Thanking Recommenders

[carroll11]

Hi,

Now that all my apps are in (well, almost all...) I'm getting ready to send thank you notes to the professors who wrote my recommendations. I've heard of some people sending gifts (flowers, wine) while others just send notes. I'm not sure what's the standard -- any advice?

Thanks!

[Astaroth]

I just sent short e-mails thanking them and saying that I'd let them know how it goes. I'll probably thank them more "properly" if I get accepted anywhere... if I don't then who knows, it might have been their fault 8)

[limeinthecoconut]

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[dragynally]

Snail mailed thank you notes are the standard. Anything more is just extra. I'm not sending a gift cause to me it seems like a bribe.

[carroll11]

Thanks for the responses! I'd like to send a gift to the assistant of one of the profs -- the recs would not have been submitted without her help -- but I don't want to create an awkward situation either. I think I'll go with snail mail notes for now.

[misterpat]

Snail mailed thank you notes are the standard. Anything more is just extra. I'm not sending a gift cause to me it seems like a bribe.

Wouldn't you have needed to bribe them before they wrote about you?

That said, I'm not sending gifts either. I'm sending snail mail thank you cards. I feel like a dork though, since my cursive is terrible and I am using my standard printed-handwriting. I blame using word processors all my life.

Whenever I take standardized tests and you have to handwrite the I Will Not Cheat paragraph, I laugh at myself because I imagine someone looking at my score sheet and wondering why a third grader is taking the LSAT.

[leogk]

After making sure that all letters were completed, I sent $25 amazon gift cards to all of my 5 professors.

But, two of them returned it to me, and the others looked like feeling uncomfortable.

(I thought it might be good because all were finished and $25 is not big.)

In sum, I'd like to recommend you that (1) if you are still in the school, visit them and say thank you, (2) if you are not, send a short-email or a snail mail.

[jesiquita]

I got them each a nice mug from costplus/world market and filled it chocolate and a bag of french roast (my rec writers are all foodies).

I included a handwritten thank you note.

my friend gave wine and a card.

i think it really just goes to personal preference and what kind of relationship you have with the LOR writers. Dont write a gushy card if you had one class and they barely know you!

[anythingtwice]

I bake and cook a lot (if grad school doesn't pan out I'm starting a bakery, haha) and plan on giving my recommenders a little jar of the apple butter I made this year with a thank you card. I would only do the card, though, if a) I wasn't as close to them as I am, or the apple butter wasn't freaking amazing.

[polumetis23]

A simple, tactful thank you card is enough.

[jesiquita]

wow.. a little dramatic.

I've been to each of these profs houses, have shared a glass of wine with them, and yes, I gave them a gift because it was my preference. No weird looks or anything of the sort. there was no bribe involved, and they all thanked me for the gift. I have very personal relationships with these professors, and by gushy i meant that largely my decision to choose this career was based on their mentorship. I would never assume that coffee and a card would certainly amount to all of the exaggerations you described (that this somehow guarantees my acceptance ..blah blah blah).

to clarify: what I mean by preference really meant -- it depends on the kind of relationship you have with your LOR writers.

side note: is this website a locale for the self importance and righteous indignation for prospective/current grad students? People on this forum take themselves entirely too seriously. I think it is pathetic to use such a patronizing tone while skulking behind anonymity.

[mraig]

I certainly think that giving professors gift cards is a bit inappropriate. A $25 gift card is essentially the equivalent of a check for $25; I think most people would agree that actually giving a professor $25 for writing you a recommendation crosses the line.

But I also think giving a small gift of some kind (like a box of chocolates or whatever) is okay if you've got the proper relationship with the professor. These aren't necessarily anonymous professionals with whom you have only an academic relationship; professors and undergraduates can get to know each other quite well, and a professor (being, after all, a human being) will appreciate the gesture just as any other friend or acquaintance would. It's situations where the professor IS practically an anonymous face where going overboard with a gift can make things a little uncomfortable.

[dragynally]

I feel like a started a fight...I feel like I'm bribing...that doesn't mean you are or that you shouldn't give a gift. But the standard is just nice personal thank you note... I feel reall close to my profs but I know that all three of them would send a gift back to me. And as for blogs/forums and 'tones' as long as someone doesn't start an argument about something completely off topic its all good

[limeinthecoconut]

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[rising_star]

When I applied to MA programs, I sent handwritten thank you notes to all my recommenders. When I applied to PhD programs, the profs that wrote my recommendations were the same 3 profs on my thesis committee. So, I waited until after my thesis defense and final submission (they all knew what programs I was accepted to, visited, and decided to attend well before this since I didn't submit until July [though I defended in early April, don't ask]) before sending hand-written thank you notes with a gift certificate to a restaurant in town that they like. This was pretty specific since two of the profs are vegetarian and I got them certificates to one of the only vegetarian restaurants in town, which I've eaten with them at and know they and their kids and spouses enjoy going to (and the restaurant lets guests use gift certificates on beer/wine as well as food). My committee members got $25. My advisor got $50.

