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I have returned to grad school after many (5+) years away. I came back because although I have worked a lot of jobs and had a lot of experience I realized that going down the academic path was what I really wanted to do, despite the fact I was making good money elsewhere. I came to a 2 year masters program to try and make myself a more competitive PhD applicant. I took a lot on straight from the beginning, working 20-30 hours per week this past first semester - including starting one high pressure job this past month that covers my full tuition but requires me to live under the constant fear of being fired (the manager always threatens everyone, myself included, and often does actually fire people). Now my grades are in, and they have suffered. I got a B, B+ and an A- ... 3.3 GPA. I was planning on applying next fall for PhD programs... should I even bother considering that now, given those grades? My GRE scores were also not high when I took them... 159 verbal (85%), 149 math(40%). I can retake them and get them up but I'm not sure by how much. I could quit my RA job that is paying all my tuition yet making my life a living hell (it's not very related to my field of interest anyway), pay tuition with savings and be completely broke when I graduate at the age of 30+ (it's probably worth noting that my family is broke as well). I know I didn't put my full effort into the class I got a B in (plus the professor and I disagree ideologically and everyone knows he takes that into consideration when grading), but the A- class... I really felt I produced my best work, I truly enjoyed writing the final paper, and put 150% effort into it, lost many nights of sleep. If that's the best I can do... maybe I should consider a career change... even though I have already experimented with other things, and know that I love writing and research. I don't know what I should do, and feel that I am quickly slipping into a state of depression...

I have a question in regards to this. I am in the field of education and came to this masters program specifically in part because I thought we had the option of completing a thesis (it's a two year program and all the rest I was considering were one year). As it turns out, our two options are taking comprehensive exams or completing something called a "capstone" project that is about 40-50 pages long and doesn't involve original research. I have been told that the department feels that original research is something done for a dissertation and not to be done at the masters level... in part because there is no time. I can understand why they think there is no time now that I am here and realize how busy my schedule will be, even during the summer, but it still worries me. I really want to apply for PhD programs... is this going to hurt me? I guess I can potentially get a writing sample out of it or another paper I complete, but will it hurt if it doesn't involve original research? If I do a lot of internships, RA / TA positions etc. will it help make up for this? Thanks.

Good question. I am moving on July 26th from overseas, but the apartments I am finding that I'm interested in seem to have lease start-dates around the beginning of July... so I am considering paying in advance, and trying to secure an apartment from overseas just by using googlemaps, skype, photos etc. Not sure if that will work out. Otherwise I guess I'll be living out of a hotel for a few days while I apartment search like crazy. What is everyone else doing?

This is a good question and I wish someone had asked it (or I had asked it) before I applied this season. For what it's worth, I just applied to a mixture of PhD programs and masters programs (in the field of comparative education). I am sure I want to pursue a PhD, but decided to apply to masters programs as back-up options. I had a focused application and did well in a well-ranked undergrad institution (3.5 overall GPA, 3.8 major GPA, won various awards etc., did not major in education), good letters of rec, and have 4 years of overseas teaching experience + various volunteer experience (however your GRE scores are significantly higher than mine - I had 159 v and 149 m, 4.5 writing). In the end, I was rejected from all the PhD programs I applied to and accepted to all the masters programs I applied to. Furthermore, all the people I have spoken to on this forum who got into the PhD programs I was rejected from already had a masters degree (also every doctoral student I talked to in these programs had masters degrees before applying). Then again, that could be due to chance, and my rejection could be based on something else entirely, such as the not so great GRE scores. So I am attending a masters program, and in the end have decided to go with the one that gave me the best scholarship + graduate assistantship. In you case, since it sounds like you won't be losing much money, I would go!

Thank you for this excellent response! You have really helped me think about the issue a lot more clearly. To respond to your question, though: "I'm assuming there is several people who think your work is useful/important otherwise why would you have applied there?" Actually to be honest, I applied to a mixture of both PhD programs and some masters programs as back-up options. The PhD applications took all of my energy / program researching time so I didn't research the masters programs nearly as thoroughly. In the end I got accepted to all the masters programs and rejected from all the PhD programs. The director of this program is actually the person who started the program at his school, and he has been the director for many, many years. It seems like maybe everyone in the department shares this particular professor's opinions - but I am not 100% sure on that. I guess I am a little worried about whether or not I will find it dispiriting if everyone in the department - and maybe even the other masters students - share these opinions about social theory being irrelevant to the field. From the course descriptions, it does seem that the program really and truly manages to avoid theory. At School B, I know hands down my advisor is amazing and students have even told me they have fought to work with her, so I am really lucky. At School A I just can't seem to get any direct feedback one way or the other about the quality of the faculty in my particular department - though I heard from a PhD student at school B who did her masters at school A (in a different department in my same field) that although on the whole it was much less engaged with theory than school B, she really appreciated her time there and the focus on policy issues from a practitioner's point of view. I have been out of school for about 8 years now so I am unfortunately not as close to my undergrad advisors anymore, though they all wrote me good recommendation letters, I think that is about the extent of their helping in this process. I haven't been able to visit any departments - I live far away, overseas, so it has been difficult communicating with people about these things. Anyway, at the end of the day, and taking money issues in consideration, and since I already have a strong background in theory from undergrad, I think I will take a risk and just hope this experience contributes to my intellectual growth. Maybe having conflicting opinions with people in the department will inspire me to work even harder. My undergrad experience was probably just 'too easy' in the sense that everyone agreed with everyone else and it was all perfectly harmonious. Here's hoping it works out! Thanks a lot for the great advice

