Oh god, please help/judge me (UC Berkeley Personal Statement)

[khaled]

anyone is interested in a PHS exchange? (I'm applying for MS/PhD in EE)

[GodelEscher]

How did everyone's turn out? Any one heard back from UC Berkeley?

[Adam@LymeAcademy]

This is a bit of an unrelated question, but as it involves Berkeley I figured I would ask here. Perhaps a silly question, but do you think it's ok to refer to 'UC Berkeley' as just 'Berkeley' in the essays (I'm thinking about word count here). That goes for other schools too I guess, like NYU rather than New York University... just wondering what everyone else is doing.

 In a piece of writing you refer to an Institution first by its full name then you can refer to it as its abbreviated name or acronym for the rest of the piece. Possibly restating the Institutions full name the final time you reference it for impact. 

[LidaWu]

I would swap! I'm applying to Berkeley in the fall for Slavic, and the personal history vs. personal statement is also making me anxious.

[IRToni]

I would also be up for swapping. I'll b applying for Political Science, and am really unsure about how personal to get.

[aridneptune]

Sorry to revive an old thread - anyone interested in swapping Berkeley Personal History (not Statement of Purpose) Statements for this season?

[Anne00]

Here are samples from Cal's English department. I like that the examples are footnoted to indicate why the reviewers thought these were particulalry good essays. Although I am applying to Anthropology, I did use these samples as a guide.

 

http://ls.berkeley.edu/social-sciences/diversity/apply/personal-statement-1

[aridneptune]

Yes - it probably says something about me that I thought that sample was horrible. Overly flowery writing, basically zero informational content, mostly BS. Even the footnotes were BS. Admittedly I'm applying to stats programs, but still...I don't think I can bring myself to write something as bad as that example.

[Anne00]

Haha. Yes, my friend and I threw up a little over the nonsense and made fun of the writers and footnotes. However, there was some advice that I was able to incorporate in my more matter-of-fact style.

 

1.) Like in a resume, use action words. To "like" something is very tepid. You have to express your passion. 

2.) Open with a hook. We all got interested in our fields somehow and many time for similar reasons. So you have to express your similar reason in a more interesting way. Find the quirk to your story that will enthrall the reader.

3.) Weave a story. It doesn't have to be flowery but it should flow enough to encapsulate your life and personhood.

 

Anyways, if you still need someone to read yours, I can take a look. I however have nothing to swap. I am not applying for Cal and have already submitted my personal statement to my program of interest.

[sunpenguin]

I'm up for a trade, aridneptune! I probably won't have my draft ready for another few days at least, but feel free to pm yours to me any time.

 

Anne, those are some really helpful points!

[Maleficent999]

This is a bit of an unrelated question, but as it involves Berkeley I figured I would ask here. Perhaps a silly question, but do you think it's ok to refer to 'UC Berkeley' as just 'Berkeley' in the essays (I'm thinking about word count here). That goes for other schools too I guess, like NYU rather than New York University... just wondering what everyone else is doing.

I have been stating the full name the first time I write it, and then abbreviating it every time after that like we would do with authors in a paper. "John Stuart Mill says..." and then, "Mill goes on to say..."

[Maleficent999]

P.S. I need to actually start mine (WHOOPS) but I am up for a trade as well.

[melanie109]

Applying to Berkeley for statistics program. Anyone interested in a swap for personal statement/SOP? I'm done with the draft. 

[sunpenguin]

Applying to Berkeley for statistics program. Anyone interested in a swap for personal statement/SOP? I'm done with the draft. 

 

Definitely! Hope you got my message.  

[lyssajoy]

I am on my first revision of mine for berkeley's j school. I would be interested in swapping as well! 

[alesso]

If it helps I was able to get a couple of larger department scholarships last year after someone helped me to see that what I thought was inspiring sounded common or complaining even.   The wording to describe life has to be such that it begins with the outcome not the struggle.

This is over the top but it makes my point:

 

 

"An appreciation for quiet time was developed as I  pondered equations during my two mile walk to school. That time is time I still take everyday to reassess the order of operations. It reminds me to be humble and check my work for errors. It is ok to have an error and to stumble. Being wrong doesn't mean someone is from the wrong side of the tracks.  I am fearless when it comes to looking for the new solutions in a seemingly impossible situation. There is kindness in strangers and even when abandoned in a rail station I knew that the solution would be in the next smile of the first policeman I found. I am all bout finding the answer."  If it doesn't have a point that it has equipped you and that it is exactly why they want to invest in you then don't put it. That's the formula that I have seen work.

Edited November 2, 2013 by alesso

[abitstartled]

I'd love to swap personal history statements as well!

