How to make a complaint against my prof

[dikaion2016]

Hi all.

 

I did my master's program in France and this year, I applied to PhD schools in the US. During the application process, however, I had a very experience with my master thesis supervisor (French, research prof), so I am wondering how to deal with this issue.

At the end of November, she said she would submit the recommendation letter that I drafted whenever she could. But even after the deadline on Dec 15th, she did not upload the letter to several schools. I sent her reminders through the schools' application systems, wrote her a personal email, but she did not answer. A day after, I contacted those schools' admission offices to ask whether it is fine for my prof to submit the letter even after the deadline. Many schools said yes, and the earliest deadline would be Dec 20th.  So I sent her an email, saying that the letter should be arrive by then, with attaching screenshots of the replies that I received from those schools.

Then she replied to me, with ccing these schools admission staff, blaming that I was very rude, inconsiderate, and she was not committed to submitting the letter. She argued that she gave me a huge favor by submitting the letter three years in a row (yes true, but all drafted by me), and blamed that I did not invest enough time on my research proposal. I was shocked at her email, so I just replied to all that I am sorry if there's any misunderstanding, but I understood, based on our correspondence, that she would write the letter. I replaced her with another prof right away, and I am almost finishing the application procedure.

Now I feel that she falsely blamed me of being rude, and her reaction was not proportionate at all. She could have just replied to me that she could not submit the letter anymore, instead of ignoring my emails for the 15 days since she said she would submit a letter, nor ccing the school staff.  I want to file a complaint against her, so that she would not interact with students in the future, for fear that someone can experience what I just had.

Does anyone know how to do so in France? I am also open to your thoughts and ideas about how to deal with this issue.

Thanks.

Edited December 18, 2019 by dikaion2016

[ChooseHappily]

wow. Sorry to hear about your situation. I'm glad that you were able to find another professor quickly.

I don't know who you could reach out to, but I would be cautious about reporting her because there may very well be a misunderstanding here, and reporting her may add more negativity to the situation that would do no good in the long run (since no one else knows what really transpired, except for you and her... and reporting her may hurt you more - due to word getting around - than not reporting her hurts other students). This professor has submitted letters in previous years (even if she didn't write them), meaning that: A. she has not acted this way before and actually has been helping you, repeatedly, and B. she is probably helping other students out by doing the same. If she felt that you were rude, that's her perspective, and while she definitely shouldn't have tried to sabotage you (seriously, that's really awful...), she is entitled to her opinion - it honestly sounds like a cultural or generational clash to me without knowing more/enough.

Since this just happened to you, it's fresh and you might be pretty shaken up. Do you best to relax, take a break from applications maybe, and let it roll off your shoulders. Clearly you have other professors willing to help you, and I think admissions will take that into account. Also, admissions is going to see that she isn't being professional... which reflects on her, not on you. However, if you can include a very brief and concise statement in the upcoming applications that can help to explain what happened with her recommendation, I recommend that - something like "I am disappointed that Dr. Soandso was unable to write a letter of recommendation. She has been so supportive in the past, and had agreed to submit letters of recommendation for my applications this year. I was surprised and upset by her email to the admissions office, but am grateful to Dr. Otherperson for agreeing to step in as a recommender at the last minute." This helps you to take the high road a bit.

For the applications that have already been submitted, just move ahead... reach out to professions as appropriate, continue to be highly professional, and don't mention the letter.

 

interested to see what other people have to say.

Edited December 18, 2019 by ChooseHappily

[dikaion2016]

10 hours ago, ChooseHappily said:

wow. Sorry to hear about your situation. I'm glad that you were able to find another professor quickly.

I don't know who you could reach out to, but I would be cautious about reporting her because there may very well be a misunderstanding here, and reporting her may add more negativity to the situation that would do no good in the long run (since no one else knows what really transpired, except for you and her... and reporting her may hurt you more - due to word getting around - than not reporting her hurts other students). This professor has submitted letters in previous years (even if she didn't write them), meaning that: A. she has not acted this way before and actually has been helping you, repeatedly, and B. she is probably helping other students out by doing the same. If she felt that you were rude, that's her perspective, and while she definitely shouldn't have tried to sabotage you (seriously, that's really awful...), she is entitled to her opinion - it honestly sounds like a cultural or generational clash to me without knowing more/enough.

