Awkward Silence Fillers and Conversation Starters

[MakeYourself]

So I know we've all thought obsessively over what questions we will be asking related to our programs, but now that I've got all that out of the way, I'm particularly worried about all those awkward silences and moments where I'm standing by myself and having to approach someone to start a conversation. (For example, at area lunches and other 'mingling' occasions... or even when you are just standing there with your POI and little awkward silences start to occur).

Let's use this thread to post up some suggestions!

Especially how we would approach facutly and grad students at lunches and dinners.

[koolherc]

say something absurd

later, you can just say you were simply saying something absurd in order to get convo going. if u do this often enough, eventually people will stop knowing whether or not to take ur seriously when u say crazy stuff, and so u can get away with saying all kinds of things that you actually do believe in but might be otherwise considered nutso. meanwhile, ur putting all kinds of usually deeply witheld thoughts into the air and into the conversational stream of your certain ivory tower. years later, u become that prof and you've developed a rep.

Edited February 19, 2012 by koolherc

[wildviolet]

Silence is golden?

Actually, I'm also hoping not to have any of those awkward moments during my upcoming visit. But, if it happens, it happens. It's just a moment, so it'll pass, right? Or, you can always excuse yourself and go to the restroom to freshen up. The other thing to keep in mind is that other people may be just as shy as you, so don't worry! Smile, and look like you're enjoying yourself.

[crazygirl2012]

Oh, good idea for a thread! In my opinion, the worst part of an interview day is the very beginning of the evening social. They can end up being really fun once you get warmed up, but starting conversations is difficult because you're just so damn tired.

With students in particular (including other applicants), "where are you from?" is a common question that can take up a few minutes if you're fortunate enough to know something about the area. It's most useful early in the day (or at dinner the night before interview day) when the question has not yet been overused.

"How do you like living here?" is another common question with both students and faculty. It's useful information, and you'll get a different answer from everyone you ask. They'll usually go into some detail. You can ask about restaurants in the area too. People like to talk about different cuisines and share their recommendations.

A lot of my conversations with professors and students started with them asking me how my day was going. I have a basic standard answer that is always true-- something along the lines of "I'm tired and it's a lot of information to take in, but I'm really enjoying my time here and everyone has been very welcoming."

I've had many good conversations with faculty and students, and a few conversations that were somewhat awkward. Most of the conversations seemed to happen pretty naturally, or they were at least easy to sustain once they got started. It helps if you have a small group at a social, or sociable people at your table during a meal. Don't say things just to hear your own voice. In a group conversation, you can collect your thoughts and then contribute.

[MashaMashaMasha]

Ask open-ended questions! It makes you seem more engaged, and since the conversation cannot be shut down with a yes or no answer, you'll have opportunity to ask follow-up questions.

[EquationForLife]

I end up just talking to people around me...it's weird that they stick you at a table of like 8-10 and expect everyone to go around and answer the same questions. You can always ask about research but that will burn out as the weekend goes on.

[CarlieE]

Just stick your hand out and smile and say "Hi, my name is ___ ." If the other person turns away from you, then everyone around both of you will think he/she is a jerk (no one wants to be a jerk, so they probably won't snub you). And if they don't feel like talking, you've just let other people within hearing distance know how friendly you are and have thereby opened the door for other conversations to come your way.

Be the first to break the ice. You'll leave the most lasting impression.