roommate issue

[McKenna]

So I moved 2000 miles from home for this opportunity.  I have a reasonable stipend but the cost of living here is pretty high for a small town.  So I'm pretty much locked into having a roommate.  I had a rare studio apartment from June until November.  But the complex turned into condos, so now I'm in a nicer complex but with a roommate in a 2/2 unit.

 

I didn't have a lot of choices in the 30 days I had to find something.  She's an undergrad, 21 years old, different dept/major than mine.  She has a dog that is not housetrained, but thankfully the downstairs has hard floors.  My dog is housetrained but I now have to keep her crated all day since she started to slip with housetraining because of the messes the other dog creates.  The roommate has broken up with her SO more times than I can count since I've been here, is bad about paying the bills (but they are all in her name so... I get online and pay my half), throws out my food after 2 days "because it's been in there too long" even though I've asked her to leave my shelf alone, she admitted that she went into my room and looked at my FB on my computer "because you left it there", had to get her to sign a roommate agreement to fix the cleaning issue, etc.  I gave her parents a copy of the agreement the last time they were here because they are guarantors on her lease.  They also pay for everything and she has their credit card for daily living expenses.  I tried to impress on all of them that I live on a small stipend and need to be frugal.  The apartment office says her dog is not on the lease and she did not pay a pet deposit.  My dog is completely legal on the lease.  The apartment office staff knows which dog is mine, I have a good relationship with the staff, and they understand the situation I'm currently in as I am the 5th roommate to live with her in this apartment in 2-1/2 years, basically a new roommate every semester.  They have offered me a different apartment and to transfer my deposits as soon as my lease is up on June 1.

 

Now she started yelling at me today and it's obvious that she is not going to sign the lease with me again in June.  In the meanwhile, I have to live here because I can't afford to break the lease, nor do I want that on my record.  It's hard as it is to get an apartment here, I can't have that on my credit record.  Not to mention that it is $900 to break the lease and I would lose my $750 deposit.   I have to leave my dog in the apartment each day when I'm gone.  I can take all of my electronics with me to the office or lock them in my car.  I've already moved all of my documents, papers, file box into my locked vehicle.  But I'm sick about the thought that she could open the front door and let my dog out while I'm gone.  Not to mention that the next four months could be a living he** with someone who has the potential to make my life miserable.

 

There are people I know in my department, but most of them are married, older, living with SOs.  I really don't have much of a social outlet.  I took my dog over to a friend from the department tonight to stay for now.  He also has a dog and understands how I feel.  But this can only be a temporary situation for a few days.  

 

Suggestions?  I'm feeling ill just thinking about the next four months.  

[danieleWrites]

Start with the school's counselor. You're in a place where the stress of living Ms. PrimaDonna is going to drive you crazy and you don't feel that you can leave. A counselor can help you keep something of an even keel.

You have several options, but none of them are going to be terribly attractive. The first one is to have what we in this area call a "Come to Jesus Meeting". Sit her happy little butt down and tell her how the cow ate the cabbage. After you put a lock on your door that she does not have a key to. Tell her, quite plainly, that she does not have a right to enter your area, it is against the law for her to do so, and you will no longer tolerate it. If she wants, as your "landlord" to come into your space, she must provide you with 24 hours written notice. If you can afford it, get your own dorm-fridge and keep it in your room. If you can't, get a locking tool box and put it in the main refrigerator and then chain it to the shelves in the refrigerator. They don't have to be major chains, unless she's a master criminal in addition to a diva. Very clearly outline your expectations for the next several months: to be left completely in peace without her bothering you, touching your stuff, or causing problems. You've already opened a dialogue with her parents, so re-open it. Not that they'll do anything, but keep them in the loop.

I'm not sure what's going on, but it seems weird that you'd be on the hook for breaking the lease if everything is in her name. Perhaps I'm confused. If you have a signed lease agreement, you have rights as a tenant and you can make her life miserable for not following through with those. Find out exactly what your rights are and what you can do about them. Drop a line to Mumsy and Daddy Warbucks and let them know that Princess is breaking the lease agreement and you intend to take her shiny happy ass to court if she doesn't knock it off forthwith. Just don't go to People's Court.

Another option: break the lease and consider that 1650 a good investment on your mental health. Drop by the U's housing office and put her on the toxic roomie list, if they have one.

Finally: suck it up.

[McKenna]

I think it was the "come to Jesus" talk I had with her today that broke the camel's back.  

