borrowing class notes

[PlantinMoretus]

I wouldn't have thought I'd face this at the master's level, but it happened.

 

A classmate missed a week's worth of classes because he went on a trip.  (Not an essential trip but a big trip with friends that he'd been planning for months.)  He has asked me to catch him up on what he missed and for a copy of my class notes.

 

He and I are friendly, but not friends.  He suddenly started emailing me when this semester started and I though it was odd.  When I got the email about wanting my notes I thought oh, that's what the emails were about, buttering me up for this request.  Did he really think I wouldn't see through this transparent manipulation?

 

The capper is, I missed some classes due to illness and he offered me his notes, but never actually provided them.  So it's not even a quid pro quo!

 

 

[TakeruK]

I obviously do not fully understand the relationship you have with your classmate, but I wouldn't think twice about making a photocopy of my notes for anyone else in any of my classes as long as it is not a chronic thing. Even if I don't know the reason for their absence or if I don't know them very well. If I feel like there is a continuing problem (i.e. happens pretty much every week) then I would stop doing it but if it's the first request, I'd give them the benefit of the doubt.

 

In your case, I'd probably be annoyed at this person for not actually following through on your own notes request, but I'd just ask someone else. I'd actually be confused that the other person thought they needed to "butter me up" in order to ask for the notes. In my department, it costs nothing to use the scanner and it would literally take me about 4 minutes of my time to scan a week's worth of lectures. In my old department, we didn't have such access to fancy equipment but most of us were happy with cellphone pictures of our notebooks. 

 

I don't know if you just wanted to vent about this person or if you were asking our opinions/experience with borrowing/lending class notes. If it was just the former, then sorry for going on for longer than necessary! 

[MsDarjeeling]

In my classes there isn't really a need to ask for notes from classmates because the professors post their power points and the syllabus details all the reading.  Even if you miss class it isn't difficult to fill in the gaps on your own.  I find it odd that your classmate knew about this trip ahead of time and didn't ask you ahead of time if he could get your notes or if maybe you could bring his recorder to class and tape the lecture or something.  I'd find the buttering up emails annoying, but that's just me.

 

I think it could go either way here.  If you don't want to share your notes then just say so and he can ask someone else.  If you don't mind sharing them then make him a photocopy and call it a day.  I don't think either decision is wrong, its really just a matter of personal preference.

[PlantinMoretus]

Mostly just venting 

 

Actually, I didn't ask for his notes from the class I missed, he offered them, but didn't follow through.  So I kind of already know that if I share my notes with him, he will probably never return the favour.  He is really not very good at this!

 

The part that really bugs me is that (I think) he saw me as an easy mark.

[LittleDarlings]

I feel like you're totally overthinking this. This isn't hunger games you don't have to kill someone to come out on top, just give the guy the notes. It doesn't mean he saw you as an easy target, he obviously thought you two were friendly enough that he could do that. No biggie. If the notes that he offered aren't super old why not ask about them? If it were me and I was sick and missed class and needed notes and someone offered I would have followed up until I got them.

[bsharpe269]

I agree that you are probably overthinking this. I am always happy to give my notes to other students. I have plenty of classmates who email me for help on assignments and always am willing. It isnt a cut throught competition... I want everyone in my program to do well and suceed.

[PlantinMoretus]

So, I saw the guy today in the computer lab, and overheard his conversation with another student from whom he did get the notes.  

 

I'm pretty sure I won't be getting any more chatty emails from him any more.

[Spinosaurus]

Because he probably thinks you are strangely attached to your notes, and highly suspicious of friendly e-mails.

[seeingeyeduck]

Well, if it happens in be future, just think about what will happen if you say no. Even if he has been flaky, is it worth introducing friction or tension into the relationship/interactions? I assume you're stuck with this guy for the remainder of your time there...

[fuzzylogician]

I want to stick up for the OP for not enabling someone who they think is trying to take advantage of them. 

 

In my PhD program, I wouldn't hesitate to help any of my classmates, even if you don't interact very regularly, and I have no doubt that they would help me too if I asked. However, I've also participated in environments in the past where I felt that some people were just barely scraping by without doing any of the work, and the way they did it was by relying on others to do the work for them. They would "borrow" notes or drafts of assignments and papers from others, or "work" in groups where somehow their part would never get done. They lowered the level of any class they participated in and frankly made my whole classroom experience pretty miserable. In those situations I had a rule that I was only forthcoming with students who pulled their own weight. With those people, I have no problem being very generous. The other people quickly learned to go elsewhere with their requests for help. I don't think I was "suspicious of friendly emails" or "strangely attached to my notes" -- I was not letting moochers take advantage of me, because it pissed me off and because it lowered the level of my education in general. Maybe it didn't solve the problem, but at least I wasn't enabling it. 

