fortiesgirl

If I am in this "well-liked" clique, does that make me a minority?

Anyone? Humour? No?

1Q84...I dunno...I think you are taking someone disagreeing with you quite personally. You're on a forum with graduate students who are going to have strong opinions- that's just who we are. Just because someone has a different point of view and others agree with them (lots of people agreed with you and disagreed with me), doesn't mean you're not liked.

And to comment on confusedgradadmit, I would have to say that I have experienced the same thing at my school. There is a strong presence international students! This also means that our city if VERY diverse and multi-cultural. At a young age you're exposed to a variety of cultures.

With all that said, it still doesn't diminish or colourblind the situation. I fully believe in a social ecological perspective that there are many external factors influencing an individual's life. However, I can't continue to stress that in this thread that it's not solely about ethnicity- there are many cases of sexism, classism, agism, and LGBT discrimination that goes on everyday for students.

I would also like to think the grad cafe is a place where everyone is equal and treated as such...and I think we all try to do that too!

I looked over what I said again. I took the same strongly-worded tone as michigan girl yet the only thing I can see is that I pointed out said colour-blindness in Dal Phder's comments, who seems to be part of the "well-liked" clique. Again, not what you say or how you say it, it seems, merely who you say it to.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised; I've encountered this in ever forum that I've been to. Somehow I just thought grad students would be more, I don't know... mature?

Forget it. It's not worth arguing with people who have to use labels/namecalling.

I'm quite used to the condescending tone of your post. I find it quite funny that the only ones who ever do try to minimize the things I have accomplished are other minorities. "Oh, you make it sounds easy" (it wasn't). "Not everyone is like you" (aren't I a special snowflake?). Please. People on here have accomplished something that most people will never be able to accomplish (i.e. graduate from college) and are seeking to go further... no one who is on their way to a getting a graduate degree should think of themselves as "oppressed."

I was raised in a country where tens of thousands of people, many of whom were in college, were kidnapped and killed by the government. A generation of intellectuals, gone. THAT is oppression.

Perhaps a little world perspective would show just how NOT oppressed Americans really are.

What I said is that people stress themselves out NEEDLESSLY over how things "are going to be," and how to deal with "being a minority." When you encounter real discrimination, deal with it then. But trying to "deal with it" before it even happens is a pointless exercise. It's like freaking out about whether the new group of people you're about to meet is going to like you, and trying to think of ways of dealing if they don't. It seems to me a much better use of my time would be to address any instances when they occur... not try to plan for them assuming they will happen.

Thank you everyone for the comments as they were all insightful and inspiring, even given the diversity.

In general, I do believe we are all the consequence of our experiences--and the responses are a unique example of that. As such, we may do a disservice to ourselves and the nature of commonality when we become insular and critical to those who may have tangential--yet, well intentioned, advice and viewpoints. I know from experience that it is very difficult for some people to truly understand the dynamics of racism primarily because it is uncomfortable and reinforces an undue sense of guilt upon the ethnicity of the historical oppressor. It is much more comfortable to generalize issues of race in the context of everyday insecurities, especially when issues of race are beyond the scope of their direct experiences.

With that said, we all have negative stigmas, bet it major or minor, that are societally reinforced, but it is the common thread of empathy, the ability to place ourselves in the position of others, that offers us the best solution as we can't possibly place ourselves EXACTLY within the experience others. Race and gender just so happen to be my own, but the same also applies to those who are disabled--which I am not, those who are poor---which I am not, or increasingly those who are homosexual---which I am also not. I don't think that makes me any less of an authority to share my experiences. Its an effort to relate and provide a source of comfort for the most part (as we are all on this fora for a reason), and not to minimize its complexity.

At any rate, many thanks for all the wonderful comments!!

Right and I disagree. I'm only speaking for myself, of course, not for the OP. I know you said you weren't making a comparison and that you don't know the minority experience, but stating that "but I think you should feel a bit comforted that these feelings you have might be due to the fact that you're just a grad student, and we all have those feelings." is reductive and is making a comparison.

I'm not trying to be confrontational or start a fight. I merely find it borderline insulting to bring up some universal student insecurity as a "comfort" for the vastly different experiences of ethnic/racial minorities in predominantly white environments.

Yes, absolutely, every student will have some feeling of insecurity and having to prove themselves when in grad school. Is that relevant to the scrutiny that many, if not all, ethnic minorities must face in those institutions? Not really.

It's strange that you start off by making the requisite statements about not knowing minority experience but then by the end, your rhetoric starts sounding somewhat "colour blind". Statements like: "grad students are prone to feeling they need to prove themselves- regardless of the 'stereotypes [that] have been foisted' on them." really, really rub me the wrong way. It's here that you're, again, making comparisons, and I vigorously disagree with that.

I don't know why you keep making it specifically about race... it's minorities in general. Gender, LGBTQ, ethnicity, age...there are many people who face stereotypes each day.

The OP has come to a graduate student forum asking graduate students about their experiences and opinions- and my opinion is that she should not feel alone and should also be comforted by the fact that some of what she feels is what we all feel. The OP is not alone in feeling overwhelmed and anxious, many of us (regardless of our backgrounds, individual circumstances or environments) feel this way....these feelings are undoubtedly going to be amplified if you are facing additional pressures as a minority. People come on this forum all the time explaining a personal and individual situation/scenario and asking for advice and experience about how they are feeling. A lot of the time I haven't been in that situation, but I can relate on some level to how their feeling and choose to offer my advice and opinion on that in hopes that they are comforted by the fact that another person on some level is experiencing the same feelings/emotions they are going through.

I do not believe I ever tried to discount, down play or reduce how the OP is feeling or their personal situation of being a minority. My only intention was to offer support and suggest that they are not alone in some of what they are experiencing. If you would like to manipulate and misconstrue my intentions, you can. But saying I am acting as if I am "colour blind" and suggesting that I am insulting racial and ethnic minorities is completely incorrect. That was not my intention nor how my post was delivered.

The actual rejection letter wasn't so painful. The real kicker (which I shared this morning on the history board) is that the school then used my personal admissions file to solicit me for money to support their graduate students. I know it the money is intended for grad students (mind you, to support candidates like myself!) because I received a 1-2 page letter detailing how the funds would be spent, with a perforated form to return to the school indicating how much I intended to donate to the institution, starting at $100.