 

I am on the lease, just like she is, we are equal tenants.  She pays $30 more per month because she has the master bd.  The office told me they have seen her room mates come and go over the last few years as no one ever renews with her.  Her parents bought the furniture, w/d, etc.  So likely I will be the one moving out.  I'm ok with that, just worried about the next few months.  Jeez, we just started the new semester this week and I don't need the stress.

 

My parents have already suggested a locking handset on the door and I have a friend who offered to help with the installation.  The apartment office has asked for a key in case of emergencies.  I'm ok with that.

 

I'm not sure what tenant rights you are referring to.  I know that I am entitled to 1/2 of the apartment, etc.  But since I read over the lease last night, I'm not sure what rights I have.  It just basically states the length of the lease, costs, utility arrangement, cost to break the lease.

 

Her parents...they are as fractured as she is.  From the way she handles her academic life, personal life, and arguments with me it's clear that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  I know they bought out the last roommate just to get her out.  But, from what I found out from the apartment office...I would probably do the same to get a cocaine addict out.  I think her parents are more adult than she is but that's about all.  They have broken my confidence on everything I have told them in the past.  Although they are concerned that she is living the high life (in more ways than one!) they don't seem to be taking any responsibility in the matter.

 

I might re-visit the roommate agreement with expectations for the next four months.  Although she hated the current agreement that she ripped it up, threw it in my face, told me it was worthless after the meeting today.  So I'm not sure how far a new agreement would go since she likely will not sign it.  

 

The worst part of the whole thing is that the university only has on-campus housing for ~15% of the students so the housing market is really tight for apartments.  There are no resources on-campus to post for a roommate, etc.  So I've let my department folks know and posted on my department FB page.  It's a pretty small town but the rents are huge so no one lives alone unless parents are picking up the tab.  There is a lot of old money around town with some of these kids.  All of my cohorts are PhD students so their stipends are a bit more.  And they all have SOs who work so they can easily afford the rents.  

[rising_star]

I'd try Craig's List to look for a roommate. It's worked well for me in the past. As for the rest, definitely install a lock on your bedroom door. Also, definitely talk to the apartment company and/or the university off-campus housing staff (there is usually such a thing) to find out about what your rights are. Serious question: why haven't you reported the dog that isn't on the lease yet? I ask because if/when that dog causes permanent damage, each of you will have the costs deducted from your security deposit...

[McKenna]

The university doesn't have any resources for off-campus housing.  They don't even own the few dorms on campus.  When my original apartment converted to condos I found this roommate on CL.  There is no university newspaper, website to post on, or even a city newspaper.  CL is about all there is.  

 

The lock goes on tomorrow night.  

 

I inquired at the office about her dog last week when I returned from Winter Break and found she had brought the dog here when she returned.  She took the dog home at Thanksgiving.  I had only been living there a few weeks but it was clear there was a problem with the dog back then.  Her parents promised to crate train the dog, which theydid.  But it has taken just two short weeks to revert.  The poor dog has fleas so bad it's skin is flaking off from scratching.  I even contacted animal control and they won't take a surrender because everything is so full here and no one speuters dogs or cats.  I have to pick up my dog several times on every walk to avoid the feral dogs in the parks.  The office told me that they had noticed the other dog just before I returned.  Since I take my dog into the office when paying rent they know (and love!) my dog.  The manager said they intended to confront the situation and I asked them to leave me completely out of it, which they agreed to.  I guess tomorrow I'll ask if any progress has been made.

[hj2012]

Goodness gracious....small town, high rent, feral dogs! I'm curious, where exactly do you go to school? I want to know to make sure I never go there.

 

On a more serious note, I agree completely with the door-locking thing. The small fridge is a good idea if you can afford it.

 

It seems that you've tried dialogue with her a few times, to no avail. At a certain point in time, if you are absolutely committed to sticking out the lease, I would simply cut off all communication with her and, to the extent you can, pretend she doesn't exist. It's better than constantly fretting about her behavior and having that cloud hanging above you. HOWEVER, please continue to document EVERYTHING that happens. I would write down, for example, any damage done to the apartment by her dog, etc. You shouldn't be stuck with expensive refurbishing fees at the end of this because of her irresponsibility.

 

I also want to second rising_star's suggestion about finding a new place to live. It may be worth the money for your peace of mind.

Edited January 28, 2014 by hj2012

[McKenna]

Thank you.  Think rural Gulf Coast.  The whole area is a tourist trap for snowbirds in the winter and in the Top 5 (I'm guessing) for Spring Break.  Apartments make more money by renting out weekly to tourists than they do keeping monthly tenants.  Add to that transient oil field workers and 5 military bases.  It's a set up for high rents and odd roommates.  Many of the UGs here come from families with tons of expendable incomes.  An hour away from here is dirt cheap to live and they are still making big incomes in the oil industry and military.

