runonsentence

But then aren't you, in your contrarian way, just doing the same thing of which you're accusing everyone, i.e., allowing the behavior of others to dictate your own behavior?


Do you really challenge "everything," or just the things you don't like? Also, I wonder what are the benefits or "the good" that comes from challenging "everything."


I would think there are much more practical ways of keeping your critical thinking skills sharp than devising ways to alienate and condescend to all those "complacent" people by whom you find yourself surrounded.

Many people don't have the luxury of turning down jobs or opportunities (or risking alienating those who can assist in securing them) over such trifles.

If an apology is nothing more than a few meaningless words coming out of your mouth one time then go for it. What have you got to lose? But like I and others have said, use this as a last time to get yourself established and financially independent from them. Go talk to a financial aid counselor sooner rather than later, at least knowing what your options are will make a very volatile situation seem less stressful and urgent. It also takes time for financial aid to reach your pocket, so you don't want to wait until you're completely destitute. Once you know that you absolutely do not have to rely on your parents to do anything I think you'll be in much better position. You're already doing well grade wise and you have an excellent goal in mind, work on all of this other stuff and you'll be unstoppable.

I've never heard that emailing could be rude, myself. Email would be my suggestion, but you could always call if you felt like email isn't the right thing to do here. (Though I realize that calling might be difficult for you, if you feel socially anxious...but if you're trying to turn that around, it might be an empowering way to start trying to change!)

I don't think that post is the way to go since they probably aren't in their offices much (if at all) over the summer and it could get lost in the campus mail shuffle during the school year. But if you do, I would NOT send ORIGINAL copies of any marked/graded papers—send photocopies instead.

There are a lot of threads in this forum you should poke around in to see how others have assembled materials to help their recommenders. But before you send on a packet of materials, I would first send an email that
introduces yourself as a former student ("Because I was shy in undergrad, you may not remember me, but I took XXX class with you and really enjoyed it...").
tells your prof that you're applying for grad school and why, and ask if s/he is comfortable writing you a strong letter of recommendation. Word it exactly like that so that your professor can take the out if s/he doesn't remember you well enough to write you a good letter.
explains the reasons you've asked this particular professor to write for you. (If you're worried about a professor remembering you well, it will make it easier for them to imagine writing a letter for you if you can tell them what sorts of things you see them writing about. For instance, "I thought that my papers for your class really showed my understanding of XX theory..." or, "I thought that my participation in your course showed how passionate I was about the material and showed my potential for working with graduate-level ideas...".)
tells her/him that if s/he can recommend you, you can send a packet of materials to them that includes the list of schools you're applying to, writing sample from her/his class, etc. by such-and-such date.

If you send out a feeler email like this beforehand, it won't look presumptuous (like you expect them to say yes—which could be the reason you've been advised against emailing in the past).

Good luck!

I've never heard that emailing could be rude, myself. Email would be my suggestion, but you could always call if you felt like email isn't the right thing to do here. (Though I realize that calling might be difficult for you, if you feel socially anxious...but if you're trying to turn that around, it might be an empowering way to start trying to change!)

I don't think that post is the way to go since they probably aren't in their offices much (if at all) over the summer and it could get lost in the campus mail shuffle during the school year. But if you do, I would NOT send ORIGINAL copies of any marked/graded papers—send photocopies instead.

There are a lot of threads in this forum you should poke around in to see how others have assembled materials to help their recommenders. But before you send on a packet of materials, I would first send an email that
introduces yourself as a former student ("Because I was shy in undergrad, you may not remember me, but I took XXX class with you and really enjoyed it...").
tells your prof that you're applying for grad school and why, and ask if s/he is comfortable writing you a strong letter of recommendation. Word it exactly like that so that your professor can take the out if s/he doesn't remember you well enough to write you a good letter.
explains the reasons you've asked this particular professor to write for you. (If you're worried about a professor remembering you well, it will make it easier for them to imagine writing a letter for you if you can tell them what sorts of things you see them writing about. For instance, "I thought that my papers for your class really showed my understanding of XX theory..." or, "I thought that my participation in your course showed how passionate I was about the material and showed my potential for working with graduate-level ideas...".)
tells her/him that if s/he can recommend you, you can send a packet of materials to them that includes the list of schools you're applying to, writing sample from her/his class, etc. by such-and-such date.

