Admitted - Anyone else feel anxious?

[ctvu]

I gained admission to one of the leading schools in my field. I felt shocked at first. Then ecstatic. Now, I'm frightened.

I am coming from a middle tier school to one of the best schools in the country. I can feel the inferiority complex coming. I don't consider myself to be anywhere near the smartest people in my school. It's almost as if my admission was an accident. I've even had qualms about whether I should accept or not. What keeps me going are all the kind congratulatory emails from my family, friends, and old professors.

I don't mean to keep this discussion to those who gained admission to top schools because I recognize that everyone can feel that way to some extent. But does anyone feel this pressure to perform to the best of abilities and to live up to your potential? I"m worried that it will bug me even more as I progress through graduate school.

[theallpwrfulroot]

Coming FROM one of the leading schools... don't fear the leading brand names. Many of them have their own huge failings, which you will never see until your first semester of research. Like mine... you'd think with such a large endowment basic lab equipment like AFMs and FT-IRs would be in better supply... or at least younger than I am....

You're in for a reason, you obviously have the ambition to work through daunting challenges or you won't have bothered to apply. Have fun and buy lots of school-logo merchandise.

[UnlikelyGrad]

I've said this before and I'll say it again...

I did my freshman and sophomore years at one of the highest-ranked schools in the nation, then transferred to the local State U for my junior & senior years.

I got a FAR better education at StateU. There, the professors actually had TIME for me. They liked to teach. They cared about their students. (When I was at BigNameU, a classmate overheard one of my professors say: "Stupid undergraduates. I wish we didn't have to put up with them!")

I keep telling my kids, "Go to a state university for undergrad--go to the big name school for grad school." I say this to my tutor clients, too, but they rarely listen to me... :roll:

You'll be fine.

[psycholinguist]

It's not about being one of the smartest people in your school. It's about having shown the department in question that you'd be a good match for them. Be flattered, tour the place, consider whether to go, and then make your decision. Don't be intimidated; they like you!

[ewurgler]

both departments that have admitted me are top 15, and I am quite nervous. This is not because I think I lack any intellectual firepower, but more because I am coming from a different discipline and am not quite as in sync with current scholar as I assume most others will be.

This frightens me, but I have 6 months to read like crazy

[yivorechecho]

Yes. I was admitted to a highly ranked program and I have none of the prerequisites necessary for this field. I feel like a fraud who may soon be exposed. The department sent me a very nice letter lauding my credentials (what credentials?) and telling me I am among the top applicants to receive funding (which I will hear about later because my state is broke). I've gotten very moving congratulations from family, friends, and professors. It helps, but it doesn't get rid of the anxiety. I'm also quite worried because I'll be taking the prereqs next year and I've never been on a semester system before, as my undergrad runs on quarters. 4-5 classes at once? I'm used to 3. I'm afraid I'm going to have an organizational meltdown.

[saritapie]

YES.

I am terrified.

Things my situation is compounding or complicating:

1. an already-acute case of "imposter syndrome" which I trace back to middle or high school (has anyone else heard of this? Apparently it's particularly big among "high-achieving" women);

2. the choice between Undergraduate U (where I know the program is excellent

[UnlikelyGrad]

1. an already-acute case of "imposter syndrome" which I trace back to middle or high school (has anyone else heard of this? Apparently it's particularly big among "high-achieving" women)

I speak at homeschooling conferences on teaching science, and I always get loads of positive feedback afterwards. But despite this, EVERY SINGLE TIME I go to a conference, the "impostor syndrome" kicks in. I don't know as much as I think I do! They're going to see right through me! I'm doomed to fail! Keep in mind that some of my workshops I've done a dozen times or more (since 2004 when I started)...to glowing reviews every time. But I still can't kick the impostor syndrome...

Oddly, though, I don't have impostor syndrome when it comes to going to grad school. Maybe because I haven't been admitted to a top-tier university yet.

eta: Last year I was at a conference on the East Coast. I had an opportunity to chat with another speaker--a homeschool dad who's a professor at a SLAC--and the subject of impostor syndrome came up. He's done twice as many conferences as I have and he's never lost it. He also says he occasionally feels that way about teaching college classes...ugh...

[saritapie]

UnlikelyGrad:

Yeah, I have this sinking feeling that IS is something you kick with therapy

[IRdreams]

I definitely know what the impostor syndrome feeling is like. I go to a top liberal arts and the top women's college in the country. It didn't help me feel any more secure. And since starting to get my acceptance (hopefully I'll be able to pluralize this one of these days) and rejections (unfortunately this one has already been pluralized), its just gotten a lot worse. Ironically, I got more depressed after my first acceptance than after my first rejection. I'm having problems feeling engaged by my senior thesis and instead of noticing what is right with it I notice what is wrong. I can trace this feeling of being second class, even though logically I know I am not, to my elementry school days where it took me just a little bit longer to read and though I can score in 99% on verbal tests, that failure as a young girl has always left me feeling like I just don't quite belong.

My mother who is a high achieving scientist in corporate America has never completely gotten over this...unfortunately, we probably will be the 60 years olds at the confrence hoping to not be found out even after our **fingers crossed* brilliant careers.

[saritapie]

I go to a top liberal arts and the top women's college in the country. It didn't help me feel any more secure.

I learned about IS from a friend who was at Stanford... after I dropped out of Williams.

I'm having problems feeling engaged by my senior thesis and instead of noticing what is right with it I notice what is wrong.

