Finding the right roommates

[screamorange]

Hi Guys,

I will be starting grad school in the fall. I live about 45 minutes away from the school I'll be attending but I really dont want to have to drive almost 2 hours both ways so I have decided to live off campus. I really dont know anybody who goes there, so I dont know what to do in terms of finding roommates....the last thing I want is to be stuck with people I dont get along with, any tips?

Also, how were you experiences with your roommates...if u had any................I mean, I am the type of person who would like to become friends, Id want to get to know them........im not sure if id want to stay with people who are stuck in their rooms all day and dont communicate with each other..

Edited June 8, 2012 by screamorange

[Dal PhDer]

Hi there

There's a useful thread here that might give you some good ideas/suggestions:

Hope this helps

[ANDS!]

Your first sentence is a bit confusing. You live 45 minutes from campus. You don't want the 2-hour drive, so you've decided to live off-campus. . .o_0 That makes it seem like you live on-campus.

In any case, go to Craigslist and in the roommate section type in the name of your college AND grad: it'll show if there are any current grad student situations going on. You can certainly look for current undergrads, but yanno. . .priorities not aligned. I think you'd be better served with people your own academic speed.

This is if you are absolutely set on living with roomies. I'd personally look for a studio situation.

[TropicalCharlie]

In addition to craigslist, there are plenty of free roommates search sites. Just google roommate finder and tons of sites pop up. Another resource is your university housing office. Most schools have roommate wanted bulletin boards. When I was an undergrad I found several roommates through my school housing office. All but one roommate worked out really well. Just a note of caution, even when you know someone well, you don't really know them until you live together. I learned this when I moved in with someone whom I thought was a very good friend but turned out to be completely incompatible.

[ANDS!]

I would be wary of more than a few of those roommate finder websites. They scream SCAM. CL is saddled with the just-below-too-good-to-be-true ads as well, but they at least are easily spotted.

Most programs should have a housing resource that usually includes a roommate finding listing.

[imonedaful]

Sometimes universities have their own websites for off campus housing that students can list on. You are more likely to get safe information from there. Or you can always get your own place and then post that you are looking for a roommate. Then you can interview people before they move in and be picky about it.

[OregonGal]

I have a slightly different question about roommates--what about when the university selects them for you?

I got into graduate student housing at my university and was placed in a 2-bedroom apartment. Because of the rolling admit nature of these housing units, single rooms in apartments are replaced at a time--so in my case, I have a roommate already in place and will be taking the place of her roommate moving out in late July. To compound matters, I'm moving into an "unfurnished" apartment, meaning that any existing furniture in the place belongs to the current tenants.

After they sent me my placement and my roommate's contact info, I sent her an e-mail introducing myself, giving a brief overview of my habits (along the lines of 'don't worry, i'm laid back about stuff and clean up after myself') and asking if I should be setting aside money for large expenses like buying a new couch or something to replace stuff taken away by the departing tenant. I also asked if the departing tenant was planning on selling her current furniture because I'd be interested in buying it--this is how I've acquired dressers/desks/etc in all my previous apartments where I was replacing a current roommate.

I sent that e-mail a week ago and have received no response or had any contact with the roommate. So my questions are twofold: one, how long do you think I should wait before nudging her about a response? I don't want to be annoying and I realize that the quarter has only just now wrapped up, but I also need to know if I need to be budgeting for large purchases and I don't want to miss out on furniture her roommate might be planning on putting up on craigslist. Two, what do you think this says about the living situation I'm walking into? Should I be taking this as an indicator of how invested she is in having a cordial relationship with her roommate or her communication skills? (If so, how worried should I be about getting the roommate from hell?)

[butterfingers2010]

Please be very, very careful when considering living with someone you don't know, especially if you are both going to be listed on the lease. I had a very bad experience with a roommate I found on Craigslist. I didn't get to know her well enough and did not do the research that I should have beforehand. We hit it off the first time we met and it seemed like we had a lot in common, but it went downhill after I moved in. Unfortunately she had some substance abuse and mental health issues and living with her was literally impossible.

I suggest that you thoroughly interview any roommate you are considering. If at all possible, do a background check, even if it's just on your state's records website. It turns out that my roommate had a past history of battery, harassment and disorderly conduct-If I had known this, I would certainly never have decided to live with her, and given her antics it all started to make sense after I saw her record! I would also get references from past roommates. This would have been my second hint, if I had looked into it-my roommate had a string of past roommates who left after they decided they couldn't deal with her behavior anymore. One thing I did do (which I'm glad that I did!) was to call the landlord and ask if she had been reliable about paying the rent in the past. I was assured that she had, which made me feel better about signing a lease with her. This might not be possible if you are both moving into a new place together, but if the roommate is already living in the apartment you're moving to, it's something to consider. I would also ask potential roommates about their financial situation and ascertain whether they will be able to pay their half of the expenses. It might sound invasive, but it is your financial health and security you are putting on the line when you move in with someone you don't know. If they fail to pay their rent, it would be your responsibility. Same with the utilities. The gas and electric was in my roommate's name and she failed to pay it for four months in a row, putting us in jeopardy of having them cut off.