Without being too specific, I am deciding between two masters programs (and intend on later pursing a PhD). Program A is a 2 year program and has offered me a nice scholarship and when combined with an RA or TA position (which are readily available even at the masters level) tuition would be basically free, and I may even possibly receive a living stipend (and living expenses in this location are very cheap, anyway). In a 2 year program, I would have time to write a quality thesis and would have time to complete a summer practicum - things that may prepare me quite nicely for a PhD program. Overall, I think the max I would spend is $30,000 for this two year program, assuming that I won't be receiving a stipend for living expenses (which apparently at least half the students do). Program B is a 1 year program and has offered me no financial aid (they say they don't for any MA students) and has no RA or TA positions available for masters students, so when combined with living expenses I can expect to pay about $55,000. One plus of Program B is that (according to my potential advisor) acceptance to their masters program virtually guarantees admission to their PhD program (although - students in the PhD program are struggling with funding as well and barely making enough to cover living expenses). In terms of fit, it is clear to me that I am better suited towards Program B. In addition to working with an advisor (a Marxist) whose work (in critical social theory) I have admired for a long time, I recently read a paper written by the director of Program A which basically said critical social theory is irrelevant to the discipline and the focus (of this emerging discipline) should be entirely on economics and policy, and wherein he established himself as a firm proponent of neoliberalism. I come from a very theoretical liberal arts background (undergrad) so - although I strongly disagree with him and find the course list at Program B much more appealing - there is still something appealing to me about developing a firm foundation in policy and economics in Program A (and saving a ton of money in the process). So my question is.... Is it a bad idea to go to a department where I'm fairly certain I disagree politically and even on things like what problems my field should address, and how they should go about addressing them? Or could it potentially be a positive thing.... expanding my intellectual horizons? Since the director of Program A has spoken (very loudly) about his disapproval of critical social theory, theories of marginalization etc. in the discipline, do you think that will hurt my application to PhD programs later on which see critical theory a necessary component (both in terms of recommendations and program reputation)? Am I making a big mistake by considering this option?

Yeah great deal unless you are in a 1 year program! haha

Lbessmer - the organizer of my cohort said that you can (and everyone in fact does) become a resident after 1 year. I think what you say is true for undergraduate students, but not independent graduate students. Undergraduate / dependent students are required to have their parents move to the state of california before they will be considered a resident. You can show that you "intend to make california your home" by getting a CA drivers license, filing for state taxes in CA, filing out a voter's registration form, etc. Although I can't find anything specifically that states this on UCLA's website, it does say this on Berkeley's website: "If you are not a resident of California, you will need to know the current requirements for establishing legal residency. In most cases, graduate students can qualify for legal residency by their second year of graduate school, thereby significantly reducing their tuition and fees (by approximately $15,000* for academic programs or approximately $12,200* for professional programs)."

Thanks again Psychgirl, I really like the idea of exposure therapy and I'd never heard of it before, so I will definitely be looking into that as soon as I arrive on campus. I doubt web based would help me... for some reason Skype doesn't seem nearly as scary as being physically present. Maybe because I feel very distant from it. arnds - thanks for the advice. I think though I'd rather try and work through it without medicine first because, after all, speaking is something I'll have to do in every class all through grad school and later in my professional career. However that might be a good suggestion for really big things like my first conference presentation.

