first generation students

[Guest guest47]

Any first generation/low income students out there? Do you feel like you face extra hurdles? You can't get advice from your parents about college let alone grad school. Perhaps lower professional networking skills....? Mostly, do you feel that it will be difficult for you to connect with other students in your cohort or even with factulty? I'm a little bit worried about this. Any thoughts?

Also, congrats on overcoming the odds! I'm confident that everything will be fine, but I wonder if any issues will come up because my background is different from that of most grad students.

[Guest guest]

Hi, I am first generation and low-income. My parents never went to college, and I'm the first to go for a Ph.D. My siblings and I are the first and only to ever go to college in our extended family. But I have an MA and I found that there was a bit of weirdness at first, because I was so intimidated by what other students had done already in their lives---travelled abroad, done internships (wheras I'd worked crap jobs all through college just to get by), learned languages, gone to more prestigious colleges than me, etc. They certainly had more connections and confidence than I did, but pretty soon you start to think...hey, some of these folks got this handed to them with little or no effort, but I WORKED my way to get here, so I'm at least as capable as they are, if not more.

[rising_star]

I'm not actually first-generation (dad was JD, mom has PhD that she got when I was in elementary school) but managed to be low-income nonetheless. Surprisingly enough, my mom wasn't very helpful for the applications process because she literally applied to one school for her MS and one for her PhD and could not fathom why I was applying to 6 and thought it a complete waste of money. LOL. So in that sense, her grad experience didn't help me out.

Congrats to all!

[Guest emma]

I'm both first-generation and low-income, too. My mom immigrated to the US from Taiwan and then separated with my dad shortly after I was born. When I applied to college, I had no help from her or my step-dad (who had managed to drive the family into major credit card debt) and actually applied for an early entrance program without their knowing (so that I'd skip my senior year of HS). I had the luck of getting into the program and getting a full scholarship for tuition and living costs from my university. USC has been, indeed, been a weird experience for me, but the scholarship I got also didn't make me too different from the kids coming from the middle-class families. I even got to study abroad in Berlin for a year.

What has been hardest for me coming from this background hasn't been not getting help (my professors have been wonderful and very caring people; I like to think of them as my intellectual parents), nor feeling different from other people either at college or in the PhD program I'll be attending in the fall (if I feel different, it's due to the fact that I'll be 19 when I begin, not that I might come from a different family background), but rather that I wish my mom and other members of my extended family could be interested in what I'm doing. My mom's side of the family is very very traditional in values, especially on the whole "women's place in society should be..." and my grandmother especially has given me endless amounts of flak for not speaking perfect Chinese (even though I've managed in the meanwhile to learn Spanish, German, Latin and Sanskrit) and wasting my time on studying when I should be finding a husband with lots of money. At family reunions, my aunts don't ask me how school is going or how I am; they ask me if I have a boyfriend. My mom is probably the best about this; she is the least traditional in these views, but I feel like she doesn't care about what I'm doing. Again, I think traditional Asian values strike again because I'm a Linguistics major and if it's not hard science, engineering, medicine, law or business, I may as well be majoring in home economics. My mom will still tell people that I'm a math major, and when I try to talk to her about what I'm doing in school, she'll interrupt me and start a new conversation. When I called her to tell her about my acceptances to PhD programs, she was only really impressed when I told her about the funding packages I was offered. I feel like even though I'm doing what I love and that people who I really respect seem to believe that I can produce good work, my family just doesn't care and never will. And perhaps that's just how the cookie crumbles and I need to get over that. But I would like to share with them a really important part of my life.

I think that's the biggest challenge for me at least.

[mhcrosefly311]

I'm so glad that somebody was brave enough to broach this subject because at this moment I am feeling kind of out of place when it comes to going beyond the B.A. I am a the first in my family--probably the only one in my family--who will get a college degree, now as I will go into a Masters program--I will be the only one in my family with a professional degree. Im also a first generation Mexican-American. Going to school these last four years have been difficult since in my home I have been the "head" of household for awhile now...so making decisions for others while away from home has kind of been really tough to accomplish. Also I feel like I wont fit in with fellow grad student-and I still dont know how I made it into an M.A program since I didn't do any internships or anything big while in college (I spent all of my summers working hard to pay for tuition). Anyone who has already undergone the transition, does this ever change?

[Guest guest]

i am one of the VERY few low-income (and one of the only minority) students in my current PhD program. i'll tell you...for me, anyway...it's been very tough. i feel so isolated, and it's hard to see my classmates jetting off to europe for spring break and going skiing on the weekends. they don't have any undergrad loan debt, their parents/siblings/family have gone to impressive schools and they just...they don't understand the challenges i face. they don't understand why i live farther from school b/c i'm trying to pay down my debt. they just seem...it's like another world. also, i come from a low-income area. my experience is just so different from my classmates.

