Dept Orientation

[suspechosa]

I recently received an e-mail informing my incoming cohort when our department orientation is and wow...that made this real for me.

I have been in a sort of denial about the realities I am facing and now I'm panicking.

I am pursuing an anthropology PhD and would like to know what I can expect at a department orientation.

I have SEVERE social anxiety and want to know how much socializing I will be expected to do or is it just more of a sit and listen kinda thing?? I know every dept is going to be different, but what have your experiences been like?

Also, they encouraged us to join our depts facebook account if we want to meet people. I do not do social networking sites. Will this put me at a disadvantage? Will everyone already be buddies by the time I get to meet them?

I'm also already feeling like an idiot.

I googled most of the names from my cohort list and wow..I am for sure bottom of the barrel here and that makes me feel like crap. I have always questioned by abilities and now, to have my computer starring at me, screaming, "YUP! YOU ARE THE LEAST EQUIPPED PERSON IN YOUR PROGRAM!" makes me so uneasy. I feel like not even showing up and giving this thing a try. To make matters even better.. I am unfunded for my first year, great, everyone else is likely taken care of and this makes me feel more like a big loser and like I do not belong.

So, not only am I an unfunded, socially anxious, facebookless idiot but my advisor is on sabbatical for a year and I will feel like an even more out of place, misguided freak.

Help

[artist_lily]

I recently received an e-mail informing my incoming cohort when our department orientation is and wow...that made this real for me.

I have been in a sort of denial about the realities I am facing and now I'm panicking.

I am pursuing an anthropology PhD and would like to know what I can expect at a department orientation.

I have SEVERE social anxiety and want to know how much socializing I will be expected to do or is it just more of a sit and listen kinda thing?? I know every dept is going to be different, but what have your experiences been like?

Also, they encouraged us to join our depts facebook account if we want to meet people. I do not do social networking sites. Will this put me at a disadvantage? Will everyone already be buddies by the time I get to meet them?

I'm also already feeling like an idiot.

I googled most of the names from my cohort list and wow..I am for sure bottom of the barrel here and that makes me feel like crap. I have always questioned by abilities and now, to have my computer starring at me, screaming, "YUP! YOU ARE THE LEAST EQUIPPED PERSON IN YOUR PROGRAM!" makes me so uneasy. I feel like not even showing up and giving this thing a try. To make matters even better.. I am unfunded for my first year, great, everyone else is likely taken care of and this makes me feel more like a big loser and like I do not belong.

So, not only am I an unfunded, socially anxious, facebookless idiot but my advisor is on sabbatical for a year and I will feel like an even more out of place, misguided freak.

Help

I have the same sort of nerves plaguing me right now, suspechosa; I have to say, it's nice to see that I'm not alone... even though I wish we both felt totally confident and prepared for these sorts of forced social get-togethers!

What I've done to help me "psych up" for orientation is bought two highly-rated "socializing" books: one's called "Conversationally Speaking," and the other is "How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks..." I'm currently in the process of reading both of these in order to help me feel more confident for when August rolls around; while I don't think these books will entirely do the trick, they ARE helping to ease my nerves and give me some ideas of how to start conversations with people (so that I'm not the wallflower across the room -- my usual role ).

As for Facebook, my cohort has all friended each other on the site and are writing back and forth occasionally. While I realize social networking isn't your thing (and who can blame you?), I would recommend getting involved, even if it is reluctantly. People in my cohort have been sharing valuable information regarding orientation, housing, and teaching via the site, and though I'm not too involved in "talking" with the other incoming students, it will, I think, make it easier to meet people at orientation. That being said, I think the advantage of social networking in this case is only temporary; I imagine that once we all get to campus and there's no longer a need to share that kind of information (or socialize via an Internet platform), the edge will go away. Do what you feel is right for you, and remember that once you get there, everyone will see you for the intelligent, kind person you are -- after all, you got in because you DESERVE to be there!

[suspechosa]

I have the same sort of nerves plaguing me right now, suspechosa; I have to say, it's nice to see that I'm not alone... even though I wish we both felt totally confident and prepared for these sorts of forced social get-togethers!

What I've done to help me "psych up" for orientation is bought two highly-rated "socializing" books: one's called "Conversationally Speaking," and the other is "How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks..." I'm currently in the process of reading both of these in order to help me feel more confident for when August rolls around; while I don't think these books will entirely do the trick, they ARE helping to ease my nerves and give me some ideas of how to start conversations with people (so that I'm not the wallflower across the room -- my usual role ).

