I feel grad school is a waste of time and money

[Absent_Living]

I started a 4-semester, 2-year program in September 2010.

 

I had a very good paying job (for my field) for the previous two years, but I was interested to specialize within it, so I applied to a few programs... and I was accepted to some of the top programs in my field. I also was very bored with this job, and wanted some change. 

 

I finally took the offer with more financial aid (50% scholarship; two others offered 0 and another one just some meager quantity). This is a very top university but slightly lesser known in its field. However, being an international student and not coming from money, even if I was a bit unconvinced about this program in particular, I decided to take this offer, save a lot of money and avoid debt and loans (savings from good paying job paid the rest).

 

I hated the program from day 1. I knew it beforehand. I wanted to "drop-out" in October, and I told my advisors. Some people (friends, students) convinced me to at least "try" one semester. I didn't like my advisors, and I didn't have much relation with my colleagues... I didn't fit in. I got into a serious depression and after a bit of back and forth I got a Leave of Absence for 1 year after the first semester, so I could always leave a door open... as most people advised me. 

 

Exactly two years ago now, I came back to my country, promising myself I would never come back to finish that degree. I was lucky enough to get quickly a nice job in my previous field (through college connections). I lived in a place where I had some good old friends, a nice job... it was great... or not? People in my job were certainly nicer than my grad program colleagues. Coming back to a job restored some confidence that I had lost in grad school. 

 

But things were never the same again. Inside of me, there was always this thing about coming back and finish it. Also, I still wanted to specialize and move jobs, even if somehow I felt this degree would not give me the flexibility I had expected. And there was the economic question. I had already paid one semester, so I "only" had three left with a 50% scholarship. Starting a new master would take longer (4 semesters) and pay 4 with much less scholarship (or none). Also, I am still in my 20-somethings, so I thought that in the long term, it would pay off. So eventually I decided to come back in January 2012.

 

Things those two semesters have definitely been better than the 1st. I sometimes felt a bit out of place, but overall I coped with the situation better. But that was to the extent of participating as less as possible in my degree (I also moved classes to 1-year later, so I didn't have much interaction with my old colleagues, who I also felt they usually have a very distant position from me, probably because I basically left without saying anything... I just wanted to break with all this). As for the courses... I haven't excelled yet not failed either... in most of them I have been on the average of my class. Still, my GPA is lower than my college's.

 

And this is the end of my 3rd semester... with only 1 left.

 

And I feel those 2 years have been such a nightmare after all. I am relatively confident that I can get a job... after college I got 2 great jobs... and even in my leave of absence, still quite depressed and in those economic times, I got a good job. I know how to get it.

 

But it makes me so sad... I feel those 2 years have been a waste... I will not take any meaningful friends or connections as I did in college and even in my previous jobs, because it was obvious I felt I never belonged to this grad school. I even feel so uncomfortable when someone asks me what I am studying and where... I know that once I get a job, this will matter much less... but unhappiness during those 2 years will probably affect me in the long term.

 

Has anyone experienced anything like this? 

 

 

 

[michigan girl]

OP, we need more information to know why you did not like your first graduate program.

 

Are you originally from an Asian country where English is not your native language? The reason why I ask is because Asian international students generally have the hardest time adjusting to the demands of graduate life in American universities. It is more of a culture shock (Western customs are much different from Eastern customs) for international students. 

Edited December 22, 2012 by michigan girl

[memyselfandcoffee]

claerly the two years haven't been a waste, you have i'm sure gained valuable knowledge, both implicit and explicit and broadened or deepened your understanding of your feild

2) you have now a masters from a good uni to add to your cv--- you said your good at securing employment- so who knows where this will take you

3) you acheived something real- you sacrificed some personal comfort in the end of a worthy goal- kudos

you should be very proud of your acheivement

now how to really maximise your sacrifice( for want of a better word)

get positive and put your all inot this semester- pick your favourite subjects and challenge yourself to outdo yourself in terms grades and learning from them--- get some A's to list on your cv

then in terms of not fitting into grad programme- you seem to fine elsewhere so you probably don't have any major issues

but you really to me seem to look at things, in particular yourself and your achievements in a negative light-- You have achieved something great and its nearing the end and instead of congratulating yourself your telling yourself it was a waste of time, and you have ruined your future

if you think this negatively all the time it may explain your depression

there's no quick fix to that- like brainwashing yourself with positive mantras-- but i think to me it sounds like your very self critical instead of self- affirming-- maybe some time with a good counsellor would help?

anyway that's my two cent- and congratulations again on your achievement--- you should be really proud and self-satisfied right now( in my opinion)

good luck!

[plenum123]

It seems you hardly adjust to your surrounding even in your own country.  After all, life is not just about good job with high pay or good university. You think too much on what you have or cant have. And you think too much on the major you are studying wont satisfy your professional goal.  And that's the price you pay for selecting something based on money not "fit". I too is an international student, I got an undergrad degree in US from not-well-known institution but I was working my best to get a six fig job here. I have no problem adjusting and never ever burn the "bridge". I say, chillax, and accept your choices which already have been made, do your best and have fun. The hard part of an adult life is to do what you dont like and be good at it. School will take you certain places, but it's your job to accomplish your goal.