neuroingrid

I'm back after a long time. My first publication is out, second one will be out soon, and the same professor who was reluctant to write me a letter of recommendation has now urged me to apply to the PhD Program under him. He has told me that I should apply to the PhD Program and start applying for grants and scholarships. And if I choose to do my PhD elsewhere, he is certainly not going to provide me with a letter of recommendation. He actually told me that. So now I think I have no other choice

See, one of the reasons I am hesitant to work with him is because although he is brilliant, he is a bit eccentric. As a woman, I feel uncomfortable working with him. I would be the first woman to work with him, and if I end up doing my PhD under him, I'd be the first woman to have had him as my mentor. Since this is the place I know for sure he isn't and will not find me, I am not just uncomfortable, but also scared to work with him. Sometimes he calls me to his office and wants me to close the door. And then its just the two of us inside his narrow office. I feel he gives me undue attention, and others are starting to notice it. He is a married gentleman with 2 daughters, the eldest being three year younger than me, I don't like the way he talks to me and looks at me, and once he wrote to me in an email to consider him a 'friend'. Well, there has been a lot that has gone on, and sometimes I don't feel like I can handle it anymore. Even today, he told me to not wear sleeveless (he is possessive of me), while other young women who do not work with him can dress up anyway they feel like, and he is just not bothered. The reason I wanted a letter of recommendation was because, I don't want all the work that I have done go down the drain and want to be recognized for it..

Well, I had another discussion with him, and he told me that until we could get animals, I could author more papers with him and he would teach me all the techniques in the department. Since today is Friday, I thought I'd dress casually, I ended up wearing a sleeveless shirt because it was raining. He told me to never wear sleeveless again and to cover up. Now for some reason, this rule seems to apply only to me, he doesn't care about what others wear!

Well, actually he once asked me, what would happen if you go, then what would I do? So at that point of time I had convinced him that I would not! So I guess I'll just keep my word Thanks a lot. I was just wondering if people had similar experiences and what were the possible reasons ...

Thank you so much for your kind advice. Actually I am not from the US, however, I do possess a graduate level degree from one of the top universities in Florida, so I do know how the American grad school system works. :)Thenn, I returned back to my home country and got accepted to this school. Here, things work slightly differently. You must have all that you think you need to be successful in an interview well in advance. Let's say that there is a guest faculty visiting this institution and is looking to hire prospective candidates, if I have all that is needed with me when he meets us, I could stand a chance. Well, what I meant was that if he cares about my career, he wants me to work with him alone and no one else. He is not willing to let me go. Yes I am very concerned abuot my career, but at least until the end of my course, I need to be able to stick with him.

Something very interesting happened. I require animals for my work. There was some problem with obtaining animals in the stipulated time. So my advisor HIMSELF WENT to the chairperson of the animals ethics committee and spoke to her informing her that if the process wasn't sped up, my work would get hindered. It looks like he really cares about my career. So I think I'll not ever ask him for a letter of recommendation ever again.

Thanks for your advice. But a senior student in the lab told me that there was once a student who just muddled up with what was assigned, but he still received a letter of recommendation. When all I did was find out what the PROCEDURE to obtain an LOR was in terms of how much time in advance the prof needed, the supporting documents such as my CV, etc, all I did was I tried to find out what the procedure to obtain an LOR was. But now since it turns out that he is reluctant, I will NEVER ask him again. I thank all of you all for your advices.

Thank you so much for your advice. Well, actually some schools ask for letters of recommendation from both the most recent institutions as well as the immediate previous institution. In my experience when I have asked for letters of recommendation from professors with whom I have worked with many years ago, they still send the same LOR that was written for me when I first asked them. Well, I think that my professor probably understood that I intended to apply elsewhere, which was why he was probably angry. Today, he spent most of his time praising me for trivial things and I didn't understand why he was doing so. But now when you suggested that he probably assumes that he thinks I'm applying elsewhere and not intending to work with him for my PhD, he is outrightly refusing to write me a letter. I just wonder what to do!

Well, because if I have to apply elsewhere, I will have the sealed envelope in hand, which I can hand in on the spot. In some cases, there are interviews and people do get selected on the spot. (provided they have completed all other formalities).