If you send out a feeler email like this beforehand, it won't look presumptuous (like you expect them to say yes—which could be the reason you've been advised against emailing in the past).

Good luck!

What's even more wild is that the book yanked was 1984.

I've never heard that emailing could be rude, myself. Email would be my suggestion, but you could always call if you felt like email isn't the right thing to do here. (Though I realize that calling might be difficult for you, if you feel socially anxious...but if you're trying to turn that around, it might be an empowering way to start trying to change!)

I don't think that post is the way to go since they probably aren't in their offices much (if at all) over the summer and it could get lost in the campus mail shuffle during the school year. But if you do, I would NOT send ORIGINAL copies of any marked/graded papers—send photocopies instead.

There are a lot of threads in this forum you should poke around in to see how others have assembled materials to help their recommenders. But before you send on a packet of materials, I would first send an email that
introduces yourself as a former student ("Because I was shy in undergrad, you may not remember me, but I took XXX class with you and really enjoyed it...").
tells your prof that you're applying for grad school and why, and ask if s/he is comfortable writing you a strong letter of recommendation. Word it exactly like that so that your professor can take the out if s/he doesn't remember you well enough to write you a good letter.
explains the reasons you've asked this particular professor to write for you. (If you're worried about a professor remembering you well, it will make it easier for them to imagine writing a letter for you if you can tell them what sorts of things you see them writing about. For instance, "I thought that my papers for your class really showed my understanding of XX theory..." or, "I thought that my participation in your course showed how passionate I was about the material and showed my potential for working with graduate-level ideas...".)
tells her/him that if s/he can recommend you, you can send a packet of materials to them that includes the list of schools you're applying to, writing sample from her/his class, etc. by such-and-such date.

If you send out a feeler email like this beforehand, it won't look presumptuous (like you expect them to say yes—which could be the reason you've been advised against emailing in the past).

Good luck!

Yep, and while I don't have names, I know they're faculty, and this is at a national conference.

This, of course, is not a plan I endorse or encourage anyone to emulate! But I think it helps put things in perspective if you're ever feeling jittery about a conference presentation.

Glad to help, Zeemore!

If you try online dating, go with something free, like OKcupid. OKcupid used to have a really compelling argument for why paying for online dating doesn't make sense, mathematically. Apparently they've taken it down from their site since they were bought my Match.com, but someone archived a version on their own blog: http://interestingreads.posterous.com/why-you-should-never-pay-for-online-dating-ok

I am going to go along with what Eigen said.

There is really no need for you to be depressed in grad school. Being depressed is NOT a sign that you should quit grad school (I strongly disagree with those who say it is)--it's a sign that you need to change both your situation AND the way you deal with life.

Lousy advisor? Yes, definitely finish your master's and do a PhD elsewhere. Or switch advisors if possible. A bad advisor is poisonous, from what I've seen in those around me. That is an example of changing your circumstances.

Changing the way you deal with life is another way to kill depression. Going to the campus counseling center has helped me. Exercising has helped me. Changing my diet has helped me. Getting rid of toxic people in my life has helped me.

Also, like Eigen, I do try to compartmentalize my life--as much as possible. I do occasionally have to run down to lab to do something late at night (usually just a quick job, 15 min or so, getting something started for the following day), but in these cases I try to take one of my kids with me so we can have a one-on-one conversation. Of course, my advisor is totally supportive of this, as she has the same sort of attitude that I do. Basically, I try to work my butt off while I'm at school, get as much done as possible, so that I can get more done than people who don't organize their time well.

IMO, the best time to start presenting is: Right. Now. It's a good experience that can give you valuable feedback on projects you're working on, give you a confidence boost, and looks good on the CV. It's also great to shake some hands and meet others in the field with similar research interests. (Network, network, network!)

If you're not feeling ready for a full-blown national conference, student conferences are still a great experience and a good way to get yourself initiated. Also, note that conference papers are much easier to prepare than publications, since (a) you're not preserving something for posterity, just reading it aloud to a room full of people who may or may not be daydreaming, and ( an ideal length is 8-10 pages.

