geochic Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Ughh! I am totally overwhelmed. My youngest son turned two in February and it's been more and more of a challenge ever since. Between his constant movement and the unending demand of a high energy low fear toddler and my mouthy 6 year old I barely have time to think let alone do actual work. My project is very field work heavy so a good portion of the summer was spent collecting samples which meant a lot of desperate scrambling to make sure the kids would be covered and like an idiot I moved in June so the most intense part of my field season was also a month in which I maintained two households while transferring one to the other. Then in July, I had a friend (another single mother with her 5 year old) visit for two weeks-mind I rent a 900 sq. ft. 2 br house. Then back out in the field in August and then classes and more field days as well as constant lab work and a total hardware meltdown in which I lost 2 months of data and learned a hard lesson about backing my s**t up. My kids have always been big personalities and expecting them to be quiet and cooperative 100% of the time is completely unreasonable but for crying out loud can't I just get a little? I get no frikkin peace at home, bedtime is a total nightmare despite a consistent and regimented schedule, and when I get to school I'm so burned out I'm totally unproductive. I am not interested in my classes at all, and I have zero motivation to complete my project which renders me quite unproductive there as well. I can sense my advisor losing faith in my abilities, which makes me sad. I feel like I made a terrible mistake pursuing a Masters of Science and might have fared better with my rigorous outside demands pursuing something in secondary Ed. Now I feel backed into a corner and I spend all of my time on the verge of tears constantly. I'm distracted all the time and I'm getting very little sleep because I stay up with the intention of getting work done (and instead watch the entire first season of Louie or something on Netflix). I sought the help of a campus counselor thinking maybe just venting would help but the commitment was really more stress than it was worth (and the sessions were rather uncomfortable anyhow). I am kinda hating life right now. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and I guess I'm still into science but in the face of all of this I'm feeling increasingly inept with my academic pursuits and I keep thinking, my god what will I do with this degree- just keep living like this? In a field where I will also buckle under the intellectual demands, leaving me rattled for my kids who will leave me rattled for my job. It makes me feel hopeless and I just want to quit before I completely lose it. On the flipside, my student loan debt rivals a mortgage and I have a year left in my program so part of me feels like it would be really stupid to drop out now. I mean after a really intense undergrad as a single mother and now halfway through my MS just to throw in the towel? But I haven't romanticized waiting tables like this in a long time... Maybe I just need to vent some more but I feel like I'm always venting. If my project weren't time sensitive I'd request some sort of leave for the semester to get my bearings but I really can't do that with my research. I dunno. I mean how much will this Masters of Geology actually benefit me? Is this worth all the stress and the lost time with my family? I guess only I can answer these questions but if anyone can lend some insight any advice is greatly appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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