Please evaluate my SOP

[KQNovice]

APPLYING TO FOLLOWING:

CIPA CORNELL

USC

PENN FELS

CHICAGO HARRIS

GEORGETOWN

“To be nobody but yourself--in a world which is doing its best, nightand day, to make you everybody else--means to fight the hardest battle whichany human being can fight; and never stop fighting.” My first reflectionupon reading this passage by E.E. Cummings; I think I’ve read this storybefore. The realization was hard to stomach. When choosing a direction for thefuture, for my career, for my life, for my family even, I have often acceptedpositions, jobs and decisions based on a compromise; of my dreams and thedreams of those around me. This leads me to writing this letter.

Let me establish a picture. Its 2006. I am 20 years old. I had justreturned from travelling for a year in South Asia, where I worked as a managerat my grandfather’s farm in Lahore, Pakistan. I was due to begin my law degree.My parents were ecstatic. I had spent time in my grandfather’s birthplace, wasacclimated with the traditions and culture of Eastern Pakistan and I was tobecome a lawyer. I was the perfect son. Reflecting now asa qualified lawyer, beginning my very first job at a law firm last fall, wasthe wake-up call, for a lack of a better phrase, which I didn’t think wouldemerge. I have exhausted 4 years of my life, significant amount of capital, andinternships the world over to discover that, being a lawyer is not what I want.Even typing these words are difficult. I could lie and say the desire for animmediate career led me towards the law; however, it was the desire of myparents that led to me the law.

To be frank, the decision, made for me at the time, to work for mygrandfather, has had the greatest impact on my life. Pakistan; a failedstate almost, whether that happens tomorrow, next week or in the next 20minutes, the reality is inevitable. I never knew why. Allow me to rephrase, Iknew why but I just couldn’t understand why. I guess this struck me the most. Agreat country, now a failed state. This was my first motivation towards publicpolicy. Why was this allowed to happen? How could someone, anyone haveintervened? History is not kind to Pakistan and my grandfather oftenillustrated this fact. A background in public policy would allow me, aqualified lawyer, a British citizen, an intruder almost, to rectify asituation. This situation.

I continued towards the law initially, partly to satisfy myparents and partly due to renewed enthusiasm. The law, in many ways, equated topublic policy. However, 4 years later, I can safely comment that the reality ofthat contention is limited.

This has led me to apply to the Georgetown Public Policy Instituteand its Master of Public Policy. I believe the key element is effort. I haveengrossed myself with numerous community service ventures, student societiesand student governments, all in the notion of effort. This is what mygrandfather echoed. My goals are quitesimple. I want to help. With my business acumen, analytical skills andleadership pedigree, and the immense amount I stand to gain from a master’s inpublic policy, help is realistic. Change is realistic. I am very interested inthe dual degree offered by Georgetown in public policy and economics. I aim formy concentration in public policy to be International Policy and Development,which aligns perfectly with my career aspirations. It’s quite clear thatcountries such as Pakistan and those undergoing turmoil right now as I writethis, need development. I mention goals; however,I am realistic enough to comment that is somewhat a tentative plan. I embracethe fact that matriculating into the Georgetown MPP provides me with options.And for me, options can breed innovation.

However, with aspecialization in public policy, my long-term career goal would to become apositive catalyst in developing a greater entrepreneurial spirit in Lahore, byinfluencing public policy and creating a culture of venture capitalinvestments. I intend to bring about the creation of these investmentpartnerships by drawing on my professional and academic experiences, butheavily adopting various programs that may be in existence already. This, Ibelieve, will stimulate growth in the area, and further attract largercorporations to invest.

The indispensability of an advanced degree cannot be overstated toharbour ambitions of becoming an effective public servant. Real worldexperience is satisfactory to an extent, but I feel I could gain a broaderunderstanding of the fundamental theories behind public policy decisions andeconomics and I believe Georgetown to be that school. Graduate school will alsoallow me to truly grasp the competing interests around public policy and thisis vital.