I think that's good advice, HigherEd - thank you. I don't have any plans for anything immediate like children or marriage etc. I think I just worry about money more than most because my parents are on the verge of bankruptcy / unemployed / no retirement fund etc.. so I have literally saved every extra penny I could, from the time I graduated. But actually I originally thought the SSCE program was 2 years (one of the professors even told me that...?)... but it turns out it is only 1 year! I guess that's kind of good news financially (but not really since I would be saving tons on in-state-residency tuition during the second year anyway). Therefore, I wouldn't have the time to complete a thesis (I have been told that 90% of students choose to go the comprehensive exam route because there is simply no time). I guess I'll see what my options are for sticking around longer, and doing a thesis. Otherwise, I wonder how valuable an MA really is (in terms of applying for PhDs)... if there is no thesis? I think it might be fairly easy to move into the PhD program at UCLA afterwards (so I've been told), but even PhD students there are saying they often don't make enough to cover living expenses...

Hey thanks a lot for the neighborhood advice, as well as that website suggestion! But.. yeah, I won't be taking a car. If I go, and I haven't even decided for sure yet, I will be paying out of state tuition for a 1 years masters program and I will be COMPLETELY BROKE at the end. And if I have a car, I'll be in debt, too! My whole purpose is to THROW myself into my studies, LOCK myself into a room and not join ANY sort of SCENE or otherwise SOCIAL ACTIVITY.... so that I can do damn good work and get into a funded PhD program at the end of it all. THEN I will reward myself with a car ... or if I fail I'll move back to NYC, or out of the country all together, to a place where cars are unnecessary

Ghanada - thanks for this helpful post. The area that you mention - West LA. You say it is a long walk / shot bike ride / short bus ride. I'm going to be moving there without a car and looking for the absolute best price available (under $1000) for a studio or possibly a roommate, if I can find one (I also have a cat). When I'm searching on craigslist, what do you recommend I search for? Up until now I have only been looking for 'Westwood'. Should I include 'West LA' in my search, or is there a specific neighborhood name I should be looking for (to remain within walking distance)? Any names of areas you can recommend that I should search for, that are within walking distance would be really helpful. Thanks!

That's an excellent suggestion (and yeah that does sound awesome but also terrifying!). Unfortunately I'm living and working on a rural island in Japan until the beginning of August so it isn't really an option ... :\ However there seem to be adult extended learning programs that offer public speaking classes once a week in the evenings on the campus.. so I'll look into getting into that as soon as possible.

I haven't made a final decision yet, but I'm really leaning towards UCLA's masters program in education (SSCE). With out of state tuition + rent, you can imagine that I am terrified, and my bank account will be empty at the end. Sure hope I do well enough to get into a quality PhD program! I will also be moving from Japan and bringing a cat. If anyone is looking for a laid-back upper-20s female roommate (who has a cat) for a place somewhere near campus (won't have a car), please don't hesitate to contact me!

Haha I misread this too and thought, 'hmmm maybe THAT would be an option if I can't find funding', haha.

Wow, thank you all for the incredibly helpful advice. And yes, I think taking a public speaking class at a community college is an excellent suggestion. I'm not sure when I would find the time / a way to do that as I currently live overseas, but I will look into it when I get back. Also thanks for the links... I should have done a search before I made the post Yeah, I think it is a confidence issue for me... and I totally get what you are saying (Andean Pat) about sounding confident, but it's easier said than done! I think I just really need to practice this. Maybe taking tons of notes is also something I should be doing. In undergrad I took some, but not many, and I never really made an effort to anticipate the questions the teachers would ask - I think that's an excellent thing to try and do. Rogue856: "Most importantly, I think you have to identify why you are so afraid. For me, it's a simple lack of confidence in what I have to say. I often feel my thoughts don't "measure up" to my peers. In my case, I think this comes from lack of experience in expresseing myself in formal, academic environments. I'm a first generation college student and I don't know anyone, family or friends, who went to college or pursued academic interests." Yeah, this! I grew up in a very poor town in the rural midwest and only about 14% of my graduating class went on to get a 4-year degree. My parents did have college degrees, but only from a local state school, geared entirely at professional programs. So when I went to a top liberal arts school on the east coast (as the only student in my class to go out of state for college!) I was in for a real shock (and not supported at all by family members). I had never even written a paper in high school, or read a full length book (other than on my own) or even studied geometry or any math past Algebra 1, or a foreign language, AP classes weren't offered, etc..... so I entered a totally new world. I think because of that part of me does always think how can I really offer anything comparable to what my peers are offering in class when I'm already so far behind. Now that I have had an excellent college education though, maybe I can feel a little more confident entering a masters program at a good school. Anyway I am definitely going to take all of your advice into consideration for when I start my program. Thanks again, everyone!