As for Facebook, my cohort has all friended each other on the site and are writing back and forth occasionally. While I realize social networking isn't your thing (and who can blame you?), I would recommend getting involved, even if it is reluctantly. People in my cohort have been sharing valuable information regarding orientation, housing, and teaching via the site, and though I'm not too involved in "talking" with the other incoming students, it will, I think, make it easier to meet people at orientation. That being said, I think the advantage of social networking in this case is only temporary; I imagine that once we all get to campus and there's no longer a need to share that kind of information (or socialize via an Internet platform), the edge will go away. Do what you feel is right for you, and remember that once you get there, everyone will see you for the intelligent, kind person you are -- after all, you got in because you DESERVE to be there!

Thank you for your reassuring words, artist_lily

I love the idea of picking up some books that can teach me to speak to people! That's great!

And I too am glad i'm not the only one feeling this way. Ugh.

[hubris]

Thank you for your reassuring words, artist_lily

I love the idea of picking up some books that can teach me to speak to people! That's great!

And I too am glad i'm not the only one feeling this way. Ugh.

This is one of those things that you can overcome, but in my experience will never be natural if you are an introvert.

Just put a bit of effort into it,eg, do the myspace thing and give conversation a go every so often, and you will be fine.

That said, self promotion will start to play a role in your life now and you might have to be a bit more bold than you are comfortable with.

Don't worry you will do fine, if you try.

[joro]

I'm just as nervous about my orientation too. I feel like I'm the only unprepared person and that I will end up failing out of grad school because of that. I think I'm the only person who wasn't offered to be a TA too.

I also don't know what to wear to the orientation!

[hubris]

I'm just as nervous about my orientation too. I feel like I'm the only unprepared person and that I will end up failing out of grad school because of that. I think I'm the only person who wasn't offered to be a TA too.

I also don't know what to wear to the orientation!

Relax and dress as you normally would.

Expect orientation to be a basic info session with maybe a bit more detail on how things work in your department.

There might be some people attempting to "flex", but don't waste your time worrying about this.

[timuralp]

Yea... I pretty much skipped my orientation - both of them. They also turned out to be kinda unhelpful, but that could just be a function of my department/grad school. Anyway, don't worry about it - grad school is not a competition, no matter how much some want to make it into one. As for talking to people, I found that asking questions always worked for me when I was in an awkward setting. (Most) People love to talk about themselves and you can learn a lot about who you want to be friends with in the process.

[suspechosa]

grad school is not a competition,

This is key. I think I stress myself out way too much thinking people are "better" than me, but I need to remember that others' success will in no way influence whether or not I receive my PhD.

Thanks.

[timuralp]

Exactly. Also, I forgot to give a link to this before and maybe you've seen it already, but grad school is more like a kindergaten. And phd comics become actually depressing and not funny once you realize they're true.

[poco_puffs]

Exactly. Also, I forgot to give a link to this before and maybe you've seen it already, but grad school is more like a kindergaten. And phd comics become actually depressing and not funny once you realize they're true.

Seeing as I miss kindergarten, I'm okay with this. It'll be kindergarten with Kipling and Tolstoy. I can dig it.

[psycholinguist]

Exactly. Also, I forgot to give a link to this before and maybe you've seen it already, but grad school is more like a kindergaten. And phd comics become actually depressing and not funny once you realize they're true.

* laughs * I actually had to stop reading PhD because it so often tempted me to feel cynical about academia, which is something I don't want to do!

[suspechosa]

Exactly. Also, I forgot to give a link to this before and maybe you've seen it already, but grad school is more like a kindergaten. And phd comics become actually depressing and not funny once you realize they're true.

Haha! Hilarious. Thanks.

[zilch]

my department orientation wasn't really a social event as they didn't give us the chance to talk to each other. We were put in an info session about the academic literature resources we would have access to, and then another info session on how to not get assaulted (ie a 30 minute spiel that amounted to don't walk around alone at 3 in the morning). They also scheduled an 'off the record' student panel where we could ask questions of older students and all the faculty and staff left the room, except they only gave us 10 minutes which I found cynically amusing.

I was very socially awkward in high school and during college I forced myself to have social contact by getting involved in student organization, this worked out pretty well because if you take responsibility for something, people come to you. so if you have the opportunity, I strongly recommend getting involved in something on campus outside of academia.

you can ask your department if they have a schedule of the orientation so you know what to expect.

[poco_puffs]

I have really bad social anxiety as well, though mine tends to manifest itself as nervous bravado and wise-cracking for a few minutes before I get overwhelmed by people and decide to hide in the bathroom (really). I ducked out of a lot of undergrad orientation type things, and my visiting weekend at my school was marred by being really unfamiliar with the city and campus-- which upped my nervousness upon meeting the others. Come hell or high water, I plan on going to as many orientation events as possible to make positive connections with the rest of my cohort AND to get a better handle on campus resources, since I always seem to miss the library tours.