I'm not trying to scare you. I know that at times, roommates are a financial necessity. All I'm saying is that you should get to know this person and their situation as well as possible before signing anything. Have you thought about trying to connect with some of your classmates? Several of mine have asked the others if they would like to room with them. It's probably a safer bet than going the Craiglist route. At any rate, good luck and I hope it turns out well for you!

[Daria Morgendorffer]

I'd echo what previous posters said and stay away from Craigslist - some real creepers hang out there. Contact someone in your department and see if they have a list of other students looking for roommates, because surely you're not the only one. Also check if your school's housing office maintains a list of students from other departments who might be looking for roommates. By only looking at other grad students you'll be drawing from a much better pool than the general Craigslist population.

As far as finding compatible people, have a phone/Skype chat with them. In my experience, communication is important, and you really need to address issues early before they become major conflicts or sources of resentment. Nothing else will make your life quite as miserable as going home to a hostile situation.

Lastly, look for people who have similar lifestyles to you. You'll want someone who has similar tolerance for noise and mess, someone who has about the same workload (it sucks slaving away while your roommate has fun), and someone who has similar beliefs about sex, drugs, rock&roll, etc.

[ANDS!]

Oh please. Not all of CL is bad, and if a person is using another site to find roomies chances are that site is pulling from CL. What one does need to do is be smart about using CL in their searches.

[Tall Chai Latte]

Instead of Craiglist, maybe it's a safer way to send out a mass email asking students in your program if anyone needs a roommate. At least these are students..

As for roommate experience, I'm the kind of person who likes to stay in my own room after I get off from lab... But it doesn't mean I don't want to communicate.

[lydibird]

If you've been involved in any sort of national/worldwide organization (sorority/fraternity, honor society, religious organization, club, etc) you might be able to find a roommate through it. I contacted the local chapter of my organization of choice and they even had a member in charge of setting roommates up with each other! I won't be living with her until the fall, but we seem to have a lot in common and pretty much agreed with each other on everything as far as lifestyle and living arrangements. Plus since I trust the organization I feel that much better about using it rather than craigslist.

I'm not saying it's a foolproof plan, but for me it cut out a lot of worry.

[SeriousSillyPutty]

Really close to my UG school there was a private apartment building for grad students only. (I got in my senior year b/c my roommate had graduated a year ahead of me). That meant there weren't the shenanigans of undergrads in the building, which was nice for more serious students.

Anyway, I like the idea of getting leads from your university, but another possibility might be contacting grad apartments and seeing if they know anyone who needs a roommate.

OregonGirl -- is it possible your roommate to be is gone for the summer? Sometimes when I'm out of my usual schedule, I have time to read occasional emails but not time to properly reply, then I forget to reply to emails I read a week ago. So, I personally would not be offended if you sent me another follow-up email. Maybe if you explained the situation, the school would give you the email for the exiting tenant, so you could contact her about buying furniture?

[Usmivka]

I sent that e-mail a week ago and have received no response or had any contact with the roommate. So my questions are twofold: one, how long do you think I should wait before nudging her about a response? I don't want to be annoying and I realize that the quarter has only just now wrapped up, but I also need to know if I need to be budgeting for large purchases and I don't want to miss out on furniture her roommate might be planning on putting up on craigslist. Two, what do you think this says about the living situation I'm walking into? Should I be taking this as an indicator of how invested she is in having a cordial relationship with her roommate or her communication skills? (If so, how worried should I be about getting the roommate from hell?)

I think two weeks is a reasonable interval. The roommie may have been in finals or otherwise unable to think about it at the time, or the exiting roommate may not have gotten back to her about the furniture or something else you asked about, or they may have been busy enough that it slipped throught the cracks. If they don't respond to #2, then I'd be concerned about your second point. You could try to find out why the previous tenant left? This is something I always ask about anywhere I consider living--it has saved me some real trouble, and when I don't ask, things tend to go horribly wrong for otherwise predictable reasons. On an unrelated note, I think it is odd for a school to assign you a roommate in this manner (as a grad student), but this may be more normal than I knew.

Edited July 17, 2012 by Usmivka