Embarrassed to ask for a LOR!

[dream2be]

I want to ask my professor from last semester to write me a LOR, but I am simply embarrassed to ask her! I got a solid A in the class, and I went to her office hours frequently.

I just don't know how to start off the e-mail.

I will be graduating in June, but won't apply until October (applications are due next February). I want to get this LOR personally, while I am still at this school. I'm just afraid that she'll think it's a bit strange that I am asking for a letter ~10 months before the due date!

Any advice or tips on how I can start off the e-mail?

[ZeeMore21]

Hi dream2be, you shouldn't be embarrassed at all, writing recommendations is part of a professor's job. Plus, you did do well in this professor's class, so I am pretty sure he or she would be more than happy to write you a recommendation. The following template may help you....I said something like this in my emails to my rec people:

Hi Dr.__________

I have decided to apply to graduate programs this fall and wanted to know if you would be comfortable writing a recommendation on my behalf. If so, please let me know when would be a convenient time to meet with you to discuss the admissions process and what materials you would like to see before writing the letter. Thanks for your help and looking forward to hearing from you.

Best,

_________

[Zouzax]

I'm just like you, I haattedddd asking for LORs. Email is definitely the best way. I notified them 5 months before the due date, but I told them the due date was a little earlier just incase someone ran behind (and thankfully I did it, because one professor did). For example, I told them all the apps were due December 1, even though some were due the 1st, some the 15th, and some January 1st.

The emails was basically as follows (please note these are example sentences & not exact replicas)

Dear XXXXXX:

Hope all is well! (filler sentence about a class we have together/ project we're working on/ thesis update) As you know, I'm applying to a few Ph.D programs this fall. I am wondering if you would be able to write a letter of recommendation on my behalf (this isn't exact wording but it's very close). I am applying to programs in XXXX with a concentration in XXXX. (then I talked about my study plans, the schools I'm applying to, the research I plan on conducting, etc.)

(here I wrote why I would love for them to be my recommender -- why I think they know me well, maybe a great class we had together, etc. Here I told one professor that I had mentioned her course in my SOP, which is why I would love a letter from her ). The applications are due December 1. I completely understand if you are unable to write the letter for any reason. If you are able to do it, let me know if I can provide you with any information that would be of assistance, blah blah blah

Talk to you soon!

Regards, XXXX

[ZeeMore21]

Zouzax's template looks good too. But if you don't want to write out a detailed-specific letter it is fine, at the meeting with your rec writer I am sure you would be able to go into specifics.

[emmm]

I would go with ZeeMore's advice. As long as you're still at the same school and can easily meet with your prof, you should. You will get a much better sense of how enthusiastic she is about writing the letter for you, and you will actually have the chance to remind her (in person) of who you were. You want these letters to be personal, so anything you can do that will make them more so, you should do. Email first to set up a time to meet, but DO NOT let her write you a letter without an in-person meeting and conversation! I don't think it's impossible to get good letters without meeting in person, but if you are both on the same campus, I think it would be odd not to make the effort. If I were writing the letter, I'd wonder how important it really was to my student (yep -- in my first year of teaching (part time!) I've been asked to write several letters ...).

[Eigen]

I much prefer asking in person- it's much easier to gauge responses, and busy professors can often "lose" e-mails if they don't respond to them right away.

It's also much more likely that your prof will remember you more easily by face than by name, especially if you went to office hours a lot.

Edited April 10, 2011 by Eigen

[Zouzax]

i agree with everyone else -- I was not planning on meeting my profs one-on-one before they wrote the letter, so I wrote a very detailed email. If you plan on having a meeting with them face-to-face, I would go with ZeeMores.

[newms]

A word of caution in telling the letter writer that the deadline is earlier than it actually is. They may get an email from the application website with the actual date, or they may have other requests for letters to the same school from other students who tell them the actual date. Perhaps you can let them know that you would appreciate it if they could get in the application by the earlier date without making it seem that your earlier date is the actual deadline.

To the OP, you can ask by email, in person or by phone (I felt more comfortable asking by email) but make sure to be able to summarize what it is you want to study in grad school, so that the letter writer will know what your plans are. Good luck!