I’ve chosen Georgetown for pursuing an advanced degree in publicpolicy because of a variety of reasons. I am particularly attracted toGeorgetown due to its location. In the heart of Washington, DC, it is ideal inseeking internships and experience. Georgetown included a phrase in theirbrochure, which effectively made my decisions for me; “link theory topractice”. This is exactly the environment I am seeking to achieve my goals andI have no doubt Georgetown is the right destination for me. The GPPI alsostands out above the rest because there is an emphasis on quantitative andanalytical skills, which are critical to policy analysis. Coming from a legalbackground, analytical skills are a must, however an opportunity to sharpen, aswell as gain new skills is always welcome. The program, I feel, bridges the gapbetween abstract principles that I may gain from any school and reality ofpublic service. This reverts back to the luxury of residing in Washington. Thisis extremely important, as I believe; success in such industry is synonymouswith experience. Finally, the interdisciplinary approach is essential torespond effectively to today’s policy problems, and I am excited to combine theMPP program with the MA in Economics. Lacking the mathematical elements needed to begin the dual degreeprogram immediately, I aim to take classes before attending and at Georgetownto remedy this.

Ultimately, as Icontemplate my future, I am pleased to discover that an enforced gap yearchanged my life. And not for the obvious reason you may imagine reading theprior sentence. I feel my diversity of experience is my greatest asset and Ianticipate ways for Georgetown to not only harness it but provide a canvas forme to continually develop.

ANY THOUGHTS? (sorry for the caps, thought they will draw attention)

[HandsomeNerd]

1000 word SOP limit to these schools?

[nogone]

I don't think it's necessary to paint your law school time as wasted. Too many words are spent apologizing for having a law degree, when really that is an asset. A law degree and a policy degree work well together, and I think a law degree will open more doors for in policy practice than the other way around. I think you can be much more succinct and professional - This is what I've done, this is what I want to do, and this is why your school is the right one for me.

Additionally, I'd rather not see a big old quote starting out. Use your own words to draw the reader in.

[Seeking]

Too many grammatical errors. There is a need to proofread the text. Especially because you live in the UK, you are expected to show a good command over English language.

As said above, the quotation is jarring and there is a need to connect the skills gained in a law degree with the public policy and economic development courses offered by this programme.

Explanations are verbose. I feel you need to draw attention to the strengths of the programme you are applying to, noting some of the courses, draw their significant relevance for skills gained in law and finally show how these skills will help you to achieve your professional goals. These elements should be divided in separate, clearly-written paragraphs in good English. The first sentence of each paragraph should draw attention to the aspect you are discussing there.

This writing style turns the reader off. There are too many references to the grandfather. Rather than making general statements about helping your native country that is "almost a failed state," suggest actual professional avenues where this degree will lead you.

Besides, it is difficult to believe that a UK citizen will go back to his Third World native country - you need not have emigrated in that case. Connecting your law degree skills and the skills gained from this program to the professional opportunities available in the UK makes better sense. In general, the tone should be professional and not like that of a story.

Edited May 2, 2011 by Seeking

[KQNovice]

Thanks a lot for your input. A few points:

I didnt think I was painting my time at law school as wasted but more as a time where my interest in public policy grew

I wrote it more as a story because I had been told that this captures the attention more rather than a generic professional letter stating why I want to apply. Does this not differentiate me?

How my SOP overall? Do I need to redraft it or is the majority of the good stuff on paper already?

Finally, I forgot to give my background:

3.6GPA from Oxford (Law), Masters in Law (from top 5 law school), extensive legal work experience, work in consultancy firm now

[KQNovice]

Too many grammatical errors. There is a need to proofread the text. Especially because you live in the UK, you are expected to show a good command over English language.

As said above, the quotation is jarring and there is a need to connect the skills gained in a law degree with the public policy and economic development courses offered by this programme.

Explanations are verbose. I feel you need to draw attention to the strengths of the programme you are applying to, noting some of the courses, draw their significant relevance for skills gained in law and finally show how these skills will help you to achieve your professional goals. These elements should be divided in separate, clearly-written paragraphs in good English. The first sentence of each paragraph should draw attention to the aspect you are discussing there.

