To Move or Not to Move...that is the question

[JGunn3]

So here is my situation: I have been accepted to a Masters program in Psychology and will begin this fall. After that I plan to move on to the PhD and I'm one of those guys who likes to plan ahead (which I know sometimes can be bad) and I'm looking at PhD programs that grab my interest. I plan to get a degree in Social Psychology and one of the programs that fascinates me most is the Social/Behavior PhD program at Brandeis.

So here is my problem: I plan to marry my current girlfriend, and we both want kids before 30. Living in New Jersey, if I got into the program at Brandeis we would be moving there and having children during my time there as a PhD Student. She is worried, as am I, about not having family support or even anyone we know out there when we do hopefully have a child. I have been looking at programs in the NJ/Pa area, but none of them grab my interest as much as the Brandeis program. So what does everyone think? Would it be better to go to a program that looks great and not have the support of family, or have the support of family and stay closer to home?

I am aware of course that there is at least 2 years between now and that time and I'm not particularly worried about it now (i'm too excited about my Masters program) but like I said, I'm one of those guys who likes to plan things.

[Nibor6000]

Why the big rush for kids?

[JustChill]

I would think that having a degree from a program which is better suited to your interests and perhaps even more reputable would be advantageous not only to your career, but to your family as a whole. This is pure speculation, of course, but I would think that studying at a well-known program and having a degree from a place that you like would outweigh the problem of not having other family members around, once you actually move to Waltham/Boston. Since you seem to think of the long run, you should realize that this will indirectly be "better" for your family, as you'd be able to support them more reliably with a more reputable/more appropriate degree. There are always compromises that you have to make, so it's up to you and your girlfriend to decide your priorities and goals.

[UnlikelyGrad]

So here is my problem: I plan to marry my current girlfriend, and we both want kids before 30. Living in New Jersey, if I got into the program at Brandeis we would be moving there and having children during my time there as a PhD Student. She is worried, as am I, about not having family support or even anyone we know out there when we do hopefully have a child. I have been looking at programs in the NJ/Pa area, but none of them grab my interest as much as the Brandeis program. So what does everyone think? Would it be better to go to a program that looks great and not have the support of family, or have the support of family and stay closer to home?

Will your girlfriend/fiancee work after having kids? I ask because I'm trying to figure out why you need "family support." If it's for full-time childcare, there's going to be a huge discrepancy between quality of life in the two locations. If it's only for things like date night away from the kids, you can find plenty of options.

My parents lived in married student housing while my dad was in grad school (back in the late '60's, mind) and there were a decent number of other married couples with children. They participated in a babysitting co-op, for them only on an occasional basis since my mom stayed at home. But there were evidently moms working part time who traded off childcare with other part-time moms...

[njw]

I am in a similar situation... except for the kids part. We are both definitely waiting awhile. I would rather be done with school and have my hopefully final career started before I took the monumental task of being a parent. In fact, part of both of our current pursuits for bettering our education has to do with the financial and career stability before having kids...We both already live thousands of miles away, respectively in different directions of our families so, not really an option there either.

Edited July 20, 2010 by njw

[dithius_9]

Do what makes you happy. Unhappy dad = unhappy kids.

[alexis]

I would apply to a variety of programs, including Brandeis, and see what happens. Unfortunately, since PhD admissions are so difficult, you can't really bet on one school/program...so apply to various programs and then you can make your decision from there based on your acceptances. You'll have to balance the need to stay local vs. need for the best program for you. Personally, I think if the *only* reason you plan to stay local because family is around, and you can deal with being away from them and it's only so they can help with kids, it's not worth it to stay in place for that. Plenty of people have kids during their PhD programs, even while living away from family, so it's definitely doable.

[juilletmercredi]

I agree with Alexis. Really, as much as you want to plan (I'm a planner too) there are too many uncertain variables for you to come up with a really solid plan now anyway. What if you don't get into Brandeis? What if your research interests change to align more with a program in the NJ area? I think like she said you should apply to a variety of programs, see what you come up with, and discuss it with your partner when that time comes around.

[rachaelski]

Also keep in mind that if you plan to move back home after you complete your PhD, you wouldn't want to attend a local institution--it will be a lot harder to get a job (assuming you plan to teach at a university or college).

[JGunn3]

Thank you all for your feedback. I have actually been looking at a ton of programs closer to home. Now my problem is the list of schools I want to apply at has grown a bit too long .

[psyched]

That list might narrow down and change a bit once you get into your master's more and likely have the opportunity to attend conferences and meet many of the faculty you would be applying to