I felt exactly the same way on my undergrad thesis. I convinced myself that my advisor was pleased because he was responding to the quality of the writing rather than the quality of thinking. It wasn't until I started my master's thesis a year later that I realized I had done a good job with the first one.

Then, almost immediately, I started thinking that my master's thesis was crap and would never live up to the undergrad one. How humiliating would THAT be.

Sounds like we're birds of a feather. A sucky, Imposter Syndrome-afflicted feather...

[cc11505]

I'm terrified!

[HisRoyalHighness]

I've never heard of this "imposter sydrome" but I'm so glad I did because now I can put a name to what I've been feeling. I can't believe I got in and I'm sure I'm going to get a letter telling me my acceptance has been rescinded. It's driving me (and my BF) crazy.

[UnlikelyGrad]

UnlikelyGrad:

Yeah, I have this sinking feeling that IS is something you kick with therapy

[flatcoat]

I got my first acceptance last night (hopefully not last!) and I'm freaking out, wondering how my boyfriend and I will work it out, how I'll pay for my life with my measly assistantship...I could go on. Wondering if I'll be one of the "old" ones in my cohort (I'm 32 tomorrow). Ug.

[barry_86404]

I got my first acceptance last night (hopefully not last!) and I'm freaking out, wondering how my boyfriend and I will work it out, how I'll pay for my life with my measly assistantship...I could go on. Wondering if I'll be one of the "old" ones in my cohort (I'm 32 tomorrow). Ug.

Congrats on the acceptance and happy early birthday. Hope you have so much fun tomorrow you wont come on here.

[flatcoat]

Congrats on the acceptance and happy early birthday. Hope you have so much fun tomorrow you wont come on here.

Thanks, Barry! For the time being, coming on here *is* my fun. Would be nice to get some good news from another uni on my b'day...(any of the admission gods listening?)

[miratrix]

Yeah, congrats!

I am not nervous about measuring up in grad school itself yet, but I am nervous about asking questions and visiting programs I'm admitted to (one so far, hopefully more!). I need to ask things like, "do your assistantships include any stipend, or is it only tuition reimbursement? and how do students pay for costs of living?" and "do you have funding for summer research?" and "what have your students done after graduating in the last few years?"...but I'm afraid I'll offend someone and they'll think, "What an INGRATE! Is she saying we're not GOOD ENOUGH?" I know they probably get these questions a lot, but it's my deeply trained instinct not to trouble anybody that's giving me this feeling, not my rational mind.

[saritapie]

I'm afraid I'll offend someone and they'll think, "What an INGRATE! Is she saying we're not GOOD ENOUGH?" I know they probably get these questions a lot, but it's my deeply trained instinct not to trouble anybody that's giving me this feeling, not my rational mind.

Yuuuuuup. I feel exactly the same way.

[tnk0001]

I got my first acceptance tonight to the school I'd wanted to go to since middle school, I am absolutely convinced that its a fluke and one day someone will realize I have no idea what I'm doing.... I can completely relate to everyone who's mentioned impostor syndrome. During my masters thesis I thought it was the worst piece of writing ever and that I would fail. When it came back an 'A' I was flabbergasted.

[UnlikelyGrad]

Would be nice to get some good news from another uni on my b'day...(any of the admission gods listening?)

That was my thought on my birthday (yesterday) as well...but it didn't happen. *sigh*

Last month I said that if I hadn't heard by my birthday I would abandon all hope. Needless to say, it's getting hard to feel good about myself...

[aec]

I'm in at 2 places now and I'm realizing I will have to spend my whole summer reading to feel like I can even deal with grad school. I am excited to learn, but worry about looking dumb when talking to profs or other students and they know about people I may only have heard of. Oh and right now I teach undergrad (randomly... in a field I did major in) and have IS every day I teach. If anyone were to ask pointed questions I'd probably break down.

[ctvu]

I'm in at 2 places now and I'm realizing I will have to spend my whole summer reading to feel like I can even deal with grad school. I am excited to learn, but worry about looking dumb when talking to profs or other students and they know about people I may only have heard of. Oh and right now I teach undergrad (randomly... in a field I did major in) and have IS every day I teach. If anyone were to ask pointed questions I'd probably break down.

I feel similarly. I'm trying to "get smarter" before graduate school by reading and continuing my language training so that I don't embarrass myself!

[dherres]

I just got my first actual acceptance today. It was to a MA program, though, rather than the PhD to which I had applied.... and yet, I'm more excited about it than I had thought I would be (after the initial tears, of course). I've thought about this before, but now a part of me is afraid of going directly into a PhD program... I'm just now graduating from my BA -- albeit after taking a few years off in the middle -- but I'm wondering if I'm ready for a PhD program, or if a separate MA would be a good "next step" thing to help me prepare first. The TopTierSchool thing doesn't worry me so much as a simple doctoral program in general. I'm not alone in this, am I?

And yes, impostor syndrome is real! My first few years of undergrad I was convinced I had slipped through the cracks somehow, and that at any minute I was going to get kicked out when they realized I didn't really belong there. Then I took my leave of absence, got into some serious therapy (yay therapy!), spent some time at a local mediocre state school, and realized that I got into my original school for a reason, and yes I am good/smart/determined/etc enough to attend. This is their business, they've made such decisions for umpteen decades, they know damn well what they're doing, and such a mistake is VERY likely not to happen.

[ejuliast]

1. an already-acute case of "imposter syndrome" which I trace back to middle or high school (has anyone else heard of this? Apparently it's particularly big among "high-achieving" women);

Yup, here too. I still have moments where I think that some of the schools to which I've been accepted must've mixed up the paperwork accidentally. Seriously.