[Riotbeard]

I am not too worried about my orientation, because I have already met close to half my cohort and been chatting with another on facebook. I would say in my experience on facebook, it would be a good thing. I have a lot of prof friends on facebook and they seem to talk a lot with other academics from conferences, etc. on facebook. It's just an easy way to keep in touch with people you meet in academia. I agree that these things are silly, but networking and appropriate self-promotion (no matter what field and how loathsome) is essential for success. I was out with some English Profs for happy hour while visiting where I went to undergrad, and they all stressed the importance of networking. These will just make things easier, even if you feel uncomfortable sometimes. Also my dad was disliked forever at his job because he loathes small talk, but it was something he had and did change in order to work effectively in that environment.

[artist_lily]

I'm just as nervous about my orientation too. I feel like I'm the only unprepared person and that I will end up failing out of grad school because of that. I think I'm the only person who wasn't offered to be a TA too.

I also don't know what to wear to the orientation!

I definitely empathize with your concern regarding not being a T.A., joro; it's almost impossible not to compare yourself with others in your incoming cohort and to question where you stand. I got into my program off the waitlist -- and worse yet, judging from the Facebook statuses of my incoming cohort, everyone else in my cohort seems to have already met each other at recruitment weekend (yep, the recruitment weekend I wasn't invited to!). Talk about awkward... I hear it in my head already: "Who's THAT girl, and where did she come from? Oh, she must have been a runner-up..."

Is it me, or does grad school bring out all the insecurities that could ever possibly exist in one person?

[UnlikelyGrad]

I'm just as nervous about my orientation too. I feel like I'm the only unprepared person and that I will end up failing out of grad school because of that. I think I'm the only person who wasn't offered to be a TA too.

I also don't know what to wear to the orientation!

Ah, c'mon, joro, you're in CS! Jeans and a button-down shirt will be fine....says the wife (of 20 years) of a CS guy. Seriously, I've seen CS grad students in many locales (state universities to famous institutions) and they were all wearing jeans and T-shirts. Wearing a button-down shirt will make you look like you've "dressed up"...

As for being unprepared, I think every grad student I know felt that way going in. God knows I did. Yet we all ended up doing just fine. Your worry is a sign that you are willing to move mountains to succeed, and so you will.

[timuralp]

Ah, c'mon, joro, you're in CS! Jeans and a button-down shirt will be fine....says the wife (of 20 years) of a CS guy. Seriously, I've seen CS grad students in many locales (state universities to famous institutions) and they were all wearing jeans and T-shirts. Wearing a button-down shirt will make you look like you've "dressed up"...

That is very true. I actually always wore shorts to everything (weather permitting). I recommend a polo shirt for the spiffier look, but a button down shirt is a little too far. At least make sure it's not tucked in

[UnlikelyGrad]

That is very true. I actually always wore shorts to everything (weather permitting). I recommend a polo shirt for the spiffier look, but a button down shirt is a little too far. At least make sure it's not tucked in

Not really....depends what sort of button-down shirt you wear. I didn't mean a dress shirt, for crying out loud. I was thinking of something with a cool pattern, like a Hawaiian shirt. (My husband usually wore either paisley or plaid.)

[alexan]

I also received the orientation email. Ours is grad-school wide and not program/department specific. I wonder if it's valuable for someone to attend a talk specifically geared toward a department that they are not in? The mandatory events have been highlighted and for one to receive their pay for orientation week, one has to attend those mandatory events.

[belevitt1]

For God's sake, you're a twenty something year old adult with the mental capacity to get into graduate school, why in the world do you not have facebook. Joking aside, this is a nervewracking experience and it only begins with the orientation. Be prepared for "imposter syndrome" (google it) to kick in somewhere around three weeks into the mandatory courses you take with your cohort. This is around when you discover that everybody else in your cohort knows about a subject you haven't even heard of. There will be weekly events, department seminars and whatnot, where you will be expected to show up and make small talk with people whose names you cannot seem to remember. Keep a positive mental outlook and remind yourself often of why you wanted to go to grad school and what you hope to get out of the process. You'll be alright.

[UnlikelyGrad]

I also received the orientation email. Ours is grad-school wide and not program/department specific. I wonder if it's valuable for someone to attend a talk specifically geared toward a department that they are not in? The mandatory events have been highlighted and for one to receive their pay for orientation week, one has to attend those mandatory events.

I ended up having both sorts of orientation, school-wide and department specific. But the department was slow to work out details so I only found out about the latter about two weeks before I got here. If you haven't heard anything from the department, email someone to see if they have such a meeting.

Given how much graduation requirements can differ from one department to another, I think it would not make any sense to go to another department's orientation.

[suspechosa]

What about academia.edu?? Does anyone use it?

I would feel more willing to use that than facebook which to me just seems childish.