Figuring SO into decision

[reterik]

I'm in philosophy as well. Is the placement of this school really bad?

Moreover, is your SO more interested in studying philosophy than in pursuing an academic career? I know of many people who did a PhD in philosophy and went on to have VERY fruitful careers in government and business.

Mmm, he seems pretty focused on top 25 schools, and the schools I've been accepted to...aren't in the top 25. Definitely not terrible, I'm sure, but he's a little obsessed with ranking. I'm in Comm, so it's not exactly the same. Right now, his goal is academia--he's not interested in business or government.

[especially]

I'm trying to figure this out too - with my SO/partner of three years, so far I've got "will factor into my decision but not determine it". He's got low job experience so the economy in different cities is a factor for me. However, I am doing my Master's so a LDR would only be 1-2 years if it happens.

[alicejcw]

For my SO and myself we are both painful realists often bordering on the cynical at times. When we sat down and talked about this, we decided that it was best for each of us to take our own preferred academic paths and go the -albeit long- distance. Our reasoning was that A. it is doable, B. none of us feels cheated in the sense that we had to "sacrifice our dreams" C. deity forbid one of us gets killed in freak buffalo stampede, a car crash etc or there is a falling out between us, we both have invested in ourselves and will still be able to pursue our other passion in life, and D. we are secure enough with each other than it isn't as much of an emotional tax as it could be.

My SO and I have a similar go-with-the-flow philosophy - neither of us thinks it's reasonable to compromise our academic/career paths, but we're planning to stay together anyway for as long as we can make it work. Why throw away 3 years of a great thing over a few (thousand) miles of distance? (ha) All of the programs I'm applying to will be too far to see each other very often, but we've made long distance work in the past, and since I'll be doing a master's we'll only have to make it through 2-3 years. He'll be applying to med school next fall once he finishes up his pre-reqs, so we're both going to be so busy that there might even be upsides to being apart and focused entirely on our work. Once I'm done with my program I should be able to find a job wherever he is - hopefully we make it till then!

[Blurry]

Mmm, he seems pretty focused on top 25 schools, and the schools I've been accepted to...aren't in the top 25. Definitely not terrible, I'm sure, but he's a little obsessed with ranking. I'm in Comm, so it's not exactly the same. Right now, his goal is academia--he's not interested in business or government.

If his goal is academia I can see why he would be obsessed with rankings.

Has he already applied this season?

[milara]

Mmm, he seems pretty focused on top 25 schools, and the schools I've been accepted to...aren't in the top 25. Definitely not terrible, I'm sure, but he's a little obsessed with ranking. I'm in Comm, so it's not exactly the same. Right now, his goal is academia--he's not interested in business or government.

But... which rankings is he paying attention to? There are multiple rankings out there with varying methodologies, some of which are more scientific and some of which are less so. Does he realize that reputation and ranking is an unreliable measure?

[Blurry]

But... which rankings is he paying attention to? There are multiple rankings out there with varying methodologies, some of which are more scientific and some of which are less so. Does he realize that reputation and ranking is an unreliable measure?

He is probably relying on the Philosophical Gourmet report which is a survey of hundreds of professional philosophers that rank institutions based on the quality of the departments' research (both overall and in specific sub-disciplines of philosophy). These rankings, while imperfect, do have a strong correlation with placement record.

Edited February 28, 2012 by Blurry

[reterik]

He is probably relying on the Philosophical Gourmet report which is a survey of hundreds of professional philosophers that rank institutions based on the quality of the departments' research (both overall and in specific sub-disciplines of philosophy). These rankings, while imperfect, do have a strong correlation with placement record.

Yep. That's what he used. And he didn't apply this season--he didn't have a writing sample that he thought was good enough and had some rec problems.

[Blurry]

Yep. That's what he used. And he didn't apply this season--he didn't have a writing sample that he thought was good enough and had some rec problems.

