Avoiding Drama?

[studentaffairsgrad]

I'm in a program with a fairly large cohort. The cohorts in my program are always known for having tons of drama. I do my best to avoid it. The majority of my cohort mates have assistantships in a centralized location, and this is where a lot of the drama stems from. I have an assistantship in an office that is elsewhere, and it has enabeled me to stay away from the drama in the past. However, this year a few people from my cohort switched into my department, and I feel like the drama is following them into my sanctuary. I've asked them to keep me out of it, and to please not tell me gossip, but aside from completely isolating myself from everyone and being seen as an anti social jerk, I don't know how to keep my life drama free. When I'm at lunch, their conversation surrounds gossip. When I sit by myself, everyone wants to know what is bothering me. If I go to a bar and avoid the group, people think I don't like them. If I say anything, it gets twisted around. Aside from becomming a mute hermit, I don't know what to do. Anyone have advice?

[Eigen]

Drama is unavoidable. Embrace it and dive in!

Academia is all about the drama. And the politics. Learn to play early.

Without the drama, we would have to focus entirely on our research! Then we'd become social recluses.

[MoJingly]

I agree with Eigen. You won't be able to escape it! Try to make neutral comments but know that they will always be twisted into a way that the receiver wants. Stop watching reality tv (if you are at all) because that will inundate you with drama. Get a good friend base outside of the cohort so you can look at it from a distance. Above all, learn to laugh and treat it all lightly.

I haaaaaaaaaaaaaate drama, and I hate the person I become when I am surrounded by it. But sometimes it is unavoidable. Keep calm, carry on.

[procrustean_bed]

I'm one of those people who very frankly doesn't care what so-and-so said yesterday, who's sleeping with whom, what the current department scandal is, etc. Having lived in a major metropolitan area for a long time, I just wasn't socialized that way -- it was considered pretty lame/gauche to care about what strangers were up to in their personal lives, to say nothing of talking about that kind of thing in mixed company, where I came from. I prefer to keep my nose to the grindstone, if at all possible.

But you're right: if you don't put in at least some face time with the drama kings/queens, you do get a reputation for being a "snob" or, worse, pathologically shy or reclusive. Eigen's also correct in pointing out that academia thrives on this stuff. I look at it this way: academia is a little like a Greek system for people who never would've been accepted to a frat or sorority. It's where bookish, slightly awkward nerds go to finally have their own little social club. The status games may be played according to different rules, but played they are, and on a very small playing field. Might as well have some fun with it. Just stop short of getting involved in the nastier stuff where lots of money is at stake, try to avoid tarnishing your own rep too much in the process, and you'll be fine.

[Dal PhDer]

Drama is a part of life- whether it's at school, your job or with your friends....I don't think it's possible to avoid it if you have human contact. It's best to start to learn how to interact with people who like drama/gossip, because you can be around it but not engage in it. In fact, you're probably the type of person that these people need- someone grounded enough to show them that there's more interesting things to discuss than personal lives.

[studentaffairsgrad]

Thanks for all the advice, friends!

[user_name]

anyone else planning on being the Puck of their campus?