[Guest another guest]

I'm also the only person in my extended family who has gone to college. I'm still hoping at least a couple of my younger siblings/cousins make it. It's so weird to be the first to go to college and then go all the way to the phd.

I also feel like my family doesn't have a clue what I'm studying. I'm lucky that they are interested and proud for the most part. But also I don't want to tell too much because they are extremely conservative and I'm studying sociology so there are definitely topics of conversation that I try so hard to avoid, because I don't want them to know that my ideas are so different from theirs, and I feel like if I bring up something to do with sociology as an arguing point they will think I'm trying to act like I'm smarter/better than them because i'm "educated". And they definitely were no help in the application process!

I can feel you all on working all the time instead of getting good major-related internships/ research/ leadership positions. and spring break is definitely depressing and lonely when everyone else leaves and I'm here at school working all week. or when all of my friends are going out while I'm at work. at least in my graduate program everyone will be working the same number of hours and making the same stipend!! but of course some of those students will not be struggling financial while I am...maybe i will have to work more. i hope not!

I have enough trouble in undergrad with feeling different from my peers. I feel like I have different experiences and different interests. And sometimes it's hard to make friends if you are working when others are getting to know each other. I can count on 1 hand my college friends that I count as good, close friends. Kind of sad. I don't want to feel this way about grad school when I'm done.

I think I won't. I'm counting on meeting some awesome, interesting, understanding, open-minded people! I think it will be a great experience, but you can't help but to worry about these things....

[Guest guest]

Hi, I posted above about my MA experiences. Glad to hear so many shared experiences---the truth is that there are plenty of us out there, and I found that there were others in my program that were also down to earth at least, so I made a small, but tight group of friends. I think the most important thing to remember is that its not a competition. You may be on a very different career and life trajectory than these other folks. Make friends outside of school, find townies who work for a living! Keep your foot in the real world, especially if you're going to a top program where there's lots of pressure. If you have a significant other or a friend in the area who is not in the program with you, I think it helps a lot to not get caught up in the ski weekend, internships, etc., pressures. I just plan to do MY best, and then get the small college teaching job I have always wanted.

[rising_star]

Honestly, I'm not worried so much about being around rich jet-setting kids. I've spent all four years of undergrad around them and learned to deal with the fact that I have to work 6-10 hours a week to keep food in my stomach and books in my bag. It definitely helps to meet other people that are working their way through just like you. It reminds me that I'm not the only one who actually needs to budget the money I earn to make sure I can cover all of my expenses.

Being in the real world is particularly scary after spending 4 years living on campus (ie rent paid upfront so I never have to worry about that). Should be interesting...

[Guest kn0519]

Wow...it was great reading about others' experiences but I truly believe what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Plus as guest said, some folks got their education practically handed to them, but we have worked our way to get there...even if we took different paths, we're more than capable of measuring up.

I'm a minority, first-generation college student in my immediate family, and was raised in a low-income family but I think this is why I have been so focused/driven. After high school, I knew my parents couldn't afford to send me to college and I didn't have enough scholarships to cover the total cost so I went into the USAF. That move helped me to meet so many different kinds of people, travel, and get my undergrad completely paid for....although I'll admit it took me longer b/c I was only taking evening classes. After I got out the Air Force, I began to work for an IT company which is where I still work currently. Going to grad school this fall will be my first time attending a traditional college and being a full-time student w/o working full-time. I'm sure it's going to be an adjustment but I'm up to the challenge. 8)

[miketakena]

I'm both first-generation and low-income, too. My mom immigrated to the US from Taiwan and then separated with my dad shortly after I was born. When I applied to college, I had no help from her or my step-dad (who had managed to drive the family into major credit card debt) and actually applied for an early entrance program without their knowing (so that I'd skip my senior year of HS). I had the luck of getting into the program and getting a full scholarship for tuition and living costs from my university. USC has been, indeed, been a weird experience for me, but the scholarship I got also didn't make me too different from the kids coming from the middle-class families. I even got to study abroad in Berlin for a year.