Hello - I am about to start an MA program in Education, and I'm wondering if anyone can offer advice on how to overcome a fear of public speaking - apparently which only occurs when talking about complex topics in academic situations (for me). All through my 4 years of college, I never said one word in class unless it was for an assigned presentation. Before I gave my very first presentation my freshman year of college, I was so nervous that I actually took a shot of vodka beforehand to try and calm myself down. I made it through, but barely. A few years down the line when I was taking upper level seminar classes, we each had to pick a class to 'teach' - which of course, was my worst nightmare. I was so nervous that I spent weeks and weeks preparing, forgoing all other studies. Not only did I do the assigned reading but I did a ridiculous amount of background reading and read every article remotely connected to the subject I was speaking on, and prepared a 20 minute presentation (which I read - just 'talking' would have been impossible!). My professors were beyond impressed with the class and then started questioning me about why I didn't speak more in class. They said since my papers and presentations suggest that I could give valuable contributions to the class, and since they know I always do the reading, I should speak out in class. So they started calling on me in class to answer specific questions -- but here's the thing -- when they did this, I completely froze. I couldn't answer any of their questions. I would just say 'I don't know'. It's like my mind left the classroom entirely and I couldn't even focus or think about what they were asking, at all. Despite this I always got As in all of their classes -- I guess lucky for me they didn't lower my grades because of this fear. After I completed my senior thesis, when it came time for the defense, the same thing happened. It was an hour of hell with my 3 favorite professors who I felt completely comfortable with (in informal contexts) and had worked with for 4 years. Every question they asked me, I couldn't mutter even a semi-intelligent response. Mostly I just sat there, paralyzed with fear. It was all I could do not to run out of the room crying. As a result, my thesis received an A- rather than an A. So now I have applied to PhD programs and was rejected from all of them, but accepted into all 3 masters programs I applied to. I have to wonder if maybe my professors mentioned this odd tendency in my recommendation letters, which may have been part of the reason for the rejections. So now I have the chance to go to an MA program and prove myself and reapply for PhD programs, but I am terrified the same thing will happen again, even though it has been many years since I graduated from undergrad. I absolutely love academic work, I love theory, I love reading, I love analyzing, I love writing and I even love teaching. I have been teaching ESL overseas for years and am not the slightest bit nervous in the classroom in front of junior high school students. So why is it that I can't discuss a complex academic idea with anyone in any sort of formal setting? Why does my brain literally just 'shut down'? Anyway I am just wondering if anyone has ever dealt with this issue, or has any advice to gain confidence for speaking. Otherwise I fear investing in this year long MA program will be a huge waste of money... and even if I did go on to obtain a PhD, I wouldn't be able to defend my dissertation!

I'm also still struggling! I have a question - when you talk about how it isn't wise to go into debt for a masters degree -- what about emptying your bank account on a masters degree (but not going into debt)? I have worked for 7 years, so in addition to a bit set away in an IRA retirement fund (which of course I won't touch), I also have enough money in savings to fund my masters / living expenses for 2 years. However, at Vanderbilt I likely won't have to touch that money (or maybe only reduce it by 10-20% max), by doing an assistantship 20 hours per week that is mostly unrelated to my area of interest. At UCLA, I will likely use all of it or close to all of it. There are big differences in the programs. Vanderbilt seems to be practitioner based, and the SSCE program at UCLA is all about theory. I love theory and am planning on pursing a PhD, but am not 100% sure yet and am open to professional options. In terms of location, I'd like to end up in California someday, and am not thrilled at all about the prospect of moving to Nashville. I also got into Columbia TC, but I think now the the advantages of the other two programs (funding / quality of program) have ruled that out for me. I guess my question is - is it worth it to spend all of your savings on a masters in a program you'd probably be happier in, in a location you'd probably be happier in, or go with the financially safe option and worry about the other factors when you apply for your PhD later on?

Anyone else admitted to the SSCE program at UCLA? I hadn't heard from them so I emailed to check up on my status today and found out I got in. I haven't heard anything about funding, scholarships, etc. and I'm just wondering if anyone else has.

ASzofer -- About my program, I applied for the International Education Policy and Management program at Vanderbilt and the CIE (Comparative International Education) program at Columbia (though I might change that to International Ed Policy if I go there - that's an option). Actually, if I go to Vanderbilt I might not have any loans! I'm pretty sure I would find an assistantship that would cover at least most of tuition, and if all I have to worry about is living expenses then I have enough to live on. I think if I had gotten that 2/3 tuition scholarship as opposed to the 1/3 tuition scholarship it would be enough to push me over the edge, but because my heart is in NYC I'm still seriously considering Columbia. I understand why you are drawn to Harvard for sure, I might be having that reaction too if I had applied & gotten accepted. Though personally what's making Columbia such a big deal for me is a combination of the name and being able to be around all of my friends - and potentially not being tied to Nashville. You said that when you visited it seemed like they had a lot of amazing connections -- do you think it seemed like a common thing for graduates to secure good jobs on the coasts? I actually worry about the 1 year thing in relation to the PhD -- because you don't have time to complete an actual thesis (or do you do that at Harvard?). And it seems like that is what would help your PhD applications the most. At TC you do an IP (Integrated Project) which is only 25 pages long... but at Vanderbilt you actually do a real thesis and devote a lot of time to it. Actually a professor at Vanderbilt told me that 28% of graduates go on to pursue a PhD... for my program at TC that rate is 9%. That may not necessarily mean anything, though. I am also generally interested in working to reform the education system... but on a more comparative level, as I have so much teaching experience in Japan and have seen some amazing policies that american schools would do well to adopt and vice versa. It makes me feel better that you also aren't 100% sure yet what your focus is!