 

I have kept both written and picture documentation.

 

I've always tried to stay out of her drama.  It's been fairly easy to nod and keep walking when she tries to tell me about failing classes, weekly bf breakups, her parents' problems, drinking...  But it's difficult for me to live with someone and not talk to them.  My family is small and close-knit.  If it wasn't for my parents I think I would have lost it by now.  This whole grad school experience has not been so much about education as it has been about life experience.  It started with a post-doc sabotaging my work and now my living situation has been a mess since November.  I just want less drama and more education.

 

I suspect I'm not as prepared to handle this as I thought I was.  I just turned 22, finsished my UG on the fast track one year early.  I was homeschooled before my UG and tend to be self-motivated to get things done without a lot of handholding.  Maybe I should have postponed grad school for a year or two.  My PI is fantastic and my workload is very reasonable, in my perspective.  However my PI is constantly lighting a fire under the rest of the department to process work faster.  My project is the only one on schedule.  On the other hand, it is my goal to get in and out of here in two years with a Masters.  

 

I would love to have the resources to move out.  But it would kill me to ask my parents for the money and I can't raid my savings at this point so early in the game.

 

Now if I could just have a little peace and quiet at home.

Edited January 28, 2014 by McKenna

[PsychGirl1]

Thank you.  Think rural Gulf Coast.  The whole area is a tourist trap for snowbirds in the winter and in the Top 5 (I'm guessing) for Spring Break.  Apartments make more money by renting out weekly to tourists than they do keeping monthly tenants.  Add to that transient oil field workers and 5 military bases.  It's a set up for high rents and odd roommates.  Many of the UGs here come from families with tons of expendable incomes.  An hour away from here is dirt cheap to live and they are still making big incomes in the oil industry and military.

 

I have kept both written and picture documentation.

 

I've always tried to stay out of her drama.  It's been fairly easy to nod and keep walking when she tries to tell me about failing classes, weekly bf breakups, her parents' problems, drinking...  But it's difficult for me to live with someone and not talk to them.  My family is small and close-knit.  If it wasn't for my parents I think I would have lost it by now.  This whole grad school experience has not been so much about education as it has been about life experience.  It started with a post-doc sabotaging my work and now my living situation has been a mess since November.  I just want less drama and more education.

 

I suspect I'm not as prepared to handle this as I thought I was.  I just turned 22, finsished my UG on the fast track one year early.  I was homeschooled before my UG and tend to be self-motivated to get things done without a lot of handholding.  Maybe I should have postponed grad school for a year or two.  My PI is fantastic and my workload is very reasonable, in my perspective.  However my PI is constantly lighting a fire under the rest of the department to process work faster.  My project is the only one on schedule.  On the other hand, it is my goal to get in and out of here in two years with a Masters.  

 

I would love to have the resources to move out.  But it would kill me to ask my parents for the money and I can't raid my savings at this point so early in the game.

 

Now if I could just have a little peace and quiet at home.

 

Would you consider moving the hour away to pay very cheap rent, getting a car, and commuting to campus? Unless "very cheap rent" is code for "very bad neighborhood". I commuted 45 minutes each way by driving (1.5 hours by train!) when I did my master's to save money, and it really wasn't bad. It also encouraged me to make a flexible schedule each term, to try to work from home once a week- which is when I got all my actual work done, the other days were packed with classes and meetings and whatnot. You might end up saving money even when the added cost of a car, and it sounds like you and your dog would be happier.

[lola9900]

BEFORE DOING ANYTHING MENTIONED BELOW:  GO TO YOUR SCHOOL'S LAW SCHOOL CLINIC OFFICE or to YOUR STATE'S BAR ASSOCIATION WEBSITE:

 

I would go to the leasing office and tell them that you intend to break the lease if they do not enforce the lease provisions (e.g. that your roommate has a dog in the premises that is not permitted or that she is doing drugs).  Remind them that neither you nor the leasing agency approved of the animal, nor has your roommate paid the additional cost of the animal. 

 

1.  I might also discuss this situation has affected the health and safety of your animal (whom you consider a family member) and yourself.  It has taken away from your studies and has forced you to live in fear that your roommate will retaliate either via theft, vandalism, (or other criminal enterprise), or via some intentional tort (harming your dog, intentional interference with a contract (either with the leasing agency or with your graduate program (as it is interfering with your ability to perform your job), and intentional emotional distress (or harm), trespass (which can be a crime or a tort). 

 

2.  I might tell the leasing agency (and perhaps her parents) that you intend to prosecute this matter to the fullest extent under the law. 