[cordelia]

even if you perceive this as a gift relationship, you don't have to reciprocate with something which has a monetary value (which sounds, honestly, horrible to my non-american ears). a 'thank you' should be enough.

it is their job (as my supervisor told me when i thanked her a few times) and and you cannot know if they wrote a positive letter for you either, even if they accepted to write with a smiling face...

[IvyHope]

You should have some idea if your writer is going to write you a positive letter of recommendation. The idea that an advisor would write you a bad letter while smiling at you all the way is pretty...I don't know, ridiculous...? If you are asking for a letter, obviously the right thing to do is phrase it as "I wondered if you could write me a positive letter of recommendation?" That way, the letter writer has an out ("no, I don't have time; you should probably look for someone better equipped"). Most legitimate faculty I've spoken with about this will not accept the proposition if they know they don't have something good to say- they will instead defer or not accept, etc.

It seems to me that if your letters are negative and you are clueless to this, then, well, you're just pretty clueless. :?

[cordelia]

You should have some idea if your writer is going to write you a positive letter of recommendation. The idea that an advisor would write you a bad letter while smiling at you all the way is pretty...I don't know, ridiculous...? If you are asking for a letter, obviously the right thing to do is phrase it as "I wondered if you could write me a positive letter of recommendation?" That way, the letter writer has an out ("no, I don't have time; you should probably look for someone better equipped"). Most legitimate faculty I've spoken with about this will not accept the proposition if they know they don't have something good to say- they will instead defer or not accept, etc.

It seems to me that if your letters are negative and you are clueless to this, then, well, you're just pretty clueless. :?

maybe i used to be clueless about how people can be hypocritical. when i was an undergrad student yrs ago, i got a not-so-supporting LOR from a prof who talked very positive when i mentioned him about my applications then and i thought he'd really have a positive opinion about me, considering my course performance... anyway, the details are boring.

people are not always that honest and good-faithed; having a PhD degree does not change this fact. some embrace the motto 'homo homini lupus'

maybe you are clueless about the outside world.

[IvyHope]

maybe you are clueless about the outside world.

I'll tell you what I am NOT: I am not in jr. high anymore.

If you got a bad recommendation from a professor, and you have evidence of that, then there was obviously some major concerns that s/he had. A prof is not going to jeopardize his/her reputation because a student wants a good recommendation. As I mentioned previously, if someone is asking for recommendations and getting negative ones (different from neutral ones) then they are, in my humble opinion, seeing what they want to see. :-)

You have a good one.

[dragynally]

I think you are both right. First profs are people too and they can lie like the rest of us however a good prof usually won't offer to write lors if they can't say something nice. There is really no reason to argue life's too short.

[cordelia]

I'll tell you what I am NOT: I am not in jr. high anymore.

If you got a bad recommendation from a professor, and you have evidence of that, then there was obviously some major concerns that s/he had. A prof is not going to jeopardize his/her reputation because a student wants a good recommendation. As I mentioned previously, if someone is asking for recommendations and getting negative ones (different from neutral ones) then they are, in my humble opinion, seeing what they want to see. :-)

You have a good one.

reputation concerns do not matter when the prof is unknown at the international level and just giving a signed envelope to a local student about whom he does not care enough.

i will not waste my time on this any more. my first post was meant to share my opinion with the original poster, not to get some silly ego satisfaction.

[timuralp]

you cannot know if they wrote a positive letter for you either, even if they accepted to write with a smiling face...

Most professors I've ever dealt with have said that they would refuse to write a letter of recommendation if they couldn't write a good one. I'd say that is the norm. I did hear of one instance where a secretary told the student to just not bother asking a particular professor. Was this in US or somewhere else?

And as far as thanking people, I emailed "thank you". I gave a gift card to a restaurant at the end of the year to two professors I worked with over the course of a year and who wrote me letters, as well as helped me figure out where to go to grad school. I'd say that's probably a special case.

[demondeac]

I ended up sending each recommender a pound of homemade, southern-style pralines. Nothing says thank you like little brown drops of obesity.

[rinneron]

For my MA recommendations, my profs were also on my undergrad thesis committee, and I made them all white chocolate chip raspberry muffins, and brought them the day of my defense. For my PhD recommendations, I made them all apple pies.

Nothing says thank you like little brown drops of obesity.

Fuck yeah.

[deipnosophistry]

Agreed. Nothing says "thanks" like home-baked goodies and a little card. Of course, this is contingent on your not being a total spaz in the kitchen. I gave each of my recommenders a fresh rum cake and a handwritten note, both of which were well received (though the cake moreso).