ASzofer - your advice is very good. I think my problem is.... and I'm embarrassed to say this, but I don't know what my specific goals are. I mean, I put together a nice statement of purpose, but when I read the websites of these programs, I feel that I could go so many different directions. From policy making, to academic research and going on to pursue a PhD.... and then when I think about geographic area of focus alone, I get confused. I have 4 years of teaching experience in Japan, but there isn't much job demand for anything Japan related in the professional / educational world (and I'm pretty sure that regardless of what I do I want to be based in the US in the future). Should I just forget about Japan then, and focus on policy studies in the US? Given my lack of focus, I actually think the Vanderbilt program is the best option for me academically, as I feel the slower pace / 2 years would allow me to experiment more without having any specific goal in mind, and develop my interests. On the other hand... I am terrified of being confined to the south / midwest (because I grew up there, and have every intention of living on one of the coasts in the future). I somehow feel that getting my masters degree from Vanderbilt would hold me back from competing with Columbia / Harvard graduates on the coasts... is that all just in my head? And all my friends live in New York (I went to college there), so I find the prospect of returning there to be very comforting after spending 4 years on an isolated Japanese island. Sorry for the quarter-life crisis break down rant!

これから日本語で話そう。。。笑 Thanks for the info wjdavis! Seems like you actually can complete a masters thesis at Columbia, just that it is completed off campus after your studies... I'm a little confused about how that works, guess I'll have to email someone. I'm curious as to what kind of financial aid packages other people are getting at Columbia (for MA) so please post if you feel so inclined !

I got a $6,048 scholarship per semester, bringing the tuition to about $5,000 more than what I would be paying at Vanderbilt (for 2 years). The difference is at Vanderbilt I'd have the opportunity to gain work experience (while paying my full tuition), complete a masters thesis and also a summer practicum. I just can't decide of the name & location make Columbia worth all the extra cash.. also knowing I'd be graduating without any additional relevant work experience or completed thesis. But maybe also the quality of the classes would be better at Columbia?! I really have no idea... arggh, this decision is driving me insane. wjdavis - I can't believe they didn't offer you any aid...!? Didn't you apply for a PhD program?

haha, nice to hear, Lanie! I don't have a masters. Abeiles - I think it depends on the field. I thought the same thing when I was thinking about applying for anthropology.. but I am not so sure it works that way in the field of education. I noticed that many of the applicants who were accepted into the PhD programs I wanted to go to already had their masters. I wonder if part of the reason I was rejected from PhD programs is because my focus wasn't narrow enough... I think pursuing a masters degree will help me with that as well. I have been out of academia so long... I can't really say how good my SOP actually was.

haha, well I guess 31 is young.. but I am thinking about starting a family somewhere down the road (though I don't even have a partner at the moment) so I just wonder about the timing for a PhD. Also I have been living in countryside Japan for 4 years where it's a common assumption that your life is over if you are an unmarried woman with no kids and over the age of 25 (and also going to grad school at the age of 29 even is practically unheard of), so I think the culture is getting to me a bit. When I tell people I am going to grad school next year there response is, "Oh, so you won't be able to get married then, that's so sad!" haha. I think I just need some time to reintegrate and break out of this mind set... and reading all of your comments is definitely helping, so thanks! abeilles - I have been working for 7 years... first 3 years unrelated to education but I did volunteer work even then, and the past 4 years as a teacher overseas. I had to decied to not renew my contract during this PhD application season so staying here longer is unfortunately not an option (contract is finished in July). Rather than just moving back to the US with no job lined up I think it is better to do something that will actively help me either pursue a PhD or in future career endeavors. There are tons of assitantships available in this program too, that will likely cover tuition and add to my work / research experience. I am curious though, why do you think the masters may not help much? I would think it would prove that you are capable of doing good graduate level work (provided you do well) at minimum.