Since this just happened to you, it's fresh and you might be pretty shaken up. Do you best to relax, take a break from applications maybe, and let it roll off your shoulders. Clearly you have other professors willing to help you, and I think admissions will take that into account. Also, admissions is going to see that she isn't being professional... which reflects on her, not on you. However, if you can include a very brief and concise statement in the upcoming applications that can help to explain what happened with her recommendation, I recommend that - something like "I am disappointed that Dr. Soandso was unable to write a letter of recommendation. She has been so supportive in the past, and had agreed to submit letters of recommendation for my applications this year. I was surprised and upset by her email to the admissions office, but am grateful to Dr. Otherperson for agreeing to step in as a recommender at the last minute." This helps you to take the high road a bit.

For the applications that have already been submitted, just move ahead... reach out to professions as appropriate, continue to be highly professional, and don't mention the letter.

 

interested to see what other people have to say.

Thanks for your reply. I secured five profs/employer, so I could quickly replace her.

Your comments of A and B about her are correct, and I agree with your saying that feeling rude is subjective. But ccing school admission staff in that blaming email was way too much. I feel, as she felt I was rude, that this is obviously a form of abusing her power/status as a professor and recognize it as a violence. 

You are right. I guess opening the fight against her will be more harmful to me than to her. So my thought now is to contact to the vice president/president of the school/university after I receive all the results from the applications probably in March.

One question is whether it is effective to write that statement (explaining the situation) to the admission office at the three schools that were cced by her. I am not sure about the application procedure, but I don't think the staff (graduate program coordinator or so) will participate in the admission process. My concern is if sending this brief statement will bring the attention from the admission committee to the factor that could have been neglected. It will be very helpful if you can give me your thoughts on this point.

Overall, I sincerely appreciate your reply. It is really comforting and allows me to reflect from a distance.

Thank you a lot!

Edited December 18, 2019 by dikaion2016

[ChooseHappily]

I'm glad I could offer some sort of support - what she did is wrong. Your question about whether to submit the statement with your remaining applications is a good one, but unfortunately, I don't have a good answer. In the US, I know some programs are very small and the program coordinators who receive admissions emails are pretty involved - they know the faculty and the students. That said, I recommend getting some advice from any faculty mentors you can. I made friends with someone at a cafe recently who ended up offering me great advice - he isn't even in my field and is a retired professor. Ask someone with insight to admissions processes.

I think reporting her only after you receive responses from programs is a good idea. I agree that her behavior is an abuse of power, and should not be tolerated. You're doing the right thing, I'm just not sure the best way to handle it - if she's tenured, the best they can do it probably keep your complaint on file to build a case, and maybe that's enough to stop further abuses.

 

[Sigaba]

On 12/17/2019 at 5:56 PM, dikaion2016 said:

I am also open to your thoughts and ideas about how to deal with this issue.

I very strongly disagree with this professor's decision to cc the schools' admissions offices when she blasted you by email and I understand how she can consider your behavior rude. As you read, please keep in mind that my understanding of her argument doesn't make what she did okay or that I agree. (I will circle back to this point in a bit.)

By the way you communicated with the admissions offices, she thinks that you made her look bad because it looks like she's being managed by a student. From her perspective, if I'm correct, this perception is especially onerous because missed the deadline may not really be the deadline For all you know, because you're on the outside looking in, she may well know that the deadline isn't really the deadline and that you're applications are not going to be impacted by her letters arriving after the due date.

I don't know if you've had the opportunity to do a lot of reading here, but the issue of late LoRs comes up every season, and it is horrible because it stressed the heck out of applicants.  But we never learn the other side of the story. Do late letters get applications tossed or does it depend upon who wrote the letter?

Make no mistake, I get where you're coming from. I once freaked out because a professor who was a mentor did not respond to my many prompts about a LoR that seemed to be on the path to be late. I was calling his house! He ended up getting in on time and said to me with a stern shark's smile "Don't do that again."

