Guilt turning down offers?

[ezmeray]

So, I've received two nice offers already (and expect more), and each have offered to fund a visit to see their campus/department and city, including hotel and meals (in addition to transportation--one of which will require airfare), which is very nice I think.  

 

My problem is that they've all been so nice, I know I'm going to feel guilty declining offers from any school that pays me to visit them..  I mean, I guess they know that students might decline, but still... I can't help but feel I"m taking advantage of the department's or something.. to be fair I really haven't made any decisions, and the feeling I get from a visit quite possibly could influence my decision.

 

But, especially at one school I've been messaging back and forth with the department secretary/graduate admissions assistant in a conversational manner (she's cool seeming) and I just would/will(?) feel so bad for telling them 'no' eventually..

 

Any thoughts?

Edited February 18, 2014 by ezmeray

[TakeruK]

I understand that you will feel bad about saying no to people who have been so great and I felt the same way. But if it helps, did you know that in many physics programs, they actually only expect/want 30% to 50% of their offers to be accepted? That is, if they are aiming to fill 40 spots, they might make as many as 80-120 offers! This is not true everywhere of course, but in many cases if everyone said yes, it might actually pose a problem (but usually not so serious that making fewer offers in future years won't fix).

[x13LadeZx]

I also have the same problem... I was fortunate enough to be accepted to multiple awesome programs. I noticed the big difference between choosing an undergrad and grad school is that you make real human connections searching for a grad school. I've talked to several POIs already and they all seem incredibly nice and welcoming that I could imagine working for them. But I know deep inside that I have better offers and will most likely go with one of those, and it hurts me a little every time thinking that I will have to turn all these other people down. It's a little stressful, but my friend told me it's a good kind of stress haha

[H Bond]

Hopefully, if you turn them down early enough, they have a chance to find another student. The thing is, it's quite likely that you'll feel bad either way. My adviser sort of harangued me today for turning down a good offer at school A which I didn't think I'd take due to the other offers I'm getting. I wondered whether I'd made the right decision there, but I've also been questioning how I can say no after I visit school B which it's likely I won't accept. Visits are a good way for them make sure you are committed and for you to get a feel for the town (or so I've heard, having not taken any of my planned visits yet). For example. UTAustin doesn't make a formal/official offer and doesn't mention funding until *after* you've visited. 

 

So you're going to feel guilt either way. One way you've taken a risk, but they get to save money; and the other way you've wasted your time, but they feel like they've had a chance to sell it to you and to save face. Pick your poison. Also, TakeruK has a point. As long as you don't offend anyone in your rejection letter, this is just business for them.

[the_sheath]

Well, barring cloning yourself, I don't think there are any ways around this. Anyone who does admit you must know that you, as a candidate who was viable for their program, may also be viable for other programs. I'm sure that they also understand that you, as a human being with your own agency, are able to make decisions and choices and consider a variety of factors independent of how well they treat you.

 

If you absolutely 100% know you would say "no" to them specifically, however, and you're wasting their money and time, you should definitely feel bad about that. They have enough trouble funding us as it is.

[deci:belle]

I mean, you did pay the application fee and the fees to send test scores and transcripts. And then all the stress and time it took to apply. To me, it breaks even. Let them fly you out and pay for your food. They'll be okay.