 

3.  REPEAT:  GO to your school's law school (hopefully there is one), and talk to them about possible remedies for your problem (go there first before threatening the leasing agency and/or roommate's parents). 

 

4.  Also, if roommate is doing any type of illegal drugs (or underage drinking) I might take pictures of her in action, take pictures of the paraphernalia, etc.  Take this evidence with you (as well as pix of illegal dog + dog pee and any subsequent damage due to pee) when your go to your law school or state's bar association pro bono office. 

 

NOTE:  You can usually google the state bar's website. On that website you should be able to search legal aid or pro bono, etc.  Or call state bar and ask them if anyone can help you. 

NOTE:  If she is doing drugs, I think that it would be a slam dunk argument that it is affecting your health and safety living with her (as with pot, the second-hand smoke can cause a lot of harmful affects on you and your animal, anything stronger, could make the argument that there is an undesirable criminal element associated with that particular substance, etc.  Causes her to be erratic....Hopefully you see where I am going with this.

 

NOTE:  To find out where you can get the best legal help, go to/call the law school, and ask if there is a student clinic that works with students who have landlord/tenant issues?  If they say no way, we don't touch that type of law, ask them politely whether there is a pro bono organization sponsored by that state's bar association that might be able to help you.  Each state bar association should have legal aid type organizations that will be able to better direct you.  Property law (landlord/tenant law) varies state-to-state.  That is why I say go to the school's law school clinic or to the state's bar association for help, because they will know the best claims for you to make. 

 

FINALLY:  The point won't be to embroil you in a lawsuit, but to make the threat to the leasing agency (for which they are on the hook, as they had "NOTICE" that this girl was a problem with the previous five roommates checking out on her) that you intend to take action against the agency, the roommate, and the parents (if possible).  No one wants a lawsuit, including your leasing agency.  So, if they are given a legit reason to get this girl out of there, who is likely ruining the apartment with dog pee, I'm sure you would be the preferable roommate to keep on.  So give them that reason.... 

 

5.  OR DO NONE OF THE ABOVE...JUST SOME FOOD FOR THOUGHT to hopefully help empower you   Nothing in this post should be construed as legal advice.

Edited January 28, 2014 by lola9900

[lola9900]

Eeeeshh, my bad.  I tried to re-edit again upon realizing that the leasing office did not put you two together.  I thought it brought you two together after your other housing situation went condos.  Overlooked the Craigslist thing.  So, yeah...way off as far as going after the leasing agency.  Sorry  

 

You may still be able to put pressure on your roommate's P's.  I would still go to school's law school (if there is one...this school sounds really small...so maybe not); regardless, the state bar website may be your best resource for finding someone to help you find a legal answer (i.e. maybe write a demand letter to roommate and/or roommate's Ps).

 

Good Luck...

[memyselfandcoffee]

okay, I'm in hurry and dont have time right now to read everyone else's reponses so this may have been suggested-- but surely you have a right to get out of any lease since you are being now forced to live with an untrained dog ( i mean the actual dog), 2 issues-- he wasn't on the lease when you signed it- so does that not make the lease invalid

and secondly even if it doesn't.  surely you have rights when it comes to basic hygiene ect living with untrained dog is unsanitary and not an ideal when you have a dog ( who you did declare at outset)

 

I would check this all with free legal advice in uni or citizens advice centre

 

If not maybe you could try appealing to better nature of landlord, if they kick her out ( which they can for having undeclared & unhousetrained dog) sounds like its a nice place and you could easily find another room mate

 

i feel your pain, though nothing worse than bad roomates

 

Good luck

 

P.S. so I got curious and read the other replies and agree wholeheartedly with Lola--- re getting legal advice and documenting with photographic evidence her dogs mess and her drug use

 

in relation to whether you are ready for grad school, I would say you definitely are- you don't find the work too much, you get on with your supervisor and you are the only one in your group whose project on track.  

 

You are in bad living situation, there is nothing worse, because its your home, and your can't therefore get away from it or just forget about it. Your home should be your sanctuary and its very stressful when its toxic like yours is right now--- so don't be too hard on yourself because you find this situation stressful, anyone would.  

 

Check out your rights and then see from there what you can do. If you are doing well in grad school,like your subject area, and it fits well your career plans, don't for one second let this nutter take that away from you. 

Edited January 28, 2014 by elise123

[McKenna]

Thanks everyone.  The lock is now installed on my door and I felt better today about leaving my dog, my camera, iPod, tablet, etc behind locked doors.  The apartment office has strict instructions never to give her the key, ever.  I told them if she fears I am dead in my bed they should have someone escort her with the key.  The office completely understands the situation.  However, when they confronted her about her dog not being on the lease, her parents immediately sent funds for the pet deposit.  So now her dog is legal.  not housebroken, but legal.

