Mentor is Nuts.

[ponytimeexcellent]

I am in a master's program for which there is one professor who fits my niche of study. Although she is clearly a bit unhinged and difficult to learn from, I have made my mission one of tolerance... until now.

I think I've simply had enough of her disingenuous personality, passive-aggressive maneuvers and complete lack of respect for my professional history and path. I have managed to avoid having her as my advisor, but I run an educational program with her as well as assisting her as a TA.

Running the program is essentially my job, except that she demands total control and complete detachment at the same time. I am supposed to run the show exactly as she would, but I'm not supposed to have any original ideas about how to do it. What's more, she drops in on the classes only a few times a semester and interrupts, "corrects" and/or dismisses my teaching strategies. She micromanages my every move with the program while giving me no clear instruction on what she actually wants.

TA work with her is a nightmare. I often sit in her office, ready to work, while she writes emails (slowly) out loud. Other times, I am sent on pointless errands to "keep me busy". Nevermind that I assist two other professors and have a jampacked schedule.

I have made the mistake of letting her think that we are friends. At times, we do get along nicely - however, she is saccharine to everyone that she interacts with. She only lets her guard down around me, and complains incessantly about other students, faculty and staff. I genuinely feel sorry for her, as she's an unhappy person with physical pain... but I also feel that she's dumping on me just because I have to work for her.

In an act of desperation, I went to the head of the department to beg for a different TA assignment. The department head is a very reserved fellow, but I ended up spilling a lot more of my feelings about Crazy Mentor than I expected.

I need her referral for jobs, I need her to be on my thesis committee (about a topic that she quietly disapproves of or doesn't understand)... yet, I need to be away from her. I told the deparment head that I'm considering quitting just to get away from her.

Not sure if my assistantship duties will be changed or not. But, if they're not, how do you think I should handle this very difficult person?

[Sigaba]

Please say a little bit more about your "professional history."

[fuzzylogician]

You have just "one professor who fits my niche of study" at your university but you are writing "about a topic that she quietly disapproves of or doesn't understand"? Why are you still working with her?

[rising_star]

Better question. Why are you still at that university?

[spunkrag]

Get out now. Find a new advisor because it will only get worse with the current one. You already went to the department chair, and if they don't do anything go to the dean. It is likely that you aren't the first that has had this issue with this idiot--its possible (or likely) they've had issues with every grad student they've ever had. If you go to a higher power at the university it is important to be respectful and professional, but also remember (as so many faculty often forget) that the arrangement you have is no different than any other workplace--harassment, bullying, and intimidation are termable offences and you have the right to be free of such things.

[StrangeLight]

don't go to the dean. jesus christ. (in general, i recommend that anyone on this forum who asks for advice check whether the person offering it is already in grad school or not. if they aren't, weigh that advice with the knowledge that they don't have actual experience in a grad program yet).

as the chair of my department recently told me, tenure is not a license for a professor to be abusive. it is, however, absolutely a license for a professor to be an asshole. if your mentor is just being difficult and unreasonable, then talk to the director of grad studies and see if that person can help facilitate a smoother working relationship between the two of you. that's part of the DGS's job, that's what they're there for. if you see no improvement in the mentoring relationship, then talk to the DGS about switching to another mentor. if no mentor is willing to work on your topic, consider 1) switching topics, or 2) leaving the program for somewhere more suited to your interests.

i will say that the few specifics you mentioned (writing emails out loud, sending you on errands, telling you her personal problems, micromanaging your TA duties without clear guidelines or expectations) doesn't sound like abuse to me. it just sounds like someone who's not that good at mentoring a graduate student. this sounds like a good reason for you to work with someone else, but it's not a good-enough reason to land that prof in any trouble. they're allowed to be difficult to work with, just like bosses and managers at office jobs are.

also, if your advisor works on your niche field and has explicitly told you that your ideas won't work, trust her!!! she knows your field better than you do and is supposed to be guiding you towards a research project that makes a real contribution to your field. if she's only "quietly" disapproving, stop reading so much into that until she explicitly disapproves of it.

[spunkrag]

I love how there's this assumption that I must not have any experience with either grad school or the specific situation this person is in. I have both, and in situations where professors are abusing their authority and the department chair is weak and unwilling to do anything about it--not uncommon--the solution is to find an administrative authority to deal with the issue. I get the sense that there is probably more going on with this faculty member, and it is something that should be addressed.

[ponytimeexcellent]

Thanks, everyone, for your responses. You're right, Latte Macchiatto, that much of her behavior isn't abusive - it's just disorganized.

However, she is unreasonable at times.

In any case, the question remains as to what I'm going to do.

I'd love to just skiddaddle out of this university and podunk town, but starting over somewhere else is not an option due to terrible finances and the fact that there's another person at stake (my husband has moved with me twice now for school!).

I feel like I have to stick it out, at least for the next semester.

Let me throw this out there, if you're still reading, friends.

I CAN graduate in one more semester, but if I stay an extra semester, I will have the opportunity to teach a class. This will look good for my future doctoral applications. But who will oversee my teaching of this class? You guessed it.

Ok. Talk to my head.

[Sigaba]

I love how there's this assumption that I must not have any experience with either grad school or the specific situation this person is in.

Spunkrag--

Although I don't agree with part of your solution (i.e., going to the dean), I respect your perspective. The search button is a wonderful thing.

[ccarmona]

Thanks, everyone, for your responses. You're right, Latte Macchiatto, that much of her behavior isn't abusive - it's just disorganized.

However, she is unreasonable at times.

In any case, the question remains as to what I'm going to do.

I'd love to just skiddaddle out of this university and podunk town, but starting over somewhere else is not an option due to terrible finances and the fact that there's another person at stake (my husband has moved with me twice now for school!).

I feel like I have to stick it out, at least for the next semester.

Let me throw this out there, if you're still reading, friends.

I CAN graduate in one more semester, but if I stay an extra semester, I will have the opportunity to teach a class. This will look good for my future doctoral applications. But who will oversee my teaching of this class? You guessed it.

Ok. Talk to my head.

I am applying this summer and in the fall for a PhD. So as far as working with a mentor like yours, negative, no experience. But I am going from climbing the corporate ladder into the academic world, yet once again. I pray that no one has to endure pretentious and disorganized mentors inside their programs. But the fact is this: Your sooooo close to graduating; please do not go around externalizing the issue with other folks. This was an incredibly frustrating experience in the corporate world; pawning off our responsibilities so other people can fix our communication problems. You have a unique misfire with this mentor. And the fact is no one else on this green earth is going to solve it but you and her. Thats it.

She may be disorganized and demanding and micromanaging; but all these faults are not your problem. She obviously does not understand idiosyncratic management; her neurotic style is getting on your last nerve. So speak on it. Ive seen it all in the corporate world: Explosive, implosive, abrasive, narcissistic, apprehensive, compulsive, and impulsive all at the executive level. Believe me none of them are your real friends.

You are different. So when you teach and mentor someone else (I am sure your already thinking it). Try and be different. Even if your mentor was like that with you; don't pass the idea from generation to generation. Your sooo close yet sooo far! Hang on tight! Good luck!

Edited March 29, 2012 by ccarmona

[ponytimeexcellent]

Thanks, ccarmona! The end of the semester is nearing, and I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Good reminder to NOT do this to someone else.

Best of luck to you!

[Elimba]

The magazine "Psychology Today" published an excellent article "Dealing with difficult people" some time ago on this subject.