What has the application process taught you about life?

[crazygirl2012]

When I began the application process, I realized that second semester could easily spend me into a tailspin of self-loathing if things didn't turn out the way I wanted them to. (I'm happy to report that I'm getting interviews and things are actually great so far!) So I started a list of various lessons I had learned from the process of applying to grad school. I wanted reassurance that it hadn't been a waste of time, money, and energy.

Here's part of the list. Maybe you can relate.

4. When you do something wrong, just do the next thing right.

5. Ask for help, openly and sincerely. People like to know that they're needed.

8. You can't control your past, but it can't control you either, so you two might as well come to some sort of agreement.

10. Absurd, difficult, infuriating things happen. They are always going to happen. Whenever possible, laugh it off. Laughing it off is possible more often than you think it is.

12. When you get an email from your advisor entitled "we're all morons", just remember that "all" means you're not the only one.

14. For the first time in my life, I'm trying-- really, honestly, deeply trying-- to do something at which I might fail, and that scares the hell out of me.

15. If you're staring at your computer and crying in your lab in the middle of the night... just go home. No, really. That's just not okay. Go home.

16. Getting a paper with a ton of corrections everywhere is actually a really good sign. If your paper is horrible, your professor won't tell you what you did wrong because it's all wrong anyway.

17. "Enough" is a myth. You can never give it and you can never get it. Give the world all you've got, and don't hope it's enough. Know that it's not, accept that it never will be, and stop apologizing for not doing what you could not possibly have done.

23. If you work all the time, you will get nothing done.

24. Stay organized.

25. Things aren't easy for other people. They just bother to hide struggles that I don't.

[bythesea]

What I've gained from the application process:

1. knowledge: a lot that I didn't have and probably wouldn't have gotten otherwise (reading 1,000 POI articles is a good thing!)

2. a like-minded community: exchanges with people who are interested in the same things I'm interested in (yeah, all 23 of them in the world...)

3. empowerment: the realization that I can do a lot of what I'm interested in doing in grad school even before/without going there: reading, writing & research (just need a bit of $$)

4. confidence! ironic, huh, this is from rejections - with feedback, thanks to some helpful grad admissions offices, now I have powerful input on some things I'm good at and some things that I can work on

-definitely worth the application fee!

[wildviolet]

The doctoral application process reinforced a few things for me. First, that you won't know unless you try, so just try! Second, take it one step at a time. And, third, some things are easier (like asking professors for letters of recommendation and requesting official transcripts) and some things are harder (like writing a two-page statement of purpose that truly captures the essence of who I am as a person and what my interests are as a potential researcher and teacher).

[socihealth]

14. For the first time in my life, I'm trying-- really, honestly, deeply trying-- to do something at which I might fail, and that scares the hell out of me.

Brave.

[hitomimay]

8. You can't control your past, but it can't control you either, so you two might as well come to some sort of agreement

My personal favorite. Really struggled with this one for a while, but it's a lesson that I'm glad I've learned!

Not the nicest one to say, but I'm sure some people can relate: Finding people who truly understand you and your current situation (GradCafe) can be a much better support group than family and friends (who can sometimes say things you don't want to hear, however sympathetic or with good intentions).

[once]

Patience.

[thomasantony]

That I underestimat myself a little too much at times. This is possibly a defense against getting too disappointed in case of a reject. I was even thinking up contingencies as to what to do in case I didn't get in anywhere. I have this habit of building up expectations, which may end up disappointing me a lot. So I was only expecting an admitting the school I considered "safe".

And my first admit came within 2 weeks of finishing my applications, and that too one of my dreams schools. Needless to say, I was ecstatic . I also became more confident about my chances at the other schools ... ( not that I really care anymore.)

Edited February 4, 2012 by thomasantony

[jerzygrl]

14. For the first time in my life, I'm trying-- really, honestly, deeply trying-- to do something at which I might fail, and that scares the hell out of me.

16. Getting a paper with a ton of corrections everywhere is actually a really good sign. If your paper is horrible, your professor won't tell you what you did wrong because it's all wrong anyway.

23. If you work all the time, you will get nothing done.

These are the three I most identify with.

#14- yeah, the idea of failing at something that I am trying so hard for scares me. It means I have to admit for the first time in my life that I might not be worthy of something, and not because I didn't try hard enough but because *I* may not be enough. I have avoided this situation in the past because I know I have a fragile ego... so scared doesn't come close to what I am feeling.

