professor-student relationship?

[TheSunnyMan]

Has anyone ever had professors flirting with them? It's definitely unprofessional and crosses boundaries, but is it normal to feel mutual attraction between you and a professor? Why would a professor flirt with their student? It's really awkward and a little uncomfortable.

[gsams]

Um. No. I work really closely with many male profs (I am female and straight) and have thankfully never felt that. I have also never felt that from a female prof, either. That would be very, very wrong and uncomfortable. Very unprofessional, as I am still an undergrad and they would either be teaching me or overseeing my thesis. My one advisor is old enough to be my grandfather. He's a mentor and would never cross that line - ever, ever, ever. If you are feeling this and don't know what to do, I would consider confiding in a superior that you DO trust - perhaps the head of your program if that person will listen. This is not acceptable.

[Genomic Repairman]

No its not normal and I've seen it get both the grad student and the professor booted out of the institution before. As far as why professors flirt, some of them just like to toss their proverbial fishing lines out in the water and troll for some ass, some have a horrible relationship or marriage that they are currently in, and some just don't give a damn. Either way stay far far away from it.

[Stokely]

My university is very small, so is my department. I've never seen anything like this and no one has ever mentioned anything like this (doesn't mean it hasn't happened).

Each August at the beginning of the new school year, the grad students and profs come together for new grad student orientation. They go through the usual do's and don'ts of grad school. They always save the sexual harassment speech for last, but it is the longest part of the program.

Of course, most of us are so old, profs and grad students included, that coming on to an undergrad (who are generally quite young) would be just way too weird. Again, doesn't mean it hasn't happened or isn't happening, but if anything ever came to light it would surprise many of us.

As for my relationship with my profs, I just couldn't imagine anything ever happening like that. Probably the only inappropriate thing that's ever happened in my department was once we hosted a conference that coincided with a grad student's birthday. He had a soiree at his house after the final day of the conference. The grad coordinator was there along with many other profs. While most of the profs left after about an hour, the grad coordinator remained, drinking Jager and chasing it with beers. He's a really funny guy, an attack dog in his class, but still has a great sense of humor. Anyway, he passed out on the floor at the grad student's house while the party continued to rage until dawn. We partied over him.

He's come to our parties since then, but doesn't stay long. Also he's got a new love interest at a nearby college (a prof there) and so he's mellowed out. Still, we tell the story of this guy passed out on dude's floor pretty often and I'm sure the prof would like to forget it.

[anxiousapplicant]

No, never, they treat me like their 7 year old daughter. Although sometimes I want them, especially the yummy old ones.

[Firled]

No its not normal and I've seen it get both the grad student and the professor booted out of the institution before. As far as why professors flirt, some of them just like to toss their proverbial fishing lines out in the water and troll for some ass, some have a horrible relationship or marriage that they are currently in, and some just don't give a damn. Either way stay far far away from it.

I have been at two institutions as a graduate student where I have witnessed inappropriate graduate student/faculty relationships. One married female professor left her spouse for a graduate student. Another married professor open-mouth kissed a female grad student at a party. There is a great movie called Elegy starring Penelope Cruz and Ben Kingsley about faculty/graduate student affairs.

[rising_star]

I have been at two institutions as a graduate student where I have witnessed inappropriate graduate student/faculty relationships. One married female professor left her spouse for a graduate student. Another married professor open-mouth kissed a female grad student at a party. There is a great movie called Elegy starring Penelope Cruz and Ben Kingsley about faculty/graduate student affairs.

Maybe I'm missing something here but is it really inappropriate for someone to leave their spouse for a graduate student? Firled, did you know anything about the state of the marriage that ended? I only ask because at my MA program there is a professor who married his former graduate student. While some may think that the relationship with the grad student led to the dissolution of the marriage, it was actually more complicated than that. The prof's (now ex-)wife was unhappy, moved a few states away, waited for him to get promoted to full professor and receive a salary raise, then promptly filed for divorce. So, I guess my point to Firled and everyone else is that we may not be in the position to pass judgment on what others do.

[StrangeLight]

some would argue that any relationship between a grad student and a faculty member is inappropriate, even if both are single. personally, i don't think it's a big deal if the student and the prof are in different subfields and the prof won't ever actually teach the grad student. i do think it's inappropriate when profs date their advisees. any situation where the prof has some control over the student's career just screams uneven power relations. some people don't think that's a big deal, and i guess it would depend on the individuals involved, but in general... dating your prof, rather than a prof, is a no-no. it happens, though. a lot.

[Tinoply]

Professors coming onto/dating students is certainly taboo to a lot of people, but I think as long as there isn't a conflict of interests (i.e. they get romantically involved while the student is taking said professor's class), it shouldn't be such a big deal. I am somewhat biased, I suppose, seeing as how my dad was my mom's undergrad chemistry professor before they started dating and my husband was the TA of my freshman composition course a few years before we got involved. Like I said, though, as long as no lines are crossed with a prof while taking his/her class, there's nothing really wrong with it. In fact, I highly endorse marrying a former teacher!

[liszt85]

At one of the Phd programs I interviewed at recently (a large state university) a professor was dating one of the students in the same department's Phd program. Granted, the professor and student were in different subfields. I personally don't mind that kind of thing but I can foresee situations in which it could become really thorny. Imagine if that student were given a funding award that was decided by a committee that the professor was on. Then imagine that you're a student who lost out on that funding...would you wonder if the other student's relationship with the professor had any influence?

If you got to know this just by visiting, I'm sure they are aware of it too. These things are done with a certain level of professionalism. He would just sit out of such a meeting. My adviser is on many a funding committee but he would sit out if I was going to be one of the applicants. Something similar would be done if one of the committee members was known to be involved with an applicant.

[bon to the jour]

I'm sure there are some wonderful, romantic-comedy-worthy student/professor relationships out there. But in most scenarios, it just seems like a really excellent way to destroy your reputation as a qualified academic while simultaneously tanking your professor's career. Some say two birds, one stone; I say, just don't do it.

[Postbib Yeshuist]

Has anyone ever had professors flirting with them? It's definitely unprofessional and crosses boundaries, but is it normal to feel mutual attraction between you and a professor? Why would a professor flirt with their student? It's really awkward and a little uncomfortable.

A similar situation happened with a friend of mine. The professor was a bit too "chummy," giving gifts, etc. She reported it to the sexual harassment task force (or whatever it was) and the professor's contract was allowed to expire and he was placed on sabbatical until such time. His shot at tenure was destroyed. At another school I attended, a professor and student actually engaged in "inappropriate relations," leading to his eventual firing and her dismissal from the program. His wife also divorced him as a result.

Relationships between professors and students are "wrong" because of the power differential involved. It is not so much that a professor and student can't legitimately fall in love (the second example above resulted in their getting married and, as far as I know, remaining committed 10 years hence). The problem is that the questions of how power may have influenced emotions are impossible to answer. The bottom line is that a relationship between a prof and student who work together is decidedly unethical (though not necessarily immoral) and can result in dire consequences for one or both, depending on the circumstances (e.g. whether it was mutual or one-sided, etc).

Edited March 29, 2010 by Postbib Yeshuist