my advisor had a death in family

[ELM616]

So my advisor had a death in their family. I really want to show my condolences but I'm not sure exactly how.

 

My dilemma stems from my time in the marines. I'm used to never crossing the line between professional and personal life. But obviously this is not the military. The thing is that my advisor has not discussed this with me but the dept. secretary made an annoucement. I don't want to intrude and cross an unspoken line, but obviously I'm saddened by the news and would like to express my condolences.

 

I'm a first year PhD so I've only known my advisor for a few months now. Of course we are friendly to each other but definitely not yet on a first name basis.

 

I'm going to the wake of course. But do I send a card? Or should I go above and beyond a card in someway since they are my personal advisor.  I think an email would be cold. I'm contributing to the fund for flowers, but I feel like I should reach out just a little bit more since this person is my major advisor. An advisor whom I feel lucky to have because they are very nice. I'm in a small department and most people seem to be like family, but I'm new and not sure where I stand among them.

 

This might seem like a stupid question. And the answer very simple....Just express my sympathy. But what if my advisor prefers to keep things professional? What if they don't want some first year getting too close? So I was a marine. And in the marine corps infantry if you don't have a certain time in service then you barely have a right to say anything at all to any senior marine. I know academia is not the marine corps, but this structure is still ingrained in me.

 

What should I do?

[nugget]

Would you feel more comfortable organizing a joint effort in your lab where everyone signs the same card and, if you wish to purchase a gift, you could collectively give your advisor a potted plant, or something else along those lines?

 

If it's a joint effort, it can be given to your advisor by a more senior member of the lab or a pair of people who know him better and would feel more comfortable presenting it to him.

[ELM616]

Yes that might be a good approach. This advisor only really has two students and one post doc though. I'm one of the students so maybe I will get with the post doc and see what they are doing.

 

Thanks.