Cold Feet?

[pinot noir]

So, I don't know if I'm the only one feeling this way, but does anyone get a sudden urge to drop it all and walk away? As if grad school is going to turn me into a different person that I don't want to become i.e. stressed out and unable to enjoy life... just a thought, any thoughts... anyone?

[surprisecake]

Oh god, I could not agree more. I got my first admit and my mood changed from 100% enthusiasm to a mix of cold feet and pure nausea. Before I applied, i thought my career would suffer without a masters degree (and i also enjoy being in school). But now that i'm faced with 2 years of grad school, i feel like i'm going to miss working. And i'm not looking forward to leaving home and living in another country for 2 years.

Whats killing me the most is I work with animals and right now I get do a lot of hands-on rescue and charity work. The programs i've applied to would lead to better salary opportunities but it would mean hands-off office based work.

I don't like change.

[pinot noir]

Yeah, I just get this wierd feeling in my head like I'm gonna become 'one of them.' I start to feel alienated from my friends and a little isolated too... it's wierd.

[aucinema]

I haven't even been accepted anywhere yet and I already feel this way. I'm really afraid of who/what I am going to become over the next few years. All of my friends and family keep telling me that I'm being ridiculous, but I'm worried about it nonetheless.

[pinot noir]

I haven't even been accepted anywhere yet and I already feel this way. I'm really afraid of who/what I am going to become over the next few years. All of my friends and family keep telling me that I'm being ridiculous, but I'm worried about it nonetheless.

Totally understandable... I feel ya!

[kateow]

I just have to say this, because I feel like it needs to be said...

A lot of people keep going with graduate work long after they should, even though they are miserable and hate it, because they feel like they can't quit once they've started the process and they can't imagine any alternative future for themselves. (Actually, this also sounds like a couple of marriages I've seen...)

This isn't to say that you aren't really excited about the process, too. But if you're not, if the anxiety and uncertainty are overwhelming the excitement and joy... you might want to consider putting it off for another year, until you know it's what you want. The metaphor here continues to hold... there would be a lot fewer unhappy marriages if some couples listened to their cold feet and cancelled the wedding before it was "too late."

Graduate school does demand a lot; it takes a lot out of you and it does change you. If you think this might not be what you want, maybe you're right? If you are trying to talk yourself into it, take a step back and ask why... If you decide it's just nerves, then fantastic! Enjoy the experience. But don't be afraid of discovering that it's not for you.

[ZeeMore21]

Hey pinoit noir,

I definitely understand what you are going through! I did get accepted to schools for the PhD and did find myself very excited but also very nervous. I think it is understandable though...choosing to take on the PhD is a HUGE decision and a very big investment of time and effort. I don't think you having cold feet means that doing the PhD is not for you. I really do think that once you start you will realize why you decided to do one in the first place.Congrats!

Edited February 19, 2011 by ZeeMore21

[FingersCrossedX]

I am really excited to move on with my education and have a career instead of a job, but I am totally nervous. Its a huge undertaking. A lot of work ahead, another new city, getting back into school mode, studying, late nights or things I DON'T want to read followed by a day of classes and studying again. Its overwhelming. However, on the other hand, I'm so lucky to be able to put myself through this torture.

[pinot noir]

I agree that there is definitely a difference between apprehension and indecision. I think having cold feet is a natural, healthy way of saying, Oh my God! I'm about to commit my life to something and I have no idea what's gonna happen next. I know for sure that grad school is the next step in my academic career so no second thoughts, just nice to chat with others who are going through a similar process and sharing the same sentiments (sigh!). By the way, I'm applying for an MFA, not a Ph.D., still highly competitive and a terminal degree (another big sigh!).

[ZeeMore21]

I agree that there is definitely a difference between apprehension and indecision. I think having cold feet is a natural, healthy way of saying, Oh my God! I'm about to commit my life to something and I have no idea what's gonna happen next. I know for sure that grad school is the next step in my academic career so no second thoughts, just nice to chat with others who are going through a similar process and sharing the same sentiments (sigh!). By the way, I'm applying for an MFA, not a Ph.D., still highly competitive and a terminal degree (another big sigh!).

