - new places to explore, new restaurants to discover, etc. There is one phd student at my current university that did undergrad here - I think the 9 years here are wearing on her psychologically, slowing down her progress towards her degree. From the way you wrote your post, it seems like you want to say yes to Berkeley but are hesitating. That's totally understandable, its a big decision! But look back over your post, reading if as if this wasn't written by you - I think its pretty clear what you want to do, you don't even list downsides to Berkeley. Just do it!

It isn't unethical if it just happens, but going in with the intent to get out after 2 years is unethical. Now if the OP were to talk to this prof and he was ok with it, then fine. But if he is accepting the OP with the expectation that they are going to get their PhD with him and is not accepting a different student that would get their PhD with him - that is unethical.

I agree, choose based on the fit of the program/professors/research - which degree field will get you the sort of job you want? There really is no real difference in reputation between MIT and Stanford - if people are putting stock in your degree's name brand either will get you in the door.

Definitely put it on. You can put something like 'Starting Fall 2011' as the date for the program. My CV currently has an 'anticipated' graduation date of my current MS program - just find a way to indicate it hasn't started yet and you are all set. Also, you could mention how the internship will benefit you as you start your master's program in the fall in your cover letter - this will make it more clear and it a connection you should probably try to make anyway.

I have made my decision, indicated my intent to register, and am starting to think about the logistics of moving to the other side of the country! Anyone else out there choosing UC Merced?

I think you should ask your questions straight up as you say. How much more do you like this school? Enough more that you are willing to go into debt? If the school isn't giving you a concrete offer then they have no obligation to give you much of anything once the school year approaches. I think you are perfectly within your rights to say something to the effect of "Since you don't send out offer letters with admission, and I am comparing your anticipated appointment with concrete appointments at other universities as I make my decision, I have some questions about the anticipated offer:" Then ask about the potential ranges of stipends - and how likely it is that the stipend will be higher/lower than the anticipated amount, since COL is a concern ask how much debt students with comparable stipends accumulate over the course of the program, how many hours are typical for grads in their program, how likely are you to continue to get an appointment of equal or greater stipend in future years, etc. If this is really your top choice and the money issues are all that is standing in the way of accepting the offer, let that be known - they may be more willing to work with you. Maybe to them, the offer isn't vague - they expect to give you the stipend quoted and perhaps they expect less hours than other universities. If you explain your concerns with the 'anticipated' part, they will have a chance to explain themselves - if they stay vague you may want to seriously consider choosing one of your other options - you don't want to have to worry constantly about money for the next 5 years. I have done it for the past year with my funded-if-we-have-spare-TA/RA-lines-after-funding-the-PhD-students MS, and well, it sucks. You get to a point every semester where you are avoiding spending any money with the possibility of paying rent for the next 6 months out of the money currently in your bank account. Don't be shy/nervous/etc. about making sure that the financial end of things will be taken care of before accepting the offer.

I don't think it is inappropriate. There is a stigma attached to getting all of your degrees at the same place - you don't show that you can play well with others. You become too narrowly exposed to just a few professor's viewpoints. So if you have the objective of staying in academia, don't go to your undergraduate institution for your PhD - I had a professor at an interview straight out tell me that getting my PhD at the institution that I am getting my MS and have my BA from would be stupid (I didn't even apply but the idea came up in conversation). That combined with the professor's own opinion that you could 'do better' should make asking to get more experience by volunteering in this lab less awkward, I should think.

Check with your program/POI. Some labs are 'mac labs' where is would be annoying to have a personal PC. I don't have a problem currently owning a macbook and working with PCs at school but programs like Excel can have problems talking to itself across the different operating system versions of itself which can get pretty annoying. Chat up the current students in your program and see if the mac users have any compatibility issues before buying one if that is how you are leaning.