#16- I came to this realization a few semesters ago. I had a prof that ripped me to shreds on my paper but then gave me an A for the assignement. i went to his office to find out what the deal was and he basically told me that he thought I had potential to be a great scholar, but it would never happen if I was just allowed to pass with A's. He wanted me to work for it and he wanted more from me. I came to appreciate his comments and dedication to me. I ended up taking several classes with him because I knew he would help me grow intellectually. My other profs got word that I like being ripped apart and the lessons continued

#23- Definately learned this one during the app process. I found that if I took a break and went for a walk at the right point I could energize myself for another 5 hours as opposed to working through it and doing half a$$ed work for the next 3 hours. Made the getting only 4-5 hours a night of sleep thing more possible.

[cunninlynguist]

Perspective: Everyone here is fortunate to even have the opportunity to apply to the graduate programs of their choice.

[Spriteling]

I learnt that my opinion of myself is very....wrong. It's forced me to try to look at myself in a more objective way, and realise that maybe I don't deserve to be so down on myself.

[aberrant]

Money is always necessary in order to achieve things that you want, even if you can't literally buy it.

[coffeeplease]

5. Ask for help, openly and sincerely. People like to know that they're needed.

14. For the first time in my life, I'm trying-- really, honestly, deeply trying-- to do something at which I might fail, and that scares the hell out of me.

17. "Enough" is a myth. You can never give it and you can never get it. Give the world all you've got, and don't hope it's enough. Know that it's not, accept that it never will be, and stop apologizing for not doing what you could not possibly have done.

These are the ones I can most relate to. Especially #5 -- I had a huge mental hurdle to clear when it came time to ask my undergrad profs for LORs. I was terrified that they would tell me not to apply, that I'd never get a job, etc -- but they were all really supportive. I saved their emails for days when I'm feeling crappy.

I also realized that

-support is really important. Part of why I love the Grad Cafe.

-there is always a typo. No matter how many times you proofread, there will be some kind of mistake, and it's not the end of the world. In that vein....

-you shouldn't look at SOPs once they've been submitted.

[crazygirl2012]

I love everyone's insights! I struggle with confidence a lot too. I rely so much on external validation, and when I don't get it, I decide I'm worthless. I think it will be an ongoing struggle for many of us in grad school.

[JenniferD]

Personal statement ended up being my favorite piece of the puzzle. It gave me a chance to reflect upon my accomplishment in life and my love for the profession.

Edited February 5, 2012 by JenniferD

[sansao]

1. I am more terrified of rejection than I thought, but I've found ways to pre-emptively deal with it. Working out my plan B, reading rejection posts and articles, and considering each school rejecting me before they have the chance. I'm sure I'll still be disappointed, but a lot of the things that I hadn't considered have now been considered an dealt with. Note: I say this as I unsubscribe from all mailing lists and check my spam mail.

2. Amazingly, despite all of my issues and shortcomings, I am graduating in 3 months. I was losing that accomplishment in the midst of all these applications. It took me 8 years, with 3 years of medical and psych issues causing me to withdraw, two universities, and about 10 doctors to get it sorted out. But I did it, that's a real accomplishment, I need to stop selling myself short because of what may or may not happen in the future.

3. People are amazingly ignorant when it comes to education.

4. Support from strangers is far more encouraging than I expected.

[bythesea]

8. You can't control your past, but it can't control you either, so you two might as well come to some sort of agreement.

It seems that #8 has been an issue for many of us - this sits in the background of the whole application process for me. I love the image that the wording of this sentence calls up: I picture myself walking up to my past, shaking hands, and walking off into the sunset together! OK, that's a little strange, but February is becoming the month of being strange...

[sleepycat]

1. Failure happens, but I truly want a ph.d and I will keep applying time until I get in somewhere.

2. Patience, I can't wait for anything and this process has been trying me for two weeks now that people are hearing back

3. Confidence, even though my stats aren't amazing, I know I am competitive at each of my schools and that my ideas are worth a second look at my application

4. Knowledge that I am not alone in this worry filled process and I have support from gradcafe. Honestly my friends and family don't quite understand why I want to go to school for at least 6 more years, so it is nice to hear that there are others that do.

5. Did I mention confidence in my abilities?