What has been hardest for me coming from this background hasn't been not getting help (my professors have been wonderful and very caring people; I like to think of them as my intellectual parents), nor feeling different from other people either at college or in the PhD program I'll be attending in the fall (if I feel different, it's due to the fact that I'll be 19 when I begin, not that I might come from a different family background), but rather that I wish my mom and other members of my extended family could be interested in what I'm doing. My mom's side of the family is very very traditional in values, especially on the whole "women's place in society should be..." and my grandmother especially has given me endless amounts of flak for not speaking perfect Chinese (even though I've managed in the meanwhile to learn Spanish, German, Latin and Sanskrit) and wasting my time on studying when I should be finding a husband with lots of money. At family reunions, my aunts don't ask me how school is going or how I am; they ask me if I have a boyfriend. My mom is probably the best about this; she is the least traditional in these views, but I feel like she doesn't care about what I'm doing. Again, I think traditional Asian values strike again because I'm a Linguistics major and if it's not hard science, engineering, medicine, law or business, I may as well be majoring in home economics. My mom will still tell people that I'm a math major, and when I try to talk to her about what I'm doing in school, she'll interrupt me and start a new conversation. When I called her to tell her about my acceptances to PhD programs, she was only really impressed when I told her about the funding packages I was offered. I feel like even though I'm doing what I love and that people who I really respect seem to believe that I can produce good work, my family just doesn't care and never will. And perhaps that's just how the cookie crumbles and I need to get over that. But I would like to share with them a really important part of my life.

I think that's the biggest challenge for me at least.

This is sooo....... Asian.. Nothing wrong with your mum's attitude.. its an Asian attitude... everything is about money and "face"

[ollie cromwell]

If you actually have time to read, I highly recommend This Fine Place So Far From Home, edited by C.L. Barney Dews and Carolyn Leste Law. It's a collection of essays from working-class academics in the field. It has helped me so much through applications and trying to sort through what's going on. I'm working class too, and this book really spoke to my experiences and offered some excellent advice (especially dealing with parents that no longer understand you).

Just remember that it isn't a hinderance -- its an advantage. If you've been struggling all of your life just to succeed, you're pretty well equipped to deal with struggling. That's a quality that's infinitely more valuable than any trust account.

[LissatheCocoa]

Not low income, but I am the first person in my family to attend undergrad and now will be the first person to get a master's -- although my mom entered undergrad after me, which was interesting. She'll probably get her bachelor's when I'm graduating with my master's.

Reading this stuff (even from two years ago) is pretty helpful; you see the place others are in in their lives and it's nice to know you're not alone.

[eve2008]

I really love this thread.

[rising_star]

I'm not worried about my cohort. In fact, I expect the other students to be more down-to-earth than my classmates at my HYPS undergrad. Now THAT was a huge adjustment. In college, I did the whole watching my best friends jet off to expensive vacations to bond together year, after year; feeling forced to spent two weeks' salary to pay my share of expensive group gifts; meeting other students socially and then having them not recognize me or not even look at me when I ran into them while I was working my minimum wage service job (apparently wearing a uniform made me a non-person, or perhaps it was just unfathomable that the person serving them could be a peer); and worse, dealing with these incredibly parochial views about the world and American society, especially with respect to poverty. In other words, everyone thought they were at a top four undergraduate institution because they worked harder, because they deserved it, and not because they were born lucky. The subtext was always "poor people are lazy."

(Not to mention, I would miss a lot of class in the winter. I couldn't afford a proper coat, so I got sick a lot, walking across campus with the wind howling and all that. OK, I guess I didn't go to Stanford. Sometimes it would take me until midterms before I could earn all the money I needed to buy books. Damn.)

Oh, I understand completely. I went to an Ivy and watched people jet off to Europe for long weekends. I never had the kind of money they did and even for my closest friends, it took them a while to get used to it. Most people were ok with poverty but some decidedly were not. I bought books on credit and paid them off when I could...

Just saying I feel you on that. But not so much on the rest because my family is all about higher education (mom has PhD; cousin has M.D.; dad and sister have J.D.). Nevertheless, I'm getting a lot of questions about my PhD plans...

[ollie cromwell]

The real challenge is relating to my family. One of the most difficult things about being in college was coming home and realizing that my vocabulary and my entire way of constructing sentences had changed. Suddenly, I was no longer speaking the same language as my parents. That I've also gotten used to somewhat, but I'm really afraid that with all this intense intellectual training I will be getting in a Ph.D program, and the more cerebral and irrelevant I become, the harder it will be to communicate.

While I was home for winter break, my mother told me, "I miss you not being in college. You talked normal."

I'm sure it was meant as lighthearted, but it probably stung worse than most anything she's ever said. Got me thinking a whole lot about sacrifice.

