Need advices on my sop! A little bit freaked out....

[Sylvia0713]

  Counting down to submit my applications!  Still not so sure about my personal statement.

  Thanks in advance for your suggestions, and please feel free to be harsh!

   

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   Our generation is revolutionary. Our existences are proven by the 90 X 90 pixels of digital photos on Facebook, and our happiest moments retained in Instagram rather than in diaries or albums. As a result, innovation is the keyword in my journey in journalism. I desire to bring multimedia, info graphics specifically, into international reporting.

 

       International reporting is a profession that comes naturally to me. At the age of 20, I was the first in my family to study abroad, to live on three continents, and to speak four languages. With my reporting experiences in Germany working on the English section of Company A, in the United States covering international news, and in Belgium broadcasting on the Euro Crisis, it occurred to me that as much as we consider the world today a global village, international news will continue to occupy only a small segment of the daily news consumption for most readers. Now under the influence of the financial crisis, even fewer media outlets can withstand the financial burden of sending correspondents overseas .  

 

       Ruminating on these questions led me to pick convergence journalism as my emphasis at School B. During the summer break following my first year of college, I began working at Company C as a writer and producer of videos in English and German. Unlike many small media organizations throughout the country, Company C devotes considerable coverage to international news, and they are eager to deliver their content around the world in multiple languages. I worked closely with the executive producer of the international program to produce Newsy Now, a program providing quick in-depth analysis of each day’s important news. For each of my shifts, I began early in the morning to select the hottest topic of the day. Then, I looked through the latest reporting of various news organizations to find quotes to tell a complete story. Next, I wrote the scripts and edited the video after the anchoring was completed around noon. After two years’ editorial experiences at C, I was able to work alone in producing online multimedia content and discovered my talent and strength as a multimedia producer. I regarded the experiment as a miniature marketplace of ideas. If we wanted to offer unbiased reporting to the audience, I felt it was essential that our viewers heard voices from all sides before making their own well-informed choices.

 

       A life-changing experience during my second to last semester in college reshaped my long-term career objectives. Through this experience, I took one step forward to working as an information graphics editor at the D. As much as people refer to it as a sinking ship, I still have faith in print journalism, and good international reporting cannot be accomplished without the help of print stories, which allow more in-depth investigation and analysis than other forms of media . During the semester, I created over 20 graphics, including several centerpiece graphics for the front-page story. I delved into the world of coding and database management, which were necessary skills for finding data for my graphics. However, I also come to realize the huge potential behind this new member of the print world. The visual element caters to the needs of modern fast-paced readers. Additionally, it is unbiased, containing information from the data. 

 

       Throughout the past semester, I have exposed myself to database management and design skills, including taking classes in MySQL language and information graphics design. In the coming semester, my classes will include learning advanced Python and the Django languages. I still have a long way to go before I become a qualified multimedia producer and designer. Thus far, my undergraduate study has concentrated heavily on reporting and producing within a web platform. Through a master’s program, I plan to explore designing skills in all platforms, including newspaper, magazine, and websites, further. I hope to cater these skills to international reporting. I believe that by applying my multimedia skills to the international news, the boring section of the news for many, that I can help people become more informed while remaining unbiased with the help of data analysis.

 

       The five-year program at your university will enable me to design my own program to meet my unique needs for my future career. I have talked intensively with some of the professors and advisors within the graduate school to develop an appropriate curriculum to follow in graduate school. The courses include a combination of classes concerned with multimedia platform design and database management. I also plan to learn more about coding, such as java scripts, through courses in the computer science department and through other information technology resources on campus. My desire to continue studying my true passion of graphics design, which I met during my final year at college, will be greatly benefited by continuing my studies at your school.

 

[sugarmilk]

Your opening remarks are generalized and not necessarily true. For instance, I keep a handwritten diary. I would eliminate blanket statements. In another instance you mention that international news is consider boring to many. What if the person reading your SOP finds this offensive? Avoid generalizations, they are just silly. Instead, make more specific commentary on your personal experience.

Just my opinion.

[Sylvia0713]

Thanks Sugarmilk. One more question, do you think my logic flow smoothly? Is there any part that you think is confusing? 

[Tubulin]

I also agree your opening remarks can be easily left out.

 

"With my reporting experiences in Germany working on the English section of Company A, in the United States covering international news, and in Belgium broadcasting on the Euro Crisis, it occurred to me that as much as we consider the world today a global village, international news will continue to occupy only a small segment of the daily news consumption for most readers."

 

This is a little long and a bit confusing... I suggest breaking it up into two sentences and/or rewording it a bit.

 

"Ruminating on these questions has led"

 

"For each of my shifts" You don't need a comma here.

 

"I regarded the experiment as a miniature marketplace of ideas." What exactly is the experiment here?  Newsy News?  It's a bit confusing... you could say "I regarded this program" instead.

 

"A life-changing experience during my last year in college"  They don't need to know exactly what semester, so try and cut down on unnecessary information.

 

"As much as people refer to it as a sinking ship, I still have faith in print journalism" This sounds very negative... instead could you say something like "During this position I found that in many ways print stories allow more in-depth investigation and analysis than other forms of media"

 

"I still have a long way to go before I become a qualified multimedia producer and designer." Take this out.  It's negative, and they don't need to hear it.  Maybe you could reword this to say how you're looking forward to training to become a more qualified producer and designer through the master's program?

 

"the boring section of the news for many" Also take this out.

 

"The five-year program at University X " Name the university here.

 

", such as java scripts," Take this out, unnecessary

 

"which I discovered during my final year at college"

 

 

 

Overall:  I thought your flow was fine.   Good luck!

 

 

 

Edited December 25, 2012 by Tubulin

[Sylvia0713]

Thanks Tubulin! These are very helpful edits! And Merry Christmas!