This writing style turns the reader off. There are too many references to the grandfather. Rather than making general statements about helping your native country that is "almost a failed state," suggest actual professional avenues where this degree will lead you.

Besides, it is difficult to believe that a UK citizen will go back to his Third World native country - you need not have emigrated in that case. Connecting your law degree skills and the skills gained from this program to the professional opportunities available in the UK makes better sense. In general, the tone should be professional and not like that of a story.

Sorry, I think the grammatical errors were more because of the copy and paste. I pride myself on good writing, being a law student but thanks for your input.

[KQNovice]

1000 word SOP limit to these schools?

Mostly, but Chicago has 800. Have drafts for that as well

[KQNovice]

I don't think it's necessary to paint your law school time as wasted. Too many words are spent apologizing for having a law degree, when really that is an asset. A law degree and a policy degree work well together, and I think a law degree will open more doors for in policy practice than the other way around. I think you can be much more succinct and professional - This is what I've done, this is what I want to do, and this is why your school is the right one for me.

Additionally, I'd rather not see a big old quote starting out. Use your own words to draw the reader in.

Thanks a lot. I intend to remove the quote. I thought it highlighted my beginning into public policy but appreciate your thought.

[nogone]

I'd just start over with a whole new draft. Try something different. You've got this approach out of your system, now try something more professional, less emotional, and less story like. Your writing has a lot of superfluous stuff in it, so I'd work on cleaning that up. Every sentence is important and should stand on its own. As far as content, spend more time on where you're going rather than where you've been, and be as specific as you can. I get that you may not have intended it to sound like you view your law school experience was a mistake, but it really does read like that.

[KQNovice]

Thanks. Any other feedback?

[braindead]

Hi,

It's good to see you have started so early for the application process (assuming you would be applying for fall 2012). First thing I believe in is that a personal, story like plot indeed brings out the character in you and I would strongly insist that you keep it that way. As everyone has mentioned instead of looking at your Law degree as a waste, you can probably list out some key achievements during that phase, despite which you wanted more out of your career. The language on the whole can be tightened. GPPI accepts only 500 words.

I must admit, even I had started off the way you have. Got my SOP reviewed from a few people, maintained the storyline narrative and tried to be as concise. In the end I got admits from 5 out of 6 schools I applied to (which includes GPPI as well). So I would recommend you to stick to the style you have adopted. You may try out variations as someone as suggested but I am not sure if you should make it professional.

Thanks. Any other feedback?

[abogs78]

I am with "braindead" on this one. Your essay should be like a story of a life journey: How did you decide/what event lead you to think there is a need for you to get a MPP/MPA degree even though you already have a law degree/consulting experience? Is there something in particular that you want to address or even more interesting, do you have a topic in law school which you will like to combine with your public policy degree to get a better understanding of what it really means to you? (e.g environmental law, human rights advocacy issues, foreign aid regulatory dynamics...etc).

You need to articulate why you think a particular school is best for you to get a better idea of why you should pursue your MPP/MPA degree there. What topic/.burning issues do you want to address post graduation? Is it something related to international development and you feel that the MPA-ID program at Harvard will give you the quantitative and qualitative skills to address them or is it something related to environmental/sustainable development and you feel Columbia or University of Michigan is the best program to engage yourself in their curriculum to do so? Are there specific professors who teach in certain public policy programs you are so eager to work with or attend their classes? Do you have specific classes in certain schools which you believe will give you the required foundation you are looking for? Be careful not to be too generic in terms of the reasons why you are applying to a specific school..e.g I am applying to Harvard because it is a globally ranked school and its professors are the best in the field of public policy." Yes, all the schools will expect you to write a little bit of "kiss ass" paragraphs so that you can get into their schools but then why our school...? You need to emphasis that very well! I cannot tell you how important this part is while you are writing your SOP but I am sure you already know that .

At the end of your SOP, you can then write about what you think you will gain at the end of the program which will shape your short-term and long-term goals. Of course, don't forget to mention what these goals are in your SOP as well. I really think if you can break your essay down into: 1) the beginning - Why do you want an MPP/MPA 2) Why you think an MPP/MPA is necessary at this point in your career even though you already have a master's degree 3) Why you do think a specific school or program is the best choice for you and why you think you are a great fit for the program 4) Your goals once you graduate - where do you see yourself making an impact in the world......you should be fine.