In that case, would be not be willing to move with you the first year? Has he done a Masters (although I realize this i very uncommon in the US)? Should he be willing to do so he may be able to pursue his interests while living with you during your more coursework intensive years. After that, you may be separated but it will be easier for you to visit while working on your dissertation.

Edited February 29, 2012 by Blurry

[XXF]

Totally going through something similar.

My boyfriend of 6 years needs to finish UG next year. And after that he doesn't really want to leave the east coast.

Well, I have been accepted to one school in our current city and am interviewing at a school in Chicago tomorrow and am still waiting to hear from 3 schools after that, 2 of which are in California, 1 of which is in NY.

I don't think I will get accepted to the school in NY (columbia) but he said he would go there with me if I got in. I doubt he would move to chicago, and he really doesn't want to go to the west coast.

So, I'm potentially deciding between a good school with my boyfriend or a great school somewhere else.

I think I'm going to choose the good school with my boyfriend, because, ya know, it's been 6 years...

*Also my fit at the school in Boston is perfect and I loved it there. I just have high admiration for some faculty at the other schools.

[DoggieMom]

Might try a read through this thread. Discusses this issue.

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=891969

[wannabeaphd]

This sounds cold as well, but what if the boyf never gets his "ducks in a row"? You never can tell, right?

I also went through something similar last year. My SO (of 6 years) and I both ap[plied to PhD programs -- we tried to apply at some schools that were within 50-100 miles of each other, so for instance, she applied to Temple, I applied to Penn, she applied to USC, I applied to UCLA, etc. Well, she got into nearly every scvhool and I was rejected by all. I really didn't have it all together honestly...

But we both toured her schools and ended up moving to the best program for her in our prefered location (rank, feel, and geoghraphy all played a part in the decision). I wasn't sure I was going to apply again thsi year, but I ended up doing so. I applied to every schopol within 100 miles of her school and I've gotten into 3, so it's worked out pretty well, albeit a year later!

Basically, invest in yourself and it will find a way to work itself out.

[LinguisticMystic]

Reading everyone's stories has actually made me feel better about my own situation. Thanks everyone for sharing. My boyfriend & I have been deciding what to do about me moving across the country for school while he still has a semester of undergrad left. And I think we're settling on a semester apart (which isn't awesome, but by no means terrifying, either), after which he'll come live with me. I can't even describe the weight I felt lifted off my shoulders when he told me he was ready to commit to this. As relieving as getting accepted to my top choice program! Man, boyfriends can be great. He's been incredibly supportive which is why I really look forward to him joining me.

[rkg2012]

I guess this is only sort of related to the original post, but this seems as good a place as any to put it:

What do you do when your SO (of nearly four years) decides to break up with you because he doesn't want you to make a decision based on him? He doesn't like the distance now, and doesn't want that to continue, but said that if I went to the school near him (even if for other reasons), he would feel guilty and like I did it for him and would therefore be miserable and would feel compelled to base his law school decision on me next year. Other than distance, there aren't any other underlying causes that I know of or that he has admitted to. I don't know how to make a purely academic decision, since I can't imagine moving to an area I don't know without any support system. Being away from family and friends this year has made me miserable and I don't want to do that again, even if a distant school might be a little better. I can't help but want to stay nearby and hope that he'll get his shit together and come back, but I obviously can't count on that. Has anyone gone through something like this? Or have any advice on how to deal with it? Thanks.

[ktel]

Sorry to hear about your current situation rkg.

but said that if I went to the school near him (even if for other reasons), he would feel guilty and like I did it for him and would therefore be miserable and would feel compelled to base his law school decision on me next year.

I think this sentence stood out to me the most. Everybody has different priorities, but it's unfortunate when you've been committed to each other this long that his priority is himself over your relationship. I'm not trying to say he's a bad or selfish person, that's just how it is, and that's just what some people decide. Personally, I'm the opposite, I would probably prioritize my relationships (whether that be with my boyfriend, friends or family) over many other things. I don't know your relationship, so I hesitate to provide any sort of general advice, but if someone didn't have the same priorities as me I would question whether there was a future there.