suggestions on how to turn around a bad first couple of years?

[borange]

I didn't pass a couple of classes and I've only produced a few publications.

I was ill one semester and another I was being sabotaged by my classmate. Now my advisor and everyone who knows her hates me (she never stops at an opportunity to say something bad about me to them).

Also, she stopped the publication of my more recent papers. She continually tells me I am not producing work, yet she killed my papers, one of which got accepted into a higher-level conference. The new projects I am on are dead end projects that I would never want my name on.

Whenever I start a new project, she goes out of her way to "talk" to the other members of the project and tell them how awful I am. As a result, I am treated horribly by my team members. They want to fit in with the professors so will join in with the insults and belittling behavior.

I was a personal and professional disaster when I started school here. I didn't have anyone to explain to me how things work and what was really expected of me and how to handle certain situations. I was weak and nice and people found that it was easy to step on me or humiliate me.

Now, I'm stronger and I really get what I am doing. But I'm worried it's too late. My advisor clearly is trying to kill my career and resents the fact that I am getting better, as it discredits all the bad things she has said about me to everyone. She refuses to acknowledge I am making progress.

Can anyone give me advice on how to turn things around? I'm professional at school now and have gotten better at playing the political game. I now know when someone is acting sneaky and know how to counter any such action.

If my advisor is determined that I will fail, is my career finished? She's one of the top people in our specialty and is well connected with everybody who is anybody. Any advice on how to turn my career around?

BTW, having a conversation with her will not resolve anything. It will just make her more contentious. I've tried and she listed out all of my personal failures and described everything I am doing wrong. Believe me, the intent was to belittle, not to resolve any issues.

Edited September 11, 2011 by borange

[dimanche0829]

Hmmm. I'm really not trying to be antagonistic here, but something doesn't make sense to me about your situation. You seem to think that everyone is "out to get you": partner sabotaged you, advisor is sabotaging you, and now you think your advisor is trying to get other people to sabotage you. Notice a pattern, here? That's a lot of people, especially given the amount of time and effort it takes to make another person's life (in this case, you) a living hell.

Anything is possible nowadays, so maybe this really is happening - in which case, what a nightmare. But perhaps you're reading into this a bit much? Grad school naturally involves heavy criticism because you need to be able to produce work at a certain level, and it comes from every angle: advisors, professors, and fellow colleagues. Without a doubt criticism can weigh heavily on people - some more than others - and it can often feel like you just aren't doing anything right and that everyone else hates you because of it. Not to mention, if you didn't pass a few classes - regardless of the reason - you are likely missing crucial bits of foundational knowledge that is needed to succeed in your field. Your work is probably suffering, as a result, though you may not see it that way.

BTW, having a conversation with her will not resolve anything. It will just make her more contentious. I've tried and she listed out all of my personal failures and described everything I am doing wrong.

Things to consider: First, have you really tried to converse with her, or have you been accusatory? People generally don't respond well to the latter. Second, is she really listing out your personal failures (did you mean professional failures, or does she really know you so well that she attacks your personal choices, too?) or is she telling you what you need to improve upon. Everyone needs to improve upon something; no one produces perfect work. And, again, the fact that you had troubles the first couple of years points to the possibility that you have more catching up to do than your peers. I'm sorry, but people just don't go from failing classes to producing top work at the flip of a switch.

Obviously, I don't know your situation first-hand so I can only speculate, but I am inclined to believe that you're not taking enough responsibility for the work you are producing and that you're having a tough time dealing with the criticism. Sorry to be so harsh, but that's just my own take based on what you've presented to me.

I strongly recommend that you talk to someone outside of your department about the stress you're under. School therapist, personal therapist, friends, family. Just talk to someone. If you really feel that you are being unfairly attacked, then take your problem above your advisor. Address your concerns, provide documented proof of any wrongdoing, and suggest the resolution that you'd like to see implemented. Will your advisor be mad that you went above her? Probably. But you already think she hates you, so that's moot. If you ultimately cannot find the resolution you seek, you might consider leaving the school. Good luck, it's a tough world out there.

Edited September 11, 2011 by dimanche0829

[borange]

I already stated I was underperforming in the first two years. Did I deny that? At top-notch academic institutions, the prevalence of people who will do anything it will take to get ahead (which means put others "behind") is much higher. I was a weakling that people knew they could take advantage of. No more.

Moving on back to seeking solutions.

Does anyone else have tips on how I might turn this situation around? Or is this pretty much an impossible feat?

[Eigen]

Dimanche gave some very nice suggestions of solutions.

So here's my question... You've said that you were underperforming and unprofessional in your first two years. When meeting with your advisor, have you been up front about this? Explained that you realize your past performance has been subpar, but that you really want to win back the confidence of her/the lab, and do better?

From what you say of your situation, you'll probably have a period in here where even though you're performing up to par, people will still treat you like you aren't.

My suggestion is to take the lumps, and put in above-average time and effort- you can't just put in "good" work if you want to turn around peoples opinions of you, you need to be putting in work that is way over the top.

I don't know the people involved in your situation, but I doubt it's an impossible feat... Just a difficult one. I've seen this from the flip side (underperforming, unprofessional grad students), and it would take me a while to see them in a good light after a couple of years of that behavior... But I would certainly be willing to change my opinion of them if they really changed.

[fuzzylogician]

Honestly, reading dimanche's response I thought she may have been exaggerating. Reading your reply to her post, however, I am not so sure that she is. You are being very defensive and it doesn't sound like you are even willing to consider her suggestions. But isn't it possible that you are misinterpreting the situation? You had a bad first two years and you created a certain image in your colleagues' minds. Now you need to work hard to change it and you're not automatically given the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it's even assumed that there is something wrong with your work. It's up to you to undo the damage you've done -- you can't blame others for not trusting you. But are you really doing that, or are you just blaming others for your past and expecting them all to believe you've changed without giving them the proof they need? I can understand that your program is competitive, but that should affect your peers, not your advisor; advisors benefit from the success of their students, not from their failure! If you truly believe that your advisor is out to get you--and everything that you describe is true and accurate--then it seems to me that you need to change advisors, even if it means transferring to a less prestigious school. You can't produce good work with an advisor who hates you and you won't find a good job afterwards with her bad recommendation.

[borange]

From what you say of your situation, you'll probably have a period in here where even though you're performing up to par, people will still treat you like you aren't.

My suggestion is to take the lumps, and put in above-average time and effort- you can't just put in "good" work if you want to turn around peoples opinions of you, you need to be putting in work that is way over the top.

I don't know the people involved in your situation, but I doubt it's an impossible feat... Just a difficult one. I've seen this from the flip side (underperforming, unprofessional grad students), and it would take me a while to see them in a good light after a couple of years of that behavior... But I would certainly be willing to change my opinion of them if they really changed.

Thanks for the constructive advice.

You are right - it will take some time for me to undo past actions. I'll have to do double the work and make sure everything I produce is excellent. I've been producing above average work lately, but I'm going to have to step it up a notch.

I think the most important thing I take away from your advice is that I can't just do very good work at this point. My work is going to have to be way above average. I guess I can't blame my advisor for trying to make my life hell. Her reputation is on the line. I can only hope that, as you stated you would be willing to give someone another chance if the behavior really changed, if I continue producing the work and make it even better, she'll be willing to give me a chance again.

You are right that I'll have to endure the "suck it up" period. I just didn't think it would last this long.

Edited September 11, 2011 by borange

[harpyemma]

I have nothing to add except that i accidentally pressed the red button when i meant to press the green on dimanche's post--oops!