[Zouzax]

A word of caution in telling the letter writer that the deadline is earlier than it actually is. They may get an email from the application website with the actual date, or they may have other requests for letters to the same school from other students who tell them the actual date. Perhaps you can let them know that you would appreciate it if they could get in the application by the earlier date without making it seem that your earlier date is the actual deadline.

To the OP, you can ask by email, in person or by phone (I felt more comfortable asking by email) but make sure to be able to summarize what it is you want to study in grad school, so that the letter writer will know what your plans are. Good luck!

I agree with newms. My situation was a bit unique in that my professors are not too familiar with the American Ph.D process. I was also the only one in my department applying to such programs, so I had to explain things a bit more but also had a little more freedom in what I could request from them. I told them December 1st for all the apps but since one was actually due on the 1st I think they realized my goal was to send them all in at the same time.

Also, I had requested the LORs before the semester even started (we start later here), so I did everything via email. Also, I just felt bad doing it & felt email was the best way for me. I have problems requesting things from people & really dread hearing the word "no", so I felt an email was the best way for them to turn me down if needed. Anyway hope this helps, sorry for some of the confusion.

[Manservant_Hecubus]

One useful piece of advice that I've gotten from friendly profs: don't just ask if they can write you a reference letter. Ask if they're comfortable writing you a *strong* - perhaps even *enthusiastic* - LOR. That gives them an opening to politely let you know that they don't know or remember you or your work well enough, but will also give you a bit of added reassurance if they agree to do it.

[mistborn]

even though you are going to meet with the professor face-to-face, it doesn't hurt to attach your resume and/or any other relevant work you might have done in the field you're interested. and if you've finished/almost finshed your essay for the school, attach that too. that way, if the professor has time, he/she can read your documents and then discuss them with you when you meet, rather than him/her reading documents while you sit there awkwardly, fidgeting in your chair.......

and if he/she doesn't have the time to read them beforehand, well, you're still bringing them with you to the meeting......

in my opinion, potential graduate school discussions with professors tend to be more personal than you would think. after all the technical aspects of research, funding, facilities, etc. the professor really wants to know why you want to graduate school and why to that school.

[HandsomeNerd]

yea i felt the same way about asking for recs. on that note, i cosign all the "face-to-face" advice. if you are physically able to meet in person, you should-- especially if you haven't seen them in a while.

[squaresquared]

My one and only prof recommendation was contacted via email and I had no issues. I guess it just depends how well the person knows you? Face to face would be better if they are clueless as to who you are hah! I sent all of my recommenders a simple spreadsheet of the school, name of the program, what was required (letter/form/both) and the due date. This really helps them stay organized and not have to go back and scroll through automated emails to find the deadlines for the sites (not all people are organized with email folders and such). The prof I asked required me to send him a package of info about myself prior to him writing the letter (resume/past work in his class/letter of intent/transcripts), so perhaps you might want to have something similiar prepared.

Profs get asked all the time to write letters and I'm sure they are asked by a lot of people who they don't even recognize. Usually that will give you a generic letter based mainly on your grades (or letter of intent, etc), so if you are in that situation, meeting face to face may definitely give you a leg up on the quality of your letter. In a previous application cycle, I had used 2 profs, and 1 did not send his stuff in on time to anywhere even with constant hounding. I think it is key to give them a heads up early and make their end as painless as possible to the point of giving them envelopes with the mailing address and a stamp on it already hahaha. It may seem silly, but it really does help to kind of baby them along because they are so busy with everything else they are doing! My new tactics for round 2 of applications with the spreadsheet, envelopes and any other tactics I could think of to make the process easier on them seemed to have worked because everything got sent in properly and on time!

[DrKT]

I definitely second the advice to ask for the letter of recommendation in person. It seems like you already have a rapport with this professor, especially if you've been coming in regularly for office hours, have done well in their class, etc.

If this is someone who is in the field that you want to go into for grad school, I would start off the convo with talking about your desire to go to grad school, how you're thinking of applying soon, if they had any words of wisdom or advice, and asking if they would write you a LOR. It really is that simple. Nothing to be embarrassed about!