Work Paralysis

[mgmuscari]

Has anybody else who is waiting to hear back on acceptance found themselves completely unable to function in the workplace lately? I work for a very large soul-sucking corporation, and I recognize that if I don't get out of here by this fall, I will be stuck in corporate hell forever. I am absolutely petrified with the fear of not getting accepted anywhere. I've already received one rejection from Columbia CS (Ph.D; app forwarded for MSCS consideration, but I can't afford that). I have received absolutely no word from my other four schools. Is this good news or bad news?

I'm freaking out here :oops:

[gadhelyn]

Same here. It's grant season, but I find it funny that my PI is so heavily staring over my shoulder for a figure for his grant that starts paying out after I know I will be gone.

[MDLee]

You're singing my song. Not only am I useless at my job right now--but I'm finding thesis writing is impossible too. Epic fail all the way around for me. I also am in a place that I'm determined to eventually leave...but the horizon isn't looking as rosy as it did before Christmas and with my own rejects having come in (and no acceptances yet) I too am freaking out. Silently. But its still happening.

Stay strong. You'll get in. And if not...there's always another door. :wink:

[Dreams]

I sympathize!! I should be preparing my lessons and getting scholarships for my students in order! Argh it drives me crazy sometimes

[abolitionista]

I should be writing grants for my org but instead my vitals are near flat lined. I can't stop thinking about grad school and I also can't stay off of the grad cafe. My day consist of 50% of the time staring out the window dreaming about a phd and the other 50% of my time endlessly checking the grad cafe results page.

I know I have a problem but i'm not interested in changing for the time being.

[mgmuscari]

My day consist of 50% of the time staring out the window dreaming about a phd and the other 50% of my time endlessly checking the grad cafe results page.

I don't have a window in my office, so I can't stare out at something more cheerful

My day consists of 20% conference calls, 25% deflecting MR's, 10% escaping through chess at my lunch break, and 45% nervously rocking back and forth in my chair contemplating what life will be like after I get rejected from all of my schools.

[frankdux]

11 schools, 0 responses, $1500+ and months of time invested in this whole experience. i'm a nervous wreck. this is my 2nd year applying too. (although last year i only applied to 2 schools.) not sure if i'd want to go through with it a 3rd year if i get straight across the board rejections.

[Dreams]

I don't have a window in my office, so I can't stare out at something more cheerful

My day consists of 20% conference calls, 25% deflecting MR's, 10% escaping through chess at my lunch break, and 45% nervously rocking back and forth in my chair contemplating what life will be like after I get rejected from all of my schools.

You should request an office with a window. On occasion, my favorite squirrel climbs through mine and we browse the forum together while sharing a sandwich. It makes great company when I feel like complaining about the long wait for results.

[mgmuscari]

You should request an office with a window. On occasion, my favorite squirrel climbs through mine and we browse the forum together while sharing a sandwich. It makes great company when I feel like complaining about the long wait for results.

If only it were that easy... only the lifers here have offices with windows. Requesting anything around here is like pulling teeth. I requested a laptop in December 2007, and finally received it about a month ago. I'm a software developer... you'd think they'd want me to have a usable computer.

[mylstisr]

i am ashamed to say that i didn't make it to two classes today (i'm in a masters program) because i am seriously going insane just waiting and finding myself paralyzed by anxieties....

[BigCheese]

i can't not focus for the life of me... i'm teaching three college courses and its a real struggle each week to get my notes together for lecture...

---Damn all i need is one acceptance somewhere..anywhere so i can sleep again.. geezes

[deianira]

Yeah, same deal. But my corporation isn't so much soul-sucking as apathetic. And everyone I know, including my boss, have been really supportive. So basically, we're all just waiting out my final days here and pretending to do some work. I have been trying to be at least marginally productive, though, int he hope that they will keep me on as a consultant (supplemental income, baby!).

[deianira]

You should request an office with a window. On occasion, my favorite squirrel climbs through mine and we browse the forum together while sharing a sandwich. It makes great company when I feel like complaining about the long wait for results.

Correction: you share a sandwich and some rabies

[mgmuscari]

Yeah, same deal. But my corporation isn't so much soul-sucking as apathetic. And everyone I know, including my boss, have been really supportive. So basically, we're all just waiting out my final days here and pretending to do some work. I have been trying to be at least marginally productive, though, int he hope that they will keep me on as a consultant (supplemental income, baby!).