 

The office staff said they would do whatever they could to make the rest of my lease period at least livable.  And they have offered to transfer my deposits to a different apartment when the lease on this one is up.  They told me it has been a revolving door of roommates in the apartment, told me I was the 3rd one in the last 12 months.  And luckily the complex handyman lives next door to us so he has been really great about keeping an eye on things, reporting oddities to the office (I'm also worried about my car sitting in the parking lot.  My parents bought me something nice as a graduation gift and if there is any damage I will be really mad.

 

I will be posting monthly on the graduate student website on campus.  Hopefully that's where incoming grad students will look.  As it gets closer I will also post on CL.  I feel slightly Sheldon-esque in that I now have a list of interview questions for potential roommates as well as a solid roommate agreement that I will implement from Day 1, instead of being reactive when problems appear.

 

Moving out to the cheaper area an hour away is not an option.  This state survives on everyone having a car.  There is very little public transportation and I can't afford the gas for my car and the $350/year to park on campus.  Right now I catch a free bus to campus right outside my door.  

 

Living in one room is not optimal.  But I do use the kitchen and laundry room when she is not home.  I also have  microwave, hotplate, mini fridge, blender in my room so I'm pretty well set up in my room.  

 

The campus is way too small to have a law school.  But I will find out some pro bono services .  I have some senior neighbors who go to the senior center regularly and they have been helpful with resources in the past since these same services are often brought to the seniors for their convenience.  

[Meanyus]

As a tenant you are provided with rights that may allow you to get out of your current situation. Because I don't know what school you go to so I can't provide you their documentation, but here is something to look at from a place near me. http://www.ucdenver.edu/life/services/housing/commuter-services/Documents/Basic_Tenant_Rights.pdf

 

Invasion of privacy

Making you feel threatened.

Threat of damage to your property both in the apartment and your vehicle.

Threat of harming you dog.

 

All of those may help you fall under #8 on that list. I honestly think you are being too nice to the office people. Tell them that this is an unlivable environment. It is affecting your work and your mental state. If they don't have a vacancy for you immediately and refuse to let you out of your lease without penalty, they are looking at their own lawsuit. Your lawsuit isn't with the roomate, it's with the complex. The complex is in charge of keeping their tenants in order. That said, keep documenting like you have said you have. Picture and videos are damning. Drug use in the apartment is reason for immediate conviction because you don't live in a state where marijuana is legal, from what you've described as your location.

 

You don't need to treat the office staff like shit when you talk to them, but quit letting them off the hook. They have the power to help you, you are just being way to nice to them about it so they have no reason to help you. If you are gonna let this girl piss in your cereal every morning and still eat it, why should they help you? There's just no incentive. Time to kick her to the curb!

[McKenna]

Ok, I get that I have rights but I think Texas has fewer rights than most other states.  I am at Texas A&M in Corpus Christi.

According to Texas Tenant Website   http://texastenant.org/index.html

"Even the Texas Apartment Association (TAA) says you should choose your roommates carefully: "If your roommate moves out early or cannot pay the rent, you'll be responsible for the entire amount, unless you've rented on a 'per-bedroom' basis." If you'll be sharing the rent with a roommate, make sure you both understand your responsibilities. If you both sign the lease, each of you will be responsible for the full amount of the rent if the other does not pay. If you need to find another roommate to help with expenses, your new roommate will need to be approved by the property owner, and you may need to sign a new lease or a lease addendum."

Also, if you and your roommate have a disagreement, your landlord probably cannot and will not lockout, evict, or remove your roommate for you. Police would typically consider such a dispute a "civil matter" and not get involved. A tenant can request that the landlord change the locks at the tenant's expense; however, the landlord will have to give the new key to any other tenant on the lease.

If you have problems with a roommate, negotiate as much as possible and put any deals you reach in writing. If you move out with your name still on the lease the landlord may put something harmful on your credit. You also may be liable for damages that occur in the unit. See if the landlord will let you out of the lease before you leave. You also might try to find another roommate to take your place, but make sure your old roommate and the landlord consent and take your name off the lease.

It may be a waste of your time to bring your roommate issue before your landlord because the landlord has nothing to gain by getting involved. You could try to find another roommate to replace the one that is a problem, but again, you are going to need consent from everyone involved. These are difficult situations to fix easily. Clearly the best plan is to be very up front in the beginning and be as sure as possible that you and your roommate will be compatible living partners.

