so how are you holding up?

[cesada]

This process is so incredibly stressful - applying, waiting, being rejected, being waitlisted, and even being accepted and trying to figure out where you should enroll. I have felt isolated and anxious since the day I registered for the GRE and started working on my writing sample.

So - how are you feeling? How are you dealing with whatever circumstances you are in? Happy stories are welcome too :-)

Just thought I would ask.

[crutch]

This process is so incredibly stressful - applying, waiting, being rejected, being waitlisted, and even being accepted and trying to figure out where you should enroll. I have felt isolated and anxious since the day I registered for the GRE and started working on my writing sample.

So - how are you feeling? How are you dealing with whatever circumstances you are in? Happy stories are welcome too :-)

Just thought I would ask.

Honestly, I feel like loads of crap right now. I'll get over it, but, like many others here, this application round has been hell for me.

And to think, when I applied for a master's program two years ago I went 1 for 1. My application was much worse than this one, I had no clue how admissions worked, and I wasn't stressed out at all! I didn't even think of applying to more than one program. What a lucky application round that one was!

Edited March 5, 2010 by crutch

[tortola23]

I'm not feeling very positive about getting in anywhere, so I've been focusing on getting excited about moving this summer. I have no idea where I'll be going, but I'm not moving back home! It's going to be a year of something totally different: not being in school. So I'm going to do my best to enjoy it and have a great time.

[PaperChaser]

I'm not feeling very positive about getting in anywhere, so I've been focusing on getting excited about moving this summer. I have no idea where I'll be going, but I'm not moving back home! It's going to be a year of something totally different: not being in school. So I'm going to do my best to enjoy it and have a great time.

I don't know about yall, but I wish someone would make the decision FOR me! Will it always feel like the grass is greener on the other side?

[Branwen daughter of Llyr]

I'm hanging in there - learning as much as I can from these boards and other ppl's experiences and planning for next year's app round.

Despite being positive I would get rejected this year, it still stings a little when the rejection letter arrives. I guess no matter how well we prepare ourselves emotionally, there is always an underlying little ray of hope...

So I'm trying to concentrate on next year's round. That, and dealing with other life-altering-issues that are cropping up daily. Like a massive job dilemma coming my way. Oh boy.

[hopefulJ2010]

i was CONVINCED i'd be rejected to all 13 of the programs i applied to (mix of MA and PhD-- mostly PhD), and have to go to a city school that is very unfriendly commute-wise for me, or continue at my undergrad (no PhD program) which is a better but still annoying commute, expensive and the same 'ol faculty (who i lovelove). i spent nights awake; when i was sleeping they were often nightmares of various sorts. my first rejection came from a 70's ranked large state school who denied me to both their MA & PhD! my second rejection came from my top choice- a top 20 state school that I visited and LOVED but knew was a long-shot. i was sitting eating lunch at school with two friends, probably in the depths of despair when i auto-checked my blackberry, clicked an email labeled "school x's graduate program" without even really knowing I was about to open a letter with a decision. i had visited and definitely liked school x-- it was up there on my list... VOILA accepted to the terminal MA with a chance to continue to the PhD based on my academic standing after 2 years. best part=tuition remission and hefty stipend for the part of the country it is in. the next day i got acceptance #2 from a more prestigious program but in an undesirable location and sans a cent so I won't be attending.

two days ago i was rejected from mid-ranked large state school numero dos- also not that desirable of a location and an ivy league school which woulda been nice but never was really happening. i'm sitting on one implicit rejection (nyu-- not called for an interview), but i really don't care about going there since i'm from the city and aren't drawn to the location like many people. i'm waiting for 6 others which i believe i have a decent shot at. if not, i have an awesome offer from a solid school.

and people, a professor mentioned to me that if you do an MA first at a school (even if they're intending on keeping you til the PhD) you can always re-apply both internally and to other higher rated schools if you'd like.

i guess the moral is, it's not over until it's over. a LOT of schools work in rounds. one of the schools i was accepted to had sent out some acceptances at the end of january and i got accepted the 2nd of march. i feel very lucky because i was torn whether or not i would go through the whole process again. stay hopeful guys! i'm not trying to lie and say i wasn't feeling apocalyptic before but seriously, some committees haven't even met (slowpokes).

...and now to my inbox. just kidding-- maybe.