[seeingeyeduck]

Maybe it's different for email, where you can ignore it, but in high school I had a friend who asked to actually copy one of my home works and when I said no, she got upset. That's different than notes, and you should say no in that case, but I'm just saying it can cause tension. If you're okay with that, okay, but maybe it's not worth it over some notes.

I'm assuming you can't get through an entire PhD on borrowed notes anyway!

[danieleWrites]

I find myself wondering a bit at the phrase: we're friendly, but not friends. I wonder because this is shortly followed by the suspicion that he was manipulative. Perhaps he thought that friendly = friends? Some people will think of even shallow friendly relationships as friends while others only consider the deep, meaningful, bury-the-bodies relationships as friends. I'm an introvert; my guy is an extrovert. He considers the regular salespeople at his favorite specialty stores friends. I only give out the friend label to people that I'd donate a kidney to.

Of course, there's the thing that's far more likely, and just as important for professional development: networking. Not only do grad students curry professional relationships with people already working in the field, but with people who will be going into the field with them. Collegial relationships in academia involve exchanges of information and maintaining social ties. People who reject networking often find the truth of the phrase: it's not what you know; it's who you know.

And, no, you never leave behind the "borrow your notes" thing. People with tenure miss meetings for whatever reason and will borrow a colleague's notes (depending on the meeting). Of course, if this is more of a take-notes-for-me-while-I'm-never-ever-at-class, that would be different. That usually ends in undergrad.

[TakeruK]

I want to stick up for the OP for not enabling someone who they think is trying to take advantage of them. 

 

In my PhD program, I wouldn't hesitate to help any of my classmates, even if you don't interact very regularly, and I have no doubt that they would help me too if I asked. However, I've also participated in environments in the past where I felt that some people were just barely scraping by without doing any of the work, and the way they did it was by relying on others to do the work for them. They would "borrow" notes or drafts of assignments and papers from others, or "work" in groups where somehow their part would never get done. They lowered the level of any class they participated in and frankly made my whole classroom experience pretty miserable. In those situations I had a rule that I was only forthcoming with students who pulled their own weight. With those people, I have no problem being very generous. The other people quickly learned to go elsewhere with their requests for help. I don't think I was "suspicious of friendly emails" or "strangely attached to my notes" -- I was not letting moochers take advantage of me, because it pissed me off and because it lowered the level of my education in general. Maybe it didn't solve the problem, but at least I wasn't enabling it. 

 

I just want to clarify that despite my first post stating that I would generally gladly share notes, I basically agree with this. I wouldn't give out notes to someone who I knew or I felt was taking advantage of me. From the first post, that did not seem to be the case for sure, but since I don't know all the details obviously, I prefaced by whole post with the condition that I don't know the whole relationship. 

 

I guess I want to clarify that while I would not give my notes to people I know to be taking advantage of others because they are not pulling their own weight, I would generally give people I don't know very well the benefit of the doubt and won't assume they are taking advantage of me until they do something that makes me feel uneasy. I guess this is what people might call "not being suspicious of friendly emails". But generally, I don't think people need to "earn my respect" before they get my notes, they just need to not lose my respect. (Hey, I'm an optimist!)

 

From all of the posts, I didn't see any actions that indicate irresponsibility. I can't judge anyone for taking a week off of grad school because I pretty much did the exact same thing for my honeymoon. I don't think being married gives me any special powers or privileges, so if I am able to take a week off for a personal trip, anyone else should be able too (especially a big trip planned for awhile). Grad school is basically a job right, and you generally get 2 weeks off (my institute does state that grad students are to be able to take 2 weeks off per year, plus normal holidays). I would say the only thing you shouldn't blow off for vacation is TA work, unless you are able to reschedule it. 

 

Of course, like I said in the first sentence of my original post, as a random person on the Internet reading only a few sentences describing the situation, I don't fully understand the nature of the relationship between these two people. I think the OP is fully justified in denying their notes if they feel they are being taken advantage of / feel like they are enabling someone. But generally, I don't think one person missing a week of class one time (for any reason) would automatically make me guarded of my notes, unless there was something else that warned me to be more careful of being taken advantage of!

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

I agree that you shouldn't let someone take advantage of you, but I get the impression that the OP is overly suspicious. In the OP's original post, he/she said the classmate took a week off "and it wasn't even for a legitimate reason." I don't see why it's such a big deal that this guy made plans with his friends. You're acting like that is a sign of a bad student. Sure, it is if it's a regular thing, but there was no indication that this guy regularly bailed out of class. I agree the buttering you up with e-mails is a bit odd, but maybe he did that because your personality gives off some kind of impression that it makes people uncomfortable to approach you for favors that aren't that serious. From your post, I kinda get that impression. If that was the case, then I don't know why he didn't ask someone who he felt more comfortable with.