Help with Personal Statement for masters program in International Relations please!

[Moss13]

Hello,, I'm trying to apply for International Relations MA programs in the UK and I've wrote my first draft on Personal Statement. English isn't my first language so I feel there are a lot of grammatical mistakes and the context doesn't seem strong enough.

Please look over my SOP and give me feedback/advice. Thank you in advance!! 

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Personal Statement

China-US Trade War, Brexit and the EU, North Korea-US summit, and the Umbrella Movement in Hong Kong. International situation is changing dramatically by every second. The world is spinning with series of events that reshape the structure and we try surviving under the system of politics. In order to adapt to the rapidly changing international situation, it is important to proactively detect the movement of power and respond with deep knowledge of politics.

Throughout my life I have experienced a wide range of cultures- I was born in South Korea but I grew up in Egypt during my childhood and sought degree in the United States. The whole experience of an Asian growing up under different circumstances in different regions gave me a new perspective and a genuine fascination in analyzing world affairs, politics and the way international organizations and states interact to each other.

My early enthusiasm to international relations in academia sparked from the Arab Spring movements around MENA region in 2010. After experiencing a huge flame of pro-democratic movement while in Egypt, I searched the answer to the question ‘What factors brought the people out in the street to shout for their democracy?’ and ‘What different factors can be compared to influence each states in MENA region in the movement?’ I tried to understand not only the domestic factors such as culture, economy, history, and politics but also the idea of foreign policy with the relations among international organizations and nations. With the collection of supporting documents on both factors, I wrote my bachelor’s thesis ‘Arab Spring: Its Causes and Consequences.’

What I found more fascinating as I pursue International Studies degree was the diversity and complexity of factors that influence the political and social system among nations. Factors such as organizations, political behavior, economic development, and domestic and foreign policy can be applied to analyze current state of affairs. By applying an empirical approach with domestic and foreign factors, I would like to compare political system in Asia region.

Away from academia, I was awarded with the academic scholarships in the university. I have managed a fundraising project ‘Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF’ as a secretary of the UNICEF university club. After graduating, I participated in several voluntary activities at the local youth shelter and acted as a mentor to the children and tutored them after school. As a member of administration team of a non-profit organization ‘Mystery Bus’, I coordinated weekly meetings to discuss monthly voluntary projects and to train staffs. I have also volunteered as an operator in the Beautiful Store Foundation organization and got involved in the sale of donated items and managed a ‘Hope Sharing Project’ that provides educational support to the underprivileged people in Cheonan city. Above voluntary experiences have not only helped me to gain excellent time management skills but also taught me the vital skills in communication and debating.

Moreover, I served in Korean Air Force for two years since 2017 as a military police officer and a military counselor providing public safety and helping soldiers to manage psychological issues. Military is one of the key resources that measure the power of countries which strongly relates to the international political system. The service time in the military taught me leadership skills but moreover, the urge to study international relations in depth.

The institution is highly known with knowledge and scholars on international politics. The opportunity to study relating course at the institution will allow me to learn among students with passion and different perspective regarding their area of work. My long-term goal is to use my past experience and knowledge from the course to seek career in the IGOs such as UN or work with Korean Ministry of Foreign Affairs and I strongly believe that this program at your institution is the best course for me to specialize and develop a deep understanding and an excellent preparation for my future career.