I feel afraid to do this, because I already know that I've done a few things wrong, and I'm afraid that I am going to either look stupid or lazy.
I'm a first year MS student studying Meteorology. I'm primarily doing it because I couldn't do it as an undergrad (I got a BA in Geography and a BS in Mathematics... there are Met BS programs, but I wasn't ready to move away). Anyway, I'm wondering if I made a huge mistake in doing this. I honestly feel more unmotivated, unfocused and miserable than I ever have in my life (though I've had worse times in my life). I moved away from home, where I had a girlfriend (I still do, but we are doing the whole Long Distance thing), a church, and a solid support system to a city where I know very few people, I feel lonely almost all the time, and I have absolutely no idea what the heck I'm doing.
From everything I've read on here and on other forums, I feel like I should be breathing, eating, sleeping, and dreaming grad school. I have heard some people say that they set aside "a few hours a week" for free time, or "a 20 minute break" in their day, and I honestly don't think I could ever set aside such a short time to catch my breath. I probably devote no more than 8 hours a day to my program, and that's only during the week (not on weekends), and even just that burns me out. It doesn't seem like most of the other grads put in much more (if any) time than me, and all my professors seem happy with me as does my adviser (we've had a few ups and downs, but she has expressed great pleasure in my work and attitude... which only makes me feel like a phony).
From what it sounds like, I should be in a position where the only choices I get are eating, sleeping and pooping, but it's just not like that, and I know that I could never handle it if it got that intense. I've only been here for a few months, primarily taking undergraduate "catch-up" courses and getting my feet wet in research/programming, and I feel burnt out just doing that. Finals are this week, and I've never felt so unmotivated to study (in spite of the fact that I have A's in all of my classes), and it seems like attempting to study just leaves me frustrated at myself and the material. I hate myself because I feel so unwilling to work harder and because I feel so lazy. It seems like every day, I miss my Undergraduate college (then again, it was a beautiful campus located a mile away from the beach in a nice part of town, which I also miss), I miss my church, I miss my girlfriend (and I'm so scared that Grad school would require (unofficially of course) that I break up with her), and I miss my support system. Heck, I even miss my old job (which was a nightmare at times). I know that all of this is just a part of life and growing up, but I feel so miserable right now! It's not the subject or the coursework, or even the research that I dislike (in fact, I love all of that), it's just the thought that I should be devoting way more time and energy to it than I am, and if I don't do so, then I'll be a failure. I already feel so disenchanted with it that I've already ruled out going for a PhD or going further into academia. Then, I partially wonder if getting my Masters degree locks me into academia, or commits me to researching my current topic for the rest of my life. I really don't want to (commit to) go any further than my Masters, and I'd even be satisfied with never researching on, or working with my current topic ever again once I submit my thesis. I just want to have a piece of paper that says that I have completed a formal coursework and or research program in Meteorology so I can find a job working in the field of Meteorology. I don't even care if it's a 2nd (or in my case 3rd) Bachelor's degree, let alone a Masters degree.
I hate this because I have a passion for Meteorology, and have ever since I was a child. Weather has always been fascinating to me, and I have always wanted to be a meteorologist in some capacity. I began planning for Grad school more than two years before I finished my undergrad program, and so I feel like I knew what I was getting into, and I also feel like this was where I should be. Again, it's not the topic, material, or anything of sorts that scares me, it's just the fact that I am wondering if I don't have what it takes to survive my program. I also wonder if maybe I'm just burnt out from finishing my Undergrad program (which took seven years, where I was in school all but one summer as well), and starting Grad school immediately was a bad idea (other than the fact that I've heard that most people who take a year off don't come back, as well as the fact that I'd have to start re-paying student loans from Undergrad before that year was up). I know all of this probably makes me sound like a cry-baby, but I just wonder if I should be here at all.
