Socializing

[mechengr2000]

I have moved to my grad school early and I am loving it. I am taking advantage of every opportunity to social that I can find, and I have been actively pursuing looking for chances to meet people.

Doing this, I find I have about three events a week I get to attend (e.g. grad housing social event, student org social event, dinner with new friends, etc).

What else can I be doing? I go to cafes, but it seems like people are not interested in making new friends there. Same goes for bars - it seems like people go there with their friends and they only seem interested in talking to their friends. (fyi, i do not like bars, but I was going to them just for the sake of possibly getting the chance to socialize)

[Behavioral]

The one "frat bro" thing I do is go to a good amount of sports bars when a game/event/fight is going on. I meet a lot of fun acquaintances that I run into quite a bit at future outings.

For some reason, I actually meet a lot of people at random cafes, especially ones that are open 24 hours or really late--people get very chatty when it's 3am and you need a short break.

Also, http://www.meetup.com/

Use it. Use it a lot.

Also, see if there's a subreddit/community page for your city (or even university) on reddit.com. I feel that many of the site's frequenters would get along with the average techy/nerdy grad student. I've been to a few meetups and they've always been really fun and attract a lot of really good, funny people.

[Ennue]

I will move to my new city in eight days, and one of the ways I hope to meet new people is at a sports place. Personally I love dancing, which is of course a pretty social sport activity, so I have an advantage. But there are probably running groups in your city, or you could join yoga classes or a lacrosse team, or join a tennis club. Whatever you enjoy. I think it's a good way to meet new people and working out is good for mental health as well!

[singlecell]

Whatever you enjoy. I think it's a good way to meet new people and working out is good for mental health as well!

Whatever you enjoy is right. I think if bars are not your thing, don't even try to meet people in bars. You probably won't like hanging out with them in the long run. An idea off the top of my head is volunteering at an organization that resonates philosophically with you, the odds are you will meet other volunteers who are like-minded.

[Agradatudent]

Whatever you enjoy is right. I think if bars are not your thing, don't even try to meet people in bars. You probably won't like hanging out with them in the long run. An idea off the top of my head is volunteering at an organization that resonates philosophically with you, the odds are you will meet other volunteers who are like-minded.

I agree with this. I do not however agree with using a website for meeting up with people... The internet is a great tool but there is still something off about random meet up websites. Find things you are interested in and then go to places for it.

Yes, a cafe is also not the best place. When you're trying to read/work/enjoy coffee you don't want to strike up a conversation. Take a hobby you have and get involved. If you don't have one, find one! Or join a club of some kind. Try karate? Something.

[rising_star]

Whatever you enjoy. I think it's a good way to meet new people and working out is good for mental health as well!

This is important. But, you should also be open to finding new things that you might enjoy. I mean, I learned about capoeira on a whim, then decided to try it. Now, some of my closest friends are those that I train with 2-3 times a week.

I agree with this. I do not however agree with using a website for meeting up with people... The internet is a great tool but there is still something off about random meet up websites. Find things you are interested in and then go to places for it.

The meetup sites aren't random, at least not meetup.com. You would only sign up for groups that you're actually interested in (wine tastings, quilting club, bridge club, swing dancing, weightlifting, yoga, tango, book club, etc.), not just say "Hey! I want to meet 20 people I have nothing in common with. Let's do it!". If you take the time to explore the site, you'll see that there are lots and lots of groups devoted to different topics ranging from athletic to religious to political and so much more.

Yes, a cafe is also not the best place. When you're trying to read/work/enjoy coffee you don't want to strike up a conversation. Take a hobby you have and get involved. If you don't have one, find one! Or join a club of some kind. Try karate? Something.

Plenty of people go to cafes to hang out, not just to do work.

I recommend that everyone find one activity they want to pursue. Take a look at what your campus rec center offers. If you're worried about running into your students all the time, take a look at the YMCA/YWCA, the city/county parks and rec department, and scout for deals on Groupon, LivingSocial, and other daily deals sites so that you can try something new at a low cost.

[Just me]

I'm not a going-out kind of person at all, so anytime classmates would go out for dinner or drinks, I was in my room asleep. What can I say? I'm not a social butterfly. But I would do occasional socializing around the coffee pot since we all needed several caffeine fixes and that's about it.

And trust me, from what I've seen, there is no time for hobbies in grad school. You work, eat (maybe) and sleep. The End. This is why most social banter I experienced was at school. Besides, no one there is into the things I'm into anyway - big generational gap in my class. I'm actually the youngest one there, at age 24. I think the second youngest person is 36. I actually found my school has an anime club, which I'd love to have looked into, but nooooo...it's just for the goddamn special snowflake undergrads.

Just based on what I have seen at my school, the only time anyone ever goes out is to drink. And with all the crap they load us down with as far as assignments, I don't blame those folks in the least. I'd be drinking too if I drank.

[ktel]

Join a sports team? From my experience that is a sure-fire way to make friends. So many of my friends are from my university or club rugby team. I will be playing varsity rugby during grad school so should meet about 30 girls right off the bat. It will be nice because I'll be meeting people outside of my program.

[rising_star]

And trust me, from what I've seen, there is no time for hobbies in grad school. You work, eat (maybe) and sleep. The End. This is why most social banter I experienced was at school.

I've been in grad school for five years. There is *definitely* time for hobbies and everyone I know has at least one. I have several. They are what help keep you sane in the midst of all the work. If you aren't going to take care of yourself, you will burn out.

[Behavioral]

I've been in grad school for five years. There is *definitely* time for hobbies and everyone I know has at least one. I have several. They are what help keep you sane in the midst of all the work. If you aren't going to take care of yourself, you will burn out.

