Zouzax

this. this. THIS!!!! I feel guilty all the time that I can't call my mother & tell her to quit her job because I'm going to take care of her. And the way my parents talk, you would think I ran off to a crack den to sell myself for money. Hey, at least I would be paying the bills. Not really but .... really.

Im sick of waiting too!!! I talked to one of the heads of the department in February and after my interview he said, I don't see why you wouldn't be accepted. I sent all of my paperwork to the school at the end of April and havent heard a peep since. Last week I wrote a follow-up email saying, "Just checking to make sure you have received my application" and STILL no response!! Is making me reconsider whether I want to go to this school or not

This this this! Ive mentioned it in other threads too. My parents came to the States when they were teenagers. Both graduated from high school, but the quality of their education is a bit suspect. I remember helping my mom balance her checkbook when I was 8 or 9 years old, and proofreading my dad's letters when I was in middle school. The one advantage I had was that my father made a decent enough living for us to be middle-class. I don't remember money for necessities ever being an issue, but once I got into college it was made quite clear that I was on my own. Because of this, Ive been working non-stop since I was 16. I mean, the day I turned 16 I went to the local Burger King & asked for a job (I hated that job. I always smelled like Cini-Minis). It's a running joke among my friends that I've literally worked in every industry. At this point, Ive been working non-stop for 12 years and I'm already burned out lol. I didn't consider my first-generation status to be a disadvantage until I entered graduate school. Here I have met people from all over the world that knew things I couldn't even grasp. They had read books by authors such as Dostoevsky, Kafka, and Cummings in high school. We never had books in my house growing up. My father always said, "if you're not working or cleaning, you're wasting time." My fellow students also had such an amazing command of the English language -- honestly, I didn't realize how poor my English skills were until this point. Suddenly, I realized how terrible my family's English was, and how that had affected my English, too. It had to start all over again. At 28 years old, I was learning proper English! I felt so behind. Sometimes I get a little jealous when my classmates talk about the trips they're going to take, or the things they're going to do over the weekend, or (I'm ashamed to say) the things they're going to buy etc. I have 3 jobs (1 full time, one freelance, and one seasonal) so I'm constantly going to one job or another. With all these jobs, I'm still just making enough to pay my bills, keep food in the house, and pay for other incidentals. I'm just managing to keep up with my schoolwork and my thesis. I complained about not having time to finish all my work to one of my peers and she responded, "Just call your parents & tell them you can't work anywmore!" I thought, "WOW. Why didn't I think of that!" Besides financial and education issues, it's difficult to convince my parents that what I'm doing is worth it. They still don't understand what it is to be a graduate student. As I said before, my father values working or cleaning -- but studying?? My goal is to study as a career? I thought his head was going to explode when I tried to explain to him what a Ph.D entails. My mother, too. As the previous poster said, Im going to have to pursue this dream with or without my family's support. I think it is a big obstacle for first-generation students especially -- my parents see success in terms of money, not knowledge. On a positive note: The best parts about a low-income upbringing is that living on a 1500 stipend isn't that much different than any other time in life, and when that 6 figure job drops we'll have the common sense to still live like we do on that 1500 stipend a 1500$ stipend!! Thats way more than I'm living off now. I won't even know what to do with all that money .

This is a great topic. I, too suffer from feelings of self-doubt or semi-failure. At the age when many people are finishing their Ph.D programs, I'm going for a second Master's. Like another poster said, I feel like I'm pursuing pursuing pursuing without ever really achieving my goal. But then you have to think of everything else. I have a B.S., a post-bacc, and a Master's under my belt. I've lived in several places throughout the world and learned 5 languages. I've met and had the joy of teaching some wonderful students. I've broadened my horizons and have seen things my HS friends will never see. This is going to sound really cliche, but in the end, life really isn't about money or other material things. It's about experience and the journey that you've taken. When I remember this, I'm so happy with the things I've done so far, and I can't wait to find out what I'll experience next. Don't worry, it'll get better!

80K. will never be able to pay it off. EDIT: well now I'm depressed. this is such a sad topic

this summer I will do the following: 1) go to the beach at least 3 times 2) visit my family for 2-3 weeks 3) decide where I'm moving & get required visas 4) depending on 3), possibly sign up an intensive French course (see you there!) oh right .. and 5) finish my thesis so I can graduate and that's it!! the summer's too short already. My semester doesn't end until mid-June so there's still so much to do before I can concentrate on the list above. Can't wait for it to come!

I'm in the same boat -- I'm the first in my family (extended and nuclear) to attend grad school, and neither of my parents (or aunts or uncles for that matter) went to college. After undergrad, I tried my hand in the business world for a few years but I was really unhappy. I felt like I had so much more to learn & that my mind was literally wasting away while I worried about inane things like shipments & accessories & whether a client got a button delivered on time. When I finally mustered up the courage to leave my job & apply for a post-bac program, I didn't tell my parents for 3 months. I didn't know how to break it to them. When I finally got my acceptance letter I told them I was "leaving my job". They accepted it as the university was highly respected & they could brag to their friends. I think they assumed I would find a "real job" after I finished. After that program finished I decided that I wanted to go for my Master's, and after that, my Ph.D. I waited a few months to tell my parents this too. My sister is the one who told them, because she knew they would go crazy & she wanted to be entertained. The only way I can describe their reaction is ... pure disappointment. They asked me things like, "What's a Master's? What's a Ph.D? Why do you want a doctorate if you can't even work in a hospital? What do you mean you're going to be in school for another 7 years?... etc etc etc. My parents still couldn't accept my decision even a year into my Master's program. My mom called me one day and exploded. She said, "You're still a student, you still have no money, you shouldve become a hairdresser like your sister. Look how much money she has!" My father would continually call me and ask incredulously "And what job are you planning on getting after this Ph.D?". The rest of my family would make jokes that I was "delaying the real world" and wanted to be a "lifetime student" like it was a bad thing. It was honestly very depressing. I doubted myself and my decision for a long time. It took a lot of self-reflection to realize that I need to live for myself, not for others. And thankfully I have a great SO that supports me & encourages me when my family gets me down. I think everything changed when I started applying for Ph.D programs & writing my thesis. My family finally started to see all the work that goes into it & how difficult it is to be accepted and receive the degree. This past year things have been much better. I knew the tide had finally turned when my little cousin was talking about graduating from undergrad this year. He was unsure of what he should do as a next step. My dad was telling me this story, and afterwards he said, "I told him he should consider grad school". Finally!

ok now you've passed the border of making a point to being just plain obnoxious.

I agree with MoJingly. Grad school is not nearly as dire as this. Ive never had back problems, because I make sure to work out 4 days a week. Ive had some weight gain, but that was because I was drinking too much wine & eating chocolate like it was a 6th food group. Any mental health issues were surely not triggered by grad school. They were due to the fact that I'm crazy. My therapist in the States was making some headway with me, but I came to Europe & Ive been crazy as ever. I blame it on my therapist. Well, if I had any hobbies I surely would have time to do them. Sadly, I spend my free time playing mindless games such as Diner Dash & Sally's Salon on my iPad. Once, I decided to take a language class at a private school. I had plenty of time to do that. So, I think if I weren't playing so many video games I would have time for an extracurricular. The only thing I will agree with is the relationship trouble. Between classes, working full time, writing my thesis, and the things mentioned above, I barely have time for a relationship. I have a boyfriend but he's been away for a few months, he'll be back in 3 weeks and Im actually worried about him coming BACK. I really don't see myself having time for him. It's difficult to split time between a relationship & grad school.