Ideally, one should be proposing presentations on papers that are already written. But in practice, many (most?) people write an abstract, then write the paper. (One of my mentors has a list of people he refuses to room with at CCCC because they will pull an all-nighter the night before their presentation, finishing their paper.)

Now, writing after proposing can mean that your argument evolves in a different direction than your proposed abstract. While it's something that's best avoided—it's false advertising for conference goers choosing sessions when your abstract in the program that doesn't accurately represent the paper you read—it's also just sort of what happens.

IMO, the best time to start presenting is: Right. Now. It's a good experience that can give you valuable feedback on projects you're working on, give you a confidence boost, and looks good on the CV. It's also great to shake some hands and meet others in the field with similar research interests. (Network, network, network!)

If you're not feeling ready for a full-blown national conference, student conferences are still a great experience and a good way to get yourself initiated. Also, note that conference papers are much easier to prepare than publications, since (a) you're not preserving something for posterity, just reading it aloud to a room full of people who may or may not be daydreaming, and ( an ideal length is 8-10 pages.

Ideally, one should be proposing presentations on papers that are already written. But in practice, many (most?) people write an abstract, then write the paper. (One of my mentors has a list of people he refuses to room with at CCCC because they will pull an all-nighter the night before their presentation, finishing their paper.)

Now, writing after proposing can mean that your argument evolves in a different direction than your proposed abstract. While it's something that's best avoided—it's false advertising for conference goers choosing sessions when your abstract in the program that doesn't accurately represent the paper you read—it's also just sort of what happens.

Thanks a lot for posting that, runonsentence. One thing the author points out that struck a chord is that going to grad school can be equivalent, money and labor-wise, as working almost any other job right out of school for those of us in our early 20s, except we don't risk our bodies to do it. And a point that really needles me in the "just don't go" camp is the implication that the life of the mind is only for the independently wealthy, like there are no other forms of compensation. Obviously this rebuttal shows what bunk that is.

Just came across the following blog post on this article, and thought it was excellent: https://jsench.wordpress.com/2011/07/28/working-classes/

There's a lot to be said for making a conscious choice about your priorities. When I started grad school, I decided that it was something I wanted to do, but it wasn't, nor did I ever want it to become, the most important part of my life. Going along with that, I understood that it might mean I wouldn't wind up at an R1 school, or even in academia- but none of that was something I liked enough to give up 5-15 years of my life to obtain it.

So I make sure I'm home in time for dinner with my wife most nights, I take long lunches with friends when I can, and I make sure I keep up on my hobbies.

If you don't want to get a PhD, don't let anyone convince you that you should- and also remember that you can come back and do the PhD later, when you feel like you have more control over the rest of your life.

Don't feel like you're trapped in your degree, either- you can leave at any time- and that's true for an MS or your PhD. It's your education, and your choice, no matter how much other people might make you feel like it isn't.

Primrose, I'm not an expert on English PhD admissions and so won't pretend to be. However, as I am currently looking very seriously into PhD programs in English lit, I think I have enough expertise to, at the very least, guide you.

I'll start out with the big question. What do you think you're going to do with your PhD if not teach? It's all very well to say that you don't like teaching but love "researching," but how practical is that? Let's look at the facts. I don't think I've seen a single PhD program that doesn't have some sort of stipulation as to how many classes you're expected to teach as part of your fellowship. Some schools only offer funding in the form of teaching assistantships. Right there, you're facing two options: either teach (however begrudgingly) or pay your way through the PhD.

Furthermore, once you get that degree, have you ever heard of an institution hiring someone who never teaches and just does research? I surely haven't. Maybe if you're Harold Bloom (and don't get me started on Harold Bloom). It just doesn't seem practical.

Here's my suggestion (and obviously I know little about you, so take it with a grain of salt): Don't go straight for your PhD. Maybe consider doing an MA program that will help you solidify your interests and confirm the extent to which research is really something you love as opposed to something you're used to. An MA is going to be a lot more practical a degree in the long run than a PhD. Suppose you go through a PhD program doing the minimum amounts of teaching you possibly can, get through the program, realize you don't really love research all that much or teaching, and find yourself with a hardly marketable degree. It's hard enough to find jobs in the real world lately. Add a PhD in English to that? Bad news bears.