I also understand the desire to retaliate. I can act a fool like no one's business when I feel that I've been wronged. (Ask @telkanuru about some of the snits I'd get into with him because who remembers why...)

So, for what it's worth, my guidance to you is to do an appropriate amount of venting in an appropriate venue (like a journal or correspondence with people you trust), and then work on going on with your life.

If you decide to file a complaint or otherwise escalate the situation, I recommend the utmost caution. The bottom line is that she likely has more experience with this kind of conflict and she may end up cleaning your clock in ways you won't realize for years, if ever. Perhaps a better alternative would be to chalk this unfortunate matter to "lessons learned."

And what have you learned? You've learned that you should not trust this professor (which. to be blunt, was evident the moment she had you write your own letter of recommendation).  You've learned that it is good to have a wide enough pool of LoR writers that you can overcome a SNAFU--and this information will benefit everyone with whom you share it. And you've learned that you don't like being on the receiving end of this kind of bullshit.

This last lesson presents you with an opportunity to develop your empathy. One day, you are going to be on the other side of this equation,, You will remember how stressful it was to have someone not be on time and then be uncommunicative, and then vindictive. So you may be able to say "Hey, I need to buckle down and bang out these documents I promised," and "Hey, I need to reply to these email messages and let this person know what's going on," and "Hey, I don't like the way this person is dealing with this situation, and now I'm pissed too...but I'm going to let my temper cool, then pull person aside, straighten things out (which may include standing on someone's head in private), and then go forward from there."

 

[dikaion2016]

On 12/18/2019 at 9:03 PM, ChooseHappily said:

I'm glad I could offer some sort of support - what she did is wrong. Your question about whether to submit the statement with your remaining applications is a good one, but unfortunately, I don't have a good answer. In the US, I know some programs are very small and the program coordinators who receive admissions emails are pretty involved - they know the faculty and the students. That said, I recommend getting some advice from any faculty mentors you can. I made friends with someone at a cafe recently who ended up offering me great advice - he isn't even in my field and is a retired professor. Ask someone with insight to admissions processes.

I think reporting her only after you receive responses from programs is a good idea. I agree that her behavior is an abuse of power, and should not be tolerated. You're doing the right thing, I'm just not sure the best way to handle it - if she's tenured, the best they can do it probably keep your complaint on file to build a case, and maybe that's enough to stop further abuses.

 

As you suggested, I asked some of my professors about whether to send an email to the admission committee or not. They said I should, so I sent out emails to three schools a few days ago. One of those schools replied to me that they did receive that professor's email of blaming me, but assured that they would not attach that letter to my application. No replies from the other two schools though. By the way, your direction for how to write this email was very much helpful. I really appreciate it.

[dikaion2016]

On 12/19/2019 at 12:23 AM, Sigaba said:

I very strongly disagree with this professor's decision to cc the schools' admissions offices when she blasted you by email and I understand how she can consider your behavior rude. As you read, please keep in mind that my understanding of her argument doesn't make what she did okay or that I agree. (I will circle back to this point in a bit.)

By the way you communicated with the admissions offices, she thinks that you made her look bad because it looks like she's being managed by a student. From her perspective, if I'm correct, this perception is especially onerous because missed the deadline may not really be the deadline For all you know, because you're on the outside looking in, she may well know that the deadline isn't really the deadline and that you're applications are not going to be impacted by her letters arriving after the due date.

I don't know if you've had the opportunity to do a lot of reading here, but the issue of late LoRs comes up every season, and it is horrible because it stressed the heck out of applicants.  But we never learn the other side of the story. Do late letters get applications tossed or does it depend upon who wrote the letter?

Make no mistake, I get where you're coming from. I once freaked out because a professor who was a mentor did not respond to my many prompts about a LoR that seemed to be on the path to be late. I was calling his house! He ended up getting in on time and said to me with a stern shark's smile "Don't do that again."

I also understand the desire to retaliate. I can act a fool like no one's business when I feel that I've been wronged. (Ask @telkanuru about some of the snits I'd get into with him because who remembers why...)

