Struggling in grad school :-/

[firstyeargrad]

i am halfway into the semester and i am having a difficult time in my classes. i take responsibility for my poor performance (i certainly could have studied harder), some of it are things out of my control (adjusting to a new state, dealing with homesickness, then a family emergency.)

the worst past is that the phd program i'm in is kind of a do-over of the stuff i did as an undergrad - it's to ensure that everyone's on the same page. there are even undergrads in some of my classes and they seem to be doing ok. so i KNOW that i can do this. or perhaps i simply just feel that way. it makes me wonder if my grad program is unnecessarily harsh on me or if my undergrad program was very easy on me.

i'm rather worried that the professors are regretting their decision to admit me and i somehow misrepresented myself. it's very stressful. i feel stupid and yet back home everyone thinks i am some kind of genius for being accepted where I am.

i have spoken to two professors and will be talking to another. but is this a sign that grad school isn't for me? because i feel the opposite. this is the only field i want to be in and i am extremely excited over what i will be potentially doing. any advice?

[michigan girl]

Imposter syndrome is very common in graduate school. The first semester/quarter is always the hardest; it is a transitional period for new students (new location, new culture, new university with its own policies and procedures, etc.). I am also positive that you are not the only person in your cohort who feels the same way. By the end of the first year, I believe you will have a better idea on whether you should continue in (or drop out of) the program. Don't give up yet!

Edited October 4, 2012 by michigan girl

[MoJingly]

i have spoken to two professors and will be talking to another. but is this a sign that grad school isn't for me? because i feel the opposite. this is the only field i want to be in and i am extremely excited over what i will be potentially doing. any advice?

This last paragraph is a sign that you are going to be just fine. You're taking initiative and talking to people. And you have enthusiasm! Grad school is more about enthusiasm and perseverance than anything else. Keep your chin up. My first year was really really tough. But, I got through it and even though I still feel like an impostor sometimes, I know I'm in the right place.

Rooting for you!

[rising_star]

The first year really, really sucks. I promise. (Trust me, I did my MA at one school and am doing my PhD at another so I can confidently say that the first year can suck twice.) If you're excited about your work, then you should be fine. If you're really concerned about your performance, go talk to the professors in office hours and ask them what you can do to improve. One semester isn't enough to make anyone regret having admitted you and you'll be better off if you stop thinking that way ASAP. Good luck!

[emmm]

I got through first year reasonably OK, but now I am looking at switching research groups and all those feelings of inadequacy are surfacing again. I'll bet that even though everyone else APPEARS to be doing just fine, they are going through confidence struggles of their own. We all seem to have them. Just keep trying and you'll get to where you want to be.

[crazygirl2012]

It sounds to me like you'll turn out just fine! What you're feeling is very common, and from what I've been told, it passes. Maybe your undergrad program was easy on you, maybe you're just struggling in a new place-- regardless, you have the right attitude and it sounds like you'll catch up soon enough.