What happens to the deposit when you move out? Unless it is specifically spelled out in the lease differently, any money that is returned is owned jointly by all the tenants. Any other situation would likely have to be worked out between you and your roommate."

 

According to the office when they confronted her about her dog, she is now in the process of adding the dog to her lease.  She did not make any direct threats, just name-calling and accusations.  So this happened on Monday night, I installed the keyed lock on Tuesday while she was out all day and all night that night, she arrived home before I left for my office on Wed morning, I locked my door (she didn't see me do it) before leaving and left my dog crated in my room.  Same thing on Thursday, today.  I then received a text from her around 10AM that my dog was barking today.  We have an agreement to notify the other if either dog could be causing a disturbance especailly to our neighbors.  Normally, I would tell someone to go in my room and let the dog out of the crate. But she probably figured out the lock thing before she texted me.  So I responded that I was in class and would try to figure out something different for Friday.  She responded an hour later that my dog had settled down and she was leaving for class.  Tonight when I arrived home she said my dog had been fine the rest of the day, her mom had sent a care package and would I like some snacks (no thanks), and she bought me a small gift of a facial cooling mask that I had admired one time when we were Christmas shopping for our families last month.  She apologized for her behavior and calling me names.  I told her that I accepted her apology but that it does not change how I feel.  She went so far as to say that I have been a good roommate and she would like to sign the lease together again in July.  I told her I would consider it but that she should not get her hopes up.  Honestly, I have no intention of continuing this behavior into the next school year.  Since putting the lock on my door I have not used the common spaces other than to cook in the kitchen and run laundry.  I have my own tv, microwave, mini-fridge in my room so I have stayed in there working with my door closed.  I just have no use for someone so immature.  I can't stand the sight of her right now and best that I just keep to myself until my feelings calm down.  The hot/cold personality seems in line for some other observations from the last few months.  Her parents have separated several times in the last few years, once already since I've been here just since November.  Then it blows over, they move back in together and everything is forgotten.  My roommate has broken up with her bf almost weekly, creating drama that I soon learned to ignore.  Last week they had yet another blow up but this time when she tried to kiss and make up he threw her out of his apartment, where she spends most of her time even spending the night there 60% of the time.  She has not seen him since and has very few other friends in town.  So her relationship with me seems to be moving along the same lines.  She may be able to recover quickly from these horrendous outbursts but I am frankly, still reeling from this days later.  I was not raised to act like that to anyone, ever.  I take full responsibilities for my actions, act like the adult that I am, and try to avoid drama at all costs.  I also take medication for an anxiety disorder so I am careful about keeping my life simplified to avoid unnecessary stress.  

I do not believe that the apartment complex is going to let me out of the lease at this point.  There were no witnesses to the outburst and she did not make any direct threats.  Her only real indiscretion was entering my room without permission (and she said she was drunk at the time) and using my computer.  However for me that is the true deal breaker.  Had she gotten into my laptop with all of my data for my thesis project and mucked around in there we would be talking about evicting her.  In the end, I don't see that there's too much I can do.  My cohorts are being extremely helpful by spreading the word for anyone looking for a roommate and there have already been a couple of people interested.  I want to have a home that is peaceful and my place to relax without drama.  Have a couple of beers but don't come home blotto.  I don't care what kind of recreational stuff you do at someone else's place but sleep it off before you come home.  Once she came home totally stoned, was violently ill the next day, ER doc diagnosed her with a concussion that she doesn't know how it happened (how high is that?).  So, I'm hoping that a closed door will make a civil living arrangement until the lease ends and that I can find someone who shares my values in the meanwhile.

But I'm still here listening to any ideas you guys might have!

[juilletmercredi]

Hi OP.  Sorry that this is happening to you!

 

However, I honestly don't think that legal means are going to be a viable option for you.  Sure, you have tenants' rights, but you don't have the right to not be annoyed in your own apartment.  Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like anything she's doing is rising to the level of anything that violates your rights.  Given that you are both equal lessees on the lease, your landlord is under no obligation to force your roommate to housetrain her dog, force her to stop using your things, force her to stop throwing out your food...etc.  These all fall under "supremely annoying roommate habits" and not things that you could threaten your landlord with.  The only thing I could see being something that could potentially rise to the legal factor is if your roommate actually threatened you bodily or you feel unsafe living with her, or if she actually did physical damage to your property.  But it doesn't seem like that's the case - she just used your stuff - and so...no.

