2nd try at statement of purpose, hopefully im improving.

[confusedgradhopeful]

Please take a look at my statement of purpose and let me know how i can improve it. Thanks!

 

 

I am applying to San Francisco State’s Masters of Science in Computer Science program. I would be an excellent fit for your Master’s program because of your strong support of minorities and because of the interdisciplinary approach taken. I am particularly interested in the way in which the brain processes information especially in relation to learning and how this is similar to the way in which a computer learns. Be furthering investigating the similarities between the brain and computer’s we can finds ways to improve interaction in both environments.

 

My undergraduate degree in Linguistics has given me a strong analytical toolkit that can easily be transferred to the study of Computer Science. The methodical research approach necessary to classify phonemes and grammatical structures is a great building block on which to further my studies in Computer Science. I hope to be able to bridge the gap between both fields so as to have a more concise understanding of the way in which we acquire language and how this can be applied to natural language processing.

 

The interdisciplinary approach of your computer science program gives me the possibility to work not only in Computer science but also within linguistics and psychology. These three fields are essential if we are to make interaction between humans and machines much more efficient and particularly in improving the understanding of natural language in computer systems.

In addition to the academic background that I posses, I also have a great deal of practical knowledge in different technological topics. Starting with my internship at Tri-Net Communications Inc. in which I worked with the President of the organization to design and implement networking systems for call termination. Additionally, I have worked since 2000 on an independent basis as a freelance computer technician. I have done repairs on a variety of computer systems and in a variety of fields including Operating System modification and home networking.

 

What I hope to achieve from graduating from the program is not only a complete understanding of the most intimate details of logic and computer programming but also the ability to take these abstract concepts and to apply them to real world problems. I hope to work not only in trying to create more efficient computer systems but also to use these systems to improve on the world in anyway possible.

 

In conclusion I would like to thank you for taking the time to consider my application and my qualifications for the Graduate Program at San Francisco State University. I look forward to being a part of a diverse academic culture and working with some of the top professors and experts in the field.

[renwod90]

I think you mean "By" not "Be" in the last sentence of the first paragraph.

[Queen of Kale]

I would remove the second to last sentence and merge the last sentence into the preceding paragraph.

[33andathirdRPM]

Please take a look at my statement of purpose and let me know how i can improve it. Thanks!

 

 

I am applying to San Francisco State’s Masters of Science in Computer Science program. I would be an excellent fit for your Master’s program because of your strong support of minorities and because of the interdisciplinary approach taken. I am particularly interested in the way in which the brain processes information especially in relation to learning and how this is similar to the way in which a computer learns. Be furthering investigating the similarities between the brain and computer’s we can finds ways to improve interaction in both environments.

 

My undergraduate degree in Linguistics has given me a strong analytical toolkit that can easily be transferred to the study of Computer Science. The methodical research approach necessary to classify phonemes and grammatical structures is a great building block on which to further my studies in Computer Science. I hope to be able to bridge the gap between both fields so as to have a more concise understanding of the way in which we acquire language and how this can be applied to natural language processing.

 

The interdisciplinary approach of your computer science program gives me the possibility to work not only in Computer science but also within linguistics and psychology. These three fields are essential if we are to make interaction between humans and machines much more efficient and particularly in improving the understanding of natural language in computer systems.

In addition to the academic background that I posses, I also have a great deal of practical knowledge in different technological topics. Starting with my internship at Tri-Net Communications Inc. in which I worked with the President of the organization to design and implement networking systems for call termination. Additionally, I have worked since 2000 on an independent basis as a freelance computer technician. I have done repairs on a variety of computer systems and in a variety of fields including Operating System modification and home networking.

 

What I hope to achieve from graduating from the program is not only a complete understanding of the most intimate details of logic and computer programming but also the ability to take these abstract concepts and to apply them to real world problems. I hope to work not only in trying to create more efficient computer systems but also to use these systems to improve on the world in anyway possible.

 

In conclusion I would like to thank you for taking the time to consider my application and my qualifications for the Graduate Program at San Francisco State University. I look forward to being a part of a diverse academic culture and working with some of the top professors and experts in the field.

Instead of "I hope" try expressing things in an active, confident, concise, and positive tone. For example: "I want to gain a complete understanding of the details of logic and computer programming. In addition, I want to possess the ability to take such abstract concepts and apply them to real world problems. With that ability, I would create more efficient computer systems and use those systems to improve the world.

 

Just my $0.02.

[33andathirdRPM]

Whoops, I meant to only have the next to last paragraph quoted there.

[Ohm]

Neural networks is a very mathematical oriented field...add something there which talks about your strength in complex mathematical solutions apart from analysis and logic. Having worked on ANN myself, I think it's more about how you model the problem before coding. Might I also suggest a bit of shuffling in the sentencing? The first paragraph seems to merge the answer to the question 'why san Francisco fits you' and 'what are your interests', which are unrelated.