[gwualum4mpp]

I'm concerned that my personal history statement is not personal enough.. I start by talking about my Jewish heritage and my synagogue's focus on social justice, and then go into how that led me to my interest in promoting equality and human rights, and mention a few projects/internships/jobs i've had in this area. I tell a story about a client of mine who was homeless, when I worked in social services, and how it relates to my interest in improving public policy. (i'm applying for the MPP program.) My worry is that this amounts to a repeat of my resume, and I don't really have any personal barriers I can discuss. 

 

Hello Sarah policy hopeful! I am also applying to Berkeley's mpp program and I am running into the same issue in the personal statement. My policy interests lie in addressing equity issues and disparities in our education system, so it's almost a struggle (barrier shall I say?) to not make this statement sound like my Policy statement of purpose.

 

I spoke to a current Goldman student about this and she observed that the personal statement can boil to "what will you bring" to goldman, whereas the policy statement of purpose could entail "what you will get" from goldman. she also initially wrote these essays as one long essay and split them, so eventually they came into relation with each other. 

 

perhaps that may help! feel free to message me if you want to swap SOPs

[excusemyfrench]

I'm concerned that my personal history statement is not personal enough.. I start by talking about my Jewish heritage and my synagogue's focus on social justice, and then go into how that led me to my interest in promoting equality and human rights, and mention a few projects/internships/jobs i've had in this area. I tell a story about a client of mine who was homeless, when I worked in social services, and how it relates to my interest in improving public policy. (i'm applying for the MPP program.) My worry is that this amounts to a repeat of my resume, and I don't really have any personal barriers I can discuss. Should I mention how my undergrad degree in women's studies and anthropology focused on issues of inequality? do I need to state something specific about how my work with marginalized populations helped me to understand the barriers others face to higher education, or is that too contrived?

As someone who was having a lot of trouble with the personal statement as well and just got into NYU Wagner, I have to say the best advice I got was this: "What do you want to talk about? What does your gut say you should talk about? As soon as you know, start writing. Don't edit. Don't polish. Don't think too hard. Write stream-of-consciousness if you like, but write because in that moment when you do, the real you and the real truth about what you believe and who you are and how you will contribute to the program will come out."

 

You can polish it up later.

 

I followed this advice and my personal statement, I have to say, was pretty damn awesome. Especially compared to the piece of crap I had before that. I strongly recommend the "just write" strategy. And I'm guessing NYU Wagner thought it was ok too. Good luck!

Edited November 6, 2013 by excusemyfrench

[andromache]

Is anyone applying to UC Irvine? Their personal history statement doesn't seem to have a character or word limit, and I'm wondering what sort of  length is appropriate for their personal history statement.

[lyssajoy]

Hi I am applying to Berkeley's J school program. I am stuck on my Personal History too. Does anyone wanna swap? I would really like fresh eyes. Thanks!

[cy213]

I would like to swap too! I am applying to Berkeley's MPP program as well. I haven't started writing yet though.

[everw]

As someone who was having a lot of trouble with the personal statement as well and just got into NYU Wagner, I have to say the best advice I got was this: "What do you want to talk about? What does your gut say you should talk about? As soon as you know, start writing. Don't edit. Don't polish. Don't think too hard. Write stream-of-consciousness if you like, but write because in that moment when you do, the real you and the real truth about what you believe and who you are and how you will contribute to the program will come out."

 

You can polish it up later.

 

I followed this advice and my personal statement, I have to say, was pretty damn awesome. Especially compared to the piece of crap I had before that. I strongly recommend the "just write" strategy. And I'm guessing NYU Wagner thought it was ok too. Good luck!

Really good advice. But I often procrastinate more when under pressure

[cy213]

I am applying for UC Berkeley's GSPP program for MPP, and I was wondering if it is okay if the SOP and the Personal History statements kind of overlap. Is the SOP mainly for the past, present, future prompt they asked, and the PHS is more to describe what adversities have you gone through and how it affects you wanting to pursue graduate school (barriers, racial minorities, underrepresented ethnicities, inequality, etc.)? 

 

Also, for MPP prospective students, the Policy Statement of Purpose should be exactly the same as SOP, right? I read on the GSPP website saying to ignore what the SOP prompt says on the grad application and to use their prompt instead (which is the Policy Statement of Purpose). Is anyone writing two separate ones for these, or is anyone recycling his/her SOP for the Policy SOP?

[excusemyfrench]

Really good advice. But I often procrastinate more when under pressure

You know, I actually lean towards being a procrastinator than an uber-prepared-in-advance-type of person. It's probably not a good idea over the long-term, but sometimes it could be more productive...

 

Some people perform better under pressure when they know they MUST finish something in a short timeframe. If that's you, then perhaps you should approach the problem (writing your SOP, etc.) as you normally would. Maybe I'm playing devil's advocate but something to consider.