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paraplu

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  1. It's my first time out, and I'm curious how others amongst you have prefaced email submissions of your paper abstract and CV? Does a simple "Good day, Attached please find pieces x, y, and z for your consideration" do the trick? Thanks in advance for your feedback.
  2. This idiom is frequently leveled at prospective graduate students to warn them of the challenges that await should they pursue a graduate degree; or, worse, as an admonition against those graduate students who are currently unhappy in their programs. I want to try to unpack the meaning of this statement, and what it means for those of us who, despite meticulous preparation, find themselves in a situation much different than anticipated, and are perhaps questioning their commitment to graduate school. Be sure before you go to graduate school. As I find myself deeply unhappy as a first semester PhD student, I look back on the number of times I interrogated my certainty in the three years between getting my Bachelor's and entering grad school. I emailed each of my prospective advisors; if I didn't meet with them in person, I spoke with them on the phone. I talked to their students, often at length and having frank and open discussions. I visited the campuses, toured the cities, of my top three choices. During those three years of careful plodding, and especially during the frenzied application cycle, I had painstakingly long discussions with my undergraduate mentors where I made no attempt to hide my neuroses, fears, and anxieties about graduate school. Indeed, I entered my top-choice program with a fully funded offer confident I had done everything I could to know what I was getting myself in to. But somehow the logic of that other common idiom -- "you never know until you try" -- escapes the ethos of graduate school. We are told we cannot, should not, enter into it lightly. I did not apply on a whim, upset with the economy, etc. I developed this plan carefully, and it took me three full years to execute. In the interim I had satisfying work, traveled extensively, and suffered the loss of a close family member. I had moments of agonizing doubt. My devotion was not blind. Indeed, each of these circumstances forced me to be all the more thoughtful about making a long term commitment that would move me further away from my family and friends at a very sensitive time. Yet there are so very many aspects of graduate student life that I simply could not have known had I never made it this far. And make no mistake, there is an acute difference between reading about the challenges of grad school and experiencing them for oneself. I think it's counterproductive to tell anyone on this forum or elsewhere who is experiencing doubts, "well, didn't you know? Didn't you do your research?" Of course they did. Most of us are entering research-intensive programs. Of course we did our research. There is a certain impossibility of "being sure before you go." While I do encourage all prospective graduate students to learn as much as they possibly can before committing, who amongst us can claim that they really truly knew the intensity of the loneliness, the depth of internal doubt, the purgatory of unstructured time? (And I worked from home for two years, so structuring one's time should come easy, right?) A person with a goal will rationalize these things away -- I spend lots of time alone, and much prefer quiet days and nights to socializing; and I'm already insecure to a fault. But these are not the reasons why I want to leave my program. Nor do the particularities of my program contribute to my discontent -- in fact, the place is great, and the people are wonderful, and the city is spectacular. Perhaps many amongst you will be incredulous when I say this, but what I found when I got here is that I simply do not want this life. My intent here is manifold. It seems that many people are blamed for their lack of foresight if they express doubt about being in grad school. I want to express my solidarity with those people who felt they were extremely calculating in their plans and preparations. I also want to suggest that, yes, graduate school is a serious thing. But the pedestal it's put on contributes to unrealistic expectations. If someone wanted to quit their job -- a job they earned by having a particular education or level of hard-earned experience -- would you say to that person: "but they're paying you a salary! Think of all the resources they wasted on you!" Would you hang the threat of tarnished reputations over their head -- not only their own, but their references? Somehow, this sounds ridiculous when applied to a member of the working world, yet draws no suspicion when directed at a grad student. I think this is an ideal we impose on graduate school more than it is the reality of things. While I am taken aback by many things in graduate school, one amongst them is how reasonable my professors and colleagues are. As people who value intelligence and thoughtfulness, I think there must be a way to bow out with the same graces that got you there in the first place.
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