So as you can see, this is really a story, not some professional essay as some people suggested. Don't forget that the admissions officer has hundreds of essays to read. Of course, I am not suggesting you write something you will send to a colleague or your neighbor who lives next door. All I am saying is craft your story careful, straigh to the point and very readable - meaning let the paragraphs flow from one to another so that is can be read easily. An admissions officer only has about 5mins at the most to go through your essay, so start with a captivating story at the beginning and something that keeps drawing them to your essay until they read it to the end! But of course, scrap that quote you have at the beginning. This SOP is about you and you alone. Referencing some guy is going to appear to the admissions folks that you are lazy and just looking for a way to fill up space. So focus on yourself, focus on the school you want to attend and then focus on yourself again at the end of your SOP on what you think you can do for this world!

This method worked for me, like braindead, although I applied to 10 schools and I got into 8 (including 2 Ivy League schools and Chicago Harris). Thinking of it now, I wish I did not but it was not too bad because I was not the one paying for the application fees Like my boy Ice Cube, once said, "You can do it, if you can put your back into it." Goodluck and I wish you the best with your applications.

Hi,

It's good to see you have started so early for the application process (assuming you would be applying for fall 2012). First thing I believe in is that a personal, story like plot indeed brings out the character in you and I would strongly insist that you keep it that way. As everyone has mentioned instead of looking at your Law degree as a waste, you can probably list out some key achievements during that phase, despite which you wanted more out of your career. The language on the whole can be tightened. GPPI accepts only 500 words.

I must admit, even I had started off the way you have. Got my SOP reviewed from a few people, maintained the storyline narrative and tried to be as concise. In the end I got admits from 5 out of 6 schools I applied to (which includes GPPI as well). So I would recommend you to stick to the style you have adopted. You may try out variations as someone as suggested but I am not sure if you should make it professional.

[StellaHaiti2]

Major problems:

APPROACH TO CAREER REDIRECTION

I approached my change in career a little differently. I identified the strengths and weaknesses in my training (not myself) as an architect in reference to my goal of serving my community. I described my own efforts to rectify these weaknesses (in my profession and educational system) and how I applied the lessons I had learned. I then was able to explicitly state what I wanted to gain from a MPP program and how specifically it would rectify the weaknesses I had identified in my earlier training. For instance, something you might also want to learn is, "How can change be implemented in ineffective governments?" You set up your interest in the question with your background in Lahore. You can end your essay with a strong, definitive statement of your future plans, "I seek to return to Lahore with a new understanding of x,y, z as a policy-maker." You also need to spend more time describing your future because schools are not just recruiting students, but future accomplished alumni. Give them a chance to get excited about your opportunities!

SELL YOURSELF NOT THE SCHOOL

I spent at most 2 sentences talking about the specific program's offerings, and never name-dropping. My goal was to SHOW not say how I was a great fit for their program. In some of my initial drafts I made the mistake of describing how the program was a great fit for me. It's a waste of the Admissions Committee's time to read back quotes or near quotes from their own materials. I'm seeing a lot of space wasted in your essay on this.

RELATIONSHIP TO FAMILY

You seem bitter that you bent like a sapling to your family's wishes. However, your loyalty and desire to serve your family and community is a hidden asset. Law, you tried it, it's not the best medium for you to do that because you want to do x,y,z. I partially went into architecture because my father wanted me to major in a profession where I would have a job coming out of school. I don't mention this at all in my essays because I took responsibility for my decision. In this essay you are avoiding that responsibility and that is not attractive. This is your chance to rewrite your story. Figuratively as well as literally.

Ok, go forth and conquer!