 

Moreover, a good relationship with your landlord is really important.  I'm not saying that you don't want to use a little strength in your argument if they really are wronging you, but it sounds like they are trying to work with you the absolute best they can.  Don't ruin your relationship with them by threatening them with legal action.  Number one, because you don't really have a leg to stand on in their department - even in NYC, where tenants' rights are pretty strong, there's no kind of legal action you could take in this situation.  And number two, because that's the quickest way to sour a relationship with a landlord.  You want a super that will come when you call and a landlord who may waive a one-time late payment if it comes to that, not a landlord who is looking for reasons to move you out.

 

If you go to the landlord and threaten to sue them because your roommate is annoying you (and I'm not trying to trivialize it, but this is the way they're going to see it) they're going to look at you like you're crazy.  No, the complex is not in charge of keeping their tenants in order or solving roommate conflicts, unfortunately.  They're responsible for the physical condition of the buildings, nothing more.  Honestly even if your roommate steals or damages your stuff you'll get nothing but legal fees if you sue the landlord.  That's a person-to-person civil dispute; it has *nothing* to do with the apartment complex.  #8 on that list refers to the physical conditions of the apartment - or, perhaps, physical threat from the roommate - but not this.  The right to privacy refers to the right to privacy from building employees, not from your roommate.

 

Even if you did have any rights that were being violated in this case (which you really don't from what you've said), the cost of taking your landlord to court over it will likely be FAR more than the cost of simply breaking the lease and moving out.  So it's not worth it at all.

 

What I DO suggest is talking to your landlord about options to move within their owned buildings before June 1.  It seems like you intend to move into another apartment they own.  Sometimes (often) landlords can transfer a security deposit from one of their units to another without it counting as you breaking a lease, because they are still getting the same amount of money from you.  Or see if they will negotiate with you - perhaps you lose your $750 deposit but they waive the lease-breaking fee, or perhaps they will do the opposite - still charge you the fee but return your security deposit.

 

Another option is to see if someone is willing to take over the rest of the lease from you from now until June 1.  My roommate did this - she wanted to move out 3 months before the lease was up (not because of me) on September 1, so she found someone who took the lease over in July and that person just resigned with me in September.  So find someone who is willing to move in now as opposed to June.  They sign a sublease with you until June 1, and then they will sign the actual lease with your roommate.  Your landlord sounds like they are willing to work with you, so if you are able to find someone they may even release you from the lease for free and allow that person to sign a new lease with the roommate beginning March 1 (or whenever you find her) if they put down the security deposit and rent on time.

 

Glad you got a lock; I was going to give the same advice, and also the thing about the mini-fridge and the come-to-Jesus talk with the roommate.  You may also want to date the food you put in the main fridge so she can't claim it has been in there for two long.

 

And this may seem odd, but could you housetrain her dog?  I know that takes some work and she may not be willing to let you do it, but if you didn't mind it could make things more comfortable for all of you.

Edited February 1, 2014 by juilletmercredi

[McKenna]

Thank you.  I came to the same conclusion about tenant rights.  The office manager told me that she understands (I am the 5th roommate this tenant has had in 2-1/2 years) and has put me on the short list for a different apartment as soon as my lease is up.  My preference is a smaller 2/2 with another grad student.  But they also have studios.  The trade off is living alone or being able to split things like the internet bill.  Also the 2/2 have washer/dryer hookups and since moving in here I really like that convenience.  I can pick up some used ones pretty cheap here since the ones we have now belong to my roommate.  So, I'm ok with the treatment I'm getting from the landlord.  My goal at this point is to stay on good terms because the location is the most convenient to the university shuttle route, has some nice outdoor spaces for my small dog, and the apartments are newer/nicer than most in town.  The office manager is very willing to use my current security deposit for a different apartment when the time comes.  

 

The lock and the silent treatment have been working like a dream.  At this point, she is either sleeping (which she does a lot of, more than 12 hours per day) or out of the apartment.  I've only seen her in passing in the kitchen in the morning (remaining civil "hi, how's your day") or notice that she is in her room when I return from work.  I just can't stomach the idea of ever having conversation with her again.  She violated my trust and I don't think I could ever trust her again.  It's obvious to her that there's a lock on the door now.  And I think that may have shook her a little...she offered to share the care package and bought me a small gift (see above) and said she wanted me to sign with her again in June.  NOT!  Except for the part that I come from a warm and loving household and it is difficult for me to live with someone who I can't even trust, I believe it is do-able until the lease is up.

