Leave of Absence

[honu090]

I am a first-year Ph.D. student in social science, and am thinking about taking a leave of absence after this semester.  I have two major reasons for considering this: relationship-related and financial.  When I moved 5000 miles to start the program, the plan was for my spouse-to-be to find a job in or near my new city and move.  Now it is looking that he may take a job in another city that is 3000 miles away from where I am now, and we've talked about my taking a leave of absence to be together (we are getting married in summer).  Financially, traveling back and forth has pretty much exhausted my resources, and one year of full-time employment will hopefully improve my financial situation (I have tuition waiver but don't receive any assistantship from my department).

 

I plan to see my advisor after the spring break to discuss the possibility (there is no mention of leave of absence on the Ph.D. guide or university web site) and wanted to ask for some advice here before I go talk to her.  Do you have any suggestions as to how I should present my case to my advisor?  How detrimental would it be for me to take a year away from the program?  I'd appreciate any insight on this.  Thanks.

[lewin]

Second year is a terrible time to take a break; you're taking courses and just getting your research started. Actually, there's no good time to take a break. 

 

People usually take justified leave-of-absences for (1) pregnancy, (2) severe medical illness, and (3) family emergencies (i.e., taking care of relative with (1) or (2). Frankly, "I miss my fiancee," will not be seen as a good reason.  I've had several friends who had to spend time long-distance during their PhD. It stinks but it's not unusual. And the financial aspects are a consequence of the relationship issue, not an independent problem; graduate student stipends aren't intended to cover multiple, cross-country trips. 

 

If his job out there is permanent and you move, will you really want to leave again after being together and married for a year? I doubt it. So here's my take:

 

1. If you value his job and your relationship more than your PhD then just drop out and move.

 

2. If this job is temporary and eventually he'll work closer to your program, then stay enrolled and continue long-distance until he can move there. And if I can meddle in your relationship finances  Since your'e going to be married, perhaps you should find a more equitable way of splitting the travel expenses. He has the good job and you're poor, so he should pay for more of your travel or come to visit you more.

Edited March 8, 2013 by lewin00

[ak48]

I agree with lewin00

[queenleblanc]

I can't speak to the PhD component here, but I can speak to the relationship component.  If your fiance has his priorities straight, he will realize that this PhD program is not a temporary 1 or 2 year thing.  It is probably a 4-5+ year commitment.  If he wasn't prepared to follow you to PhD school / city and now is settling WAY too far away to make it feasible to continue the relationship, perhaps a self-reflection of the relationship is in order.  If you are getting married in the summer, what happens then?  Does he move to take a job closer to your PhD city?  Do YOU have to change schools?  Are you willing to go through the process of trying to change schools?  What happens when you finish your 1-year leave of absence - does his priority magically change to include your PhD program?????  

 

It seems obvious that a top priority for you IS your fiance and your relationship ... but he is not reciprocating this.  Why sacrifice your PhD program via a leave of absence or even moving schools, when YOU are not a priority to HIM???? 

 

Just some thoughts to consider.  Remember, we are on the outside, only able to look at the information you give us, and this was my first impression.    

[juilletmercredi]

There is no good time to take a break, but I do think that the second year is a particularly bad time to take one.  You should be finishing up coursework and getting your research rolling.  I think you're also more likely to feel disconnected from the department.  You've only been there one year.  Your advisor doesn't know you very well yet, and so she may be suspicious that you are actually planning to leave and just dragging it out.  I also agree that "I want to be with my fiance, just for a year, though," isn't going to sound compelling or convincing to an advisor after only one year in the program.  She may doubt your commitment to the program or the field as a whole.  And even if she doesn't, word will get around that you took a leave after your first year, and other  professors may doubt your commitment.

 

I think the fourth or fifth year is probably the best time to take a leave, assuming that your comprehensive exams are done.  In fact, in a lot of programs you may not even need to take a leave; you can write from a distance, assuming you don't need access to lab equipment or physical books in the library or have access to another library or lab from your new city.  A lot of doctoral students in my department do that.

 

I also don't necessarily know that taking a leave to be with a spouse is a good idea with the assumption that you plan to return to your program.  I'm married and I've lived apart from my spouse when we were engaged, and I know it sucks, but taking a year off to be together only to have to return to the program doesn't seem wise or useful.  You're vastly increasing the chances that you will decide to leave your program - which is completely okay if that's what you want, but not okay if you want to stay and finish.  I think it would be different if you were taking that year off to strategize to apply to programs closer to your spouse, or trying to find work in his area and planning to leave his program.  You're also assuming that you'll find full-time employment right away.  You've technically been out of the workforce for a year, and although you can refer to your research assistantship as employment, it may be difficult for you to find a position.

 

Also, yes, you do need to consider (if you haven't already) the impact that your spouse's career may have on your own.  If you are aiming for academia, that's not a terrible mobile field.  Is your spouse's field mobile?  Will be willing to move with you again if you need to move for a postdoc, and then an academic position?

[lewin]

Also, yes, you do need to consider (if you haven't already) the impact that your spouse's career may have on your own.  If you are aiming for academia, that's not a terrible mobile field.  Is your spouse's field mobile?  Will be willing to move with you again if you need to move for a postdoc, and then an academic position?

 

Quoted for emphasis. My spouse and I lived apart for a year while we were engaged because she was just starting her career and didn't want to switch jobs so soon. Thankfully, she's in a relatively portable, in-demand job and is willing to uproot herself 2-3 times (PhD, Post doc, job). And it's not just the career, it's that she has to make new friends everywhere too... that's almost harder. Very hard on the academic spouse, but mine's a champ.

[honu090]

Thank you for all your responses.  I do see where you are coming from, and your perspectives help me reevaluate my priorities.  I suspected that taking a leave of absence for non-extraordinary circumstances would not be perceived well, and that seems to be the consensus here.  And I guess job search/relocation is an issue that will follow us for a long time and require ongoing negotiation... Thanks again for your insights.

[ak48]

Thank you for all your responses.  I do see where you are coming from, and your perspectives help me reevaluate my priorities.  I suspected that taking a leave of absence for non-extraordinary circumstances would not be perceived well, and that seems to be the consensus here.  And I guess job search/relocation is an issue that will follow us for a long time and require ongoing negotiation... Thanks again for your insights.

 

Hope it works out and you guys are able to find a way to live in the same place without sacrificing careers!