Edited May 3, 2011 by StellaHaiti2

[braindead]

I see that you don't have SIPA on your list. Nevertheless they have a very good admissions blog and this particular post actually talks about your SOP. Read the guidelines, they are very good.

http://blogs.cuit.columbia.edu/sipa/2010/11/16/top-10-application-tips-3-–-the-personal-statement/

[uokafor]

Hey everyone,

 

Applying to Cornell CIPA for an MPA Program. Please evaluate my statement of purpose (500words). Does it make up for a 3.07 GPA:

 

 

Statement of Purpose: Cornell Institute of Public Affairs

The best things in life never come easy. And, I suppose getting into the graduate school program of my choice is one of them. I am one audacious individual, and it doesn’t take much digging beneath the surface to see that Cornell Institute of Public Affairs is a far cry from any ordinary graduate school. But, who am I to sell myself short? And, what about those people who rest their fate on my perseverance? Where do they end up if I scale back my ambitions in response to uncertainty? If Kaiser, who I met on my way to church, is convinced that he is resigned to an impoverished life, how then can I attach such significance to my own life? If Evette, a sweet ole southern woman I met at the grocery store is penniless and cannot feed her children, don’t I owe her at least something? To those of us who are able, I believe it is our solemn duty to uplift those who struggle every single day. The things I have seen and the places I have been make me question if the bond that holds us together as a common people is, in fact, so real. Growing up in Russia as a child, I remember stories: the beatings, the blood and the alcohol; the arousing factor being nothing more than the color of one’s skin. Must we be so coy that we think our actions don’t convey such hatred sometimes? Maybe, not based solely on race, but perhaps on other socioeconomic factors. Kaiser may be poor and contemplating suicide, but what about his church or local community?  And, Evette may have hungry children to feed, but surely we cannot assume every parent is born into the same circumstance? And, then, there’s us? I have not always done my part in caring for the needy, the weak, and the humiliated, this I know. The man without any legs in Thailand dragging himself around the filthy marketplace, the blind man in Nigeria searching for the next safe haven, the homeless man in Atlanta staring through that pristine car window. The chance to do something tangible in our world is real, and I believe Cornell is where it begins for me. Living abroad and living in the States, poverty remains eerily the same everywhere. And I want to change that. At Cornell, I want to further my understanding of international development, especially as it relates to the rich versus poor divide. What causes such a huge disparity in many developing countries in terms of resources and wealth? And, what role does the government play in all of this? More importantly, where has our sense of community gone? My area of study will include government and the politics of decision making here in the U.S. Welfare policy is often misdirected and doesn’t have the desired effects, and I want to find out why. My goal is to use the education acquired from Cornell in working for a foundation dealing with poverty and wealth disparities here in the U.S. and around the world. Every person should strive to leave the world better than how they found it. I am doing my part now, and my hope is that Cornell assists me in this journey.

[MPPgal]

No, if I might be blunt, it is way to cliché, each experience needs to be a lot more linked to what you want to study, ok so you have seen poverty in many countries and horrible stuff how did that particular experience make you say I want to do this. Or simply say my travels around the world have taught me a and b. Because right now the SOp is more about random peopl than about you."The best things in life never come easy" is a cliché, you want to start with something that captures their attention. Also, it is waaaay to informal "I suppose getting into" no, make stronger and more formal . Also it jumps from oen thing to another too quickly, you go from some poor woman you met, to growing up without a transition. PM me if you want something longer. It has some stuff about you. 

[waltlaa9]

Everything that MPPgal said. You have to talk more about your personal experiences and how they have informed your professional development, and then connect that to your choice to attend graduate school. Provide more concrete details about you, and trim down the rhetorical questions that prompted your journey to a sentence or two, max. And I don't think it is a good idea to start your essay talking about the challenge the application presents, you sound intimidated.

[MPPgal]

Yep oh and also be more specific about that school, ok yes we all know Cornell is cool, but what makes it such a perfect school for YOU, you can talk about how the program is this way or a specific class, or a faculty member but something!

[Hopefulodi]

Definitely agree with MPPgal,

You can have 3 sections

-who you are? what made you decide to go into that field?

-why did you pick Cornell? what makes it the right program for you? what are your expectations and plans? how do you plan to use that degree?

-what do you have to bring to he program? to the field? sell yourself

 

Please try to avoid overpraise of the program. don't sound too cheesy