 

Training her dog only raises problems for us.  Since I have a lot of experience with dogs I have always offered to walk her dog whenever I take mine.  Since a flea infestation caused her to have her dog shaved, she claims that it's just too cold for the dog to go outside, even though it rarely gets below freezing here.  So we're stuck with the potty pads at this point that the dog is mostly reliable about using right now.  That just means I can't (not that I would at this point) leave my dog loose in the apartment because then my dog will want to potty indoors too.  My only concern is that we do have carpeting upstairs and her dog likes to be in her bedroom.  Since she could sleep through an apocalypse she wouldn't notice if the dog was even in the room.  I'm hoping that she decides to keep this unit when I move out (she's been in ths unit for 2-1/2 years), in which case the apartment manager said they would only be concerned about my room and the common areas upon check out to refund my deposit.  The common areas downstairs are all laminate floors and I mop every weekend.

 

I really don't know what more I can do at this point.  I'm sure many on the forum have had worse roommate situations.  One of my cohorts suggested that I bring some local crawlies from the lab home in a jar, tell her I'm doing observations, turn the bugs loose outside after a few days, and when she notices say something like "jeez, they must be around here somewhere!" I did get a little chuckle from that as most bio majors would!

 

I appreciate all of the moral support on this forum.  Sometimes this grad life is just lonely and depressing.  The resources around here are fantastic!  Thank you all!

[Meanyus]

While I'm glad you've found a way to get through your current lease, you actually do have the right to not be annoyed by your neighbors when you live in an apartment. Not in the sense that you don't like when she eats your cereal, but if her behavior is causing you a severe drop in quality of life, you can do something about it. Our little slice of heaven actually just had a group evicted after being here for 2 months because they were loud and leaving cigarettes on other people's windshields. I didn't appreciate them waking up my baby every night but I actually wasn't the a part of the group of people who got them evicted because our lease is up soon anyways.

 

A quick google search of Texas tenant's rights shows:

Peace and Quiet

Your rights as a tenant include the right to "quiet enjoyment," as it is called in the law. This means the landlord cannot evict you without cause or otherwise disturb your right to live in peace and quiet.

If other tenants in your building are disturbing you, you should complain to the landlord. The landlord has a duty to see that you are protected from other tenant's wrongful behavior. Of course, you may not disturb other tenants, either.

Except under certain circumstances and subject to certain conditions, a landlord may not interrupt utilities to a tenant unless the interruption results from bona fide repairs, construction, or an emergency.

 

That said, I realized it's a bit of an idealized statement that they should fix the problem. But like I said earlier, they have no reason to help you because you've already told them that you will not only put up with your current situation until your current lease is up, but also that you are going to sign another lease with them. It's good that you've figured out a system to make it through your current lease, so it's probably not worth the effort of raising hell now. Have you talked with them about some sort of out for you if they place you with another shitty roommate next year though?

[McKenna]

They don't actually choose the roommate, I do.  My original studio apartment in a different (much older, not as nice) complex was converted into condos and I only had 30 days to get out and find something else.  I found this roommate on CL.  My current roommate had her parents pay the $875 for the ex-roommate to break the lease, just to get her out.  That one also lost her deposit.  I suspect my roommate's parents have bought out more than one roommate since she has had a different one every semester she's lived here.  In all honesty I find people who live here to be very immature.  I believe most of them haven't had much life experience outside their own very small towns.  Most UGs here are smart enough and they are getting state scholarships to prevent brain drain, but they have never seen the world.

 

So the latest today is that she knocked on my door, told me she doesn't like what I say about her to my parents or friends when I skype.  I Usually have my headphones on and I'm not shouting so she must be eavesdropping.  I just let her rant about it.  When she stopped I just closed my door without saying anything.  Then she left chocolate covered strawberries for me in the kitchen with a note saying that she remembered I said I liked them so they were there for me.  Not on a bet would I eat those!!!

 

I certainly wouldn't choose to live this way.  But I really like the complex location and amenities.  I save tons of $$$ by taking the free shuttle that stops 5 minutes from my door.  Unlike my former apartment, this complex has all the nice stuff like pools, gym, free movie rentals.  The neighbors are nice and my dog is welcome here, including into the office.  My goal is to stay in this complex as a model citizen.  So I don't want to rock any boats.  If I can't find another roommate by the summer I will sign for a studio here.  I have to admit though, I found that living alone was not mentally healthy for me.  Even this situation is probably better than alone, even if it's just about the nice neighbors I see daily, other tenants out walking their dogs, and visiting with the office staff when I go in daily to pick up my mail.  

I just find it very odd that an adult would act like this.  She's not ignorant, her family is well-traveled military.  I had no problem with her personal/environmental cleanliness (or lack of, did I mention that she doesn't shower?) and that she didn't have the same financial values that I have.  But when she went into my room and accessed my computer she crossed a line that causes me never to trust her ever again.