Intellectual (dis)engagement?

[TMP]

I cannot figure out the life of me. I did my MA in X and chose to study Y for my PhD in order to round out my graduate training. X and Y are subsets of my field and i intend to engage them throughout my PhD because that's A) who I am as a historian and how I envision my work and future teaching. Historically X and Y have been isolated from each other but there's a slow move towards some conversations.

Here's the issue:

Adviser a top-notch specialist in Y. But she does teach X (and is currently offering it) and engages some of X in her current book project. So it's not as if she's incapable of talking about X and Y in comparative or transnational terms. Yet, she told me that if i wanted to do more of X then Y, I should switch my major fields or programs. i told her I'd stick it out because i need that balance (and i adore her).

Then I talked with faculty and students who can grasp the broader themes and ideas in X, at least were very capable of having fuller dialogue of ideas than I can with Adviser. These discussions have been fruitful and i learned from them. Yet, they'll say "you really should talk to Adviser if you want to continue talking about X. After all, she's teaching a course on X and is doing a bit of it in her book project."

Then I tried to engage X in some of my readings with Adviser. I will admit that I used X to help me become familiar with Y but the same time there's a lot to be learned from such dialogues in terms of content, theories, and methodologies. Then Adviser slammed me last week- explicitly said not to talk about X in my reviews. Not to mention that she still "prefers" that I not to sit on her class on X despite my promises to sit in the back and observe quietly, even today when she teaches for the last time in this course. So I get it. It seems like, despite it all, she's anti-X. That's just my perspective.

That said, when I am in her realm of Y, she's a dream.

So I just feel very squeezed between the encouragement of my department and the push back from Adviser. I cannot even imagine putting books in X on my exam list if Adviser can't go along in our readings. i can't complain to the faculty about her resistance or lean on them for support because Adviser has one of the top positions in the department. They simply say "She should be able to talk with you about X . She's teaching a course on it!" And they won't hear of it anymore.

I just don't even know how to have this kind of conversation with Adviser. I want to be engage in X besides my dissertation (which she is allowing to some extent, we just haven't hammered out just how much).

/vent

[virmundi]

I would back way off and approach this issue again when you've been working with her for a while. It sounds like something you've done inadvertently has gotten under her skin. Focus on "Y" and worry about "X" later on when you've demonstrated sufficient mastery in "Y" that your adviser is satisfied with your progress therein and when you know her better.

Just my $.02.