Anybody else applying with a spouse/partner?

[shortstack51]

I haven't heard back from schools yet, but I wanted to know if there's anyone out there who is applying to graduate school at the same time as their spouse/partner/SO. My fiancée and I are applying- me to PhD and her to MA- and it's a bit scary. We applied to 3 schools each in the same cities/regions but there is still a chance we might not get into school in the same part of the country knowing how selective schools are. Has anyone else had that issue? What do you do if that happens? I imagine one of us would probably have to compromise and take a year off... (NYC is kind of our "safety" city- my current MA program is there and she's applying to some less selective programs there).

[iphi]

I know two couples who have done this. Both of them ended up in the same city, but at different schools. Still, each probably faces a 45-70 minute commute to school.

 

If you do not get accepted to schools in the same city, I suppose you have two choices. Either one of you defers to the other (I would humbly suggest that the MA defers to the PhD, but whatever way you want to do it. MAs are easier to come by) by moving and then re-applying. Or, you live long-distance for a little while. I was pretty motivated and had my MA completed in 15 months, so it doesn't necessarily have to be for a very long time. And you can visit each other on school breaks and stuff. This is especially feasible if she is doing her MA full-time and not working, because then she will have breaks to spend as she wishes.

[iphi]

Sorry, I probably should also have mentioned my personal experience! I moved with my partner several years ago when he started his PhD. The next year I applied to a local MA program which I adored, and never would have found without moving there. And I still finished my degree before he was even halfway through his, so it worked out pretty well.

[shortstack51]

Thanks so much for the response! We already each commute 45 minutes, so we're prepared for having to commute if we end up at different ends of a city.

My fiancée has made a similar statement that she will take the year off and reapply for MA. In her case it's a bit tricky because she's applying to 3 year, 66 credit programs for school psychology. She only can apply to programs certified by NASP, which narrows down the possibilities (unless she goes for a general psych degree, which she might do). She is flexible I think. I just feel guilt prioritizing my degree, although I am also running from student loans...

Your post has eased my anxieties some!

[Eigen]

When my wife and I did our applications, she decided to take a year off while I applied. 

 

We evaluated all the schools I applied to (and then which one to go to) based off of them being viable and interesting choices for her, and she even went and visited and did informal interviews at the programs when I did. 

 

We did end up in a city with several possibilities for her, and she ended up having no problem getting accepted mid-year when someone dropped out. They knew she was in the city and wanted to start, and offered her an early acceptance. 

 

Once you're in a program, especially if there's any inter-relation between the programs, it can help- it's similar to a "spousal hire" down the road. They know you're both more likely to stay if the other one is in school at the same place. I also found out that half my department's faculty had spouses in similar fields, as did hers- so there was a lot of sympathy to trying to make it work.

[iphi]

Thanks so much for the response! We already each commute 45 minutes, so we're prepared for having to commute if we end up at different ends of a city.

My fiancée has made a similar statement that she will take the year off and reapply for MA. In her case it's a bit tricky because she's applying to 3 year, 66 credit programs for school psychology. She only can apply to programs certified by NASP, which narrows down the possibilities (unless she goes for a general psych degree, which she might do). She is flexible I think. I just feel guilt prioritizing my degree, although I am also running from student loans...

Your post has eased my anxieties some!

 

Ah yes, I remember you! You are right about NASP-certified programs (although I really still advocate that she try for an EdS and not a MA if she's doing School Psychology). Also remember that if she does general psychology she will not be eligible to practice as a school psychologist.

 

Good luck to you both!

[shortstack51]

Haha yes that was me. I think what would happen is she would get her general MA then reapply to EdS programs. Also, the programs she's applying to are combined MA/CAGS (basically an EdS I guess?) or MEd/EdS or other combinations of letters. In my doofus-y humanities brain, I heard and read only the MA part while she was applying and didn't think to ask. So she should be all set.

It's good to know we're not the only ones. A lot of married/partnered people in my program basically never want to leave NYC, so it's less complicated for them. A couple of others have also done long distance marriages for a couple of years. Good for them, but not quite what we want, haha.

[CC2014]

My wife is going to move to wherever I get in but we are facing the prospect of a prolonged period of long distance.  When she did her masters - prior to us being married - we did a year and a half long distance.  She then got a job in our current location and we both moved out here.  As I had returned to school at this point, I finished my UG out here and it has worked out well for her career and my education.

 

But now, we're at a point where if I want to continue on this path I need to go to a place with schools that will have programs for me.  She's been incredibly supportive through this whole process and I have tried to limit my selection of schools to places where I could see us living for 5+ years and she would have ample room for professional growth.  So far its worked out well but of course it all depends on where we end up and what the job market there is like.  Its a tough process, but I am fortunate to have an incredibly supportive spouse and as we make the decisions together I'm confident that we'll end up in a good situation.

 

Oh, we currently both commute 45mins - 1 hour in different directions.  We live in a city in between our two places of work (I work at the school I just graduated from so its been like this the entire time) so I feel that has prepared us a bit in case we move somewhere where we once again have to find a place to live in the middle.

Edited January 30, 2014 by CC2014

[ERR_Alpha]

I haven't heard back from schools yet, but I wanted to know if there's anyone out there who is applying to graduate school at the same time as their spouse/partner/SO. My fiancée and I are applying- me to PhD and her to MA- and it's a bit scary. We applied to 3 schools each in the same cities/regions but there is still a chance we might not get into school in the same part of the country knowing how selective schools are. Has anyone else had that issue? What do you do if that happens? I imagine one of us would probably have to compromise and take a year off... (NYC is kind of our "safety" city- my current MA program is there and she's applying to some less selective programs there).

My SO and I are currently applying to (mostly) the same schools. I've applied to all PhD programs, and he's applied to some PhD, some masters, and a post-bac program (as he says, the only thing he's sure of in his future is me... aw? Haha). 

 

Waiting it out is agonizing so until we both have all of our offers on the table, I've tried to stop thinking about all of the variables. As of now, we both got interviews at Penn State, so that's promising at least!

[shanks.k]

We're also in the same boat. My wife is applying to a JD while I'm applying for a Mech/Aerospace PhD. We've both applied to about 10 schools and I'm now waiting to hear from schools.

 

My wife has already received decisons from about 7/10 schools and it's quite a pain to have to wait until March to get a decision.

 

Most of the possibilities are the same school so that will be good for us and minimize long commutes.