The PhD Application feels thread

[samman1994]

Hello Everyone,

So initially, I planned to make this about rejection letters themselves, or the awful silence of schools and the doubt and anxiety that follows it, but I decided we should have a feels thread for the entire process. The whole thing is just anxiety filled. From getting terrible test scores on your GRE all the way to the rejection letter itself. 

Personally, I've had 2 moments I would consider soul crushing during my application process this year. The first was when I received a 149Q on my GRE when I'm trying to apply to Biochem. After weeks of studying, a lot of money and stress later, I am left with a score that is unusable for my field. Granted I retook it and did better the second time around, but sitting there behind the monitor as it loads up your score and shows you that 149 was really just emotionally draining. Really made me reconsider my entire PhD quest for a little while, wondering if it meant I just wasn't smart enough or ready for a PhD in general. 

The 2nd time are these rejection letters. I aimed a lot higher than my scores and grades would place me at, so I expected to get some rejections if not all. But getting rejection emails still sting and are a bit demoralizing. Especially when you tell people where you're applying, and not only do you have to live with the disappointment of yourself, but you have the disappointment of others when they start asking you what the schools said. It's come to a point that I'm not even going to ask my friends how their application process went. If they got into a school, I'll wait for them to tell me, and if they didn't, well we act like it didn't even happen. Luckily, I have been accepted into one program, and have a good feeling about another. But I honestly can't even begin to imagine how it must feel to get rejected to all the schools you applied to, especially if you applied to like 15-20 schools or something. 

Anyways, this entire past 7 months have been super stressful and have sucked. From GRE tests, to writing SOPs, to the anxiety of getting LOR. Everything. It's made even worse because every hiccup makes me question whether I'm even ready for it or not. Regardless, my top choice is still silent (so  theirs still hope), and my 2nd choice gave me an interview, so I'm still really excited for this application process! 

[Eigen]

Think of it as preparation for the academic (or non-academic) job market, where years of rejections from hundreds of places is pretty normal. And where you never hear back from most places you apply. 

Rejection is sadly a large part of academia, and learning how to deal with it so your confidence isn't crushed is key. 

[TakeruK]

Indeed. In my postdoc job application year, the first 10 places I heard back from were all rejections, from September to February. The 11th was an offer to my first choice place! I don't know the results of the other 8 applications because I withdrew after accepting the offer, but most of them probably would be rejections too (rumors for most of the remaining places were that they had made an initial offer but waiting to hear what their candidate said).

For my field, the postdoc job season is so much longer than grad schools and there's also that extra fear that we'll get nothing and wasted the sacrifices of the last 5-7 years of grad school (not really true, obviously, but one isn't always rational when panicking).

[surprise_quiche]

@samman1994 I can relate, as my GRE scores weren't what I hoped, especially since the day-off I got the flu and puked at the testing center (side note- the staff was super nice about it and followed me around with sanitizer). I was lucky enough to have LOR that were great at communicating with me and I have a close academic relationship with.

But it's been so rough emotionally, and there are always waves of imposters syndrome that make you doubt any chance of success.

I can't wait til the process is over, but I expect that this is only the beginning in a career of anticipation with the possibility of rejection.

[samman1994]

The job market had its own pain and nightmares. I think I applied to at least 100 places before I finally found my current job. Most companies don't even respond to you. The ones that are nice usually send you an email months later telling you the job opening is now closed. Sometimes you get phone interviews, and they say we'll contact you shortly for an in person interview, and then nothing. Other times your in person interview goes great, but you still hear nothing back from the company. While the whole time you're not only thinking to yourself, am I just not good enough, what am I doing wrong, etc. But you are also financially in a bind as well, and losing money fast. I should also mention, this whole process of phones, in person, and eventual either silence or rejection takes literally months. 

The stress from this application process definitely was much less than the stress to find a job. Getting rejection letters can be a let down, but getting rejected from a job is just depressing. When I got my rejection letter, I got sad, but went back to work the next day and got over it. When I got rejected from my 20th interview in just a matter of 2 months, well that hurt a lot more. 

[PokePsych]

I fucking hate I haven't heard anything yet except one school I knew I would be rejected as I accidentally uploaded the wrong SOP (yes...; a working version). I assume at least half of my other schools have rejected me for sure but just didnt bother to send out letters/notifactions. Somehow I feel like I'm going to be very unsuccessful this cycle. That's OK. I'm fine with that - I have a plan B ready. However, I'd rather know whether I should start executing plan B or not... The waiting is the worst part really