I don't think that coming from Singapore would necessarily put you at a disadvantage, but your application is likely to be treated a bit differently than one from a domestic student. It is more costly to a program to fund an international student than an out-of-state US student - the program would pay out-of-state tuition for both in the first year, but the US citizen will change residency and become an in-state student by the start of the second year (at least in the states to which I applied) while the international student will remain out of state. This only applies for public schools though - the departments will be paying the same amount for domestic and international student's tuition at private universities. This doesn't actually apply to me so I don't know all the ins and outs but I think that at some schools the department has to put aside enough money to cover the international student through the whole program at the start. They can only do that for so many slots if that is their situation. I think that you are in a good position having 8-9 months before applications are due. Figure out what programs you are interested in, then contact them. Ask how international applications are handled at those specific programs. My understanding is that some schools consider all students together, others have set number of potential international slots and you would mainly be competing with other international students. Maybe one of the sub-fields you are considering has better funding for international students in general! If it seems like you would have lower chances than US students, broaden your list of schools if you would really like start in 2012.

I think in your case, it is fine to ask straightforwardly. You aren't trying to figure out how to accept then decline for a better offer - you are wondering what your financial commitment is should you not finish the program, which is a much more legitimate question. I wouldn't lead with 'so what happens when I withdraw?' Instead, as the department who to talk to about your financial situation as you have concerns - its likely that they will refer you to a financial aid officer that specializes in international students. If this is the case, then you can ask questions freely without thinking about what your POIs might read into your questions.

Do not accept an offer with the intent to decline it later! If you have time to not make a decision, use it. Contact the other program and explain that you have a deadline coming up and you would like a status update on your application. If they can't make a decision yet and consider you still in the running, contact the school you have an offer from and see if you can get the deadline extended. But regardless, until you absolutely have to, don't put yourself in the position of promising to attend one school while still hoping to actually attend another - its just headaches all around.

You do go to this school for class though, right? Call counseling services, briefly outline your situation and see if you can have someone meet you at the time class meets. Or tell your mother that you have an extra required meeting. If there is a will there is a way, you just seem to have had the will sucked out of you. Don't make excuses, even good ones - just find a way to get help from your school, your community, the police, - aka someone in real life, not the cyber world - or nothing will change: your mom will run your life, you will be depressed about it and the hole you are in psychologically and financially will keep getting deeper. There are many good suggestions about how to take concrete steps on this thread - just start doing something, starting to create change is often the hardest part.

If for some reason the worst happens and you get a grade low enough that your class won't count toward your degree, would you be able to take credits over the summer to finish the credit requirement for the MS? An independent study with your advisor perhaps? Your school will want to graduate you - it would be a waste of their time and yours to have gone through all but ~ 3 credits of an MS and not to finish it. I don't know how your field works but I remember a thread on here about someone who still hadn't finished their pre-PhD institution MS years later - your advisor/home department will likely want to work with you to make sure that doesn't happen.

Contact your university's counseling center by phone or email - explain that you can't be there during normal office hours but you really need help - they will find a way to help you! There are likely community hot lines and resources out there that will help you get the help you need - perhaps even give you a ride to meet with someone. Its great that you are reaching out to us here on the GradCafe, but due to the nature of the forum, none of us are able to give you the kind of help you really need. Please get that help! Life is worth living! When you suggest that you are not strong enough to do harm to yourself, that indicates what a bad place you are truly in - strong people live, deal with the crap life throws their way, and find a way to make their lives better! Have the strength to ask for help from people around you, that is the first step out of what sounds like a horrible situation.

If the tuition remission & stipend come through for option 2 I would personally go with that one. An MS at a university that also grants PhDs is likely to be more respected than one from a university that doesn't within academia - the professors of PhD granting programs tend to be more actively involved in the research community and tend to have more university support for research - monetarily but also in lighter class loads. So not only will you have the possibility of finishing your PhD there, but you will also have a better stepping stone to another program should you have refined your interests into an area not represented or simply want to go to a program that is better known for graduating academics (if this school isn't). This is the path I stumbled upon and thus far it has worked for me But regardless, I think all 3 sound like positive steps in the direction of building toward the career you want!