This. As an undergrad I was involved in many non-research activities just to stay sane. After balancing a job, several simultaneous research positions, and anywhere from 22-32 units per quarter, I still found a way to spar in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu 3-4 times a week or to go out and wander with my camera with some friends. It was really a cleanse of all the stress I accumulated and I'm sure if I didn't make time to do those activities, finding success would have been a lot more difficult.

[qbtacoma]

I've connected with one of my future roommates over doing "activist-y" things (he's into housing equality issues, I'm into reproductive rights and food justice). In the past I've met great people - often retired - when volunteering at food banks or soup kitchens, so if that's at all your thing then you might get a lot out of doing a volunteer gig. Also I'm actively looking for movie/theatre buddies to see shows and then talk about them, and I'm sure most people would say yes if you proposed going to a film. Even if you hate it, you can talk about why - a successful outing!

[Just me]

I may just be the exception, then. I am almost always too burned out from class and classwork to even think about doing something I like or want. My means of regrouping is going back to sleep, and maybe listening to a little music while doing so. That's it. I find even if I have time to do things unrelated to class, I'm just too damn tired to do them. I'm mentally burned out to the point where I don't want to write, play a game, even draw (but I'm in art school, so usually I hate drawing for the time I'm in school since I am forced to do a LOT of it for grades). I just find grad school sucks the life and passion right out of me and turns me into a zombie. Even with coffee, all I ever want to do is sleep when I'm there.

I don't go anywhere, I don't visit anyone, I don't call anyone. The second class lets out, I go right back to my room and go back to sleep because I have not an ounce of energy to do more than that. I absolutely don't know how my one classmate - who is big on being active (canoeing, skating, running, etc.) could go for a swim or a jog after class. Where's he find the energy? I just don't see how people can find time to take care of themselves in order to prevent burnout when you may very well already be too burned out to try and take care of yourself. And when I spend all day around the same people, the last damn thing I want to do is spend my precious few nightly hours being around them even MORE. But, like I said, I'm not a social person, so my suggestions may be skewed.

Honestly, you can socialize anywhere...dining halls, cafes, or maybe even arrange a little meetup or movie night or something via Facebook.

[ktel]

Just me, you are the exception, because you don't want to be in grad school. Of course that would make you depressed (you sound depressed, by the way) and would make you want to sleep all the time. If you don't enjoy your life and feel no motivation to change it, then you're not exactly going to be out there living it up, are you?

[TheSquirrel]

I have moved to my grad school early and I am loving it. I am taking advantage of every opportunity to social that I can find, and I have been actively pursuing looking for chances to meet people.

Doing this, I find I have about three events a week I get to attend (e.g. grad housing social event, student org social event, dinner with new friends, etc).

What else can I be doing? I go to cafes, but it seems like people are not interested in making new friends there. Same goes for bars - it seems like people go there with their friends and they only seem interested in talking to their friends. (fyi, i do not like bars, but I was going to them just for the sake of possibly getting the chance to socialize)

Hi,

I go to bars by myself. I sit at the bar, chat up the bartender for a bit, sometimes take a book and read it, or assignments to grade. If the people sitting next to me are social enough it won't take long for us to start talking, just small conversations at first. Most of the people I see there are actually regulars, so over time we've gotten to know one another by face, if not through conversation. So it's become a very friendly and good socializing location.

Edited July 27, 2011 by TheSquirrel

[long_time_lurker]

Just me, you are the exception, because you don't want to be in grad school. Of course that would make you depressed (you sound depressed, by the way) and would make you want to sleep all the time. If you don't enjoy your life and feel no motivation to change it, then you're not exactly going to be out there living it up, are you?

+1

I felt like that during my first year of undergrad. I was just in the wrong program, in the wrong location. I got out of there, and I did better academically and socially.

[Sigaba]

Just Me--

• How many hours a day do you sleep?
  
• Do you fall asleep easily or do you have insomnia?
  
• Are you taking numerous 'cat naps'?
  
• Are you sleeping deeply but wake up as tired as you were before?
  
• Have you talked to your professors about your issues?
  
• Have you consulted any medical professionals at your school's student health service?
  

Notwithstanding the haranguing you're getting on this BB and your belief that you're an "exception," many of the issues you're encountering may not be as dire nor as unique as you fear (or, as you hope).

Edited August 7, 2011 by Sigaba

[Mal83]

Your questions and advice for Just me will fall on deaf ears. Before the "haranguing" there have been countless responses to her posts that expressed sympathy, support, and encouragement. The flow of ideas and bits of advice on how to change her situation were met only with excuses/reasons why those things wouldn't work. So the regulars of this forum, if they still choose to engage, respond with frustration or sarcasm regarding her sweeping and macabre characterizations of grad school because they are unfair, not typical, and due mostly to her very specific situation...she hates everything about grad school so it doesn't make sense to many of us that she'd be trying to offer advice for those interested in pursuing it. Sorry Just me, I'm sure you get this by now.

[Sigaba]

Your questions and advice for Just me will fall on deaf ears. Before the "haranguing" there have been countless responses to her posts that expressed sympathy, support, and encouragement. The flow of ideas and bits of advice on how to change her situation were met only with excuses/reasons why those things wouldn't work. So the regulars of this forum, if they still choose to engage, respond with frustration or sarcasm regarding her sweeping and macabre characterizations of grad school because they are unfair, not typical, and due mostly to her very specific situation...she hates everything about grad school so it doesn't make sense to many of us that she'd be trying to offer advice for those interested in pursuing it. Sorry Just me, I'm sure you get this by now.

Mal83--

Thanks for the feed back!

Yes, I'm well aware of the dynamic between her and the regulars. However, I do have a slightly different POV on her experiences as she describes them in her posts and, I believe, a different end state in mind for her.

It remains to be seen if my comments/questions will resonate with her.