WornOutGrad

Oh, but I do think that's really sweet though. I think it's both a creative bonding experience and a way to share your passion with your child! <3 I hope I get that opportunity someday.

The truth is that I have, many times. That's not the only problem with her though. It's a long story. But I was making more of a joke above.

and then the warm fuzzies get sucked away by your fascist adviser!

Props to you Just Me! I may be struggling, but I want to try hard to enjoy life! Keep your head up girl!

Great post Eigen! It means alot to me! <3

You know, I'm going to jump in here real quick. In spite of some of the negativity I've expressed, I honestly love school. I'm just frustrated with I think I've had to give up for it, and then hearing my adviser trying to plan for me to go to another school hundreds of miles away to get my PhD when I want to stop at a masters is what pisses me off. I feel that if I didn't have to freak out about it all the time, grad school would be heaven for me. And no Just Me, even though I'm struggling, I'm definitely not having the Erick Carriera experience you seem to be having. I'll probably go out for drinks tonight, and I still have fun. I just miss my girl, my church, and my friends, and they mean more to me than being at the forefront of my field.

Wow, that makes me feel a little nervous because of the trollface I have as my pic. With that said, I don't intend on trolling on here. I really need to hear from people that just because I'm not willing to spend 70-80 hours in a lab each week, or fulfill my advisers PhD ambitions (that she so thruougly expressed to me just today), that I'm not a bad student. I want to get married, have children and enjoy life and I'm seriously afraid that if I go further in my grad studies, that I'll never be allowed to do those things, which honestly mean more to me.

Thank you all for your responses. I think for me, it's not just the hell I feel right not, but it's realizing that if I continue on this track, that hell will only get worse in a PhD, Postdoc, and Faculty position. This career path has the potential to wreck me, and I don't think I'm willing to do that.

ZeeMore, I owe you an apology. I did not mean for that statement about foresaking others to generalize all PhD students. I have seen many do so, but I've also seen the opposite as well. No, not all PhD students forsake those they love, in fact, I strongly doubt even a majority do so. But I fear being in a position of working with or for one who does.

Alright, let me open up a little more. I feel like I've been struggling from a major combination of things over the past six months or so that make me question even being in Grad school. Growing up, I've always been the best student, and I've always loved learning. Going to Grad school seemed like such a natural thing for me, especially studying something I've been passionate about all my life. I left my girlfriend, my family, my church, and overall my home to pursue this. I'll confess that giving up so much seriously has given me a bad attitude to begin with. But then all I see is the need to give up more and more and more, and frankly, like our government, I've reached my limit. Unlike our government however, I haven't had the ability to raise that limit, and I've realize that it's because although I'm passionate about what I do, I'm not passionate enough about it to leave behind everything that has blessed me so much in life. Seeing as I'm in a Masters program, I've told myself that "it's only a short time, and then I'll be done." But even just today, my advisor is putting a ton of pressure on me to continue for my PhD, because she ultimately thinks that's what will make me happy. But another six to seven years away from those I care about, only to end up trapped in a lab for 100 hours a week working for someone like Erick Carriera when I should be getting married, maybe having children, and enjoying life (granted, I'll still have to slave for somebody; but if it meant I could still be around those I love, it would be worth it) is the opposite of happiness to me at this point. I can't put down anyone who is passionate enough to work 80-100 hours a week and forsake others if it's truly what they are passionate about, but at this point, I'd be fine with flipping burgers if it meant I could truly be happy and with those I love. I'm just not sure if I'll even use the degree I'm working for now anymore. I seriously love what I am doing, and would love making a career out of it... if I could still enjoy the other things in my life. There's more to it than just that. I've realized that my advisor is very passive-aggressive and manipulating, and frankly, I'm not as interested in their research as I should be. I'll finish with this; my statement was in many ways perfectly accurate and in other a hyperbole. I feel trapped right now, and at times, I wonder if dying would be the solution. I'm on anti-depressants and seeing a therapist. I feel like if I can't do what I love (and that's more than just school), then maybe I'm not cut out for this world. I wonder if I'm even going to be able to survive in the real world. BUT, I'm too chicken to do anything about it. When I get these thoughts, I feel the need to be real about them. I would rather die than be a lab rat for Dr. Carriera (or whomever my PhD or Postdoc advisor would be), because there are too many other things that are important to me. Frankly, I just feel stuck.

Is that normal?

This also makes me thing of a funny line from Futurama: "Professor Farnsworth, I'm going to give you the worst grade imaginable... An A-minus...MINUS!!!!"

This is something I've thought a lot about lately. It seems like from most of what I hear on here, professors typically "give" their Grad students A's at the end of the semester, unless something is seriously wrong with that particular student. I guess this phenomenon is known as Grade Inflation, where anything other than an A is somewhat a polite way of telling the student "Hey, you can't hack it here." I assume that this is even more common in PhD programs, where classes hardly matter at all. The weird thing is that I get the exact OPPOSITE vibe in my Masters program. It seems like a B here is an equivalent to a B in undergrad, and is considered a job well done. Of course, A's are optimal, but it just seems like A-'s and B's aren't a big deal here. Otherwise, our department just hates the current crop of Grad students, which I strongly doubt. This whole grade thing is just so confusing. Why can't the system be as simple as it was in Undergrad without all the hidden messages that an A- or a B is supposed to give.

