Please read this paragraph and tell me what you think

[child of 2]

*intro paragraph before this one*

I was not originally fond of research, even though both my parents are researchers in [something]. It seemed like a profession of stress and negativity that resulted in a dysfunctional family, creating personal obstacles in my earlier years of college. I pursued research positions because it was one of the few ways I could gain an income as an international student (at the time), and strive towards financial independence. However, I soon discovered and respected its .....etc...

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now.... I came into college with some really bad grades already on my transcript. Also, I had a semester with 3 W's. I don't want to leave these things unexplained. Also, the essay is suppose to tell a story. On the other hand, I don't want to tell a sob story that doesn't really fit with everything else. Is it a good idea to keep this paragraph? Or make more room for research?

Edited November 27, 2012 by child of 2

[okProteus]

I'm no expert in what these people want, but that sounds a little angsty to me. Please don't take that the wrong way; I see where you're coming from. But you might want to play it a little safer with an admissions committee by avoiding making personal associations between research and family dysfunction.

[1Q84]

Agreed with dwdptok. Associating research with personal dysfunction (or anything negative for that matter) is not a good idea, even if you've had a change of heart. There's no point in really bringing that much detail into it, anyway.

[child of 2]

I was actually trying to be discrete yet clear in what I was trying to say. But if that looks bad, what should I do to address those bad grades and W's? Leaving it alone just seems questionable to the admissions people

[okProteus]

By all means, no offense intended. I see where you were coming from. I can see that you were aiming for discretion. I could be wrong, but I think it could ruffle feathers. Why take that chance if it's avoidable?

(Again, I personally am no expert with this stuff. You're welcome to as many grains of salt as you want.)

If you feel you need to explain your aversion to research, perhaps state it more gently? What if the person/people who made you feel that way were on the admissions board? How would you address them?

Are there alternate explanations for your early poor performance that you could cite? Do you have impressive, more recent, accomplishments to emphasize? It's possible that they will care less about what you did as an 18-year-old if you performed at a consistently high level as an upperclassman. If I was on that committee, I'd be more interested in seeing lots of proof that you were a good student now than hearing why you weren't as successful earlier.

Just throwing ideas out there.

Edited November 27, 2012 by dwdptok

[moody]

I would advise against this approach. Even if this is not your intent, it could be interpreted as if you are negatively disposed toward research, and view it primarily as a pathway to financial independence. Neither of these are likely to sit well with people who have dedicated their lives to research which often does not pay well. If you feel that you must say something about your grades, I would stick with something along the lines of it taking some time to adjust to university and find your true passion in research.

[child of 2]

Thank you for the feedback, and bro I'm not offended. I had a feeling it would be awkward to put that paragraph in there, and you guys made that more clear to me. I'll find a better way to say it, or not say it

[bamafan]

NEVER ever say anything negative in your SOP.