My fault pinot, didn't know you were going for the MFA! Congrats on that! I am sure it will be one of the best experiences ever and you will grow a lot. And I still see why you would have cold feet. I think being nervous means you care a lot about doing the best you can as an M.F.A. Totally natural : )

[squaresquared]

Well, some of you might find this a bit corny, but I'd like to share a quote that I go back to when I have the same types of feelings. I'm a worrier by nature, so it has really helped me out! For me personally, I think it is the fear of failing at 'grad school' that worries me the most, so this quote really applies to me!

"What great thing would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?" -- Robert H. Schuller

[ZeeMore21]

Well, some of you might find this a bit corny, but I'd like to share a quote that I go back to when I have the same types of feelings. I'm a worrier by nature, so it has really helped me out! For me personally, I think it is the fear of failing at 'grad school' that worries me the most, so this quote really applies to me!

"What great thing would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?" -- Robert H. Schuller

Ah, lovely quote squaressquared, recording it in my journal ASAP. Thanks.

[pinot noir]

Ah, lovely quote squaressquared, recording it in my journal ASAP. Thanks.

Very nice! Thanks both of you... it's just nice to know you're not alone. That's what I like best about gradcafe

[Ennue]

I definitely recognize myself in this! I'm taking a huge step, moving away from family and friends, and it's difficult to get a mental picture of what life will be like. I don't know anyone there yet (although this forum is already changing that!) and that is scary. I am certain I will change, and that is a scary thought as well... But regardless of what you do you change, so I try not to worry about it!

[Langoustine]

I def feel like there is this big storm coming my way...not in a "What the hell are you doing are you sure you want to do this?!?!?" but more of a "I'm leaving everything I know behind and moving to new place and I don't know anyone there and holy crap, etc, etc."

My life was kind of chugging along and now I'm trying to steer it in a new direction! Like many people here I took some time to work in the real world before I totally felt sure about grad school, now that I am I'm chomping at the bit to get started! It's exciting and terrifying!

[newms]

I feel a little of this too - before my first admit I was all ready and champing at the bit, now that I've been admitted and I'm looking at exactly the steps that I need to do between now and the Fall and then the next 5 years after that, it is daunting. Moving to a place I've never been before, where the only people I'd know are the prof and grad students that I would have talked to between now and then, wondering if I'll have the same desire to get a Phd 3 or 4 years from now that I do now. There are a lot of questions in my head and I think I'm even having some of the imposter syndrome before I get to grad school. Even with all the uncertainty though, I am certain that this is what I want to do and I am certain that I can be successful at it. I guess with any major life change like this would be for me, there is going to be a bit of cold feet - in the end though, my desire to get a PhD and complete grad school is a lot stronger than any cold feet.

[polarscribe]

Surprisecake, maybe find a way to stay active with animals during the summer - perhaps tie that into your research if possible.

I'm planning to work professionally each summer in my field (park ranger/interpreter) to both keep from going office-stir-crazy and to ground my graduate studies in real-world applications.

Edited February 21, 2011 by polarscribe

[TransnationalHistory]

I think the analogy made to marriage is a little flawed....it's more like getting cold feet before an arranged marriage. Sure, you can read about a program and visit for a few days, but you really can't tell what grad school will be like till you've already uprooted your life and committed. For undergrad I visited, talked with a lot of students, and really did my research. The school I picked was absolutely the right choice, but my experience was not entirely what I expected. Luckily the surprises were mostly positive, but there were parts of student life that existed on campus that had I seen beforehand, would have totally turned me off from attending. All this is just to say that no matter how hard we try to figure out what a new location/degree program/etc. will mean, we really can't know. And that's scary.

I was (and still am) hoping to get into the school located in my current residence (New York). But since I know getting off the wait list is a rarity, it's looking like I'm going to end up a plane ticket away from where I've spent the last four years building up a fairly comfortable life for myself. Mainly, I know I'm really going to miss my social circle. I was thrilled to get my two acceptances, more than I even expected I would be, but now as April 15th gets closer I do feel a bit of resistance. Not enough to make me turn down both great offers of course, but I think it's natural to mourn the loss of what's at stake. I'm not so worried about the work, because the idea of getting paid to learn, read and write history is my dream job. I just wish I didn't have to give up my current community in the process.