The only thing I'm concerned about is you going in so young that you miss out on some of the best years of your life. Grad School is a lot of hard work, and at times, it requires you to forgo other avenues of personal development (such as hanging out with friends, a part time job, and involvement in student organizations), which are very important at someone your age. I'm a much better person now than I was when I was 19, but it was because I had the time to adjust my bugs. I think people at times over glorify finishing high school/college early; while it makes you somewhat of a young prodigy, it takes your youth away immaturely. With that said, most of the struggles I'm feeling now in Grad School are a result of burnout, after being in school for the past 21 years (I'm 26). So you have the youthful energy needed to get through it. You'll do fine, just remember to take some time for yourself and enjoy being young! Don't let grad school steal that from you! Best wishes!

Very well put! If some professor pulled that 2am saturday night crap on me, I'd be out the door so fast it's not funny. I am not a lab rat! I have the right to sleep, eat, and to have a life outside of science. If my PI ever has a problem with that, then I'm outta here!

That's really encouraging to hear. I really need to see examples of science jobs that are 9-5, plus a little more here and there (I think I'm in between category 1 and 2; I don't mind putting in a few extra hours here and there, especially if it's interesting... but I plan on having a wife to come home to later on). I guess I've become so cynical that I assume all scientists are Erick Carreiras. I would love to be a scientist, especially in Meteorology, because I love it; but I don't want it to be the only aspect of my life. I want to devote time to my faith, my family, my friends, and fun as well (though if I get a desired career, work can be fun at times!) I'd rather flip burgers and enjoy an outside life than be stuck in a lab for 100 hours a week trying to keep my NSF grant.

Exactly! I'm lucky to be in a similar program. But this very problem is what's keeping me from going for a PhD. It's just too competitive. I just commented on a post where people talk about being willing to move away from their spouses in order to go for a PhD. I'd never do that in a million years, and while I definately don't think less of anyone who does, I'm just realizing that if I stay in this field, I'll need to have similar dedication, which I'm honestly unwilling to have. It really gives me anxiety to think that there are people who are so dedicated to science; because I'll never want to be that dedicated.

I seriously could never do that. Just the thought of it makes me shudder. 80 hours ON TOP of Classes and Teaching is ridiculous! This is why I don't want to go further in academia. I'd kill myself with that kind of workload. I admire, and defer to those who can do it though

Read the Carriera letter before you get yourself in too deep. http://biochemater.bokee.com/4801022.html . I put my foot down after 60 hours a week. If more becomes expected of me (other than brief "crunch" times), I'll happily walk out the door. I would never work for a jerk like this!

I'll try to say this without blasting anyone else, because I believe that it is to each their own, but I wouldn't think once of leaving my spouse behind in a million years for grad school. In fact, it is that kind of dedication I'm seeing in other people that is making me stop after my masters degree. I wouldn't even give up my girlfriend for this program (though we are doing the Long Distance thing right now... but if I had to choose her or this, I'd choose her in a heartbeat... we've been together for 7 years BTW). While my career is important, I'd rather settle for less (hopefully not too less) in the career area than sacrifice my soul mate for this. I think that's what really scares me the most about Grad School, and academia in general. I really see people who seriously debate things like this, and for me, it's a no-brainer. That doesn't mean that one is better than the other, but I also realize that if people are that willing to give up something so special in order to succeed in academia (or that they would even consider it), than I have no chance in competing against them for funding... and frankly, I don't even want to try. They will be happier with science, and I'll be happier with my wife. Again, this is just my opinion for my situation. I do not think less of anyone else for their opinion. But I will say this, the thought that academics would even consider leaving a spouse behind to further their studies at this point has shaken me to my core. That scares me even more than the Carreria letter.

I'm thinking about dropping out of my Masters program because of an adverse relationship with my advisor, but I'm afraid that I'll end up flipping burgers or trapped in a cubicle for the rest of my life. What should I do? I have a BA in Geography and a BS in Math, and I love what I'm doing, but it's just not working out with my advisor.

I'll drop out before I give my amazing girlfriend up!!

I'll be frank... I've had a ridiculous up and down relationship with my adviser, and honestly, I've had enough. I'm trying to get my MS, and I'm having the toughest time with my adviser. One week, she is lauding me for how hard I work and how much progress I have been making, whereas the next week, she's calling me a failure and a waste of money. Then the next week, she acts extremely disrespectful with me, to the point where I am both afraid to approach her, and I seriously don't trust her. Overall, she is just a mean person who for some reason has a chip on her shoulder. She's never graduated a student, and it's to the point where the department chair has gotten involved. Today, our adviser just dumped a huge project she's been sitting on for a few weeks on me, RIGHT BEFORE FINALS! In short, this lady is all over the place, crazy, rude, unprofessional, and I seriously can't work with her anymore! She is also pressuring me like crazy to get a PhD, which I don't want (no offense, but the Carriera letter and the general lack of jobs/funding in academia is so sickening, that once I get this MS, I'm outta here!). I'm just done with this lady. At this point, it's almost either getting a new adviser, or dropping out. What should I do?

Unfortunlately, it could be all of those, or none of those. You will most likely get a stipend, and probably some kind of tuition waiver, but it seriously varies from school to school and department to department. I also hate to break it to you, but I've never heard of a student who got rich while in Grad school, so it isn't likely. Best wishes to you my friend