[melusine]

in the depths of despair .

not sure if it was intentional, but i'm loving the Anne of Green Gables reference!

[lady_coffee]

February was rough. One minute was great, the next was - as previously mentioned - in the "depths of despair." The UCLA rejection had me crying on my bed like a baby. But somehow, this month is better. I feel like my perspective has adjusted. I'm expecting across the board rejections (currently 0/7 with 5 more to go, several of which are implicit rejections), but I've begun to approach this - and my time on the gradcafe - as an opportunity to learn, improve, and remember why I really want this. I want to do this, so I will. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and I know that even though it'd be great to get into a program this year, I will be an even better applicant next year - older, hopefully wiser, and more focused. Really, all I've lost this round is my pride, and that is something that I can stand to lose.

[hopefulJ2010]

not sure if it was intentional, but i'm loving the Anne of Green Gables reference!

it wasn't i'm just always dramatic. my favorites are "depths of despair" and "enmeshed in a web of misery" haha.

[Kam]

At first I was a complete mess, sleeping just a couple hours each night and checking my phone, email, and the results page pretty much every other second (including during quick breaks in classes). I'm usually a very relaxed person, but this process completely destroyed my zen attitude.

Then I got my first acceptance and I thought I'd feel relief and/or happiness, but it never really came. While the program is great, and the DGS was more than enthusiastic, I'm not too keen about the location or the prospect of living there for at least 2 years, and maybe 6. Even when I would picture myself at the school, taking classes, learning, and doing what I want to do, as soon as the facts of the location hit me, the interest fades almost immediately. So even with the acceptance, I still felt like I was in limbo.

Then I got a second acceptance and I was over-the-top with my excitement. I'd put the program on my list a year before and it had never left, and I loved the location and what I knew of the program and I think I told everyone who would listen within 5 minutes of getting the email. My acceptance high didn't falter until I spoke to the DGS and was completely turned off bu virutally everything I learned about the program. It had gone from being one of my dream schools to being a place I could never see myself happily attending or gaining notable experience from for later.

Once again, I was back to my anxious, worried, zen-less state, with 4 programs left to hear from. 3 of those, it seems, are implied rejections at this point. 2 have sent all acceptances, and 1 doesn't have any acceptances logged on results, but it's a very small program and if past timelines mean anything, I should be receiving a rejection by post any day now.

For some reason, after realizing that a great match wasn't at all, that I probably wasn't even on the radar of three dream schools, and the logical, and only, choice just doesn't feel right, I've suddenly become completely zen again. I don't know why--it isn't like I have a job lined up or significant amounts of money saved, or any plan whatsoever--but I feel almost completely at peace with the thought that I might end up turning down my only two acceptances (which seems crazy, I know) to end up with nothing...but I think I've come to the conclusion that if I'm going to do this, I have to do it right and be all for it from all angles. Not that my one school would be settling, but I don't want to settle, if that makes any sense.

So, to answer the question, I guess I'm holding up quite well right now.

[Katia_chan]

I've gone from being a nervous wreck, to a very "meh" state. I've gotten 2 rejections, and while they were both good programs, and ones I would have liked to go to, I was not as upset as I expected. I think maybe part of that was resignation; my confidence has been utterly absent during this whole process.

But now one of my top choices is making decisions, and I haven't heard a word, so I'm back at being ready to throw up with anxiety. I think getting rejected from this program would be one of the decisions that would really hurt my heart. It's a good location, faculty look pretty good, and I just really liked the feel I got from them.

Does anyone else feel like this process is making them a bipolar mess?

[PaperChaser]

I've gone from being a nervous wreck, to a very "meh" state. I've gotten 2 rejections, and while they were both good programs, and ones I would have liked to go to, I was not as upset as I expected. I think maybe part of that was resignation; my confidence has been utterly absent during this whole process.

But now one of my top choices is making decisions, and I haven't heard a word, so I'm back at being ready to throw up with anxiety. I think getting rejected from this program would be one of the decisions that would really hurt my heart. It's a good location, faculty look pretty good, and I just really liked the feel I got from them.

Does anyone else feel like this process is making them a bipolar mess?

