Feedback on AWA Issue Task Please!

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Hello! I'm studying for the GRE and have been practicing my writing. If anyone could offer suggestions on how I did, or suggestions to improve, that would be awesome. Thanks in advance.

Topic: As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

 

My Response:

Throughout time, the rate of aquring knowledge has increased at an exponential rate. Through the acquisition of more knowledge and research, some of the greatest inventions have been made, leaving a great and lasting impact on society. Overall, as we aquire more knowledge, things become tend to bemore comprehensible.

One example of how acquiring knowledge makes something more comprehensible is the invention of the smart watch.  The smart watch is a device that a person wears that collects data about a person’s sleep and fitness levels throughout the day. The smart watch presents this data, as well as an analysis of the information, to the user.  This knowledge can be helpful  because it helps us understand the interworkings of our bodies. A common data element that smart watches capture are our sleep patterns. The watch records how much time per night we are in light, deep, and REM sleep.  This knowledge can help us determine if we are getting a good night’s sleep, and how we can change our behaviors to improve our lives.  The invention of a smart watch and the resulting comprehension of our body’s sleep system was all triggered by someone who acquired knowledge of technology and decided to invent the device.

A second example of how learning more about something leads us to understanding is the field of psychology as a whole. As more research is conducted by psychologists, we learn more about the motivatons of people. This knowledge of psychology can be used in endless contexts, but one example is learning and development. Through understanding the motivations of people and how our brain’s store and access information, we can optimize the presentation of material to students, so that they can learn more efficiently. In turn, when people learn more, they are more productive. The only reason humans understand the best way to teach others is because psychologists gained the knowledge of how a human’s brain works.

However, even though knowledge creates understanding of previous questions, it can also produce even more questions based on our new understanding of a subject. For example, in the 1980’s we learned that AIDS was caused by HIV.  This was an important discovery that lead to understanding the disease in the medical community. However, this lead to even more questions about the sources of HIV, and what kind of measures we could take as a society to combat the issue as a whole.  Sometimes it is true that we simple don’t know what we don’t know.

Overall, as humans gain more knowledge, things become more comprehensible. As time has gone on, the human race has learned more about many important topics, which has lead to a society that can invent amazing technologies, help others to learn, and heal disease.