[sinequanonsarah]

Wow - this is really a great discussion.... I am a first generation college student and come from a poor family. I chose to attend a small state school for my undergrad education, and did well there. I was accepted at other, more "prestigious" private schools, but freaked out when I realized a) how much money I would need to take out in student loans, and when I visited the campuses and realized how white they were (I am white, but having grown up in a mid-sized city/urban environment and gone to public schools in which I was, numerically, in the minority, the largely white campuses came as quite a shock to me). As an undergrad, I took out student loans to pay for my tuition, and worked anywhere from 20 -35 hours per week (depending on the semester) to be able to pay rent, bills, etc. One semester I took 6 courses (you paid the same amount for 4 courses or 6, so I figured I'd better load up and get my money's worth), and at the same time worked a total of 35 hours a week at FOUR jobs. I don't know how I was able to do that and keep my GPA up, but I made it happen

I've already been in a PhD program, but was able to stay for just a year - even though I was funded, the area was expensive. I remember that others in my cohort had all sorts of bills paid for by their parents; car insurance (I couldn't even afford a car, never mind the insurance), cell phone bills, textbooks, heat... you name it. Even still, I was at a public university then, too, so that helped some. I ended up leaving, though, when I had to return home to help my family out.

Since then, I've been waiting to get myself back in school as soon as possible. I chose to apply to schools in Philadelphia because that way I could still be close enough to help my family. The schools that were available for my field were Temple and UPenn... I've been accepted to Temple, and I think that the environment at Temple would be the most comfortable for me. UPenn has a better name and would help to ensure that I would be able to get a job fairly quickly, but I'm concerned at the idea of being in that Ivy League atmosphere. I've never been in an atmosphere like this and don't know how well I'd fare. I might be ok with the other grad students, but to be a TA for undergrads that just seem like they're from a different world... Who knows, I might not even be accepted (I feel as though my application is good enough, but don't know that the "name" of my undergrad institution would be good enough for them...) so it might not even be an issue. But if I am accepted, I'll have to think long and hard about that one!

Congrats to all of us who have been here and made it - so far!

[orgirl]

I'm also a first generation student. Well not exactly, since everyone in my family has college degrees. But that doesn't mean anything because in the country I'm coming from, even working in McDonald's requires a bachelor's degree. But I'm the first one in my family to get into a university outside my country, and now I will be doing my PhD. It's weird when I mention to my mom that I got into Cornell, she doesn't seem impressed. LOL. But she's really supportive and she understands that a graduate degree is really essential because it has been her dream too.

[eve2008]

I've been accepted to Temple, and I think that the environment at Temple would be the most comfortable for me. UPenn has a better name and would help to ensure that I would be able to get a job fairly quickly, but I'm concerned at the idea of being in that Ivy League atmosphere. I've never been in an atmosphere like this and don't know how well I'd fare. I might be ok with the other grad students, but to be a TA for undergrads that just seem like they're from a different world...

It might not be easy, but I think you should always go to the most prestigious institution with the most resources, if you can. It was a difficult adjustment for me to make, and it's still difficult, but I've benefited personally and professionally to an immeasurable degree by pushing those boundaries. The world is ruled by people born into privilege, and if you are a talented person from a humble background, the only way to change the world, make it a bit more humane and open, I think, is to become a person with access and influence, even if that means stepping outside your comfort zone.

(And congrats on Temple!)

[CIIP]

I have a similar problem with my parents. I happened to be born to two college drop-out/slacker type that both happen to come from families of college educated parents and siblings. My parents understand college, understand the graduate school thing, because they lived through their siblings doing it, but still don't care. At all. When I called my mom to tell her I was accepted to a Ph.D. program, she said, "Congrats." And that was it. No excitement or even questions. She didn't even tell my father! (I mentioned it a few days later and his reaction was, "Oh, you got in?") Of course I'm not shocked, as that's been my entire college career. Applying to undergrad without parental input was so bewildering and frustrating that I was reduced to tears more than once. Like someone else mentioned, my undergrad professors were wonderful during my grad school application process, otherwise it would have just been a repeat of the undergrad situation.

My parents value autodidactism, but I think organized education is the dullest thing they can imagine. They can't fathom why anyone would want to put themselves through 9+ years of unnecessary schooling. They'd be prouder if I was living in the mountains, building a house out of scraps of garbage and growing weed. They are pretty proud of my college drop-out brother that makes his living by busking.