See, actually I didn't mention this earlier, but the thing is that while we were still rotating in different departments, on numerous occasions HE asked me to do my dissertation with him. Then once I consented, he told me that he had long-term ideas for my PhD project. Then he indirectly asked me if I had plans of applying elsewhere. When I said, "No", he was jubilant! I wonder how he will react if he gets to know of my plans to apply elsewhere. The reason I wanted a definite answer (either yes or no) is because, if he doesn't, I'll probably work elsewhere where the chances of obtaining one is cent percent.

Well, the reason I said that the letter was for my personal reference is that I wanted to be as tactful as was possible. Since he wants me to work with him for my PhD, I felt that if I would bluntly state i wanted to apply elsewhere, he would yell at me. But at all times that I have asked, he seems to have rejected my request. Also, I do know that I am not allowed to see letters of recommendation. At all times, I have always waived my right. And even in this case, I wanted to obtain a letter that was sealed in an envelope. But, I wanted a letter.

Thanks so much for your post. Actually since I am new to this forum, for some reason, I really do not know why my post appeared the way it has. i tried to get it to normal readable fonts, but I couldn't. Sorry once more. It wasn't deliberate. Well, actually, I have already authored 2 publications with him. The first has been accepted for publcation which will be in print shortly. The second one has been edited. The current project that I am on is in collaboration with another lab in another department. So that would take some time to plan and execute. Also, since the application deadlines for other PhD programs are fast approaching, and since it has been over 8 months since I have worked with this professor, (I officially got placed in his lab last month, but I was working with him since October of last year), I thought it would be just well on time to request a letter of recommendation before he got too busy and was away on say a conference. Well, my point is, do any of you'll feel like he will or will not write me a letter of recommendation?

I am in the second year of my 2 year Master of Philosophy course. I will spend this entire year conducting research in a particular lab in a particular department. Unlike my colleagues, my research supervisor / mentor/ thesis guide / major professor himself approached me and asked me to work with him. In this school, there was an entrance exam for which there were only two seats, I had topped the merit list. I will be working with this professor until the end of March next year. So far, I have one paper that has been accepted for publication, the second paper has been drafted that needs to be edited and sent for publication. My professor treats me very well, he considers me as his friend and colleague, and goes out of his way to support me. Two weeks ago, I approached him in his office to inquire about the procedure to obtain a letter of recommendation. He seemed to have been quite taken aback at my query. So he asked, "What do you need a letter of recommendation for?". To which I replied, "I have obtained a letter of recommendation from every lab I have worked as a research assistant, it's for my reference". Then, he said, "Your stint is till the 31st of March, why are you asking for a letter of recommendation this early?" Then I said that I wasn't asking for a LOR right away, but just the procedure to obtain one. I planned on asking him this early, just in case he was busy during that time of the year. Before approaching my major professor, I had asked his senior students for advice regarding this issue. Two of his senior most students told me that he was very good in writing supportive letters of recommendation for all of the students who had worked with him. My major professor is internationally renowned with numerous research publications in very high impact factor journals. My seniors told me that this was the first time in his entire career that he had asked a student to work with him. Usually, practically every student wants to work with him, and he takes only outstanding students, but in my case, since he had asked me, I couldn't refuse. Yesterday, he seemed to have been very pleased with my work, so I took the opportunity to ask him again. This time I said, "What are your expectations so that I can earn a letter of recommendation?" The look on his face startled me. His expression was that of hurt / dismay / anger / fear. Then he said, "What did you say, say again?" Then I was so initimidated that I said, "I felt that I have not been meeting your expectations". To which he replied, "No. You have been doing very well. Just continue doing your work and start writing". After my conversation with him yesterday, I still feel like I am in a dilemma. I still do not understand if he is willing or unwilling to write me a letter of recommendation, and if he does not want to write one for me, what might be his reason for his reluctance? Is it because he doesn't want to let go of me? In fact, he had asked me to stay with him for my PhD as well by telling me that he had many ideas for a long-term PhD project for me. I would be very grateful for insights and advices. Thanks in advance!