Have you looked into other areas of study/occupation that might work better for you? Think about what you truly love. The "life of the mind" and "intellectual camaraderie and stimulation" are fabulous things, but if you're not TRULY enthused by the prospect of the life that the PhD in English lit offers you, then you should probably reconsider.

Those are my two cents. Harsh words, but (to the best of my knowledge) true.

Woohoo! 7 months straight

Why the English hatred?

~

ZeeMore is right. The writing sample and the SOP serve two different purposes. No, the SOP is not supposed to be an indicator of whether you can do graduate level writing. It's where you make the argument that that specific program is the right place for you to do your graduate-level writing. It's much harder to judge 'objectively' whether an SOP is good than whether a writing sample is good, b/c "good" changes from year to year and based on department politics, current grad student population, etc. A writing sample shows that you are qualified for a program. The SOP is where you show you are right.

As for current grad students and professors making fun of SOPs: well, dude, duh. Have you gone back and read yours? Maybe you are a sparklingly genius writer and yours reads like velvet and dumplings, but mine is the most naively earnest, steaming piling of awkwardness I have ever produced. I will make fun of the thing from here to high heaven. But I guarantee that at the interview weekend, I had numerous faculty--including the art history prof on the adcom, BTW--tell me that my SOP really made my application stick out from many of the others.

For a master's program, it may well be that the writing sample is more important. For a PhD, especially at a competitive program, they're both absolutely necessary.

Yes. And No. It's normal for grad school to be stressful at times. And it can have a way of sucking the (rest of your) life out of you, if you let it. Some periods of stress are to be expected and there is not much you can do against them. But if it's a continuous thing that you don't anticipate will improve and is making you unhappy, you need to figure out a way to change something about your situation. If grad school is making you seriously unhappy all of the time, that is not normal. Often when you're really tired and things just look all around depressing, it helps to take some time off and do nothing, just to get some perspective on things (I like to watch whole seasons of America's Next Top Model or Project Runway on such occasions, but to each her own). But to address the more general problem, developing some time management skills along and learning to be assertive and say 'No' when you can't handle everything that is being asked of you is crucial. Also, I find it helps me to actively block out time in my schedule for "other" things - that is, non-grad-school fun, workouts, or just time off. You may need to evaluate everything that you are doing at the moment - maybe you need to step out of a project you're involved in? or slow down the progress of a project? or stop meeting with faculty who are drain your energy? or move office if its your officemates who are making your life more difficult? Maybe you should take a break from grad school altogether if you're just not enjoying the experience anymore. As others suggest, seeking someone's advice may be beneficial - it can be a trusted professor or friend or else someone outside your department. If you can identify the sources of your unhappiness and take active steps to correct them, that should lead to at least some improvement.

When I was living with my parents after undergrad, I watched far too much TV for my own good. At school, I follow Modern Family and the Daily Show on Hulu.

But hey, it ended up paying off, as I was able to publish an article about the family rhetorics of Modern Family earlier this year.

I wouldn't worry about being stalled. IF you like your job, stick with it. Good jobs are hard to find. Grad school will always be there when you decide you're ready.

+1 for the vade mecum.
Remember that you only need the "fun facts at a cocktail party" level of knowledge of anything you've read in order to take the exam. You may actually be better off shacking up with some Bloom Masterplots than the Norton anthology.*



*You will never hear me say this in any other context.

My thoughts are adequately summed up by the following headline: "Debt deal would end subsidized loans to grad students, produce savings equal to only three months in Afghanistan."

http://thinkprogress.org/education/2011/08/01/284804/subsidized-loans-afghanistan/

Also, my advice is to be sure you're familiar with the politics of the institution you're applying to if you start dropping specific names in your SoP. If you're not familiar with these dynamics, it might be best not to use names.

$0.02

List his new information; they want accurate contact information on the application. In the letter he writes for you, he will clarify how he knows you (it's typical to write how long you have known the recomendee and from where in the first paragraph of a LoR).

Yes, but as has been said several times in the thread, the OP doesn't want one. I'm a Mac user and huge proponent myself, but I still was able to offer suggestions besides "get the machine you specifically stated you don't want."