My supervisor has been encouraging me to go back to work on an MS. He knows that I've applied to Ph.D programs, but I don't think he really thinks I'll go back full time. For now, I just have to assume the worst and act like I won't get into any school for anything. So it's nose to the grindstone, so to speak. There's a lot of work this year and we're trying to cram it all in before April. I can't take the terrible IT process and standards here anymore; they're driving me insane (I am technically not allowed to use Firefox or even Cygwin for development purposes). My computer can be monitored at any time for any reason (as in, somebody watching my screen over the network). The proxy filter is so restrictive that I often find I can't visit reference sites that I need to complete my work. I have to record all the time I spend working on things by project, including how much time I spend figuring out how much time I'm spending on things (ironically meta) and checking email.

Most of my colleagues have been here for 20+ years. 20 years ago this was a much different company... I probably would've enjoyed working here. It's a totally different story these days, however. There's absolutely no innovation coming out of our IT or labs divisions... and I work on a boring internal website with a convoluted workflow that nobody understands. A lot of the code I end up debugging was written before I even started high school.

C'est la vie :'(

[Dreams]

Correction: you share a sandwich and some rabies

Haha you might be on to something there! I do start foaming at the mouth every time I see a JHU result posted while not having received mine yet :mrgreen:

[Victory]

I work for a land development company, and unfortunately I'm at my computer all day. I do a little work, then read message boards, do a little work, then check my email, do a little work....

Nobody knows I'm going to grad school in the fall (except the VP who wrote my letter of rec). Hell, I don't even know if I'm going yet...it's a big if.

[miratrix]

I'm not at a computer all at work (normally not at a desk either), so I can't really procrastinate or not be present. I guess that's good as far as waiting for grad school notices, but sometimes I'd really like a nice intellectually challenging, emotionally and physically easy desk job

[mgmuscari]

I'm not at a computer all at work (normally not at a desk either), so I can't really procrastinate or not be present. I guess that's good as far as waiting for grad school notices, but sometimes I'd really like a nice intellectually challenging, emotionally and physically easy desk job

If it were intellectually challenging or emotionally easy, why would we be fleeing back to school?

[was1984]

I'm on furlough every other week because my company doesn't think they have the money to pay me (or anybody else) to work every week right now. Meanwhile, they just hired a new CEO and are paying him $75,000 a month, with 4 months up front.

So when I actually get to work I bust my ass, if only to make sure that every other week off doesn't turn into every week off 5 months before I go back to school. On the weeks off, the time just crawls by.

[Dreams]

I'm on furlough every other week because my company doesn't think they have the money to pay me (or anybody else) to work every week right now. Meanwhile, they just hired a new CEO and are paying him $75,000 a month, with 4 months up front.

So when I actually get to work I bust my ass, if only to make sure that every other week off doesn't turn into every week off 5 months before I go back to school. On the weeks off, the time just crawls by.

I think my heart had a small spasm when I saw this. That much a month, with 4 up front.

[whateverneveram3n]

My supervisor has been encouraging me to go back to work on an MS. He knows that I've applied to Ph.D programs, but I don't think he really thinks I'll go back full time. For now, I just have to assume the worst and act like I won't get into any school for anything. So it's nose to the grindstone, so to speak. There's a lot of work this year and we're trying to cram it all in before April. I can't take the terrible IT process and standards here anymore; they're driving me insane (I am technically not allowed to use Firefox or even Cygwin for development purposes). My computer can be monitored at any time for any reason (as in, somebody watching my screen over the network). The proxy filter is so restrictive that I often find I can't visit reference sites that I need to complete my work. I have to record all the time I spend working on things by project, including how much time I spend figuring out how much time I'm spending on things (ironically meta) and checking email.

Most of my colleagues have been here for 20+ years. 20 years ago this was a much different company... I probably would've enjoyed working here. It's a totally different story these days, however. There's absolutely no innovation coming out of our IT or labs divisions... and I work on a boring internal website with a convoluted workflow that nobody understands. A lot of the code I end up debugging was written before I even started high school.

C'est la vie :'(

I trust you are already familiar with this video?

it helps this fellow code monkey get through the day sometimes...

[soychailatte]

YES! i am having a very difficult time working at the office. I am constantly thinking about my grad application and every little thing that goes slightly wrong in the office sets me off.

Bah!

[medianerd]

Ok, this thread made me feel a lot better that I am such a suck-ass teacher lately. It's all I can do to drag my butt into work, let alone deliver competent lessons.

I'm a pretty big train wreck at the moment. I can't do anything except refresh email and half-assedly prepare my lectures.

[Dreams]

Hmph. The university decides to close AFTER I get here this morning. At first we were on a 2 hour delay. So now I am the only one in the building blasting my subwoofers, browsing the forum, and getting student papers printed so I can leave within the hour.

[OnceAndFutureGrad]

I found that my thesis was good and distracting - for the first draft. Now I'm staring at a hole-filled second draft and contemplating the futility of my existence and, oh yeah, doing patient insurance registration in the evenings, poorly. I just want this to be over!