YES! At first I did the (over the holidays) "I'll just have a glass of wine and some sugar cookies while I toil retyping my master's thesis [because I am old enough to have typed my MA thesis ON A TYPEWRITER]..." but then I gained..um, 15?..pounds and HAD to find some other way to deal with being a trainwreck. (Plus, the semi-drunken typing turned out to be a really stupid idea.) I'm not a high-anxiety person, so this "apply-wait-make life altering decision" process is not my cup of tea. I can handle the Court of Appeals briefs and the crazy clients and the screaming managing partner. I can handle the 18 hour days that make me realize I'm actually barely making minimum wage. I can't seem to handle PICKING a freaking school.

I finally get what I wanted all along (acceptances! an escape from the law! reprieve from the crushing weight of the glass ceiling!), and now I'm the deer in the headlights who needs a lot more time than just April 15th to make a decision. Is anyone else in the same boat - acceptances at comparable schools - and totally confused as to which one to pick? The one closest to home? The biggest stipend? The highest ranked program? (Unlike most of the people on here, I am NOT choosing from among extremely competitive programs like Harvard, Berkeley, etc...none of the schools I applied to have appeared anywhere on this forum, so...) EEEEEEK, someone wise please offer some advice as to picking, since I can't seem to make a dang choice.

[Liesje]

I was absolutely fine, mainly just focusing on finishing up my English MA program, until I got an acceptance from Loyola, and since I've been really nervous and haven't really heard anything from my other 11 schools. Application psychology is pretty bizarre, I was initially thinking that I just want to get into 1 program early so I can relax, but now my expectations are shifting upwards. 11 no's would make me feel absolutely awful, and the possibility is already starting to sap the elation I should be experiencing.

[mityak]

I'm about ready to start looking for a job for next year. Is anyone else in the same boat? This was a severely disappointing round.

[U4RiiA]

I actually just reread Anne of Green Gables. When I'm stressed, I look for comfort books. It's so bad I almost went back through the entire series.

The only thing holding me together right now is the release of Final Fantasy 13 tomorrow night, which is conveniently during Spring Break. Hooray for distractions and fortuitous timing.

Oh, and the meeting with a career counselor that I've scheduled towards the end of the month. Hopefully she can help me pick up the pieces.

[melusine]

I actually just reread Anne of Green Gables. When I'm stressed, I look for comfort books. It's so bad I almost went back through the entire series.

lol! that's what I did when I was transferring universities after my first year. Had to stop when I got to "Rainbow Valley" though. The Mrs Doctor business was too much for me!

Right now, I'm finding solace in watching re-runs of Rome. Whatever terrible that's happening in my life cannot possibly be as bad as whatever revenge Attia has planned for Savilia!

[intextrovert]

Right now, I'm finding solace in watching re-runs of Rome. Whatever terrible that's happening in my life cannot possibly be as bad as whatever revenge Attia has planned for Savilia!

I LOVE Rome! It's so good. But it gets so dark in the second season, after Julius is gone. Seeds of the fall of Rome and all, but it's depressing as hell to watch.

Also, j'adore the Apollinaire poem in your signature.

[bookchica]

I'm about ready to start looking for a job for next year. Is anyone else in the same boat? This was a severely disappointing round.

Yep. On to looking for jobs. Ugh! Right? I think I'm done being severely depressed. The tears have stopped, I think, until final rejection #7 comes along (currently 0 for 6). I will probably be back here next year. Hoping and stressing. This really does suck.

As a way of looking on the bright side, I talked with a friend who has her Ph.D from USC. She graduated several years ago. She says only 1 or 2 of her classmates have tenure-track jobs. Some, like her, are lucky to have lecturer positions, but most have found their way to other fields. Perhaps not making it in, isn't the worst case? Getting a Ph.D, after all, could be like getting a law degree and never passing the bar exam (yes, it happens quite frequently to people such as my brilliant father, who became a successful engineer)....

[woolfie]

I have to admit, I feel a little bit envious and bitter (no hard feelings though) about the people who are stressed out who have been accepted somewhere. Though I applied to only 3 programs and I am not taking it personally (next year I am able to apply for more, as location will not matter next year), it sucks to not get in anywhere. I feel really bad for the people who are 0/17 of just 0 for anything. So to the people who are stressed and didn't get into their top program, but you got in somewhere, you should feel really blessed and confident in your writing abilities. This year was a record year, the two English programs I got into had record applications. And at the samet time, programs are slashing their incoming student numbers. So hopefully that makes a few people feel better, and to the people who are also 0/whatever, I think I'm about to join you.