wilderbeast Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 So this application & waiting & (so far) rejection process has made me extremely paranoid. Paranoid in the sense that I don't know *exactly* why things aren't going well. I keep thinking - what if my research advisor really thinks I'm a moron, and just doesn't have the heart to tell me, and that's what all my recommendation letters say? Or, what if I'm somehow a total fraud, and got good grades by luck or fortune, and I really don't know anything? How do I know how to rate myself? It's crept into my research, my thesis, everything. I feel like I can no longer gauge when my work is good, because thus far it's been "good" enough at my school, but how do I know that it's really worth anything? Maybe I'm a terrible scientist and I just don't know it, and no one will tell me... I have gone back and forth between elements of my research and thesis thinking one minute that it's great and the next total crap! It's making me feel like I am losing my mind, and I suddenly have no idea who I am!! :? has anyone else felt this way since the application process started? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
was1984 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Trust me when I tell you that you are not alone. This process is very difficult for everyone, and causes a lot of soul searching. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElusiveMuse Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 My rejection from UCSB sent me into the exact same paranoid freak out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ec86 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 It's okay, I felt and still feel the same way. Looking at it from another angle, we're still students and in the process of learning. Also, that's what the PhD is for: to develop us into researchers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fortiesgirl Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Trust me when I tell you that you are not alone. This process is very difficult for everyone, and causes a lot of soul searching. Well stated. You are not alone. And as for soul-searching, well, that cannot be stated enough. Welcome to grad school! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
artandrelig Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 oh good heavens. i 've even had DREAMS about this. i was actually really calm, cool, AND collected until i heard from the first school at the end of the last week. even though, hallelujah, it was an acceptance, i've now had dreams every night that are total freakouts about getting in or not getting in. the worst is that they're all dreams-within-dreams. like, i'll dream i get a later in the mail at 3am, and then i'll wake up and think, oh that was just a dream, but in fact i'm STILL dreaming, and find out i get rejected, and then wake up from that dream, and fall into another dream...... etc etc etc ad nauseum and AD INSANIUM!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nandelle Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 The worst part is the paranoia is seeping into other parts of my life too....it's driving me up the wall. By the time this process is over, I'll be too insane to actually attend anywhere other than the local loony bin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwagner Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 The worst part is the paranoia is seeping into other parts of my life too....it's driving me up the wall. By the time this process is over, I'll be too insane to actually attend anywhere other than the local loony bin. Oh so true!! I cannot believe the strain this waiting has put on my nerves! Unfortunately there is nothing we can do now. At least last fall before the applications were turned in we could pick up a GRE book and study some words! Congrats on your acceptances, especialy UCI. I am partial of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElusiveMuse Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Can I just say that I went to one of my trusted professors and basically expressed this exact paranoia to him and he laid it out for me very honestly. He was really encouraging and told me one or two things I can work on for next time, helped me formulate some Plan B's, boosted my confidence with candid feedback of my work. If there is anyone like that in your life I highly recommend calling on that person right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TulipOHare Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Oh heck yes, particularly since people I trusted told me I was a shoo-in at half the schools I applied to and very likely to get into the other two. So now I'm mostly convinced that they were just coddling me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psycholinguist Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Oh heck yes, particularly since people I trusted told me I was a shoo-in at half the schools I applied to and very likely to get into the other two. So now I'm mostly convinced that they were just coddling me. Blame the economy before you go after yourself. I've had professors stunned to learn of my rejections. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psychdork Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Blame the economy before you go after yourself. I've had professors stunned to learn of my rejections. I second this! One of my profs is absolutely stunned that many of us applying are being rejected even though we are (in his opinion at least) one of - if not the best class he has seen at my undergrad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TulipOHare Posted March 10, 2009 Share Posted March 10, 2009 Thanks, y'all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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