[silencio1982]

Hey all. This is a great discussion. I'll be the first in my family to get a PhD. My mom went back to college later in life to get a BA and an MA- she's a teacher. My dad is in construction (he got an AA on his way to getting into this career) and he is really... conflicted... about my education. I know my parents are proud of me but we get into a lot of conflicts about this. Everytime I am home at my parents' house, my dad gets mad at me for something and retorts with "Just because you've gone to school for 6 years doesn't mean you know everything." He also told my mom that if I get a Ph.D. he's worried that I'll forget where I came from and be one of those people who only talks about their subject and looks down on everything else. It's totally frustrating- I know that he's proud of me- he told me when I graduated with an MA that it was one of the proudest days of his life... but I know he feels like he can't relate to me anymore. He wanted me to be a lawyer or a stockbroker... for him, success is always related to money. I've tried to tell him that I know I would be miserable being a lawyer or a stockbroker, but I think he's still disappointed. It's all really complicated. Luckily when I was growing up, we never struggled too much money wise... but we were never rich and it was kind of a culture shock to go to a small liberal arts college where everyone's parents were doctors and lawyers... but I don't think I've changed too much. I'm proud of where I came from... I just feel like I am taking advantage of all the opportunities my parents worked so hard to get me, especially my dad who worked so many hours of overtime... Anyways, it's emotional and I think a lot of people take it for granted that their parents are fully understanding and supportive of their grad school path. But I know my parents will come around, they are just worried about me being financially secure in life and about me becoming someone they can't relate to. All I can say is that those of us who have come this far have the determination and skills to keep going!! Good luck everyone!

[Sejla]

I don't exactly fit the description in the OP, but I do relate on some levels. My mother left college after two years and my father went back to finish a BA in his 30's.

They're happy for me and tried to help by reading my personal statement, so that's awesome. But there are so many things that I just don't know and I realize it.

One example would be - I got an invitation to join Phi Beta Kappa during my senior year at a state school - I'd never heard of it and it cost $75 to join and attend a dinner, and because I had better things to do with my $75 dollars, I didn't join. I went grocery shopping or something. I still got into a good grad program, but things like this make a difference. This was partly my own fault - but because I was working and not in an atmosphere where people are talking about these things (and this atmosphere included my school, not just my family), I didn't have a sense that this could be valuable to me later. I could have looked into it more, but compared to people who are in an atmosphere where people are thinking about that, I was at somewhat of a disadvantage.

And I worry about things like this with grad school. I worry that I will not do something valuable to me (and it won't always come in the form of a letter! It could be as simple as attending department events to network or something) and not even realize it at the time.

I'm a little older than the average MA student (I'm 28), and I'm not as concerned about fitting in socially ... but it is important to get along with and network with your classmates. This was one factor - not the only one, but one - in my decision not to attend another program. I was worried that I really wouldn't fit in with the people there and so some of the usual benefit of going to that program would be lost to me.

I don't mean to come across as whiny here, because I know that lots of people have had much more difficult experiences than I have. I do think these things I mention matter though, even if they are less quantifiable than other things.

[erikw]

This is a great post.

Both my parents are very academic types and they've been great with the admission process, in terms of understanding the difficulties and anxieties inherent. However, money is a bit of an issue and while my parents always try to help out as much as they can, we're not as loaded as some of my other friends are.

I go to a university with fairly wealthy kids, but thankfully most of my friends, even the uber rich ones, are very pragmatic and not spoiled. They're great in terms of being ok with not spending 60 bucks on sushi in a week or going to two concerts each month.

I've never not had at least two jobs on campus. I earn my own spending money and ergo, have to be a bit frugal. My summer plans differ a lot from those of some of my friends. While my friends are busy planning euro trips, I have to work hard at finding great internships that pay as well. Last year I had to send out over 100 cvs to get a well paying internship at a great university .

I have no problems dealing with the fact that I have to work harder than my other friends managing my finances and such. I have learnt great life lessons, have met wonderful ppl on the way,and my resume reflects the fact that I've managed to do my extra-curriculars/research/school work all fairly decently. I have worked hard to get to this stage and that makes me very proud.

[fizz]

My family is pretty well educated, BA's all around, but they are all accounting / business administration type degrees, nothing "academic". Throughout the application progress I had to keep correcting my mom that I was applying for PhD, not Masters, programs. And then after I was accepted I realized that my parents thought this was going to be another 3/4 years max ("if you don't drag your heels about it" :| ).

[crazylops]

Most interesting topic in this forum. My parents have a Bachelors degree between them. My dad worked extremely hard trying to support his parents and younger siblings and got his degree at a night school. My mom came from a family of 12 children and they did not have enough money to send all their kids to school, so they sent their boys to get some schooling. My mom got only limited schooling.

But, my parents have always valued education very highly, and have always been most encouraging. I am the first one in my family to go for a Masters/PhD (apart from the other half). Some times, my parents don't seem to completely understand the American education system, but they have always been very supportive of my attempts at getting a higher education. They are very happy that their "little" girl is getting all the opportunities that they could not get or afford in their own lifetimes.

I am lucky to have such parents.