So, for what it's worth, my guidance to you is to do an appropriate amount of venting in an appropriate venue (like a journal or correspondence with people you trust), and then work on going on with your life.

If you decide to file a complaint or otherwise escalate the situation, I recommend the utmost caution. The bottom line is that she likely has more experience with this kind of conflict and she may end up cleaning your clock in ways you won't realize for years, if ever. Perhaps a better alternative would be to chalk this unfortunate matter to "lessons learned."

And what have you learned? You've learned that you should not trust this professor (which. to be blunt, was evident the moment she had you write your own letter of recommendation).  You've learned that it is good to have a wide enough pool of LoR writers that you can overcome a SNAFU--and this information will benefit everyone with whom you share it. And you've learned that you don't like being on the receiving end of this kind of bullshit.

This last lesson presents you with an opportunity to develop your empathy. One day, you are going to be on the other side of this equation,, You will remember how stressful it was to have someone not be on time and then be uncommunicative, and then vindictive. So you may be able to say "Hey, I need to buckle down and bang out these documents I promised," and "Hey, I need to reply to these email messages and let this person know what's going on," and "Hey, I don't like the way this person is dealing with this situation, and now I'm pissed too...but I'm going to let my temper cool, then pull person aside, straighten things out (which may include standing on someone's head in private), and then go forward from there."

 

As you pointed out, I noticed that many schools accept late LoRs. But the fact that admission committees did not raise any issues regarding late LoRs in the past does not necessarily mean that they will take the same action this year. This is why I sent the email to those three schools. Your explanation about why my professor was upset was very helpful to understand her perspective. But, as you said, I still believe it is true that she did not fulfill her duty to write the letter (if she does not want, she should have clearly told me that she could not write the letter, so that I could find other referees) and her reaction was not reasonable at all. Your story was interesting, but I feel that your professor's reaction was more reasonable and proportionate than mine haha..

 

I know that she was not that much helpful, nor communicative, but since she was my master thesis supervisor, I had no choice but to getting the letter from her. I thought it would be awkward to get letters from other referees, except from her. I appreciate your comments to encourage me to view this horrible experience from a more constructive angle, by enumerating lessons that I can learn - developing empathy seems to me the most valuable one.  I think another valuable lesson from this experience is to find a better/nicer thesis supervisor at the doctoral school. She was not that much good in the class that I met her - many of my friends told me she's not good, but I asked her to be my supervisor because her research interests are similar to mine. But yeah, it was a huge mistake.

 

Regarding whether to file a complaint, your caution seems quite correct. As you said, it could be harmful for me since she must have dealt with this type of conflicts, considering her behavior towards students including me. At this moment, I feel obliged to file a complaint against the school, not just for myself, but for other people as well. I will contemplate on this issue by next April. 

 

Overall, I appreciate your help to view this from a different perspective. 

[DRMF]

I had a less than pleasant experience with a LoR writer as well, who was also French (but located in the US). In my case I knew that this professor didn't have much experience writing/submitting LoRs (he's very established in the field, but because he seems scary most students don't ask him for letters - which is probably wise). I've no idea how it works in France, but I could somewhat understand this behavior if French schools don't typically require this kind of effort from letter writers (I think most US supervisors understand that providing letters later on for jobs/admissions, potentially for multiple times, is a natural part of being a mentor). Maybe your supervisor never showed it in previous years, but the thought that you were asking too much of a favor was always there in her head. Or perhaps there was a true misunderstanding (e.g. you asked "Can you do X? Can we meet to talk about it?" and she replied "ok", meaning okay to talk but you thought it meant okay she'll do X).

In my case it was a much less important letter for me, but I can very much empathize with your urge to submit a complaint so that the same doesn't happen to someone else. I ended up sending an email to the department's undergrad dean briefly describing the situation, in case future students want her advice on who to ask for letters. I did this after I was all done with admissions, and the dean never responded to me. I personally would not file a formal report or complaint for this situation; I'd just do my best to informally communicate this information with relevant people (e.g. your Master's program director, or when future students considering choosing her as their supervising reaches out to you to hear about your experience), while remaining professional.