I also have a bit of impostor syndrome, so it's great to hear I'm not alone. I've always considered myself smart, but never an authority of knowledge....I still can't actually imagine myself as a professor, but I suppose I have a bit of time to get a handle on that one.

[Waw]

About impostor syndrome:

When I started my undergrad (we were a fairly small year) the person responsible for admissions had a chat with us on the first proper day of term. She basically said: "Every year, we hear some students saying things like 'Maybe they took me in by mistake?' or 'I'm sure they took me in out of pity'. I'll have you know this - we are very, very good at choosing people. We have been doing this for years. If we have accepted you, it means we have no doubt you can do this, and do this well. We do not take people we're unsure about, or people who we think will fail." Then she paused, and added: "And you know what? There was one time when we actually lost a lot of someone's application, and were very apologetic about it, and decided to take him anyway on the basis of the rest of his material. And he did just fine. So don't worry."

I know undergraduate degrees are different from grad school, but I still find the sentiment comforting. If you've been accepted, it means that a lot of people out there who have experience in your field think you are capable.

Edited March 1, 2011 by Waw

[SimilarlyDifferent]

About impostor syndrome:

When I started my undergrad (we were a fairly small year) the person responsible for admissions had a chat with us on the first proper day of term. She basically said: "Every year, we hear some students saying things like 'Maybe they took me in by mistake?' or 'I'm sure they took me in out of pity'. I'll have you know this - we are very, very good at choosing people. We have been doing this for years. If we have accepted you, it means we have no doubt you can do this, and do this well. We do not take people we're unsure about, or people who we think will fail." Then she paused, and added: "And you know what? There was one time when we actually lost a lot of someone's application, and were very apologetic about it, and decided to take him anyway on the basis of the rest of his material. And he did just fine. So don't worry."

I know undergraduate degrees are different from grad school, but I still find the sentiment comforting. If you've been accepted, it means that a lot of people out there who have experience in your field think you are capable.

This is such a beautiful sentiment. Very uplifting, but also very true!

[Sevi]

I've definitely gone through this (and still am!). I think I've gone through every permutation of it as well. From questioning whether I should even apply this year, or at all, questioning PhD or Masters, questioning if I'd even want a career that needed a PhD later in life, and wondering if I'd lose my personality and soul by dedicating the next 5-7 years of my life to the intensity of grad school. Finally, somewhere down the line, it hit me: I really want to pursue a PhD. Now, you'd think my trepidation would cease there... but noooo. Then I started questioning where I should get my degree. Here, where I've always been and where the program is stronger or there, where the program is good but not as good and the risk of moving to a whole new place and climate is added. Everyone says you should pick the grad school off of how good the program is, but this is going to be at least a half decade of my life!!

I'm a lot better now. My top choice for school has now become my second choice for personal happiness, and my second choice school is now my top choice for personal happiness. The program may not be perfect, but at least I'll have my sanity at the end of the day and take pride that I moved somewhere new as an adventure. It's all about finding a balance that makes you happy!

[joenobody0]

I'm a lot better now. My top choice for school has now become my second choice for personal happiness, and my second choice school is now my top choice for personal happiness. The program may not be perfect, but at least I'll have my sanity at the end of the day and take pride that I moved somewhere new as an adventure. It's all about finding a balance that makes you happy!

This is so important. I went into a PhD program 4 years ago based on it's univeral #1 rank. I didn't consider anything about the area, the social climate, or anything else like that. I hated it and left with a Masters after 2 years. I'm reapplying this year, and still shooting for a top school (I already have a few top ranked admits to choose from), but my choice is going to come down to where I'm going to be happy. 5 years is too long to power through while being miserable. Keep it in mind people.

[Golden Monkey]

I think the part that's the most daunting is the relocation. Not that I particularly love living here, but I'm kind of used to it by now, and moving is such a pain in the ass.

[MoJingly]

My top choice for school has now become my second choice for personal happiness, and my second choice school is now my top choice for personal happiness.

Ditto for me. The choice involves so much consideration beyond curriculum.

[Golden Monkey]

Ditto for me. The choice involves so much consideration beyond curriculum.

How important is location for everyone? At my age, I'm not so much looking for "my next move," so much as I am, "the place I won't have to move from."